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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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19 minutes ago, Miss Pedantic said:

@HopelessRomantic2011 You can have a sticker too.

I'm on a roll now.

This my current secondary CO.

I definitely have a type!

This is strangely liberating. 

What on earth was the party hostess filling my glass with?

 

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Very nice!!  ?

But you and I are going to have to be extremely careful about drunk posting....LOL!! 

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This young man is waaaaaaay too young for me. As in, younger than my own children.  But he makes watching baseball much more fun this season. 

 

Kris_Bryant.jpg

 

But look....if it's acceptable for men my age to look at/date/marry women half their age, why is it unacceptable for a woman?  I'm not giving up my CO for him or anything.  I'm pretty sure we all know that.  I'm just looking!!   

(Put the keyboard away for awhile, Audrey.) ?

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2 hours ago, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

You all are hilarious! I ordered a martini at lunch today, but I didn't drink most of it so I am not buzzed enough to reveal my main CO.  :)  However, I WILL post the person who was my CO at the time when I first stumbled upon this thread five years ago:

gil.jpg

I just...wow 10/10 5 stars

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20 hours ago, MysteryName said:
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Nothing could be worse. I know that sounds like something a spoiled brat would say. I could be starving on the streets or bed bound. But try to understand my messed up sheltered brat logic which is this: any other trauma is at least a recognised trauma - something that, sadly, the world throws at a lot of people because it's a mean world out there. Whereas the complete shut in status is (instead of something the world throws at you) a reflection of 100% complete failure as a human being, a sign that you just quite simply can't do life, that your mind and personality simply does not work! 

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My own motivation is the only thing standing between me and the chasm. And right now my own discipline is at the point where I can't complete 1 simple task despite having 24 hours 7 days a week in which to do it (I mean how does that even work?!). That is a LOT of pressure on something non functional! Too much pressure. And so the effect of this pressure is panic that leads to my mind running away from my reality and flying off to live in CO land. This means that my discipline gets even lower which means the pressure is on something even less functional which means my mind flies away even further and its a vicious cycle. This is the root of my problems. This is where my CO addiction comes from and why its getting worse and worse.

I can completely relate to everything you wrote here. That said, I'm hard on myself and so are you. It's interesting to see another person describe some of my darkest thoughts because it's forcing me to realize that no one deserves to feel this way. I don't even know you but I just want to tell you that you're alright, and that everything is going to be alright. You're a person. You're treating yourself like garbage (I understand why, because I'm the same way). You're going through a hard time right now and it seems like things are never going to get better, but they will. I really do believe that. You've unfortunately been cursed with the capacity for self-reflection (usually a good thing, until it goes haywire and becomes overactive). You'd be happier if you were stupid like most everyone else in the world. 

Life is hell for anyone with an analytical mind. That's because there's no logic to be found in how our lives play out. We want to believe that if we follow a particular path, do what's "right", and meet certain checkpoints, everything will be fine for us. If we don't do what's "right" - if we don't follow a logical path towards success - then we're doomed to become failures. But look around you. Think about the unbelievable influence that just simple luck and circumstance have on people's lives. We don't always earn our way. The best person for a particular job is usually not the one working it. Life is sort of a crapshoot. It's about who you know. That's been an extremely depressing and terrifying realization for me to come to and I'm still not coping with it. I'm someone who likes to be in control, and I'm learning now that I have none. That doesn't mean I should sit on my ass all day and wait for "a sign", but it does mean that I need to go easy on myself. It's the only way to live, if I don't want to be miserable. I'm telling you all this, even though I know that it's such an impossible concept for some people (myself included) to accept. Most people do not put the kind of pressure on themselves that you and I do, and they're no worse off for it. They're going with the flow, taking life as it comes, and finding opportunities along the way. There is no "right way" to live your life. Please, take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. 
 

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If I ever do survive this mess I can see silver linings though. Sinking this low will make me appreciate any person I become.

Absolutely. That is the benefit to hitting rock bottom. You have a sense of perspective now that you didn't have before. You're also connecting with others and relating to others in a way that you might not have before. You've changed for the better, even though it doesn't seem like it right now. You're becoming a stronger person every day.
 

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All I can do is focus on the now I suppose. 

Yes. You can view this as a lesson for living in the moment. All we have is the present moment anyway - literally, no one knows for sure what will happen tomorrow. The future is always unpredictable. < another life lesson I've had a difficult time digesting. 

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I feel as though I really need to see her perform some day. Bring some closure to this mess. Meet her afterwards - they do meet and greets. I know this may seem unwise but I have to. Oh god if she reads this the thought that the ultracreep will one day meet her hiring extra security and tracking my IP to get a restraining order or something. Basically it is of absolute essential importance that when I meet her I'm a functional human being, rather than a comatose slug obsessed with her. If anything that should be an incentive, in case I needed more incentive to escape my hell. I'd need to fly to America (the right city wherever they're performing), and an excuse to fly there because flying across the Atlantic just to see a band perform is not what functional non obsessed people do. Imagine if it didn't even work out!   

Am I the ultra creep though? Am I creep? How do I know? 

The telltale sign of all creeps is that they don't know they're creeps. Your CO would not find you creepy. Don't ask me how I know that. I just do. I'm a young woman. Creepy would mean 1) believing that you are God's gift to women and that of course she's going to fall in love with you and 2) insulting her when she doesn't "play along". Creepy would mean ignoring her personal boundaries and chatting her up past the point of comfort. That sounds like the exact opposite of how you'd come across. You admire her. You think she's a great person. You find her endearing, and sweet, and pretty. You enjoy her work. You even said this:

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I feel really guilty about my obsession. I have to get rid of it. I listened to an interview with her recently. over 2 hours and so intimate. It was absolutely exhilarating. Never before had I thought I'd got to know her as much. But I also got a little chill that I'd been actually dehumanizing this extraordinary brilliant and super sweet and likeable woman. She felt like more of an actual person to me than ever before. She is somewhere right now having her own thoughts and to me she was just a vision. Not just physical, true, but still a sort of vision. If that makes sense.

The fact that you're even considering this and acknowledging this puts you a class above a lot of men and it 100% puts you a class above her truly creepy "admirers". And to add to what you said there - the public tends to dehumanize celebrities in general. That's normal. This reminds me of the story I alluded to yesterday (or the day before?) in response to Audrey. I had an epiphany about my CO in late-August/early-September of 2013 that was quite similar to what you described above. I'll probably write about it in more detail sometime in the future. Basically, in August 2013 I went to one of his shows at a small theatre and sat in the fourth row. The experience f***** me up. I had a moment of: "Oh my God...he's a real person. He's an actual, real person." It did something weird to my brain and I never saw him the same way again. I went from having primarily lustful/fantasy-oriented/desire-heavy/"magical" feelings towards him into having real feelings for him as a human being. It was like a switch turned on. That was the moment that "broke" the fantasy for me and made fantasy and reality almost indistinguishable. When you said you wanted to meet your CO for "closure", I have to admit that I cringed a little...only because seeing my CO live was what drove me to the point of insanity. Well, "insanity" is one way of looking at it...you could also just say that my feelings are genuine and that I actually do love him. Okay, I better stop now while I'm ahead...

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The more guys I see into her the more I feel I've fallen for an idea, everyone says that about celeb crushes don't they? I wanted something special with her, of course that's all fake as I'll never know her personally, but in reality I am just one of the horde of guys who are the right type to always fall for her. The zombie horde. The creep horde. Maybe it could be predicted mathematically - a particular type of weird lonely guy is guaranteed to fall for her - and I've fallen harder than I can cope with.

I've had this thought too. My CO's entire fanbase right now is made up of me x 1000. So much for my "connection"! I still refuse to believe that I don't feel something different for him that his other fans don't though. Well, the fact that I'm his only fan who found their way this site probably says something, doesn't it? :thumbsup: But in all seriousness...I know. I know it sucks. My CO's got a lovely, sweet, pretty, smart, fun, easygoing fiancée right now and a baby on the way. I still can't wrap my head around any of it. What is this thing that I feel? What is this thing that's pulling me towards him? If it's nothing, then why does it feel so significant and strong? Why doesn't he feel it? How can he carry on with his life without me? Doesn't he know I'm available? I think my CO would s*** his pants if he found out how I feel, but I like to think it would be...the good kind of pants-s****ing that happens when you realize how loved you are  :coophelp:        (In all honesty...I bet he'd be taken aback in a very positive way. I bet he'd have compassion for me. Your CO would feel the same way. She would.)

 

 :console:

 

Edited by posie_riot
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7 minutes ago, posie_riot said:

I like. Mostly I want to find out what shampoo he uses. What's his name? (you can PM me if you want). I'm such a sucker for long hair. 

Haha, his name is Gil Ofarim and he does have amazing hair! When I first discovered him when he was a teenager, his hair was much longer than it is now.

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21 hours ago, MysteryName said:

I'm so stuck. One thing that got me into this depressed cycle was discovering just how vast the number of skills I needed for the jobs I was supposed to be sort of qualified for are. How do I teach myself all this when I can't even tear myself from the internet? I need personal projects! contributions to the open source community, blog posts etc. etc. When nothing interests me how do I compete with techie whizz kids who have been obsessed with all this sort of stuff and doing it since they were 10? How do I even begin to create the same body of work? How do I get a job when my career record so far basically says "f-ed up the last one"? And these are for the sort of jobs I'm supposed to be qualified for! I can't train for something completely different now, what would I even train for? And everything else I'm either overqualified or completely unqualified for. I've been living in the bubble of a rubbish uni for 10 years learning the basic applied bit of the skills without learning the depth I actually need! Every single path seems blocked. Even working at a supermarket would mean turning up as a 30 year old with 10 years of my CV suspiciously absent (as even people with just one degree are considered overqualified for that sort of job - in my case I'd have to remove 10 years of degree + job!)
 

One other thing I forgot to mention @MysteryName is that the less we do on a day to day basis, the harder it is to do anything. Most people actually get more done when they're busy, because they get a momentum going. I felt way more capable of getting things done when I was busy and in uni than I do now that I'm just loafing around. Nowadays, even reading a book (for fun) seems like an effort somehow. I'm on the Internet all the time. Inactivity produces laziness, which then produces inactivity, and it's a constant cycle that can become difficult to break. You've done well to book a career advising appointment. That's a step. That will help break the cycle - or at the very least, it'll throw a small wrench in it. It might not be what "saves" you, but all we can do is take small steps. A career counselling appointment might be the next step. Just take it easy. 

That paragraph you wrote that I quoted above...you've just described more or less what nearly everyone with an education is going through these days. I only did a four-year honours bachelor's degree and I still feel like I was trapped in a relatively useless (practically speaking) academic bubble that didn't prepare me in any way for a career. I did well in school as a kid and went on to do what I thought I was "supposed" to do (post-secondary), only to find that the path to success is full of ridiculous twists and turns. In this day and age, I'm not exactly overqualified to work in a supermarket.  But I do have 0 work experience on my resume. I'm a university grad and yes...I have zero work experience. None. Why would a supermarket hire me over someone who didn't go to school but instead has four (or more) years of practical work experience? So I'm strangely "overqualified" for a job like that (...if you want to look at it that way), but I'm also under-qualified for jobs in my field. This is a major reason why I don't even want to look for work. Even if I get a supermarket job, I'm still going to have to search for more suitable jobs in my spare time because I have to consider my future. I have to somehow carve out a path towards making my degree useful. It's stressful as hell. I know I'm not in the exact same situation as you, but what you said resonated with me and I felt like ranting. 

Edited by posie_riot
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@LibraLady1962  I remember many years ago hearing about how Donny Osmond has talked publicly about his struggle with social anxiety. I remember thinking it was amazing that someone like him was struggling that way considering all the attention he received from such a young age. I have social anxiety too and to see him talk about it was comforting to me. He sort of thrown into fame, in a way, and I guess that must've been hard on him at times. I actually get the impression that he's quite immature in ways, and a bit mentally stuck in childhood. I think early fame often does that to people. I'm sure he's a very nice person though - maybe just social awkward at times :)

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@LibraLady1962 It was never my intention to ignore you and I was just about to hit "submit" on my last response to you when you made your last post. In response to your post from earlier today - I'm sorry you feel invisible. I do too. Always have. I only didn't respond because I don't know what to say to help your specific situation. I can only just commiserate with the general feeling of invisibility. Are there any ways for you to get out in the community at all, like maybe volunteering or joining a club of some sort? I remember you saying you like animals - are there any animal shelters perhaps that you could volunteer at? I'm suggesting this as a way for you to interact with others and be seen. Volunteering can also be a rewarding experience. As far as clubs or other activities go, there may be some at your local library. Many libraries have art clubs, knitting clubs, book clubs (of course!), and others. Sometimes there are classes you can take too. I do a bit of volunteering, and I think it's been good for me. It helps keep me from being too socially isolated. 

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@posie_riot Your post reminds me so much of me when I graduated a long time ago. I moved back home, had no friends,  had been finished with by my Uni boyfriend and was very shy. I moped around the house and with hindsight was evidently depressed. I had no idea what to do with the rest of my life.

Eventually I found a temping job. It was very low skill:answering the phone and giving information.  However, it got me meeting people and through it I met the girl who is today still my best friend. I got promoted to slightly more challenging work and stayed for 5 years. After that I returned to uni and retrained in .my current career (teaching). This has never been a vocation for me, but I turned out to be good at it and am about to start my 25th year. Mostly I have really enjoyed it, and it has funded my life.

So I would say to you and @LibraLady1962 keep at it. Sometimes an unexpected path can take you to the place meant for you.

After a sleepless, CO deep night I've got to sign off and go to work. I'm hoping the distraction will start to help.

Wishing you all the positive thoughts in the world.

 

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Oh my, haven't we all been brave this weekend and I wasn't around to join in so I'm going to do it this morning. Let's start the week off feeling brave and suddenly rather exposed.

These three are my on going crushes, they count in my 'Top 5'

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And then this is my CO. For reasons I (and Audrey) said, please don't type his name.18.jpg

I'm now going to quickly hit submit before I change my mind.

 

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I'll reply to what people have said in a moment. But first, in the hidden bit you'll see the girl who has taken complete control of my mind for the best part of a year (obviously don't print her name/ band's name/ bandmate's name):
 

 

 

her.png

Edited by MysteryName
removed her first name from filename
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1 hour ago, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

The first band I ever obsessed over, but Joe was my favorite. :)

Yeah, I have been obsessed with them since age 10/11. My best mate prefers Joe too. We saw them 7 yrs ago and stood outside afterwards and he came out and hi-fived everyone on the edge of the crowd, of which I was one. I told my husband I was never washing my hand again.

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