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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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Hi SarahRamone,

Welcome. :) This is the right place for you to meet people who are going through similar stuff.

First of all, don't feel so horrible. There are plenty of people who have COs (celebrity obsessions) and they are (mostly) normal people. Most of your friends don't understand what you're going through, but that's because they don't know what it's like to have a CO. If you've read through the messages here, you'll see that you're not alone and there are a lot of people like you.

As for talking to your CO, I think people cross the line into Crazy Town when they stop realizing that they are just pretending. It sounds (from what you are saying) like you are aware that you are just doing it as part of day dreaming.  :)

Learning Spanish is a productive thing to do and it might come in useful someday. I'm also (sort of) learning a language (not Spanish) because of my CO too, lol! :D I think anything productive that can come out of having a CO isn't a bad thing. Travel, learning new languages and other things like that are all exciting and nothing to be ashamed of.

It's a bit unhealthy when a CO stops you from achieving your goals, so my advice is to continue to watch your CO, but set aside special times to watch the videos. Spend the rest of your time working on your other goals. You can even use your CO videos as a reward for getting things done on time. You don't have to give him up if he makes you happy. :)

Edited by Seeker2
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I had wrote a post late last night but soon found out that I wasn't  signed in ....

I still have these fleeting moments where I think I myself have failed but I realize that my decision to pursue my dreams was my decision and since I didn't know if I would make it or truly be happy out there regardless of anyone else or if he would even give me the time of day ... it still gets to me.

I can't  live in regret because I don't think I did the wrong things. I made the right choices for myself and for others it just baffles me how I still feel so crazy over him all this time like nothing has happened and I find myself waking up frantic thinking that my life is over but I know that it's not. I'm doing much better and I know that I've done the right things  I just feel that I've missed my purpose in life. I think that the way I've felt about him is very unique. I still care about him and am happy for him. It's all as it should be and I know that I am okay and that he will be fine. I can care about him from a distance but even that is getting old. I'm moving on from what could have been and it hurts but it is the best. Some things are better left unsaid & unpursued.

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I just ran on the treadmill. I went a lot faster than I should have gone but I thought it would be good for me.  I thought to myself: Why do I feel that everything is sinful? I was never one for sports and now I see young women are rocking the game! I think to myself: God gave each of us abilities. Why would it be a sin to use them then? I just feel that my life is meaningless. I feel I have no real purpose here on this earth. I know that my family loves me and that God loves me but sometimes that's not enough. I don't need a man. I'm not a romantic type of person. I value my independence and freedom. I also feel like a failure though in some ways because I'm not married and have had children. I just feel there are so many options but I don't know if anything has ever been right for me. I have no idea who I am. I'm thankful for my faith and for eternity but aside from that I don't really have anything. I have life. I can see. I can type. I can breathe. I can walk. I can talk. I can sing. I can eat. I can run. I can do all these things and yet I feel somehow that I'm lacking. I feel like its okay for other people to be involved in things but not me. It's a sin for me but its okay for others. Then again Steph Curry is a Christian. So I guess it can be done. I just don't know about myself. I'm thankful and grateful I just feel so lost. I don't know why. I just feel like I have no place.

Edited by urivgirl86
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@urivgirl86

I don't think your journey is boring at all - I'd really like to be where you are now and I feel comforted knowing that there are people who've been where I am and can get to where you are now. You will find your path in life, I'm sure of it. For myself, I am married with kids and I still feel like I don't know who I am and whether the path I've taken in life is the right one for me. Keep going forward, small steps are still steps forward.

@SarahRamone

Welcome, I've not been here long but it is really supportive and just knowing that I'm not going through this alone has been great. I also have a tendency to imagine conversations with my CO when I'm alone - usually just very mundane things. I know it's not real but I find it helpful at times.

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Thank you @perfectcircle77 for your response. It's easy for me and others to think that because someone is married that they must have it altogether and as you've told me you still wonder whether the path you taken is still the right one. Thank you for sharing a glimpse from your point of view. It's just I know as I've said time and time again that the grass isn't greener and I'm not exactly all romance type of person. I'm just now coming out of all of this but I don't know if I still want to be married and have children but the narrative is still saying: what's so wrong with you that no guy has ever wanted to be with you? I think my narrative is: No one has been right for me and I've not been right for them and that's okay for it to be that way. I don't think that just having someone and raising children is right for everyone. I still don't know if it's right for me and I'm 30 years old. I like being my own person and having independence but I still feel like deep down I've chosen the wrong path. My dreams never included marriage & motherhood. I didn't dream of being a wife & mother. I wanted something more. I'm not against men or children or marriage or romance I just don't feel as though that's the right path for me at this point in time and I'm learning to be OK with that and not let others happiness effect me. It's just hard because when people you have known personally all your life are younger than you and are married with children and you aren't it breaks my heart a little. It makes me angry and sad and bitter at myself because I feel like I'm a failure at life and at being a woman because I've not went down the same path. I may still go down that path but I may not and its OK.

 

 

 

Edited by urivgirl86
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Sorry guys, I don't know where else to turn, as a couple of you know, I've been very down since the concerts. I've just been on Twitter and a couple of fan accounts I follow regarding my CO, and I see he has followed them. I just feel that this confirms his feeling towards me. How can he pick out favourites like this? I feel so hurt and upset right now. Am I being unreasonable? 

Sorry guys, hope your all doing ok on this journey! 

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@decado I personally have heard of things about celebrities following fan accounts. I'm not sure really as to help and answer you but I can tell you that your feelings are valid for you and no you are not being unreasonable. You clearly admire this celebrity and your feelings are okay to feel. Try to not dwell on them is my advice personally. I wish you well!

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Jennifer Anniston wrote something for The Huffington Post a few days ago. It reaffirmed to me that I am complete as a woman whether or not I'm married with children or not. Some days that's easier to feel okay than others. Sometimes I just want to watch Sex and The City, Friends, and How I Met Your Mother and just cry and eat junk food. It's like having PMS but without all the other nonsense a woman has to deal with. One thing that I do tend to watch sometimes that makes me happy and kind of sad is Modern Family for the Phil & Claire aspect of the show. I know these people are actors. Sometimes I just wish I could find a guy who is similar to Ty Burrell as Phil Dunphy and have kids and just be kind of like that.

Do you guys think that I'm pathetic? I don't cuss. I don't drink. I don't fool around. I'm a virgin. I don't go to seedy places. All of the music I like is before my birth. I buy magazines including GQ Magazine and wish that men dressed as handsome as what they do in those advertisements - and don't get me started on the cologne! ♥ Every year I look forward to the September issues of the fashion magazines because of the fall / winter fashion they're JCPenney catalog thick. Anyone remember the JCPenney catalogs? I miss those. I miss how Hollywood used to be in the 90s. I miss that whole era of Kevin Costner, Tom Cruise, Mel Gibson, Denzel Washington. Yes, apparently I noticed men very early on life. ♥ I am a pretty happy-go-lucky chick but even so I get times where I feel as though I've failed in many aspects. I don't think I've failed. I just chose differently is all. It will get better.

 

Edited by urivgirl86
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Thank you @urivgirl86 for your kind words! I've literally been in tears since finding out this information. Partly because I feel like such a fool to have invested so much time in someone who wouldn't give the likes of me the time of day and I just feel this proves it. Stupid thing is I was only just yesterday talking to someone at work about getting a tattoo portrait of him and checking out flight costs and things. Then today this. No wonder he dislikes me. I've been made fun of my whole life, and now I just feel like a complete joke and waste of space. 

Sorry hun, I'm just venting, I'd literally like to hide away from the world. 

I hope your getting on ok with your CO. I often see a couple of photo of mine and your COs on stage together, and I always think of you! I feel bad as I don't get on here as much as I used too. I work full time, but I also bring work home with me partly because I don't like my thoughts. Especially on days like today! 

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I also have a hard time because I look at Ariana  Grande & Taylor Swift and think: This was supposed to be me and so I sometimes feel angry at myself and jealous of them but that's not right. I admire each of them and only have myself to blame but in regards to my faith & my family these 4 verses  sum up my entire  existence: 1) Honour your father & mother. 2) Children obey your parents 3) What does it profit a man to gain the whole world & lose his soul 4) What does light have in common with darkness 

I don't truly know if one has to sell their soul to the devil in order to be famous but I have seen how he can get a hold of a person's life if you give him a foothold to do so.

I for one am glad that I do not have to deal with the scrutiny of the whole world and be in the public eye and just in general I don't feel as though I would have been in good company around temptation. 

Please forgive me all for sounding like a broken record over many things.

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12 hours ago, SarahRamone said:

Hey you all! 

So I have been obsessed with a celebrity for the past 4 months. I day dream about him all of the time, I dream about him when I sleep, I watch videos of him all of the time.. And it is really affecting me. I'm a Christian and I really hate how I am idolizing this man. It makes me sick. Recently God called me and told me what he wants me to do with my life and I have been very distracted because I always think of the celebrity. Yesterday I stayed in bed until 3 pm just dreaming about him when I should have been working hard to achieve my dreams. I just got out of high school and I have had depression and severe anxiety. I also have been single for a while now. The celeb I like is 31.. And he was recently in my city. He comes here often and I know for a fact that I will meet him one day because of my career choice. I'm literally obsessed with everything about him. He's Mexican and I try so hard to look more like a Mexican female. I'm also learning Spanish.. I'm so tired of this you guys. It's 12:53 am and I'm up just crying because I'm embarrasing myself with this obsession. I tell my friends about him all of the time and I can tell that they are kinda judging me. I really need help. Also when I day dream about him I have full blown conversations with myself as if Im talking to him. I'm not sure what that is about but I feel horrible

 

@SarahRamone Welcome! First of all, don't be embarrassed. Everyone else here is more or less in the same boat. My friends used to silently (and sometimes openly lol) judge me for my various obsessions growing up too. I deal with anxiety (mostly social) and what I guess is called walking depression. My CO was an escape for me. I have full-blown conversations in my head with all kinds of people so don't worry about that either. That's more common than you think.

I can certainly relate to changing aspects of my appearance and developing new interests and hobbies because of CO's. I like what @Seeker2 said about how it isn't a bad thing to become productive as a result of a CO's influence. I also spent many years learning Spanish, mostly because of a couple obsessions I had with Hispanic men. I'm not fluent, but I don't regret trying to learn the language just because of my original reason for wanting to. My current CO has had a hugely positive influence on me and has inspired me in a myriad of ways. I wouldn't be the person I am today without him and even though this obsession has caused me a lot of pain, I hesitate to wish it never happened for this reason. He opened my eyes and I learned a lot from him. I learned a lot about myself too, and that's been invaluable (even though it can be scary at times). 

You are still in the early stages of this obsession which might explain why you can't seem to think of anything else but him. This might pass, and I hope it does for you. I went through different stages with my CO. First was the "honeymoon phase" but that eventually matured into a deeper admiration. I sincerely hope that this can grow into something positive and inspiring for you. My only advice is to not get caught up in a fantasy of becoming his wife and having his children (this is where it all went very wrong for me :help:).

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6 hours ago, decado said:

Sorry guys, I don't know where else to turn, as a couple of you know, I've been very down since the concerts. I've just been on Twitter and a couple of fan accounts I follow regarding my CO, and I see he has followed them. I just feel that this confirms his feeling towards me. How can he pick out favourites like this? I feel so hurt and upset right now. Am I being unreasonable? 

Sorry guys, hope your all doing ok on this journey! 

I know exactly how you feel.  I've had a similar experience on Facebook with my own CO.  In my case it could  partially be my own fault because I could send a friend request, and he might accept it.  I'll never know because I don't want to have access to so much of his personal life. And I also don't want to take the chance that I'll be rejected.  But I know for a fact that there are other (female) fans who are FB friends with my CO.  And it drives me out of my mind with jealousy...so, I understand exactly what you're going through.  I'm so sorry.  It sucks.  (((hugs)))

Edited by Audrey822
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@decado I have observed the way my CO (more so in the past than now) has sort of played favourites and paid more attention to some fans than others. I actually think this was a huge problem around the time when he first became famous (long before I became obsessed) and I can imagine it must've been very painful for some fans. Even some of his current groupies have made comments here and there about it. You're certainly not alone. I even get the impression that there's this sort of silent competition within his fan base to see who can catch his attention and be remembered the most. I'm not saying that applies to you, it's just something I've noticed. Sometimes I get the feeling that some of his fans exaggerate their positive feelings just to be noticed. I once saw another fan get put on the guest list and get into a show for free (a show that I paid to attend - same venue, same day). It didn't bother me then, but I'm kind of rolling my eyes thinking about it now. I'm pretty sure my CO only knew who the fan was because she used to tweet excessively nice things to him and about him every day, all day, in addition to blogging about him. He's let other over-the-top fans into shows for free too. It's pretty ridiculous now that I'm really thinking about it. Of course my CO has no clue how he's probably hurting others by doing this. I bet it would never cross his mind. 

I'm sorry your hurting, and I don't think you're being unreasonable. The average person doesn't understand and can't sympathize with how invested some of us get in the lives of celebrities. For some of us, it's like being rejected or ignored by a friend in real life, only arguably worse because we idolize these people to varying degrees. It shouldn't be hard to understand, but people are dense and self-centered. If the problem doesn't apply to them, then it's not legitimate. I've seen grown men crying in the stands because their football team lost. Makes no sense to me, but I don't judge. 

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Today and this evening I got on the treadmill. I love going really fast as long as I can stand it then go at a normal pace. I feel so free on there. I release my pain and stress  and feel like I've accomplished something.

I also noticed something else: I am not hip-hop. I am old school soul music. I love r&b / soul music from the 1970s. My favourites are Aretha Franklin, Al Green and Marvin Gaye. I also like to listen to jazz music like John Coltrane and Miles Davis. I don't listen to their music  on the treadmill obviously lol I just like to listen to them in general. I don't know any white people my age who know or like that type of sound but I love it. Music transcends race & age.

I am working on myself for myself. I love myself and respect my self enough to know that I am okay with or without a man to share my life with. I do get lonely and feel as though I do need a spouse but I like being able to be my own woman and make my own choices.

It will take an incredible man to capture  my heart. I'm not so easily swayed. You have to be your own person and be independent in order to be with me. You have to be your own man. I will love you but if I do love you I want all of you and you have to want all of me. I don't play games. Little boys with swag play games. Grown men should know that you don't play with a woman's heart.

I don't think my life is supposed to be about  a man. I don't hate men. I just didn't want to be a wife & mother and maybe that makes me go against the grain but I would rather have a choice then be forced to do anything.

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10 hours ago, decado said:

Sorry guys, I don't know where else to turn, as a couple of you know, I've been very down since the concerts. I've just been on Twitter and a couple of fan accounts I follow regarding my CO, and I see he has followed them. I just feel that this confirms his feeling towards me. How can he pick out favourites like this? I feel so hurt and upset right now. Am I being unreasonable? 

Sorry guys, hope your all doing ok on this journey! 

@decado,

I can totally relate to how you're feeling, (even though I don't think my CO plays favorites. He seems to try and treat everybody the same.) However, there was one time when I posted a comment on his page that he didn't understand. (He can't speak English too well.) He wasn't mad, but he just didn't know what I meant, so he wasn't able to "like" my comment, lol! Since he "likes" almost everyone's comments when he can, I took this to mean he probably remembered me from before and didn't "like" my comment because he disliked me personally. I was so miserable, probably a lot like you're feeling now. Later on, I deleted the old comment and put a new comment there that he could understand better and he did "like" it. I was relieved because this proved to me that he had nothing against me and he wasn't ignoring me on purpose.

In your case, I don't know if your CO is playing favorites or not, but if he is, that's not your fault. It wouldn't be very nice if he singled some fans out over others, but are you sure he really does that on purpose? Do you notice a pattern with the type of fans he follows? Are they all pretty, young girls? Are they people he kind of knows, like groupies he sees a lot at concerts? Does he only follow attractive women, or does he follow men too? I think you would have to know what his pattern his before you could figure out whether it was personal discrimination against you. IF it is discriminating, that would be unfair, but it wouldn't mean that you deserve that kind of treatment. It also doesn't mean there is something inherently wrong with you. I can still understand why it would make you feel that way. I probably would too.

By the way, feel free to PM me if you need to talk. :)

Edited by Seeker2
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Thank you so much to everyone that replied to me last night. I felt so broken but I feel like a new person now! I didn't wake up late, and I didn't even dream of my CO! And I finally got work done today! I exercised, danced a lot, smiled a lot.. And I feel so free. Every time I saw a post about my CO I just scrolled right past it, and when I started to have small thoughts about him I just told myself "Nope! Not today!" This is such a miracle. I've been praying a ton and I'm so happy that you guys showed me that I'm not alone. I really appreciate you all. :)

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@Audrey822@Seeker2 I think you're both right in a way. I probably wouldn't have noticed my dancer if it wasn't for him dancing on that stage. But that doesn't mean that I'm not attracted to him as a person NOW. I'm even sure that our different lifestyles wouldn't be compatible, even if we both were single, but I still imagine us together. So MY conclusion is that I should stay away, although the IDEA of getting to know him is very tempting of course.

That's not the worst part, though. I wasn't going to see another show before summer break of the theatre and was already trying to get used to the idea of not seeing him for a couple of months. Now my boyfriend got us tickets for the very last show of the season on Sunday as a surprise. It's a very popular musical, that always involves the dancers to get into a lot of contact with the audience. And we have front row seats. I seriously don't know whether to laugh or to cry. It feels like I'm a dry alcoholic who is offered a bottle of Tequila. Does that make sense?

I can't tell my boyfriend that I don't want to go. He specifically teased me by saying: "You know, what HE always does with the front row people during this show, right?" He thinks it's funny because his perception of my "relationship" with the dancer is that I'm his fan and I enjoyed meeting him that once, so it will be exciting to be so close. My boyfriend doesn't realize that it's so much more. Do you think I should go see the show? Or find an excuse? I'm seriously troubled and confused.

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@Julialovesdancing,

Yes, I think you are making sense, although I wouldn't say that you are necessarily incompatible with him, just because he happens to like dancing in community theater. You enjoy theater too, even if you are in the audience, rather than on the stage. Also, you share a love for dancing, even if you aren't a dancer yourself, (based on what you told us so far).

Since I don't know your boyfriend, or the relationship you have with him, I can't say whether you should or shouldn't see the dancer again because what you *should* do would totally depend on your feelings and relationship with your boyfriend.

Edited by Seeker2
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And I'm back!

Hello, my name is Screwygirl, and it has been 2 and a half years since my last obsession....

Seriously. I have a new obsession. This one is completely different, though. I've never had my CO respond to me over social media....several times. I'm still kind of flying from that. I feel like I am more in control of it, this time. And it inspires me to do healthy things.

I recently learned that celebrities get hundreds and thousands of messages a day. Don't be upset if they never respond to you. Just keep trying, and remember that you have to stand out to get their attention (not in a creepy way, though). But rarely is a celebrity avoiding your attempts to communicate with them.

I have always had obsessions with celebrities my entire life. For me, they come and go. Of course, when they come, it is a pleasurable torment to me. The last one I had was so dark, I felt I would never recover from it...it took a major trauma to snap me out of it.

Anyway, nice to see everyone again...

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Hi @screwygirl. I like your username a lot. I'm new here and not familiar with your story, but I'm glad that you're more in control of your current obsession. Gives me some hope. "Pleasurable torment" is a good way to describe this whole experience. In what way do you feel more in control and did you go into this obsession with any kind of action plan? I currently feel that I'll never recover from mine. 

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I've been having a rough couple days over this CO. I think I made the right decision by unfollowing him on all social media and taking away the Google alert, but what I'm not seeing in real life, I'm making up for with my imagination. I'm afraid of coming across things by accident. I'm thinking ahead to the future and how poorly I'll handle the birth announcement, book release, wedding...all pretty unavoidable unless I toss away my electronic devices and move to the woods. Not to mention, my genuine affection for him makes me kind of want to know about these things, even though I know it'll hurt me. 

I feel like I'm in some kind of imaginary prison. I feel suffocated somehow because I can't really escape this problem. I can't escape myself. I try to distract myself from my obsessive thoughts but it's hard and they always come back. I can't stop torturing myself. This is really my OCD coming through so there's no logic here and no obvious solution. I'm just ranting. I thought I was making some progress but it's like one step forward, one step back. 

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Now I'm having issues with my sexuality (which I have always been comfortable with) over this whole thing. Not the best thing in the world to be living with. I know it could just be one of many irrational thoughts I can't help, but it feels different somehow. It feels more real. These thoughts are trying to make me enter a path of self-loathing and they're succeeding. Why am I unable to use my previous tricks that I used to combat my thoughts now? I feel like I've had worse times, but that I've successfully pushed through them.

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Thank you @Seeker2 @Audrey822 & @posie_riot for your kind words and understanding. I've never felt this down before, I can't snap out of it. Thursday night was the icing on the cake. Maybe it's the universes way of telling me to let go and move on. Although I'm not sure it'll be that easy after 25 years. I used to being disliked by people. But the problem here is I can't ask him outright and be done with it, like I could with a non celeb person. He ignores everything I tweet him, yet he responds to other and sometimes the most absurd things. I'm just seriously wishing I'd not been to any of the shows. 

Thank you for being understanding, hope your all ok! 

 

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