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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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Wow. I can't believe I just shared my CO's photos! I wanted to post a video but they usually have her name/her bands name in the link. I feel as though still photos never quite do justice to the mesmerising animated nature of her beauty. And every video just oozes her incredible humour, sweetness, quirkiness.

Wow I deliberately make a collage out of her and post it here and then gush like that and yet I desperately ask how NOT to be creepy?! 

Yesterday evening I did a little better in avoiding the internet than I normally do these days (which isn't saying much) but didn't avoid it completely and I did get out on a nice long bike.

@Miss Pedantic Thank you! Thank you so much! It did really help! I hadn't actually managed anything when I wrote that - either exercise or organising therapy. I hadn't left the house for a week. I have now at least managed that although finding the right therapist still seems a terrifying process so haven't managed that one yet :( You're right that other people end up in this situation. It is just that it feels so permanent to me given my complete inability to make any productive action and lack of options. But I guess there is a big gap between "fixing it now" and "permanent". I guess with the extra help I clearly need compared to normal healthy functional people it'll take me a bit longer - months before I can properly start and a year or more before I'm back on my feet. Who knows. But that still isn't the same as the rest of my life.

As for my illness - you see I went to see a GP 8 years ago. I was really miserable then although my life wasn't a mess as it is now. He made me fill out a form and answer a few questions and then said I wasn't depressed. I can't go to the doctor now. If the same thing happens again and he sends me away as a time waster then that confirms 100% what I suspected - that I really am just a worthless failure who doesn't put the effort in. Therapists over the years have said mixed things: that I may need to see a doctor and probably have depression, anxiety, personality disorders or that I don't need to see a doctor and probably don't have any of those things. But they have always said I need to be in long term therapy - that I have long term issues, going on for years, and really need to stay in therapy and that I have some of the worst self esteem problems they've seen. I don't even understand this contrast, and it bothers me because sometimes the only conclusion is that I'm a useless person rather than a sick person. I don't get it. 

Finally, it was almost an eerie coincidence for me when you revealed who your CO is considering how often my CO's band is compared to your CO's band. I do like his band! Hilarious sitcom! And he is a very attractive man (Yes. I'm straight and male but I can appreciate haha!).

@Audrey822 Wow! You did it! I'm so proud of you! I don't have mastery of the internet pics like you do haha so I'll just stick with saying well done! And thanks for the encouragement!

@posie_riot You responded to my entire post! I can't begin to say how grateful I am that someone took the time to go through the whole of that monstrous essay that I was feeling pretty ridiculous about posting (especially as I ALWAYS do that hah!). I've said it before that it is so reassuring to see someone who feels a similar way, although I don't want anyone to feel like this.

I seem to have messed up the quoting tool but hopefully you'll see which part I'm referring to:

I think closure was a pretty stupid word to use. I just want to see her and wanted to think it was for some other reason than just me being obsessed. I'm not going to try and see her when I'm obsessed anyway - it'll have to be when I'm back on my feet again and probably just have a crush on her and admire her. My CO knows very well how loved she is. She sees it in half the comments she receives. I don't see how she could possibly see me any differently. None of the others have made it to this forum. I keep on dreading that one will turn up and I don't know how I'll handle that. I have seen very obsessive fans of her elsewhere. She is so compassionate though and sees everything in a positive way, that majorly comes across in interviews and makes me love her even more, so I hope you are right about how she'd see it. 

The thing is in many ways I've had pretty good luck. I know I'm privileged. But then I suppose not getting yourself into the vicious cycle to begin with, the cycle I mentioned before - inactivity -> low self esteem -> mind escaping -> more inactivity -> lower self esteem etc. , is a sort of luck. Escaping it can seem to involve a lot of tiny pathetic achievements (I mean what kind of achievement is doing some exercise when you're unemployed and have 24 hours a day?) but when it comes to getting out of vicious cycles like this ANYTHING is an achievement. Society focuses too much on some forms of luck and not others. Somehow we have to make it through life with whatever messed up mind we've been given, not just with whatever financial background we've been given. Everyone knows about the latter - the former not so much. We can't sit on our ass all day and make excuses though, everyone always says that only us can drag ourselves out of our holes, but maybe the first step in dragging ourselves out of our holes is just getting a therapist or a careers interview - rather than somehow finding the motivation to find a job right now. Small steps.

Thanks so much for the creepiness bit as well. I spend so much time on reddit threads where the supposed good guys, the ones calling out creepy aggressive men, talk a lot about neckbeards sat in their basement complaining about how women don't like them when they have no life and never even meet women. I know which side I am on, given that, well, I'm sat in my basement (not literally) with no life obsessing over a woman I've never met. But I guess there aren't just two sides. The reddit guys would put me into the neckbeard box but that's just because people like putting each other into whatever box almost sort of fits. It doesn't matter. All that matters is what you said, not trying to force myself on anyone.

Wow it really does sound like you had the same epiphany! What can we do? Our mind has got hooked on a person we can never truly know. We didn't choose for that to happen. If I had a choice I'd much rather develop a crush on someone I know so I actually stand a chance at real love. But I didn't have a choice. None of us had much choice in this I'd say. I think we are all appreciation the actual person as much as is really possible given the circumstances.

@HopelessRomantic2011 Nice! His hair makes me jealous as it's a big improvement on the Jason Statham look I've ended up rocking. I can see why posie wants shampoo recommendations haha.

@perfectcircle77 - I'm not familiar with your CO except that he reminds me of an old uni friend of mine. He has a very warm smile! Damn I wished I'd included some more smiley pics of my CO. Don't know if I want to keep posting pics of her - it feels creepy enough with just posting once.

Why do you think women outnumber men so much in this thread? I know there are a few other men out there who post every now and then but not many. This is partly why I go on about feeling creepy so much, because it feels as though celebrity obsessions are more acceptable for a women, for a straight man it wanders dangerously close to deranged stalker she needs a restraining order against territory. Not that I am :( I feel if in some hypothetical situation where my CO confronts me about these posts I'd have to make it clear that this is just a temporary symptom that I'm working on fixing. I'm not a freak - just a regular guy who right now is in a low, and his brain has done weird things to him during that low. It's temporary and I just want to be a regular fan that likes you for your work, and I do. I don't want to pretend I can get a date with you or anything. 

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19 hours ago, LibraLady1962 said:

Nobody cares about me and all I get from my family is someone telling me how to do things like drive a car or move that cat scratching post as someone will trip over it and its dangerous.  well if they watched where they are going then they wouldn't trip over it.    Also,    I feel so invisible with my family on jobs that have to be done.  For over a year now I wanted to redo my bedroom like get new curtains, get a closet organizer and all I've done is paint it.   Now they are redoing the kitchen with new appliances, cabinet door knobs and counter top.      My job has gone to the side lines.   Even my job of finishing the painting in the second bedroom in the basement has gone on hold because my parents who I live with wanted the outdoor window and door frames and garage door to be painted.   I never finish a job.   there's always something else to get done or a new project to do.   I'm fed up with all this.    I have had bad looking curtains in my bedroom for years and nothing has been done.    I pay rent every month to my parents as I"m on disability and some or the money goes to that.     I'm so tired and fed up with all of this.   Even my OC doesn't help me.     I'm so lost and confused. 

My god I've just read this post. I feel for you and think you really do need to have a serious chat with your parents. You're painting rent, you're an adult, you're on disability so that you have time to focus on getting better - in a sense that's why they give you that money - and it sounds like to some extent you are being deprived of the chance to focus on that. Please I hope you can make your parents understand that. I don't know how, I just hope you find a way.

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@Miss Pedantic, @Audrey822, @perfectcircle77 and @MysteryName you are all so brave for revealing your COs. They all look very nice!  :thumbsup:

Last night I thought I might post mine today, but unfortunately I've woken up in a very cowardly mood!

@posie_riot You're not the only one who's been left seriously messed up after seeing their CO in person... It's very strange to see them in front of you and think "Oh wow, they actually do exist"... I can imagine it would have been very surreal for you to be in the fourth row, so close to your CO (I was about 26 rows away from mine and I could hardly see him lol)! Overall, seeing my CO was a horrible experience for me, for reasons I can't go into here because it makes it too obvious who he is... But I know I'll try and see him again. I don't want that awful day to be the closest I ever get to him!

It's nice that your CO would probably react positively to your feelings for him. As for mine, to be honest I think he'd be embarrassed by how I feel about him... I actually saw an interview with him a few weeks ago where he was asked if he had any obsessive fans (!) and he said there's a woman who is always waiting for him at the airport every single time he comes home, without fail. He didn't seem to mind - I think he actually finds it quite funny. But in a way I think I'm much worse than that woman! She probably just enjoys seeing and meeting him, without entertaining any realistic hopes of a relationship with him, whereas a very mad part of my mind actually believes I have a genuine chance... :help: I mean, I'd never act like that, because I don't want him to see my as just another obsessive fan. I want him to feel the same way about me as I do about him... That's why I think he'd find my obsession a lot more awkward, if he ever found out about it (which he won't)!

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24 minutes ago, OpalP25 said:

It's nice that your CO would probably react positively to your feelings for him. As for mine, to be honest I think he'd be embarrassed by how I feel about him... I actually saw an interview with him a few weeks ago where he was asked if he had any obsessive fans (!) and he said there's a woman who is always waiting for him at the airport every single time he comes home, without fail. He didn't seem to mind - I think he actually finds it quite funny. But in a way I think I'm much worse than that woman! She probably just enjoys seeing and meeting him, without entertaining any realistic hopes of a relationship with him, whereas a very mad part of my mind actually believes I have a genuine chance... :help: I mean, I'd never act like that, because I don't want him to see my as just another obsessive fan. I want him to feel the same way about me as I do about him... That's why I think he'd find my obsession a lot more awkward, if he ever found out about it (which he won't)!

Regardless of what goes on in your own mind (and you have no idea what kind of disturbed stuff goes on in other peoples minds!) actions are the only thing a star can see and that could creep them out, so she sounds far worse than you from his point of view and yet he just found it funny. You have nothing to worry about. Just the fact you'd say you'd never act like that shows awareness, which is what makes the difference (echoing what posie-riot said to me!)

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1 hour ago, MysteryName said:

Well, the natural effect of posting my CO's pictures is now I spend all my time scrolling back to that post and re opening it. Arrgh, I really don't help my own addiction. 

Don't worry, I'm sure all of us are probably doing that with our COs too! The two pics I posted here of Bill and Gil (haha, it rhymes!) are ones that I just recently found on Google for the purpose of sharing with you all, so of course I have to take my time to go back and admire them as well.

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5 hours ago, MysteryName said:

I'll reply to what people have said in a moment. But first, in the hidden bit you'll see the girl who has taken complete control of my mind for the best part of a year (obviously don't print her name/ band's name/ bandmate's name):
 

She's adorable! ?

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@MysteryName Yes, you're right - at least I do have self-awareness about my obsession, meaning I haven't gone completely mad just yet! I suppose people who stalk or pester celebrities have for whatever reason lost their whole sense of self-awareness, which is a scary thought... That obsessive fan I mentioned is quite lucky that my CO is a nice and polite person. I imagine if someone behaved that way towards Justin Bieber or someone like that, they would not have a good time lol!

I also don't think your CO (who's gorgeous, btw) would find you creepy at all. There is the issue that in general people often pity obsessive female fans (who are seen as unstable), but view male fans as creepy or predatory.  I think those sorts of prejudices and stereotypes might be influencing the way you're seeing yourself at the moment. But there is nothing in your posts that suggests you're one of those "neckbeards"! You obviously have a tonne of respect and admiration for your CO, which is the absolute opposite to how creepy fans feel about celebrities.

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4 hours ago, perfectcircle77 said:

Yeah, I have been obsessed with them since age 10/11. My best mate prefers Joe too. We saw them 7 yrs ago and stood outside afterwards and he came out and hi-fived everyone on the edge of the crowd, of which I was one. I told my husband I was never washing my hand again.

I met them very briefly at a few meet and greets and got to stand next to Joe for the photo, so I was happy!

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12 hours ago, posie_riot said:

One other thing I forgot to mention @MysteryName is that the less we do on a day to day basis, the harder it is to do anything. Most people actually get more done when they're busy, because they get a momentum going. I felt way more capable of getting things done when I was busy and in uni than I do now that I'm just loafing around. Nowadays, even reading a book (for fun) seems like an effort somehow. I'm on the Internet all the time. Inactivity produces laziness, which then produces inactivity, and it's a constant cycle that can become difficult to break. You've done well to book a career advising appointment. That's a step. That will help break the cycle - or at the very least, it'll throw a small wrench in it. It might not be what "saves" you, but all we can do is take small steps. A career counselling appointment might be the next step. Just take it easy. 

That paragraph you wrote that I quoted above...you've just described more or less what nearly everyone with an education is going through these days. I only did a four-year honours bachelor's degree and I still feel like I was trapped in a relatively useless (practically speaking) academic bubble that didn't prepare me in any way for a career. I did well in school as a kid and went on to do what I thought I was "supposed" to do (post-secondary), only to find that the path to success is full of ridiculous twists and turns. In this day and age, I'm not exactly overqualified to work in a supermarket.  But I do have 0 work experience on my resume. I'm a university grad and yes...I have zero work experience. None. Why would a supermarket hire me over someone who didn't go to school but instead has four (or more) years of practical work experience? So I'm strangely "overqualified" for a job like that (...if you want to look at it that way), but I'm also under-qualified for jobs in my field. This is a major reason why I don't even want to look for work. Even if I get a supermarket job, I'm still going to have to search for more suitable jobs in my spare time because I have to consider my future. I have to somehow carve out a path towards making my degree useful. It's stressful as hell. I know I'm not in the exact same situation as you, but what you said resonated with me and I felt like ranting. 

Sorry I missed this bit.

That's kind of what I meant by overqualified. It's not that I think I'm above those jobs - it's just that they don't want a 30 year old who has spent the past 10 years in uni rather than doing anything remotely relevant to what they're hiring for. Or maybe I'm just making excuses as it feels like I'd be giving up to spend the rest of my life as an outcast - that guy who wasted 8 years as a student to spend the rest of his life as a supermarket checkout assistant. I also know that the less skilled the job is the worse I'd feel if I got rejected from it. It'd feel like I have no options.

Being overqualified for some jobs and underqualified for others and ending up not qualified for anything - that pretty much sums up how the world seems to work these days. You say you do a bit of volunteering so that must be relevant experience for something. If you find a way of meeting people - clubs or societies or meetup.com or even online forums - then I think having contacts, finding a mentor, is supposed to be the main way of breaking this catch-22. I know anxiety makes that hard, I'm finding it hard right now. In theory I do have possible contacts although I really don't know what I'm supposed to say to them or ask them. I'm hoping the careers appointment might at least clear that up - you had one?

Edited by MysteryName
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1 hour ago, Audrey822 said:

She's adorable! ?

Thanks :)
 

1 hour ago, OpalP25 said:

@MysteryName Yes, you're right - at least I do have self-awareness about my obsession, meaning I haven't gone completely mad just yet! I suppose people who stalk or pester celebrities have for whatever reason lost their whole sense of self-awareness, which is a scary thought... That obsessive fan I mentioned is quite lucky that my CO is a nice and polite person. I imagine if someone behaved that way towards Justin Bieber or someone like that, they would not have a good time lol!

I also don't think your CO (who's gorgeous, btw) would find you creepy at all. There is the issue that in general people often pity obsessive female fans (who are seen as unstable), but view male fans as creepy or predatory.  I think those sorts of prejudices and stereotypes might be influencing the way you're seeing yourself at the moment. But there is nothing in your posts that suggests you're one of those "neckbeards"! You obviously have a tonne of respect and admiration for your CO, which is the absolute opposite to how creepy fans feel about celebrities.

Thanks! I really need to stop reading those reddit threads.

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Actually I have a 3 new COs and its actually a new series that started in 2015 and its ZOO.  Its about animals attacking people and this team find out that there is a gene in the animals and one eye of the animals goes funny like dilated and they have to now find certain animals to cure the illness of all the animals in the world.     Here are some photos of the show and two of the guys I adore in it.   One is James Wolk who plays Jackson Oz and the other you know from the Twilight movies who played Belle's father and in this show he's a vet pathologist and he's Billy Burke who plays Mitch.  The show is on every Tuesday night at 9pm EST.  Its on the second season and I bought the first season on DVD.   Its going for its third season in 2017.  I'm so excited about it.  The other idol I love is Yannick Bisson who plays William Murdoch in Murdoch Mysteries as its about a Canadian detective back in the 1900's of Toronto Canada.     He is Canadian and lives in Ontario Canada where I live, not the same town though.   I'm also into Shania Twain the country singer too as she's a Canadian as well.    

Personally,  I don't really care for Donny osmond today and his social phobia.    I don't care for the way he sings and he acts childish and foolish at times.    That is not the kind of behavior I like in a celebrity.     I'll keep my Osmond 70s pictures and music but that's it.    

I'm hooked on ZOO series now.  Its great and very thrilling to watch.    I love James Wolk and Billy Burke in this and I do have all the Twilight movies as well with Billy Burke (MItch in ZOO) n it as Belle's father.

I'm going to change some pictures in my bedroom today and I'm going to print out some ZOO photos of the seasons and put them on a bristol board.  I went to an Office supply store and they did a photo of the ZOO series of a lion with the enlarged pupil eye.    

About paying rent and its only for my bedroom and its house and board on my disability so I only give my parents 250.00 a month and it helps them out as they are in their 80's now.     I do a lot of chores to help them out like mow the lawn, painting, cleaning the house , laundry and doing errands like groceries.

Here are my new and favorite CO's now 1. (the cast of Zoo Tv Series based on James Patterson's book which I have read).

Yannick Bisson from Murdoch Mysteries and Shania Twain.    

 

 

 

 

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JAMES WOLK ZOO SERIES JACKSON OZ.jpg

BILLY BURKE ZOO SERIES MITCH.jpg

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67d1d6e8877df15d0846e97c0e0a20d4.jpg

Edited by LibraLady1962
missed a word
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2 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

@MysteryName 

I also don't think your CO (who's gorgeous, btw) would find you creepy at all. There is the issue that in general people often pity obsessive female fans (who are seen as unstable), but view male fans as creepy or predatory.  I think those sorts of prejudices and stereotypes might be influencing the way you're seeing yourself at the moment. But there is nothing in your posts that suggests you're one of those "neckbeards"! You obviously have a tonne of respect and admiration for your CO, which is the absolute opposite to how creepy fans feel about celebrities.

Yes.  There is so much about this that people who don't have COs don't understand.  Some think we're just obsessed with the celebrity lifestyle  (hilarious in my case, as I think my CO lives in a house that's not much more extravagant than my own is) or they think we're all stalkers (I do believe there may be some stalkers among us, but that's certainly not the case for all of us.)  I've been toying with the idea of starting a blog on this subject just to put some information out there all in one place but I haven't organized all the information yet.   If I decide to do it, I'll let y'all know because I'll want some input from some of you.  

21 minutes ago, MysteryName said:

 

Thanks! I really need to stop reading those reddit threads.

You really do.  Anything that is doing more harm than good must be cut out.  That's my philosophy going forward.  I will find a way to cut negative things out somehow.  The process has already begun, and I feel so much stronger because of it this week. 

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I'm going to post longer/more personal responses a little later but I just want to say:

WOW! So many brave people. Well done if you've shared. Well done if you're thinking about it. Well done if you haven't but are still participating in this forum.

Since I posted my CO, nobody has laughed and pointed. No one in real life even knows. I doubt they'd care if they did.

I've had a mentally draining day where every thing I've needed to do  has taken the most enormous effort. I'm going for a bike ride now to help process my thoughts and clear my head. I'm going to actively find something lovely in the real world to notice and appreciate. I might even post a picture of it on here to remind myself in the future that I enjoyed it.

See you later.

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I just heard this song on the radio, and -- you know I hear things so differently now.  This is a Glen Campbell song from 1970 "It's Only Make Believe"  .... if you ignore the first two lines, and change it so that a woman could sing it to a man, this could pretty much describe my whole life.

"It's Only Make Believe"

 

People see us everywhere

They think you really care

But myself I can't deceive

I know it's only make believe

 

My one and only prayer

Is that some day you'll care

My hopes, my dreams come true

My one and only you

 

No one will ever know

How much I love you so

My only prayer will be

Someday you'll care for me

But it's only make believe

 

My hopes, my dreams come true

My life, I'd give for you

My heart, a wedding ring

My all, my everything

 

My heart, I can't control

You rule my very soul

My plans, my hopes, my schemes

Girl, you are my every dream

But it's only make believe

 

My one and only prayer

Girl, is that some day you'll care

My hopes, my dreams come true

You're my one and only you

 

And no one will ever know

Just how much I love you so

And my only prayer will be

That someday you'll care for me

But it's only make believe

It's make believe

 

 

 

Edited by Audrey822
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13 hours ago, posie_riot said:

One other thing I forgot to mention @MysteryName is that the less we do on a day to day basis, the harder it is to do anything. Most people actually get more done when they're busy, because they get a momentum going. I felt way more capable of getting things done when I was busy and in uni than I do now that I'm just loafing around. Nowadays, even reading a book (for fun) seems like an effort somehow. I'm on the Internet all the time. Inactivity produces laziness, which then produces inactivity, and it's a constant cycle that can become difficult to break.

One more thing I forgot to say - when I was working I was baffled at how much people managed to fit into their time. It caused me such pain. And yet now, looking back, I'm baffled as to how *I* managed to fit in what I did into my time (although it wasn't that much). It clearly is what you said, about momentum. This is one of the best arguments for not comparing yourself to others. I just need to think like that when I'm one of my much lower moods.

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@Miss Pedantic Thank you for your positive thoughts :icon12: For a lot of people it's an odd period of adjustment when first leaving school. It's hard when I see some people my age finding success early on. It's in my personality to assume the worst about my future. Your response is encouraging :smile: Also, those are some beautiful photos and I love that you took them. Finding beauty in our everyday lives is important. It exists, but it's so easy to ignore. 

@OpalP25 Fourth row was indeed surreal...mostly because of how not surreal it was, if you know what I mean! I think I was expecting him to have a halo or some sparkly aura surrounding him or something. Instead, he seemed shockingly normal. I can't even describe it. I also walked away from the show feeling so confident that one day in the future, under calmer and more sensible circumstances, I will meet him. I'm not so sure about that now. It's interesting to note how confident I was about that though. I hope you have a better experience the next time you see your CO. 

My mind jumps all around the place with regard to how my CO would feel if he knew how feel. But like MysteryName said, it's more about how we would act in front of them and I'm quite sure that I wouldn't reveal my whole heart and soul to him if we ever met. I don't think he'd be embarrassed per se (he's not humble enough for that :laugh:), but I do worry that he'd pity me and see me as a basket case. For the record, I don't think you're worse than that woman. You're self-aware. You understand that there is a certain "madness" to this. Your feelings for him as an actual human being are serious enough that you wouldn't inconvenience him or make him feel awkward by forcing him to talk to you every time he arrives at the airport. Imagine if he weren't famous and some random person were doing that? Being famous doesn't eliminate a person's humanity. I'd argue that your feelings for him are more mature. That woman is treating him like a spectacle. She's not treating him like a real person at all. That's always been a pretty major difference between me and my CO's groupies too. To them, he's like the second Jesus. To me, he's a guy. And yeah I did believe on some level that I had a chance with him and that's precisely because I saw him as a normal guy and not as Jesus. That's why I'm struggling now with his personal life and his other fans are not. It's like a magical fairytale for them, and for me it just sucks. The attraction was all too real for me. 

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Audrey,  I know Shania is beautiful and so talented.  That's why I like her and her music so much.  I have never seen her in person but I know she is very down to earth and cares for things like animals, family and friends.    She acts her age whereas Donny Osmond doesn't.   I'm going to switch to her instead of the Osmonds as I love her songs and sing to them and I'm happy with her and all the songs she has sung.    I have seen the Osmonds in person at two concerts and one was a Donny and Marie one and I got close enough to touch Donny's arm when he was walking in front of me singing and he was looking away from me.    When I touched his right arm he never looked toward me as I was behind him.    He just walked by after I took my hand off his arm.    Then at the Joseph and the Amazing technicolor dreamcoat show in Toronto I went backstage doors and someone told us fans that Donny was resting for the next show and wouldn't be coming out to say hi to his fans.   What a disappointment he was as all the rest of the cast members came out but not Donny...even for five to 10 minutes would be nice as there was only a small few waiting to see him including me.     He just is a turn off to me.   My admiration for him is just gone.    

I loved Billy Burke in Twilight movies but he is so funny in ZOO series.   I'll post a video okay.   I never saw him in that show you mentioned perfect.  I'll have to look into it and if I like it I'll post a video of it for you and the ZOO series one too.   He makes me laugh.

I'll put my 70's Osmond pics in a photo album which I just bought and save them for comfort if I need to look at them when I feel bad and have their music on my ipod from the 70's if I need a moment of reassurance and comfort as their music does that from that decade.   

Its so great to post our favorite OC's as it helps to open up and express our feelings and what they mean to us.  I'll make a photo gallery in here of with photos of my favorite OCs and other things I love in my life.

 

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@MysteryName I've just been rereading your posts. Firstly, awww, your CO is adorable! I know her from a role she played and she was excellent. And thank you for your appreciation of mine as although he is successful he's not known by everyone. And as you've seen his sitcom I'm sure you'll appreciate the irony of one of the characters being an obsessed fan who stalks him!

As for making a collage being creepy, no it isn't, it's being appreciative. It's a nice thing to look at.But I can relate to spending too much time going back and looking at it :why do you think I got so little sleep last night?

Now to the issue of seeing a GP.  Is it possible for you to see a different one? And if you don't like the diagnosis you are given, in the NHS you have a RIGHT to ask for a second opinion. I would hope that when you tell a GP about your problems and your history with therapists they would make the correct diagnosis. Remember that awareness of mental health issues has come a long way even in the past 8 years. Plus although you later say the doctor would just confirm that you are just someone who won't make the effort, you KNOW it is an illness you have : you later refer to yourself as a regular guy whose brain is doing weird things to him. Sounds like illness to me! One of the innumerable hideous things about depression is the way it makes you use the illness to turn you against yourself. I've lived through that one (possibly tipping into it now but am trying things that have helped in the past such as trying to replace a negative thought with a positive one. E.g. I'm back at work (boooo). But on Friday I get to have the Friday feeling (hoooray) which I couldn't have If I was still off work. FFS I'm starting to sound like Pollyanna.Anyway, I'm digressing...). Please please think about getting proper medical health. You would if it was a physical symptom.

As to your future, you can only deal with where you are now. None of us, depressed or otherwise, should over think about what the rest of our lives will be like. None of us know what will happen in the future. We can have hopes and dreams, and some we will attain and many we won't.  Sometimes horrible things will happen. Sometimes unexpectedly brilliant things will happen. I suspect that due to circumstances that I can do nothing about I could be out of a job in the next 2 years. I've decided to stop worrying about it and cross that bridge when I come to it. So try to have the aim to try to fix yourself for now:as you said, small steps.

Don't assume that no one will want you if you're over qualified. do you know that for sure? Often others see qualities in us that we don't appreciate ourselves. Often organisations look for a range of abilities and experiences. Last year I met a barrister who was retraining as a classroom assistant. If getting any job gives you the momentum you refer to it's got to be worth considering. Later this week, when I am yet again spending an evening marking 25 turgidly written, badly misspelt and grammatically incorrect stories I will be DREAMING of working at Tesco checkout  (I'm not entirely joking...)

As to why there are are more women on here than men, I think it's generally accepted that women are emotionally more literate than men. Women talk to each other. Suicide rates in young men are high because they don't.  So congratulations for being emotionally literate! By the way, there are organisations set up specifically to address male mental health issues . Have you accessed those.

Typing this has again helped me, as it has occupied me, and helped me tosift through my own thoughts and feelings. So again, thank you.

Oh, and DEFINITELY stay off reddit. Those blokes sound like a right bunch of knob heads. 

 

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@posie_riot. Thank you for the thank you. I'm glad you liked the photos. 

I really feel for you starting out now after Uni. I still remember how hard it is.But we all have to start SOMEWHERE. I was once that graduate with zero experience  (because of my shyness I couldn't even point to doing extra curricular things as I pretty much stayed in my room for 3 years). I didn't start with a dream job, but it was a foot in the door. And as I've said elsewhere, you will have qualities that others will value.

As to how hard it is to do anything productive, I remember that feeling too. But the fact that you recognise your inertia is  GOOD  thing. You know it is something you need to work hard at to overcome.You are not just accepting it as the status quo.It won't be easy, but you have to keep at it. Try to set yourself small goals to start with. Even just going for a walk can be an achievement, and you may even start to notice things around you that give you pleasure (and if you do, take a photo and put it on here!) You will find your own coping strategies.  In times of great stress I look at photos of places I have visited and make myself recall that picnic at Versailles, the trip to the Barrier reef or the night I drank alcohol in Leningrad (all things which the me who had just left Uni could never have envisaged would ever be possible).Just posting about them is making me smile and remember.

As to worrying, I  know about that too. It has taken me a long time to learn to worry less. I've always found that when I imagine the outcome will be nightmare scenario A or hideous scenario B the outcome is inevitably scenario C, which hadn't even occurred to me. Sometimes it's a welcome surprise,  sometimes not, but as you get older and more experienced you will learn to deal with it.

So keep trying, don't give up on yourself. You deserve the best.

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