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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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I wonder what a therapist even thinks as normal? Having an obsession isn't out of the ordinary. 

 

It's interesting you say all of this, @NCC.  I went into her office "armed" with my defenses, and one of them was to tell her that everybody has something ... I mentioned that some people are addicted to porn, drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, others have habits that are good and bad.  And if they don't bring these issues to a therapist, no one ever tells that person to "loosen their grip" or if they didn't have this thing anymore, "what if?" Everybody has something.  It's a sore subject with me, too because my husband is very much addicted to video games.  ADDICTED.  It's partially why he neglects me in our marriage.  I was very angry telling her this (and crying)...no one has ever told my husband he should loosen his grip, or asked him what he would do if he came home and found I'd trashed his PS4 or his Xbox 360 to bits.  I won't do that because I just don't care that much anymore.  Just leave me alone with my fantasies and everything will be fine. 

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I think the key to managing this type of obsession is to be in control of it, not controlled by it. Unfortunately, I am most definitely controlled by mine at the moment, whereas a year ago I was doing fine. I can put this down to a number of factors, but I think my lifestyle is the main cause. Last year I was very busy doing a lot of things - working, volunteering, etc., so I didn't have time to constantly look up my CO on the internet. Now I'm a full time student, I spend a lot of time in my room studying, which of course does take up a lot of time too. But in this situation, with my computer right there in front of me, it's so easy to check for new information about my CO, which I'm doing much more than I should. I've realised the student lifestyle isn't really for me, but I'm stuck with it until I get my degree. So this morning I've come up with a list of things I need to work on in order to get a handle on this obsession.

1. Avoid watching CO's matches live - watch highlights or replays later. (This is kind of a shame for me, but he's been making me way too stressed lately).

2. Do not prioritise watching or scoreboarding CO's matches over more productive activities. (I did this just yesterday and ended up regretting that decision...)

3. Get the amount of time spent looking up CO back down to where it was this time last year.

4. Try not to think/daydream about CO 24/7 - set aside times to do this (This is going to be the hardest one to put into practice).

5. Distract myself!!! (Read a book, listen to music, etc. during study breaks - Don't keep checking twitter!)

 

I think with the exception of number 4, these are fairly manageable expectations for myself. My goal is to get to the stage where, if I met a real-life love, I could leave this obsession behind and move on. But we'll see - right now, I'm just focused on surviving next month, where I'll have a decent chance of seeing my CO, and a very slim chance of meeting him!!!

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Hello everybody,
I'm new here and I can't even begin to explain how relived I am to see that I'm not alone! 
 First of all, I'd like to say that English isn't my first language so please be understanding. 
I am a female, 25 years old and I've been in a relationship for 7 years now but I've also had CO's on and off for most part of my life. The first one that had stuck for some time was when I was 10, but the worst one had started when I was 13 and it lasted for 5 years. It had nearly destroyed me emotionaly. It was the first time I felt that way about someone and I didn't know how to deal with it. I can say that to this day I have never been in love with anyone like I was with him! You may call it obsession, and it was, I see that now, but who can really claim that obsession isn't love, or even stronger than love? (except for maybe psychiatrist :D ) It was then that I learned that my strongest feelings wil always be platonic :/
I have never been diagnosed with OCD but I do suffer from dermatillomania (compulsive skin picking). So I guess I have obsessions and compulsions but they're not directly connected and don't have anything to do with the fear of something bad happening.
Over the years I've had lots of CO's but they weren't so strong. I had even convinced myself that I just admired those people even though I had spent too much time and energy on them and let them influence my life. (Man, past tenses are ******* me, it must look like a mess to you but oh well... :) ) 
Anyway, lately I started to develop feelings toward my favourite musician who I recently rediscovered. I have always been a big fan of the genre of music he excels in but, only God knows why, I have never paid much attention to him until the last year. And since then I have been really enjoying myself listening to his albums and catching up on everything about him that I missed. And it wasn't until last few months that I found myself falling for him. :( You all know how the feeling, no need to waste words on describing it. Tbh I don't know if it affected me negatively yet but since I've already been through hell I'm really scared to go down that road again. How do I keep it on a healthy level (That's more of a rhetorical question :D )? He's the most dangerous one for me so far since we really have much in common. I don't want this obsession to cost me my relationship or my exams, I am a grown-up now for ****s sake.
I don't want to bore you too much so I'll write more ananother time...
Peace to all of you my fellow sufferers ;)

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12 hours ago, Audrey822 said:

It's interesting you say all of this, @NCC.  I went into her office "armed" with my defenses, and one of them was to tell her that everybody has something ... I mentioned that some people are addicted to porn, drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, others have habits that are good and bad.  And if they don't bring these issues to a therapist, no one ever tells that person to "loosen their grip" or if they didn't have this thing anymore, "what if?" Everybody has something.  It's a sore subject with me, too because my husband is very much addicted to video games.  ADDICTED.  It's partially why he neglects me in our marriage.  I was very angry telling her this (and crying)...no one has ever told my husband he should loosen his grip, or asked him what he would do if he came home and found I'd trashed his PS4 or his Xbox 360 to bits.  I won't do that because I just don't care that much anymore.  Just leave me alone with my fantasies and everything will be fine. 

 

When people talk addiction, anything can be addictive.  It's how you handle it if it consumes you or not. Yes, I'm consumed by Reina, but I'm loving it for the most part. I'm enjoying her presence in my life. Even though she monopolizes everything I do. I love it. Other than work I have no obligations to anyone so I can enjoy my addiction unlike some others here. I look forward to Reina time.  

As for your husband, video games can be problematic, they're addicting. I play one online game once in awhile and I know first hand they can be addicting. So if he has those, enjoy your CO. You have for years for the most part.

11 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

 

1. Avoid watching CO's matches live - watch highlights or replays later. (This is kind of a shame for me, but he's been making me way too stressed lately).

2. Do not prioritise watching or scoreboarding CO's matches over more productive activities. (I did this just yesterday and ended up regretting that decision...)

3. Get the amount of time spent looking up CO back down to where it was this time last year.

4. Try not to think/daydream about CO 24/7 - set aside times to do this (This is going to be the hardest one to put into practice).

5. Distract myself!!! (Read a book, listen to music, etc. during study breaks - Don't keep checking twitter!)

 

 

I'm going to go over your list here. Comapere notes so to speak.

1. Now, while it isn't a CO my favorite sports team was an obsession. I used to get extremely mad when they lost. In fact, it ruined my whole week. As I got older I finally realized sports were not  important. Really, what difference does it make if they win or lose? So now, I can enjoy watching them, if they lose, so what. I'm not ruining even an hour of my life over it. If you get to that point, enjoying your CO play will be better, win or lose. 

2. When my football team was playing and not on TV, I always looked for the score. Of course, when I heard they lost, fits were thrown.  Man, I do not miss those days. As for Reina, I do not look for personal information about what she's doing, except professionally. I feel a need to know if she's in a movie and I look for news pics of her all the time. I try to keep myself ignorant of her personal life. 

3. At this point, I can't get enough of Reina, I wish I had more time to indulge myself with her presence.  You're trying to cut back, I need more. 

4. Once again, I'm at a different point in my life. I need to daydream about Reina as much as possible. 24/7 is what I would find satisfactory.  I find it wonderful to get lost in her.

5. LOL, if it distracts me from Reina, it's bad. The less distractions for me the better.

I find it so interesting how we all feel so different about our CO's and we handle our addiction. 

4 hours ago, CrazyinLove said:

Hello everybody,
I

 

Welcome to the board. I hope you find something which can help you with your CO. Having a CO can be  incredible, or a nightmare, depending on how you look at it.

You say something interesting, you don't want your CO to cost you your relationship or your exams. Try focusing on your boyfriend instead of your CO. He's really there for you. He's not a fantasy. The problem with a CO, they're in our heads. They behave the way we want them to. Always the perfect lady or gentleman. A real person could never live up to our CO in our minds. Heck, the CO couldn't even live up to that fantasy. So, enjoy his music, but focus on your boyfriend, he's the one who's there in reality,

As for your exams. Those should be your number one priority right now.  I wouldn't let anyone or anything get in the way of those. When you finish them and have a career. You will be thankful.

 

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4 hours ago, NCC said:

 

When people talk addiction, anything can be addictive.  It's how you handle it if it consumes you or not. Yes, I'm consumed by Reina, but I'm loving it for the most part. I'm enjoying her presence in my life. Even though she monopolizes everything I do. I love it. Other than work I have no obligations to anyone so I can enjoy my addiction unlike some others here. I look forward to Reina time.  

As for your husband, video games can be problematic, they're addicting. I play one online game once in awhile and I know first hand they can be addicting. So if he has those, enjoy your CO. You have for years for the most part.

I'm going to go over your list here. Comapere notes so to speak.

1. Now, while it isn't a CO my favorite sports team was an obsession. I used to get extremely mad when they lost. In fact, it ruined my whole week. As I got older I finally realized sports were not  important. Really, what difference does it make if they win or lose? So now, I can enjoy watching them, if they lose, so what. I'm not ruining even an hour of my life over it. If you get to that point, enjoying your CO play will be better, win or lose. 

2. When my football team was playing and not on TV, I always looked for the score. Of course, when I heard they lost, fits were thrown.  Man, I do not miss those days. As for Reina, I do not look for personal information about what she's doing, except professionally. I feel a need to know if she's in a movie and I look for news pics of her all the time. I try to keep myself ignorant of her personal life. 

3. At this point, I can't get enough of Reina, I wish I had more time to indulge myself with her presence.  You're trying to cut back, I need more. 

4. Once again, I'm at a different point in my life. I need to daydream about Reina as much as possible. 24/7 is what I would find satisfactory.  I find it wonderful to get lost in her.

5. LOL, if it distracts me from Reina, it's bad. The less distractions for me the better.

I find it so interesting how we all feel so different about our CO's and we handle our addiction. 

Welcome to the board. I hope you find something which can help you with your CO. Having a CO can be  incredible, or a nightmare, depending on how you look at it.

You say something interesting, you don't want your CO to cost you your relationship or your exams. Try focusing on your boyfriend instead of your CO. He's really there for you. He's not a fantasy. The problem with a CO, they're in our heads. They behave the way we want them to. Always the perfect lady or gentleman. A real person could never live up to our CO in our minds. Heck, the CO couldn't even live up to that fantasy. So, enjoy his music, but focus on your boyfriend, he's the one who's there in reality,

As for your exams. Those should be your number one priority right now.  I wouldn't let anyone or anything get in the way of those. When you finish them and have a career. You will be thankful.

 

Thank you so much for replying. I'm glad that there is a community where we can feel normal about ourselves and help each other.

I try to focus on my bf but I find myself being less interested in him lately, and I don't think it has anything to do with my current CO. Maybe in fact I use him to fill the void in my relationship. He is everything my boyfriend isn't. Even though I love my boyfriend and he loves me and is really good to me I still think my CO would fit me better. :/ We also had a conversation about my CO, he noticed that something unhealthy might be going on since all of a sudden I started being very interested in music, especially my CO's. I played his music constantly because I was convinced it was normal and I was just catching up, and you know what, maybe I was. I protested hard. After all, he wasn't the only one I listened to, he just made me go back to my favourite music and made me wonder why in hell did I ever stop listening to it? I thought I grew out of it since I had lost my interest around the time I met my bf (but not because of him, i just got bored and started discovering and enjoying other genres).  And I was so happy when I realised that all these years I thought my CO was something else and not as good as he is at what he does. It was such a revelation! It made me fall back in love with the genre that I identify myself with so much and that also helped me a lot the deal with life problems. The period I wasn't listening to it I was going trough depression periods(coincidence?). On andother hand, my bf was probably right. My fascination has changed into something more. 

And as far as my exams go, I only have 4 left until my degree. For this one I studied for 2 months really hard until I came to the city where my university is 5 days ago and instead of studying the hardest these last 10 days I totally lost my interest because i finally have my hands on the laptop and fast Internet. 

I also want to ask you, aren't you worried it could get out of hand if you thought about her 24/7 and you could end up feeling completely miserable? I was a teenager when I had my first and the biggest one, my life was a mess back then and puberty has hit me sooo hard so maybe it's different when you are an adult and responsible but I'm still scared.

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I'm going to go over your list here. Comapere notes so to speak.

1. Now, while it isn't a CO my favorite sports team was an obsession. I used to get extremely mad when they lost. In fact, it ruined my whole week. As I got older I finally realized sports were not  important. Really, what difference does it make if they win or lose? So now, I can enjoy watching them, if they lose, so what. I'm not ruining even an hour of my life over it. If you get to that point, enjoying your CO play will be better, win or lose. 

2. When my football team was playing and not on TV, I always looked for the score. Of course, when I heard they lost, fits were thrown.  Man, I do not miss those days. As for Reina, I do not look for personal information about what she's doing, except professionally. I feel a need to know if she's in a movie and I look for news pics of her all the time. I try to keep myself ignorant of her personal life. 

3. At this point, I can't get enough of Reina, I wish I had more time to indulge myself with her presence.  You're trying to cut back, I need more. 

4. Once again, I'm at a different point in my life. I need to daydream about Reina as much as possible. 24/7 is what I would find satisfactory.  I find it wonderful to get lost in her.

5. LOL, if it distracts me from Reina, it's bad. The less distractions for me the better.

I find it so interesting how we all feel so different about our CO's and we handle our addiction. 

 

Hmm yeah, you definitely see things very differently to how I do! The thing is though, I've had these obsessions for 9 years, this particular one for 6 of those years. Now it's got to the stage where I feel trapped and overwhelmed by this obsession, and my list is my way of taking back control over my life. I've been following my list for two days so far, and I feel stronger already. 

Regarding your list:

1. I do realise sports aren't important at all in the grand scheme of things. However, when you're obsessed with someone, your mind does not behave rationally! If I no longer cared whether my CO won or lost, I know I would have reached the stage of no longer being obsessed with him. And I still certainly wouldn't enjoy watching losses like his most recent one...

2. I'm in a bit of a unique position in that at the moment my CO's professional life probably causes me more harm than his personal life. He said in a very recent interview that he is single and not looking for anyone, and I believe he was telling the truth. Of course, if he did get together with someone, that would be heartbreaking for me, but hopefully I won't have to worry too much about that for the moment. All I know is that he seems like a very nice and charming person, and I'm really happy for him when he's successful in his career.

3. The very reason why I look up my CO so much is because I feel like I can't get enough of him and I need more, like you say you do. However, I realise this is unhealthy (possibly OCD) and doesn't make me happy. So I'm cutting back, and ignoring those urges.

4. At the beginning of this obsession, I was happy to just lose myself in daydreams 24/7. However, after 6 years of this, I know these thoughts are holding me back from living the life I want to live. I believe I have some malfunction in my brain, which makes me prone to these phases where I cannot get someone/something out of my head at all (again, this is possibly OCD). I honestly would not wish this on anyone, because over time it becomes emotionally exhausting and frustrating.

5. I find distraction is the biggest help for me in dealing with this. Doing exercise and reading books allow me to switch off that obsessive part of my brain for a short period of time, and I find they really improve my mental state. Spending every second of my free time obsessing would have the opposite effect entirely. I've decided if I do meet my CO (whether that's next month or sometime in the future), I'd like to come across as the sort of person he'd like to spend time with, instead of a crazy, obsessive fangirl!

 

Although this obsession, and the ones before it, were a viable replacement for a relationship during my teenage years, and got me through some very tough times, they're not enough for me anymore. I'm in my twenties now and living away from home - I don't want to waste my life obsessing over someone who doesn't know I exist. I want a real, loving relationship and a fulfilling career. And I'm now taking the necessary steps to make that happen.

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Welcome to the board @CrazyinLove! Your English is really good, so don't worry about not being understood!

It was interesting to read about your history with COs (which actually sounds quite similar to mine). It seems like your current obsession is at a healthy level for now. You're right though that keeping it that way could be a challenge. All I can suggest is to keep on enjoying his music, and try not to get too caught up in his personal life, or any obsessive compulsive behaviours such as obsessively checking the internet for more news about him.

Good luck for your exams (I know how difficult it is to study while having a CO). I'm sure you'll do great!

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Welcome @CrazyinLove...your username is so appropriate for this thread!! You asked how to keep this healthy. As @OpalP25 said to you, enjoy his music and avoid digging into his personal life. I would add to that avoid social media and all searches where he's concerned, because that's how my heart's gotten broken so many times recently. The Internet, especially social media, is not your friend where COs are concerned. Everything is going fine and then *bam!* in the next moment something can take down your entire world and it takes a long time to get over it (speaking for myself, I never will completely.) Good luck with your exams, and on your journey with your CO. We're always here to talk to if you need us.

@NCC We have something else in common, but you said you stopped. I'm still obsessed with my football team. Seeing where you're from, I'm afraid to ask (but I will anyway) who your team is because it might be one that caused mine a great deal of pain just recently. ? Packers? 

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Audrey822

Nope, I do not like the Pack. Dallas Cowboys all the way. While I enjoy watching them I just don't get carried away if they lose, which is often.

 

OpalP25

CrazyinLove

Both your posts deserve a proper response. But I have to go to work. So I'll reply to both of you when I get home.  

 

Edited by NCC
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@OpalP25 @Audrey822 Thank you, I hope it'll go alright. 

Well it's kinda late for 'don't digg into his personal life' 'cause that has been done long ago :D And it's almost impossible not to, he's been around for a while and he put it all out there over the years. Plus It's different with musicians, they write songs about their personal stuff, especially my CO. But tbh that's about it, these days there's no news, or very few. But I know that's only for now...I don't want to be too deep in this obsession when the hype starts but the feeling is so addictive that I almost do it on purpose. 

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@CrazyinLove My CO is a musician and a songwriter.  That he wrote love songs didn't phase me in the least or tip me off to anything in his personal life.  Some of the songs he wrote were about lost love. Many songwriters wrote love songs back in those days...I don't think it necessarily meant the musician/singer was making a personal statement.  When my CO sang love songs, I just imagined he was singing them for me. :icon12:

It's never too late to stop digging by the way.  I don't know if you've learned anything through digging that has been hurtful, but my theory is, there could always be something worse out there that isn't known yet.  (Hard to believe there could be something worse after the last thing I came across, but I'm not going to chance it.)  

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7 hours ago, NCC said:

Audrey822

Nope, I do not like the Pack. Dallas Cowboys all the way. While I enjoy watching them I just don't get carried away if they lose, which is often.

 

:icon12::icon12::icon12: Oh my goodness...you and I are like twins separated at birth.  That's my team!!  It's not an accident that the numbers behind my username are "8-22"  :innocent:

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16 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

Hmm yeah, you definitely see things very differently to how I do! The thing is though, I've had these obsessions for 9 years, this particular one for 6 of those years. Now it's got to the stage where I feel trapped and overwhelmed by this obsession, and my list is my way of taking back control over my life. I've been following my list for two days so far, and I feel stronger already. 

Regarding your list:

1. I do realise sports aren't important at all in the grand scheme of things. However, when you're obsessed with someone, your mind does not behave rationally! If I no longer cared whether my CO won or lost, I know I would have reached the stage of no longer being obsessed with him. And I still certainly wouldn't enjoy watching losses like his most recent one...

2. I'm in a bit of a unique position in that at the moment my CO's professional life probably causes me more harm than his personal life. He said in a very recent interview that he is single and not looking for anyone, and I believe he was telling the truth. Of course, if he did get together with someone, that would be heartbreaking for me, but hopefully I won't have to worry too much about that for the moment. All I know is that he seems like a very nice and charming person, and I'm really happy for him when he's successful in his career.

3. The very reason why I look up my CO so much is because I feel like I can't get enough of him and I need more, like you say you do. However, I realise this is unhealthy (possibly OCD) and doesn't make me happy. So I'm cutting back, and ignoring those urges.

4. At the beginning of this obsession, I was happy to just lose myself in daydreams 24/7. However, after 6 years of this, I know these thoughts are holding me back from living the life I want to live. I believe I have some malfunction in my brain, which makes me prone to these phases where I cannot get someone/something out of my head at all (again, this is possibly OCD). I honestly would not wish this on anyone, because over time it becomes emotionally exhausting and frustrating.

5. I find distraction is the biggest help for me in dealing with this. Doing exercise and reading books allow me to switch off that obsessive part of my brain for a short period of time, and I find they really improve my mental state. Spending every second of my free time obsessing would have the opposite effect entirely. I've decided if I do meet my CO (whether that's next month or sometime in the future), I'd like to come across as the sort of person he'd like to spend time with, instead of a crazy, obsessive fangirl!

 

Although this obsession, and the ones before it, were a viable replacement for a relationship during my teenage years, and got me through some very tough times, they're not enough for me anymore. I'm in my twenties now and living away from home - I don't want to waste my life obsessing over someone who doesn't know I exist. I want a real, loving relationship and a fulfilling career. And I'm now taking the necessary steps to make that happen.

I think the biggest difference is our ages. I'm in my early 50's. You're just starting your adult life. So your hopes and dreams are different then mine. I can see why you want to get your obsession under control. When I was your age an obsession played havoc in my life. She wasn't a celeb, but I person I knew in real life. So I get your concern, I really do. As for me, I've been married and I've had girlfriends. I have a career. I accept my life for what it is. So right now I'm enjoying Reina. She isn't preventing me from doing anything. I work out almost daily. I read and do other things. I don't do these as distractions, I just enjoy doing them. Reina is always with me. I don't feel my obsession is a waste of my life. I enjoy my Reina time more than anything in the world. I'm content with her. 

18 hours ago, CrazyinLove said:

Thank you so much for replying. I'm glad that there is a community where we can feel normal about ourselves and help each other.

I try to focus on my bf but I find myself being less interested in him lately, and I don't think it has anything to do with my current CO. Maybe in fact I use him to fill the void in my relationship. He is everything my boyfriend isn't. Even though I love my boyfriend and he loves me and is really good to me I still think my CO would fit me better. :/ We also had a conversation about my CO, he noticed that something unhealthy might be going on since all of a sudden I started being very interested in music, especially my CO's. I played his music constantly because I was convinced it was normal and I was just catching up, and you know what, maybe I was. I protested hard. After all, he wasn't the only one I listened to, he just made me go back to my favourite music and made me wonder why in hell did I ever stop listening to it? I thought I grew out of it since I had lost my interest around the time I met my bf (but not because of him, i just got bored and started discovering and enjoying other genres).  And I was so happy when I realised that all these years I thought my CO was something else and not as good as he is at what he does. It was such a revelation! It made me fall back in love with the genre that I identify myself with so much and that also helped me a lot the deal with life problems. The period I wasn't listening to it I was going trough depression periods(coincidence?). On andother hand, my bf was probably right. My fascination has changed into something more. 

And as far as my exams go, I only have 4 left until my degree. For this one I studied for 2 months really hard until I came to the city where my university is 5 days ago and instead of studying the hardest these last 10 days I totally lost my interest because i finally have my hands on the laptop and fast Internet. 

I also want to ask you, aren't you worried it could get out of hand if you thought about her 24/7 and you could end up feeling completely miserable? I was a teenager when I had my first and the biggest one, my life was a mess back then and puberty has hit me sooo hard so maybe it's different when you are an adult and responsible but I'm still scared.

For the most part you seem to be doing pretty good. It won't happen in a day, but focus on your boyfriend and slowly stop obsessing about your CO. Slowly do it and enjoy your young life. I certainly wished I listened to my advice when I was your age.

The question you ask me.  "aren't you worried it could get out of hand if you thought about her 24/7 and you could end up feeling completely miserable?"

At this point in my life, no. Reina, my CO actually makes my life much better overall. She's awakened me. To make a long story short,  I didn't want to date anyone for years. It's been 17 years since the last date I was on. Since Reina came into my life I feel like I want to date again. I would like a relationship with someone. Now if I don't find anyone, that's ok too. I have Reina to focus on. I'm not worrying about what I don't have. Sure, I'm not really with Reina, but she's in my head. I do have that.  As I told Opal25 I'm at a completely different stage in my life. I'm much more content enjoying Reina compared to what I was like 30 years ago. Obsessions back then ruined my life.  It took me till my 50's to understand this. So the advice I'm giving is to try to prevent people from making the same mistakes I did. If you can become enlightened like I am now, considering you're in your 20's, you will have a fantastic life. I hope you do have a wonderful life to enjoy. 

 I'm also on this message board for a reason other than giving advice. It does help me accept my situation with Reina. I feel a need to talk about my fears concerning her. Since I've been here, I truly do enjoy Reina much more.

3 hours ago, Audrey822 said:

:icon12::icon12::icon12: Oh my goodness...you and I are like twins separated at birth.  That's my team!!  It's not an accident that the numbers behind my username are "8-22"  :innocent:

 Somehow I'm not surprised. LOL.  I would've guessed Dallas. Scary, isn't it?

:Party_fest30:

 

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@NCC,

 

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Obsessions back then ruined my life.  It took me till my 50's to understand this. So the advice I'm giving is to try to prevent people from making the same mistakes I did. If you can become enlightened like I am now, considering you're in your 20's, you will have a fantastic life.

 

Are you saying that you think you are truly "Enlightened" (like the Buddha) or do you just mean you're "enlightened" in the sense of having gained life experience? :smile: 

May I ask how long Reina has been your CO? Could you still be in (what I call) the "Honeymoon phase" (the early years) of Reina being your CO? I hope you will continue to enjoy her, (but as I have discovered in the past), sometimes COs become more painful as time goes on.

Edited by Seeker2
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29 minutes ago, Seeker2 said:

@NCC,

 

Are you saying that you think you are truly "Enlightened" (like the Buddha) or do you just mean you're "enlightened" in the sense of having gained life experience? :smile: 

May I ask how long Reina has been your CO? Could you still be in (what I call) the "Honeymoon phase" (the early years) of Reina being your CO? I hope you will continue to enjoy her, (but as I have discovered in the past), sometimes COs become more painful as time goes on.

I'm enlightened because I'm at peace with myself. Life experiences and acceptance. Being human it can come crashing down at any time.  It's a work in progress. Good and bad things I'm sure are around the corner concerning Reina. But I do not want to kick her to the curb just to be safe and spare myself from any emotional pain. Maybe there's something wrong with me, but life seems more colorful and beautiful since I found Reina. Maybe it's the feeling of love which has escaped me for a long time which I crave. Reina also seems to be something which God or whatever influence we have over our lives created from my subconscious. She doesn't look like what I thought my ideal lady would look like, yet there she is. 53 years of searching and I found her. I knew it when I saw her. I didn't question it because I knew she was the one. My journey is over. 

Reina has been my CO since March 22, 2016. 12:34AM. So yeah, she's still pretty new as a CO. She's my first real CO. I have had a lot of obsessions with girls and women who were people I knew. Classmates, Co workers, customers, and in my circle of friends.  One obsession lasted about 10 years. So I'm not new to obsessions. The biggest difference between Reina and the others is I felt there was hope I could date one the young ladies I knew. With Reina, there's no hope of ever being with her. I've accepted that. Will her presence become bothersome and cause depression down the road? Only time will tell. Right now I'm in a good place so I'll take that for now.  I'm on a journey with Reina and I'm excited and a little nervous where it will take me. I take one day at a time. If it's a good day. I'm happy. 

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Hi everyone!

I always read your posts but now I think I need your advice. I'm going through a tough time. 

I should be happy because I won an internship program abroad, 16 weeks in an English speaking country working in my field of study, communication. I'm quite terrified 'cause I'm the oldest attendee and not sure I'll be on top of the situation. 

All these things are very connected to my CO. For understand him, his works, his interviews, I studied English more extensively. And also I went to his city in October, alone for the first time abroad to see him in theater.

In addition in these day social networks are full of photos and news about the filming of a new series, and I'm not there! But in two weeks I'll be in the country beside. ?

Essentially my obsession is increasing.

I noticed that happened when some big changes could succeed. I hide myself behind some fantasies and the intellectual/cultural interest for a great talent is replaced by deep blue eyes and sexy voice.

 

 

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@Thel Congratulations for winning the internship! It sounds like a really exciting opportunity for you. Don't worry about being the oldest person there - you will probably have a bit more experience than the others.

I think it's great that your CO's encouraged you to study English extensively, and you obviously speak it very well, judging from your posts here. This is one of the ways in which having a CO can be really useful. I also started learning my CO's language when my obsession began 6 years ago. Now my level in that language is quite good, I can understand all the articles written about him without problems. However I still struggle to understand his interviews sometimes because he talks really really fast and with a strong regional accent! But overall, this has been the best thing that having a CO has done for me. It has given me a lot of opportunities, and will hopefully lead me towards a good career.

I wouldn't worry about the fact that it's your obsession that encouraged you to travel abroad and study his language. What matters is that you've done these positive things - no one else has to know the reason why!

 

Hello @buttermybiscuit. If you do decide to tell your story, we are here to listen and give advice. :)

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@Audrey822 I think i'm good for now, definitely, I'm just scared it could get out of hand, I got that familiar feeling that this one could stay in my head for a long time and cause me some troubles. I still don't fantasise about meeting him though, that's almost impossible and I don't even want to think about it.  And even though I know a lot of things about him I don't really know what he's doing at the moment or who is he dating. He's been very quiet about his private life latley and I respect that. He's had some break up songs over the last few years that indicated he was involved with someone but nobody knew about it while it still lasted, so he could  be dating now and I would know. I don't feel that bad thinking about it tbh... But that's because I don't know for a fact.

@NCC I understand what you're saying, it could be different in different stages of life but some of the people here are in fact in their mid 40s and still feel miserable. It's always beautiful and awakening at the beginning. I'd say you are still in a 'Honeymoon' phase but I hope it'll always stay that way for you. And thank you for your advice, I really hope I'll be able to apply it. 

I just feel really bad right now,my friend asked me something about him and I had to talk about him which made me very nervous, I barely managed to answer without looking like a complete fool. I really hope she didn't notice. She already knows that I've been obsessed with him and his music but I don't want her to know how bad it really is because there's no way she would understand. She already thinks it's too much, I can tell by her facial expression. I decided I wouldn't mention him anymore but she caught me by surprise with the question. I feel so bad for having to say his name, I can't hide my feelings when I talk about him. Do you ever feel that way? 

Edited by CrazyinLove
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Oh great, my mother just sent me some hideous article about him to see if I knew about it and I told her about him once!! Why is this happening today? 

My problem seems to be the fact that I've created this false (or maybe it isn't)  feeling that us fans are close to him somehow and that for others he's not that big of a deal since lately he barely shows his face anywhere! We talk about him in forums, we know his music to details, we call him by his real name,  we know so much about his personal life and his career that general public doesn't that it really feels like we personally know him! I follow his co-workers on IG and Twitter and they have tens or hundreds of thousands followers, I follow fan pages and some of them also have tens of thousands folowers. But then yesterday I stumbled across one of his most famous videos on YouTube and I saw that enormous number of views that I can't even say out loud without feeling like an i****! And I was like 'Oh yeah, he's _________!' Oh why don't I just sh**t myself in the head for being so f-ing stupid (don't worry I don't really mean that but that's just how stupid I feel)!!! I accept that I'll never be close to him but I feel so jealous when people who aren't fans mention him. I don't like hearing his name anywhere outside of this circle that I feel comfortable with. And that circle might in reality be way bigger than I imagine it is.

I'm sorry for complaining so much, I just had to get it off the chest.

 

Edited by CrazyinLove
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On June 16, 2016 at 5:46 PM, buttermybiscuit said:

Missed this site... think I've been kinda going through something like this recently. Why I've been AWOL for a while.

I'll try to gather my thoughts in the next 24 hours and see what comes of it, and then maybe post about it here.

We're here when and if you're ready to tell your story.  I know how you might feel about that, but I want you to know...we've all gone through it.  I was scared to death when I signed up here and posted my story because it was the first public admission I ever (EVER) made to liking/loving/having a crush/obsession on this man I call my CO...I've loved him since I was 11 and at that time I was 58 years old.  I never even told girlfriends I liked him when I was younger.   Telling that story here was a very big deal, but also know this:  I learned everyone here has a similar story, and everyone was very supportive of me.  I have a therapist, but I get more help from people on this board than my therapist has ever given me on this issue.   We're ready to be supportive of you too...whenever (if ever) you're ready to tell us.   (((hugs)))

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2 hours ago, Audrey822 said:

We're here when and if you're ready to tell your story.  I know how you might feel about that, but I want you to know...we've all gone through it.  I was scared to death when I signed up here and posted my story because it was the first public admission I ever (EVER) made to liking/loving/having a crush/obsession on this man I call my CO...I've loved him since I was 11 and at that time I was 58 years old.  I never even told girlfriends I liked him when I was younger.   Telling that story here was a very big deal, but also know this:  I learned everyone here has a similar story, and everyone was very supportive of me.  I have a therapist, but I get more help from people on this board than my therapist has ever given me on this issue.   We're ready to be supportive of you too...whenever (if ever) you're ready to tell us.   (((hugs)))

Thank you for the support, @Audrey822. It really means a lot to me. I've skimmed this thread before (and even posted once last year), and you can tell this community is full of people who are unjudgmental and compassionate.

I think I relate to that feeling of hesitancy about opening up about my obsession. In my case, it isn't a typical CO (more about a role she plays in one of her projects), so it made me more hesitant about opening up in this thread.

I did decide to post about this very, very briefly in my latest blog entry on this site.

I'll conclude my post here. I don't want to take away focus from the posters on here, but thank you for everyone for encouraging me to open up.

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1 hour ago, buttermybiscuit said:

Thank you for the support, @Audrey822. It really means a lot to me. I've skimmed this thread before (and even posted once last year), and you can tell this community is full of people who are unjudgmental and compassionate.

I think I relate to that feeling of hesitancy about opening up about my obsession. In my case, it isn't a typical CO (more about a role she plays in one of her projects), so it made me more hesitant about opening up in this thread.

I did decide to post about this very, very briefly in my latest blog entry on this site.

I'll conclude my post here. I don't want to take away focus from the posters on here, but thank you for everyone for encouraging me to open up.

Do you mind if I read your blog entry? If you would prefer not, don't hesitate to say so. We respect privacy here.

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2 hours ago, buttermybiscuit said:

Thank you for the support, @Audrey822. It really means a lot to me. I've skimmed this thread before (and even posted once last year), and you can tell this community is full of people who are unjudgmental and compassionate.

I think I relate to that feeling of hesitancy about opening up about my obsession. In my case, it isn't a typical CO (more about a role she plays in one of her projects), so it made me more hesitant about opening up in this thread.

I did decide to post about this very, very briefly in my latest blog entry on this site.

I'll conclude my post here. I don't want to take away focus from the posters on here, but thank you for everyone for encouraging me to open up.

Interesting. A while back, I had a mild obsession for a character.(before 2004) It was Claudia from 
Interview With The Vampire. She looked liked my ex fiance.  My ex fiance was the only one who could rival Reina my CO. But that was a long time ago, I never had any real deep feelings for Claudia. Basically, I liked the way she looked because she looked like my ex. 

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Yikes, I did something tonight. I was looking for more pictures of Reina and I came across Getty Images. I don't usually browse that site, one because they have their logo stamped on the picture. Usually it's in a bad place. And it costs money to download from them. 

 

Well, tonight I saw a fantastic image of Reina, of course the logo was stamped right in the middle of her face. There was no fixing this one. I'm pretty good with Photoshop but this was too much to even attempt. So I ended up paying for the picture. It certainly was fantastic. Very high res. It cost me $600.00. Oh well, I have the money, it won't set me back, I really won't even notice it's gone. But still, that's a lot of money for a pic. It's Reina though, I can only live once so might as well enjoy the fruits of my labor once in a while. So I'm ok with this purchase. She looks incredible in the pic so I'm happy.  I'll look at it like it was an expensive date.  

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