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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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6 hours ago, posie_riot said:

@fabulousrockstar Holy CRAP. Had to jump on here as my heart is racing. Constantine was my very first CO ever, all the way back in 2005. I'm reeling over this! 

Considering he was the "original one" for me that started it all...you have no idea how shocked I was to see his picture. This feels like such an insane coincidence. 

:smilingteeth:

Wow! Another Constantine fan?! What are the odds? He's just that good at what he does!

I wasn't offended by what that poster had to say. She just wants attention and I refuse to give it to her. As long as I have people supporting me with my COs, I couldn't care less.

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6 hours ago, ColdFire said:

You are all the sweetest people. I always say that if i could trade the few good days I have so you all could have them I would in a heartbeat. Thanks Audrey.:icon12:

That's very sweet of you to say, but I'd want you to keep those good days for yourself, ColdFire. I suspect better things are coming your way if you write that book too. ?

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It's funny, I first started having COs when I was 11 too. My counsellor said it probably started as a way of dealing with several difficult things that were going on in my life at the time. That made a lot of sense to me. But all the same, I still had many obsessions before that point, mostly with TV series, books, and female fictional characters (who I imagined myself being).

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Catching up - I would say I was also about 11 when I started maladaptive daydreaming. It wasn't always COs though, I definitely had a very active imagination.

And in my life, that was when my mum got remarried and, in the subsequent years, had more children. At the time, I was still upset from the divorce 4 years earlier, but my mum had hidden a lot of stuff and it was only when I was older that I realised that the divorce was undoubtedly the best thing in the circumstances for both of them. 

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At 11, my social anxiety (which had always existed to some degree) had just begun to really take over my life. It was those dreaded "middle school years" (even though we don't have middle school where I live - but it's the same idea). I began to withdraw into myself more than ever and was really only interested in having close friendships with a few girls I trusted. There was no longer the freedom of everyone just playing together in the schoolyard. We were all suddenly becoming overly aware of ourselves and our differences. Suddenly you had "the cool kids" and "the losers" and I'm sure everyone felt insecure in some way. This was also my "awkward stage", physically and emotionally. I remember being madly in love with a boy who I could've never in a million bajillion years have admitted my feelings to. Even my friends didn't know about the crush because I was so oddly secretive. I was secretive about everything. I grew up as an only-child in an abusive, dysfunctional household. I was totally ashamed of myself, and my family, and that shame got worse and worse as I got older. I was also waaaaaayyyy sensitive and introverted. Too fragile for reality. 

As someone with a vivid imagination who spent a lot of time on their own, it's no wonder I retreated into various fantasy worlds. I was always dreaming of "the future", when of course my life would magically become amazing. That was how I coped with the present. I just kept dreaming that one day I would find a way to get the heck out of the mess I was in. Turns out you can't escape it, and life is pretty much just hard in general. What a drag. Although I'm still waiting on basically any beautiful long-haired man to hand me a one way ticket to Utopia. Is that so much to ask, like seriously...

Oh yes, and I was basically born with OCD. That certainly didn't help. 

Edited by posie_riot
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For the maladaptive daydreamers in this thread (I really hate it described as "maladaptive") I found a pretty good article you may want to read, and I'm going to add some thoughts about what differs for me. This subject is inseparable from any discussion on COs for me, as is any discussion of alternative universes and alter-egos, so please bear with me. First, the link: 

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/living-in-an-imaginary-world/

Every discussion about MD, including the one I had with my therapist, makes the assumption that I'm zoning out of life every day in favor of daydreaming. I put emphasis on those 4 words for a reason. A couple of weeks ago, @posie_riot posted about being out with friends and, while with them, imagining she'd just gotten back in town after traveling across the Atlantic from a visit with her CO. That's mostly how this is for me, too. I can post this right now, living my life, as always, through my alter ego...(not that she has a need to post on a Depression Forum -- she does not! What I imagine she's typing as I hit these keys -- maybe an email to my CO, her husband ❤️-- that's irrelevant.) The point is, I can function in my day...every day since I'm 11 years old (with the exception of 8th grade algebra, who knows what happened there!!)  -- without losing myself in this to the point of not being able to live life. I am not "zoning out." I drift off more deeply into it when it's safe to do so. When I need to be on my game, I am.

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20 minutes ago, Audrey822 said:

For the maladaptive daydreamers in this thread (I really hate it described as "maladaptive") I found a pretty good article you may want to read, and I'm going to add some thoughts about what differs for me. This subject is inseparable from any discussion on COs for me, as is any discussion of alternative universes and alter-egos, so please bear with me. First, the link: 

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/living-in-an-imaginary-world/

Every discussion about MD, including the one I had with my therapist, makes the assumption that I'm zoning out of life every day in favor of daydreaming. I put emphasis on those 4 words for a reason. A couple of weeks ago, @posie_riot posted about being out with friends and, while with them, imagining she'd just gotten back in town after traveling across the Atlantic from a visit with her CO. That's mostly how this is for me, too. I can post this right now, living my life, as always, through my alter ego...(not that she has a need to post on a Depression Forum -- she does not! What I imagine she's typing as I hit these keys -- maybe an email to my CO, her husband ❤️-- that's irrelevant.) The point is, I can function in my day...every day since I'm 11 years old (with the exception of 8th grade algebra, who knows what happened there!!)  -- without losing myself in this to the point of not being able to live life. I am not "zoning out." I drift off more deeply into it when it's safe to do so. When I need to be on my game, I am.

I primarily engage in the daydreaming when I'm home alone or bored at work. I have a great (well, at least I think it's great) new storyline going on in my head right now that I came up with over the weekend. I'm going to try to take some time to start actually writing it down, develop it, and do it justice instead of just leaving it in my head. Also, I must admit that this new storyline is not about my main CO and I've spent the past week completely obsessed with someone else. So technically, I have a new (but not really new) main CO...for now. I'm sure that when I go to see my former main CO in concert that he'll become my main CO again (at least for the duration of the concert), but I'm cheating on him for now...and enjoying it! :)

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33 minutes ago, Audrey822 said:

For the maladaptive daydreamers in this thread (I really hate it described as "maladaptive") I found a pretty good article you may want to read, and I'm going to add some thoughts about what differs for me. This subject is inseparable from any discussion on COs for me, as is any discussion of alternative universes and alter-egos, so please bear with me. First, the link: 

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/living-in-an-imaginary-world/

Every discussion about MD, including the one I had with my therapist, makes the assumption that I'm zoning out of life every day in favor of daydreaming. I put emphasis on those 4 words for a reason. A couple of weeks ago, @posie_riot posted about being out with friends and, while with them, imagining she'd just gotten back in town after traveling across the Atlantic from a visit with her CO. That's mostly how this is for me, too. I can post this right now, living my life, as always, through my alter ego...(not that she has a need to post on a Depression Forum -- she does not! What I imagine she's typing as I hit these keys -- maybe an email to my CO, her husband ❤️-- that's irrelevant.) The point is, I can function in my day...every day since I'm 11 years old (with the exception of 8th grade algebra, who knows what happened there!!)  -- without losing myself in this to the point of not being able to live life. I am not "zoning out." I drift off more deeply into it when it's safe to do so. When I need to be on my game, I am.

An interesting article but yes, like you, I am not zoning out of life to choose daydreaming about my CO. I most often daydream when I'm at home alone or bored - cooking tea for example can be one of my favourites. But I am, at the same time, very much present in the moment, listening to my children or making sure I don't burn the food. And I don't daydream exclusively then either, I may adapt my actual situation to my fantasy world, like you say, Audrey, and as Posie described.

 

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@posie_riot Oh you're so right, those years between around age 11-14 are just the worst. I was definitely considered a bit of a loser by some of my peers at secondary school, because of the way I looked (chubby/acne/bad hair, etc.) This was a big part of why the COs started and still continue to this day... I think being teased and looked down upon during those crucial years of development is something that never really goes away. Nowadays I look a lot better than I did then (I'm no supermodel, but can look decent with a bit of effort), but I still have this fear that if a guy finds out I like him, he'll reject and humiliate me, like they used to back then... Something in my brain has decided that imaginary relationships are the only way to avoid getting hurt (which is wrong of course).

10 hours ago, posie_riot said:

As someone with a vivid imagination who spent a lot of time on their own, it's no wonder I retreated into various fantasy worlds. I was always dreaming of "the future", when of course my life would magically become amazing. That was how I coped with the present. I just kept dreaming that one day I would find a way to get the heck out of the mess I was in. Turns out you can't escape it, and life is pretty much just hard in general. What a drag. Although I'm still waiting on basically any beautiful long-haired man to hand me a one way ticket to Utopia. Is that so much to ask, like seriously...

This whole paragraph you've wrote here speaks to me so much. When I was twelve, I used to escape from the cr*ppy reality of my life by dreaming that by the time I was eighteen, not only would I be together with the CO I had then, I would also already have a hugely successful Broadway career. Worse still, I literally believed this was 100% going to happen... Well, it certainly hasn't yet.

All the same, a voice inside keeps telling me that something extraordinary will happen to me in the future. I think that comes from my huge fear of ending up being average or mediocre. The truth is, much as I love them, my whole family have very typical English, middle-class lives - careers they tolerate but don't love, relationships that are comfortable but not passionate, same old routine day-in day-out. For the most part they're happy and satisfied with what they have, but I just want so much more than that. The worst thing is, my parents assume that me turning out like them is almost a certitude, and they seem to think it would be the best thing for me. Whenever I've mentioned going into musical theatre, they've always given the firm impression that it's not the sort of job that "people like us" end up doing. Sigh... sometimes I feel no one in my real life understands me.

Sorry for going off on a bit of a tangent there! I know that I need to be more grateful for what I have in my life right now, and any changes I want to make need to come from me. They won't just happen by magic. Trouble is, I don't know how to make them happen myself...

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My COs started when my anxiety started when I was about 12/13 (maybe a year or two older). I can never say who my first ever obsession was. I never remember having any before my anxiety began so I'm pretty sure it's started since my anxiety began. I still believe that it's down to loneliness, not having any friends, etc. So I spend 95% of my time on my computer and watching TV so all my obsessions come from that. They've always been male at it usually always start from me finding them attractive (I appreciate women in the media but I never becoming fully obsessed with them like I do with men).

 

I actually began fantasising whilst helping my mum out at work the other day, it actually got me through the work. I don't think she noticed luckily and I tried to keep it as non-noticeable as possible. I watch far too many TV shows that I begin to be obsessed with and my fantasy world become tangled in those (pretending I'm a character in those shows and things). It's the most stupidest thing, and it's probably just me but I have been obsessed with a UK TV drama/documentary which is about how the police conduct an investigation (and it may be getting me a little in love with an actor on it), it's improvised with actors and stuff and I have been using that show in my fantasy world. And I've even slightly considered acting or police as a career (that's how bad it gets). 

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3 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

All the same, a voice inside keeps telling me that something extraordinary will happen to me in the future. I think that comes from my huge fear of ending up being average or mediocre.

YES. I can completely relate. It's like I can't accept my place in the world. And everyone these days seems so fond of telling people our age "follow your dreams" or "anything is possible", but not everyone can be "incredible" and that's a hard truth to learn. There is so much luck involved - way more than most people think. Being like this makes me feel egotistical and ungrateful. I wish I could just make the most of what I have and learn to be content. 

Edited by posie_riot
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hi Mila. I'm writing in case you find me here. I had to change my name but it is still me, your greatest admirer. I just want to tell you that I cant tell you how many times I melted today thinking about your perfect smile. I wish I could see your new picture in the 70s dress..i cant imagine how breathtaking it is, but I cannot. I cant make myself look at you anymore no matter how hard I try. I crave you like a drug every day. I have loved you since 1998..but if you've been looking here, you already know that. I am dying for my day with you, baby. Please notice me. Every inch of you drives me insane.

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That article...Okay first off, you couldn't pay me enough to do that PalmPilot experiment where you have to record your thoughts on a questionnaire whenever the beep goes off :roll2:. I mean...was it multiple choice or what? I think I'd have to fib a little lol. 

I'm with everyone else here. Daydreaming doesn't get in the way of my everyday life. Anxiety does. I use daydreaming as a way of coping with anxiety, so if anything, daydreaming probably makes me more productive. If I'm in a situation that's causing me anxiety, I'll sometimes pretend to be someone else (someone better, more impressive, etc.) while I'm carrying out whatever actions are expected of me. I sometimes need to tune out reality to some degree in order to get by in the real world. My daydreams don't distract me from the real world as much as they help me live in it. 

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47 minutes ago, posie_riot said:

@Audrey822 That article...Okay first off, you couldn't pay me enough to do that PalmPilot experiment where you have to record your thoughts on a questionnaire whenever the beep goes off :roll2:. I mean...was it multiple choice or what? I think I'd have to fib a little lol. 

 

Yeah...ha.  I had the same thought. ?

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11 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

@posie_riot Oh you're so right, those years between around age 11-14 are just the worst. I was definitely considered a bit of a loser by some of my peers at secondary school, because of the way I looked (chubby/acne/bad hair, etc.) This was a big part of why the COs started and still continue to this day... I think being teased and looked down upon during those crucial years of development is something that never really goes away. Nowadays I look a lot better than I did then (I'm no supermodel, but can look decent with a bit of effort), but I still have this fear that if a guy finds out I like him, he'll reject and humiliate me, like they used to back then... Something in my brain has decided that imaginary relationships are the only way to avoid getting hurt (which is wrong of course).

 

This could have been written by me, it sums up exactly what my school years were like, especially the humiliation when a guy finds out you like him. I was bullied during the ages of 9 and 11 (Something else that added to the need to escape the world and daydream) and whilst I wasn't bullied at secondary school, I was definitely an outsider, probably considered not even worth bullying.

It definitely plays into how I ended up with my husband as well - I thought he was nice, he didn't reject me and I latched on rather tightly - and the idea that my head settled on him because of that. Some days I feel like I should have got out of this relationship a long time ago and now it's just too damn late, for many reasons.

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12 hours ago, posie_riot said:

YES. I can completely relate. It's like I can't accept my place in the world. And everyone these days seems so fond of telling people our age "follow your dreams" or "anything is possible", but not everyone can be "incredible" and that's a hard truth to learn. There is so much luck involved - way more than most people think. Being like this makes me feel egotistical and ungrateful. I wish I could just make the most of what I have and learn to be content. 

Yes, I agree that most of the time achieving big success depends on being in the right circumstances. It's so frustrating that we're constantly told we can do anything if we put our minds to it, when that's not always possible. In the case of musical theatre, most of the leads in West End musicals are former stage school kids from London, not lower middle-class girls from the countryside, like me. I admit that my parents are right in that respect. One of my friends from school also wanted to have a career in theatre, and gave up academic education at the age of 16 in order to pursue this. Safe to say, four years on, any hope of her achieving her dreams looks very slim (which was obvious from the start to be honest). She's also unlikely to find a great career in any other field, having given up on education so soon, which is a shame, because she's quite intelligent. My parents would NEVER in a million years have let me do the same thing... and I have to admit I'm grateful for that.

I think my problem is that everything seems laid out for me to have a comfortable but very ordinary life, and that's such a terrifying thought. Sometimes I ask myself is this it? Obviously no one knows what the future will bring, and we all have the power to influence our own futures, at least to a certain extent. We just need to make the best out of the circumstances we're in. I try to remember that.

I found a great article on this subject, that I thought I'd share here. There's a nice positive message at the end.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/diana-saleh/2015/05/the-fear-of-mediocrity/

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@OpalP25  That is such a great article!  The truth of the matter is, everyone cannot do anything....because each and every one of us was born with certain talents and limitations, and we have to realize the difference.  

Michael Jordan was arguably the most talented, gifted basketball player of his time -- perhaps of all-time.  But after his father was mur.der.ed in 1993, we learned that his dad always wanted to see MJ play baseball in the Big Leagues.  So, MJ shocked the sports world by retiring from basketball later that year and was signed by the Chicago White Sox minor league team (the owner of the White Sox baseball team also owns the Chicago Bulls where MJ played basketball and won 3 championships -- so far.) But Michael Jordan, who dazzled fans and bewildered opponents on the basketball court, looked absolutely human on the baseball diamond.  He was signed by the White Sox double-A affiliate club, the Birmingham Barons, and never moved up.  For those who don't know how American baseball is structured, really good players move up in the system, from double-A, to triple-A, to the Major League club...the "Big League."  Michael couldn't even get out of double-A, and if he wasn't Michael Jordan to begin with, he may not have even been there -- no doubt, the owner of the White Sox recognized Michael Jordan's name would translate to ticket sales in Birmingham, Alabama -- and it certainly did that.  That's about all it did.  In March of 1995, Michael realized where he belonged, where his talents were, and returned to basketball, and led the Chicago Bulls to 3 more championships before retiring for good.

The main point of this story is simply this:  Michael Jordan can't do everything.  He can play basketball; but in spite of his father's wishes, he couldn't play baseball.  Certainly not nearly as well as he played basketball.  Not even close.

Some of the people who make the most difference in this world may be those the rest of the world considers "mediocre" because they're not famous:  teachers, doctors, nurses, mothers, fathers....the list goes on.  The last line in that article nails it:  you will never be mediocre as long as you are YOU.  

Keep searching to find the real you, and never stop looking.  And if you keep looking in the same place and haven't found yourself, try looking in a different place.  ?

Edited by Audrey822
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGHHH! That Article!

I DREAM of being mediocre! Every day of my life I WISH I was mediocre! It is my greatest ambition in life to be mediocre! When you are the lowest most incompetent at life pile of crap waste of oxygen that has ever lived like me being merely mediocre would be a massive promotion! It really really stings to be reminded that everyone else on the planet is so far above my head that they actually DON'T WANT to be mediocre!

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This is one thing that makes me want to just curl up into a ball and die more than anything else:

Here you have someone who IS PAID MONEY TO DO SOMETHING CREATIVE! A journalist who WRITES ARTICLES FOR A MAJOR ONLINE MAGAZINE complaining about how disappointed they are with themselves:

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MAKE THE COMATOSE LUMP THAT IS ME?!?!

In fact that one sentence above sums up my entire life. I spend every day encountering people who have done better than me (i.e. literally every single human being who has ever lived) who still complain about being losers and failures - WHAT DOES THAT MAKE ME?!?

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Hey, Mystery,

I can certainly understand the feeling. I think a lot of people have very grandiose expectations for themselves and their lives. There is a lot of social pressures on people these days that I think can become an unnecessary burden. People take it seriously when instead maybe they should be just giving themselves a break. You should feel good about the things you do accomplish. It's always going to be different for everyone. People who seem to have it all often have their own sets of problems and feelings of shortcoming, anyway. We might as well do the best we can to enjoy ourselves where we are, you know? Don't know if this is helpful or not. Just wanted to let you know that people are reading what you have posted and do care.

Hope your day is going well, Mystery!

xo, C

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