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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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3 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

@Audrey822 I meant next month I might be able to see him in person for the first time - I should have been clearer! If it does happen, it would be amazing but I'm also nervous because I know I'd embarrass myself if I had the chance to meet him...

Oh well, that's even better! And you won't embarrass yourself, you'll only think you did, and go over it in your head a hundred thousand times...but trust me, you'll be fine! Good luck and have fun!! And report back!

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Hi everyone.

It's been a while since I was here last. I think this is the first time this year.

It's been an emotional 6 months. There were rumours of my CO's break-up with his flop actress bit. He unfollowed her on Twitter and Instagram and then she unfollowed him. They weren't seen together for a few weeks and then were spotted leaving a restaurant together. When he was asked about his relationship status, he would say that's for no one else to know. Then he started to follow her on Twitter and Instagram again on her birthday.

I know they never confirmed they'd split and how crazy I sound, but am I wrong to think that in this day and age of social media, unfollowing and then following her is a confirmation in itself? 

She was on a pre-match programme that he was playing to plug her film, but there was a definite elephant in the room feeling, because they didn't mention him at all. She was on this exact programme last year to promote one of her films but they didn't mention the film once and only talked about him. 

I know that I have always grasped at straws when it comes to this 'relationship' and I have been in deep denial about a lot of it. But a couple of nights ago, they were at an airport in a taxi because she had to leave for a shoot. He doesn't really engage in PDA yet he must have known that there'd be cameras around, they didn't try to sneak in to the airport using a back entrance. But he put his arm around her and pulled her close and my world was torn apart. Does he want people to know if they're together or not? Also I'm no prude, but she barely moved in that 'private' moment, which was really strange.

Anyway, once she had stepped out of the cab, he looked sad. But she posed for the cameras with a Joker-like grin on her fake, plastic face. She was barely in the news until rumours of them dating started. And people just coo over them, instead of waking up to the fact that whenever she has a film coming out, so comes out new stories about them.

Seeing him with someone hurt as much as I thought it would plus more. I know I wasn't ever going to be lucky enough to meet him. I followed his team around the country in the summer 2014 and he failed in every single match. I can't drive at all, so I had to use public transport. Book hotels, find my own way around the cities and I'd never been anywhere without someone from my family with me. I was by myself for the first time. I had front row seats. Sometimes I was the only person in the entire row, usually I was surrounded by middle-aged men. Watching my team capitulate, day after day, but I stuck with it.

It IS a kick to the nuts that she never even watched the sport. I've been hooked on him for about four years, I knew he was special. He wasn't even as good as he is now. And he was chubby back then. Seriously though, I know how delusional I was thinking that there was even a slight chance he'd look at the only Asian girl attending all these matches. He's too famous to date a civilian, as it were. But seeing him with his arms around her was painful - to say the least. And I'm sure that if I wasn't so terribly hideous and aesthetically pleasing in any way at all, maybe I could been the one he puts his hands on and pulled close to him.

I don't see myself ever getting over him and I would welcome death in a heartbeat.

I am so sorry if you're still reading this and wondering why you've wasted your time. I know this isn't a place to badmouth someone I'm jealous of. This is the only way I can express my thoughts, so it's cathartic. I hope I haven't offended anyone. 

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1 hour ago, sv14 said:

I am so sorry if you're still reading this and wondering why you've wasted your time. I know this isn't a place to badmouth someone I'm jealous of. This is the only way I can express my thoughts, so it's cathartic. I hope I haven't offended anyone. 

You haven't wasted anyone's time.  This is (in my opinion) one of the main reasons this thread exists: for those of us who have broken hearts over COs to vent, rant, cry on each others' shoulders, etc. and seek support (and give it when we see someone who needs it.)  I think every person who's posted in this thread has had at least one experience like yours, so we should all understand and empathize....no one should be offended by any of it.  

I'm also concerned by this, and I hope this isn't a serious comment:

Quote

I don't see myself ever getting over him and I would welcome death in a heartbeat.

If you want to talk more about any of this, please feel free -- like I said, that's what this board if for, so don't feel like you're offending anyone or wasting someone's time (they don't have to read it if they feel that way, but I will.)  

Edited by Audrey822
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6 hours ago, sv14 said:

Hi everyone.

It's been a while since I was here last. I think this is the first time this year.

It's been an emotional 6 months. There were rumours of my CO's break-up with his flop actress bit. He unfollowed her on Twitter and Instagram and then she unfollowed him. They weren't seen together for a few weeks and then were spotted leaving a restaurant together. When he was asked about his relationship status, he would say that's for no one else to know. Then he started to follow her on Twitter and Instagram again on her birthday.

I know they never confirmed they'd split and how crazy I sound, but am I wrong to think that in this day and age of social media, unfollowing and then following her is a confirmation in itself? 

She was on a pre-match programme that he was playing to plug her film, but there was a definite elephant in the room feeling, because they didn't mention him at all. She was on this exact programme last year to promote one of her films but they didn't mention the film once and only talked about him. 

I know that I have always grasped at straws when it comes to this 'relationship' and I have been in deep denial about a lot of it. But a couple of nights ago, they were at an airport in a taxi because she had to leave for a shoot. He doesn't really engage in PDA yet he must have known that there'd be cameras around, they didn't try to sneak in to the airport using a back entrance. But he put his arm around her and pulled her close and my world was torn apart. Does he want people to know if they're together or not? Also I'm no prude, but she barely moved in that 'private' moment, which was really strange.

Anyway, once she had stepped out of the cab, he looked sad. But she posed for the cameras with a Joker-like grin on her fake, plastic face. She was barely in the news until rumours of them dating started. And people just coo over them, instead of waking up to the fact that whenever she has a film coming out, so comes out new stories about them.

Seeing him with someone hurt as much as I thought it would plus more. I know I wasn't ever going to be lucky enough to meet him. I followed his team around the country in the summer 2014 and he failed in every single match. I can't drive at all, so I had to use public transport. Book hotels, find my own way around the cities and I'd never been anywhere without someone from my family with me. I was by myself for the first time. I had front row seats. Sometimes I was the only person in the entire row, usually I was surrounded by middle-aged men. Watching my team capitulate, day after day, but I stuck with it.

It IS a kick to the nuts that she never even watched the sport. I've been hooked on him for about four years, I knew he was special. He wasn't even as good as he is now. And he was chubby back then. Seriously though, I know how delusional I was thinking that there was even a slight chance he'd look at the only Asian girl attending all these matches. He's too famous to date a civilian, as it were. But seeing him with his arms around her was painful - to say the least. And I'm sure that if I wasn't so terribly hideous and aesthetically pleasing in any way at all, maybe I could been the one he puts his hands on and pulled close to him.

I don't see myself ever getting over him and I would welcome death in a heartbeat.

I am so sorry if you're still reading this and wondering why you've wasted your time. I know this isn't a place to badmouth someone I'm jealous of. This is the only way I can express my thoughts, so it's cathartic. I hope I haven't offended anyone. 

Hi sv14,

This is the right place for you to be. When it comes to our CO's I think we all feel similar. 

For me, I don't read the personal news about Reina my CO. It could be painful if I read something I don't want to hear, so I avoid it. She's popular in Japan so I hear nothing of her in the US media, which is where I live.  The best advice I could give you is to avoid information about the woman who may be with him. I can tell you do not like her and I can hardly blame you.  It's painful watching someone we feel love for with someone else. That person is living our fantasy which somehow feels incredibly unfair. 

Somehow you have to put this in proper perspective. If you do, you can enjoy your CO much more. Right now, I'm in a good place with Reina, but you have to remember, there will always be some sorrow with love, that's just the way it is. You just want to feel more joy though. Getting to that level is the tough part. It can be done , but you need to work at it. That's what this board is for.  We're here to help. 

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And I'm sure that if I wasn't so terribly hideous and aesthetically pleasing in any way at all, maybe I could been the one he puts his hands on and pulled close to him.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Somehow we all feel like this to a certain extent. I know getting to even meet my CO is going to next to impossible, She lives in Japan, it would be expensive to go there just to say hi.(I looked at ticket prices) I would have to see her at a fan meet and greet event. Sometimes it gets frustrating, because I want her so bad it can hurt. I've asked out loud. "Why can't it ever be me?" I try not to get down on myself, because what I've worked so hard to overcome will just come crashing down if I do.  

Quote

I don't see myself ever getting over him and I would welcome death in a heartbeat.

At this point I'm the exact opposite of you. I can't see myself ever getting over Reina, she's special to me. I just want to live as long as possible so I can enjoy just looking at her in pictures or maybe a movie she's in. I get such a high from looking at her, it unbelievable.  

As for death, I've looked at it face to face, when I did all I wanted to do was live. I had an event which was ruining my life and I chose suicide. I took about 50 sleeping pills,  went to lay down and slip away. I started to feel funny, I got scared. All of a sudden I wanted to live. So I got up, made myself throw up and walked for circles in my living room for hours. When I started to feel somewhat normal I went to bed exhausted and passed out.  Woke up the next day and continued on with my life. I've never told this story before, you're the only one I shared this with. I don't know why I felt I had to. I hope it helps you in someway. 

And no, you telling your story wasn't a waste of time. 

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@sv14 I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Your comment about welcoming death is definitely very concerning. It might be a good idea to call the Samaritans or a similar helpline, if these thoughts continue.

I can understand how heartbreaking your CO's situation must be for you. If it helps, I'm sure that a lot of the time when two celebrities "date" each other, it is just a way of getting publicity, rather than a genuine relationship. You only need to look at Taylor Swift's dating history to know that's true! 

The truth is even A++ listers can go to the shops, airport, etc and avoid the paps. It sounds to me like your CO and his girlfriend arranged for the cameras to be there for their arrival at the airport. Now only they and their PR teams know whether this is a fake relationship, or a genuine one that they're just milking publicity from. But it might be a good idea for you to at least think of it as being fake, because it's a very real possibility.

And oh I feel so bad for you going to all that effort to see your CO play, and him flopping in all his matches. My CO is also an athlete and I paid a lot of money for tickets for a tournament he played in 2014. He ended up losing before I even went (and lol I'm going again this year, when will I learn?) But I'm sure your CO appreciated the support you gave him during the matches, even if he wasn't playing at his best level.

It's pretty clear that this whole situation is having a horrible effect on your emotions and self-esteem. You shouldn't have to feel this way. I hope you can find the help you need. :hugs:

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I wish I was dead.

I really really wish I was f-ing dead.

I just cannot take being me anymore. I cannot take being incapable of every single aspect of life. I cannot take having no redeeming features. I cannot take every single conversation I ever have with anyone it takes 5 sodding minutes before they mention any aspect of their life ANY AT ALL that reminds me how subhuman inferior to every single one of the 7 billion sodding people on earth. ABSOLUTELY ANYONE!!! I'm not comparing myself to the best as therapists and parents tell me I am. I'm comparing myself to literally anyone the outcome is the same. I can't talk to people because I have no social skills and cannot cope with the overwhelming feeling of inferiority that comes from every conversation. You're supposed to ask people about their lives and interests, right? How can I do that when all it does is prove how inferior I am in comparison EVERY SINGLE TIME.

I should never have gone travelling. All it has proved is how I'm as incapable of travel as I am incapable of everything else in my sodding "life". I fail at the easy things in travel like I do with everything. It was only because I'd failed in the real world so I thought I could at least find one redeeming feature - being adventurous and bold and the sort of guy who gets out of his comfort zone. My life is a desperate game to try and find a redeeming feature. ANY redeeming feature. Just being good at one thing would do. So I booked adventurous trips. Starting with easier countries, going later to a much harder country. Well, I'm making a mess of travel in the easy country. In the harder country I'll probably get myself ******** or something. Sometimes I wish that would happen.

I wish I was only a failure. I wish I was only a loser. I dream of being a loser. It would be such a promotion to become a loser rather than #1 on the entire sodding planet biggest loser who has ever lived. I encounter people who can't get dates or who can't make friends or who have no career or other concerns like hobbies etc. Well, let me tell you something. Everyone who is upset over any of these things

a) seems to at least not have THE COMPLETE SET guys with good careers who complain about being a loser because they can't get dates or vice versa make me want to **** myself TRY FAILING AT BOTH NOT ONE BUT BOTH IN FACT NOT BOTH BUT ALL 
b) especially if a) isn't true (although it usually is) has been forced into that position by a s***ty childhood or adverse circumstances or something. Not their fault. I'm the only one who had every advantage and still messed everything up purely due to my own failings WHICH IS EVERY FAILING. NAME A FAILING. I HAVE IT!!!!!

Thinking a lot about my CO's comment about how the guys who approach her after shows and say they have a crush on her are always the creepy ones. Well. I used to think I'd be another one to prove her right. Now I know I'd be the worst one. What is a creep? What makes these guys creepy? I thought it was to do with how a guy tries to hit on a girl but that doesn't apply in the same way with celeb crushes unless guys really do come up to her after shows and in a persistantly won't take no for an answer kind of way try to get a date with her. Surely that doesn't apply with celeb crushes unless security ends up kicking out a whole ton of fans. If it's just saying "I have a crush on you", well, the ones who say that to her bandmate apparently aren't creeps so it must be something about the ones who say that to her. Wish I knew. Wish I could find the interview. But no doubt low self esteem low confidence and poor social skills feature pretty highly in guys who get called creeps. Like me. I am a creep. No doubt. No wonder I have so few friends. I don't think anyone has ever liked me, really. I've been for years calling the happiest moment of my life those two holidays I spent with that wonderful girl I came closest to having a romantic connection with. Pathetic. To her it was no doubt just a minor fling she forgot as soon as it happened. And then the friend who got us together hinted that the main thing that attracted her to me was the stereotypical American girl falling for English accent thing with a touch of looks too - figured that wouldn't apply to well travelled smart educated girl but who knows? Either way it could all have been a sham. The other girl, one I actually dated for 4 months, kinda was. 

A guy cut me up on a forum. After the usual hurtful "she's ugly and annoying and her quirkiness is so artificial" (if you're talking about in a role as no doubt you only know her from her TV roles then duh she's an actress so it's an act and she does NOT make it look artificial beyond for comedy value)  rubbish I see from all her haters he goes on to say something like "she's only got a TV career to satisfy the fantasies of lonely freaks". I want to argue but then I realise my argument loses much power when I realise I'm a lonely freak myself who fantasies about her. Then I hate myself more. I mean look at it this way - it makes sense - her most famous TV roles were for love interests for male characters who were lonely nerds who couldn't get dates at all. A lot of lonely guys will have identified with these male characters. So as soon as they pair them with this wonderful small shy different nerdy uniquely beautiful (breath of fresh air from generic showbiz types) and amazingly sweet and likeable woman then of course its no wonder all the lonely nerds identifying with those male characters fall for her en masse. I'm a textbook example, except worse and I fell for her on her youtube vid not her TV roles but her TV roles helped. No wonder she has so many romantic admirers despite the fact that when I tried asking my friends if they thought she was hot they all said "no she's weird looking" - a common opinion online too. I guess "she fulfils the fantasies of lonely freaks" guy had a point (although daring to suggest that was the only reason she was on TV is offensive rubbish). She also has the sweet innocent almost childlike thing about her she has used to her advantage no matter how risque her material. Gets called "adorable" a lot (always thought that was a somewhat insulting description for successful 30 something woman you don't know). Could also explain why it is the creeps who say they have a crush on her.

Poor woman. She is so damn talented and funny as well as beautiful and has worked so hard to achieve the amazing things she's achieved - worked her way up in many different areas rather than a "one lucky break" celeb and yet comments on social media from her genuine fans get swamped with lonely weirdoes like me asking for dates (I have avoided commenting on her social media inappropriately - just seen a lot of others do that).

Really sorry for this guys. I feel better just typing this. I was in such an awful state when I started writing this I just had to write it somewhere. I've been lurking on this forum for ages. Wished next time I contributed it'd be in a non selfish way like you others - advising someone else as you advised me. But then crisis took over and I had to rant about myself again.

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@MysteryName  I'm very concerned that you're so down on yourself and talk about wishing you were dead. 

Look at what @NCC posted:

Quote

As for death, I've looked at it face to face, when I did all I wanted to do was live. I had an event which was ruining my life and I chose suicide. I took about 50 sleeping pills,  went to lay down and slip away. I started to feel funny, I got scared. All of a sudden I wanted to live. So I got up, made myself throw up and walked for circles in my living room for hours. When I started to feel somewhat normal I went to bed exhausted and passed out.  Woke up the next day and continued on with my life. I've never told this story before, you're the only one I shared this with. I don't know why I felt I had to. I hope it helps you in someway. 

Also, @OpalP25 gave some good advice in her most recent post...if these thoughts continue, please get in touch with a helpline.  No one should be alone feeling like that.  Please talk to someone when you do.

My guess is that you really do have more positive qualities than you give yourself credit for...you just don't have a very positive outlook right now.  The "failures" you experienced on your traveling adventure were probably the result of turning the first thing that went wrong into an expectation that everything else would go wrong...and so, it began to happen because things tend to live down to our negative expectations. I don't know why, but they do in my experience as well. 

If I were to give you some advice, it would be to try really hard to think of one good thing about yourself...just one, for starters.  There is something, I promise you.  Look for it, it's there.  It might be something you do well:  writing, cooking, fixing things.  It might be that you have a really nice smile. Then focus on that.  Feel good about that, and stop focusing on all of the negative things....stop hating on yourself so much.  All of my life, I've heard "you have to love yourself before someone can love you."  Just start looking for that one thing, and learn to love it.  

Finally, don't be concerned about being "selfish" here.   At any point in time, some of us will be strong, and others will need a shoulder to cry on.  The people in this thread have always been wonderful to me, I've found tremendous support here when I needed it, so don't even think twice about coming here and posting when you need it, too.  We're here for each other.  

Feel better, OK? (((hugs)))

 

Edited by Audrey822
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Hi everyone, I joined this forum specifically because I found this thread whilst searchin for help.

I'm a 30 year old, happily married mum of two and I'm obsessed with an actor. This has been going on for 2 years and it's ruining my life. Almost all of my waking hours are filled with thoughts of him. I follow all of his Twitter fan pages and regularly Google his name to find any new pictures or articles about him. I'm also obsessed with his wife and wish I was her. I feel so ashamed of myself. I've tried to ban myself from looking but I just can't. I even went through CBT for this very issue last year but it obviously didn't help.

Can anyone help me? As a bit of a back story I have a very loving family, feel very much in love with my husband (we've been together 13 years and married for 7) I have a few very good friends and a job I enjoy. Also my two young children (5 & 2) I've struggled with my mental health all of my adult life and have had various treatments for anxiety and depression. I also show some OCD tendencies although these have diminished as I've gotten older. I'm currently under the care of the home treatment team and on fluoxetine as I very recently suffered a personal traumatic event which I am struggling to cope with.

I just want to forget about this man who doesn't know I exist and wouldn't give me a second glance if he did. My life at the moment doesn't feel worth living.

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Hi Everyone, hope you are all as okay can be!

@MysteryName vent away, it sounds like your really going through a tough time at the moment. But believe me you are not a loser at all. However you my think so. I think you are very brave to have put your feeling down and made yourself feel a little better. Keep you chin up, I've been where you are right now. it will slowly get better. I have every faith in you! Everyone has given you some good Advice, please don't feel alone anymore. 

@Violet_May hello and nice to meet you! I can relate to a lot of what you have said, I'm also married with kids and had the same CO for 25 years. It can be a real juggle having a family with a CO. I understand how you would want to lose it. It can seriously get in the way. The best solution I can think about for you, would be to slowly ween yourself of him, by perhaps only checking on him once a day or perhaps removing him from Twitter or facebook. going completely cold turkey might be really hard as you've liked him for quite a while. Also Try and focus on something else you love doing. Sorry I'm not much help. I truly hope you can get through this and everyone on here is brilliant. Take one day at a time. 

 

I feel very selfish lately because I hate having to be so intermittent on the forum. My life has been so busy and stressful lately it keeps me from coming on here to support you all. One of the reasons I am so stressed out is literally this time next week my CO will be on stage. It's come around so fast I'm not feeling prepared at all. Im so worried about seeing him again, it really messed with my head back in 2014. When all of a sudden this guy that id loved and idolised for the past 20 odd years  kinda of like a fantasy figure Id invented in my head was literally stood right in front of me. Gosh I sound so crazy right now. 

I'm just hoping it goes ok and I can relax and have a good time watching the other bands that are there. 

@OpalP25 Good luck with seeing your CO next month, I've got everything crossed for you! 

Sorry for vent! 

sending lots of positive thoughts to you all!! Xx

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@decado,

I hope you have a great time seeing your CO again. I am sending you a bottle of courage from afar and I hope it will help you be brave enough to meet him if you get the chance. You deserve to have all the best and you deserve to have him like you too. :) You're a good person and I am sure that if he's a nice man, he will see your goodness shining through. Let us know how it goes and good luck! :)

Edited by Seeker2
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On 6/5/2016 at 7:08 AM, MysteryName said:

I wish I was dead.

I really really wish I was f-ing dead.

I just cannot take being me anymore. I cannot take being incapable of every single aspect of life. I cannot take having no redeeming features. I cannot take every single conversation I ever have with anyone it takes 5 sodding minutes before they mention any aspect of their life ANY AT ALL that reminds me how subhuman inferior to every single one of the 7 billion sodding people on earth. ABSOLUTELY ANYONE!!! I'm not comparing myself to the best as therapists and parents tell me I am. I'm comparing myself to literally anyone the outcome is the same. I can't talk to people because I have no social skills and cannot cope with the overwhelming feeling of inferiority that comes from every conversation. You're supposed to ask people about their lives and interests, right? How can I do that when all it does is prove how inferior I am in comparison EVERY SINGLE TIME.

I should never have gone travelling. All it has proved is how I'm as incapable of travel as I am incapable of everything else in my sodding "life". I fail at the easy things in travel like I do with everything. It was only because I'd failed in the real world so I thought I could at least find one redeeming feature - being adventurous and bold and the sort of guy who gets out of his comfort zone. My life is a desperate game to try and find a redeeming feature. ANY redeeming feature. Just being good at one thing would do. So I booked adventurous trips. Starting with easier countries, going later to a much harder country. Well, I'm making a mess of travel in the easy country. In the harder country I'll probably get myself ******** or something. Sometimes I wish that would happen.

I wish I was only a failure. I wish I was only a loser. I dream of being a loser. It would be such a promotion to become a loser rather than #1 on the entire sodding planet biggest loser who has ever lived. I encounter people who can't get dates or who can't make friends or who have no career or other concerns like hobbies etc. Well, let me tell you something. Everyone who is upset over any of these things

a) seems to at least not have THE COMPLETE SET guys with good careers who complain about being a loser because they can't get dates or vice versa make me want to **** myself TRY FAILING AT BOTH NOT ONE BUT BOTH IN FACT NOT BOTH BUT ALL 
b) especially if a) isn't true (although it usually is) has been forced into that position by a s***ty childhood or adverse circumstances or something. Not their fault. I'm the only one who had every advantage and still messed everything up purely due to my own failings WHICH IS EVERY FAILING. NAME A FAILING. I HAVE IT!!!!!

Thinking a lot about my CO's comment about how the guys who approach her after shows and say they have a crush on her are always the creepy ones. Well. I used to think I'd be another one to prove her right. Now I know I'd be the worst one. What is a creep? What makes these guys creepy? I thought it was to do with how a guy tries to hit on a girl but that doesn't apply in the same way with celeb crushes unless guys really do come up to her after shows and in a persistantly won't take no for an answer kind of way try to get a date with her. Surely that doesn't apply with celeb crushes unless security ends up kicking out a whole ton of fans. If it's just saying "I have a crush on you", well, the ones who say that to her bandmate apparently aren't creeps so it must be something about the ones who say that to her. Wish I knew. Wish I could find the interview. But no doubt low self esteem low confidence and poor social skills feature pretty highly in guys who get called creeps. Like me. I am a creep. No doubt. No wonder I have so few friends. I don't think anyone has ever liked me, really. I've been for years calling the happiest moment of my life those two holidays I spent with that wonderful girl I came closest to having a romantic connection with. Pathetic. To her it was no doubt just a minor fling she forgot as soon as it happened. And then the friend who got us together hinted that the main thing that attracted her to me was the stereotypical American girl falling for English accent thing with a touch of looks too - figured that wouldn't apply to well travelled smart educated girl but who knows? Either way it could all have been a sham. The other girl, one I actually dated for 4 months, kinda was. 

A guy cut me up on a forum. After the usual hurtful "she's ugly and annoying and her quirkiness is so artificial" (if you're talking about in a role as no doubt you only know her from her TV roles thenduh she's an actress so it's an act and she does NOT make it look artificial beyond for comedy value)  rubbish I see from all her haters he goes on to say something like "she's only got a TV career to satisfy the fantasies of lonely freaks". I want to argue but then I realise my argument loses much power when I realise I'm a lonely freak myself who fantasies about her. Then I hate myself more. I mean look at it this way - it makes sense - her most famous TV roles were for love interests for male characters who were lonely nerds who couldn't get dates at all. A lot of lonely guys will have identified with these male characters. So as soon as they pair them with this wonderfulsmall shy different nerdy uniquely beautiful (breath of fresh air from generic showbiz types) and amazingly sweet and likeable woman then of course its no wonder all the lonely nerds identifying with those male characters fall for her en masse. I'm a textbook example, except worse and I fell for her on her youtubevid not her TV roles but her TV roles helped. No wonder she has so many romantic admirers despite the fact that when I tried asking my friends if they thought she was hot they all said "no she's weird looking" - a common opinion online too. I guess "she fulfils the fantasies of lonely freaks" guy had a point (although daring to suggest that was the only reason she was on TV is offensive rubbish). She also has the sweet innocent almostchildlike thing about her she has used to her advantage no matter how risque her material. Gets called "adorable" a lot (always thought that was a somewhat insulting description for successful 30 something woman you don't know). Could also explain why it is the creeps who say they have a crush on her.

Poor woman. She is so damn talented and funny as well as beautiful and has worked so hard to achieve the amazing things she's achieved - worked her way up in many different areas rather than a "one lucky break" celeb and yet comments on social media from her genuine fans get swamped with lonely weirdoes like me asking for dates (I have avoided commenting on her social media inappropriately - just seen a lot of others do that).

Really sorry for this guys. I feel better just typing this. I was in such an awful state when I started writing this I just had to write it somewhere. I've been lurking on this forum for ages. Wished next time I contributed it'd be in a non selfish way like you others - advising someone else as you advised me. But then crisis took over and I had to rant about myself again.

As for your CO. Don't be so hard on yourself because your CO said some guys were creepy who told her they had a crush on her. Who knows, maybe those particular guys were.  Maybe she just thinks that unknown people who like her are creepy, she could just be that way. Or maybe she just doesn't like the attention. Perhaps in the past, she had a problem with a stalker. Or maybe she was trying to be humorous. It could be anything. I wouldn't take that so personal, it wasn't directed at you.

When your friends thought she was weird looking maybe they truly thought she was. It has no bearing on your feelings for her. Not everyone has the same attractions. Personally for me, I could care less what others think of Reina my CO.  I'm the one that has feelings for her, that's all the matters. I can only see her with my eyes.

You mention on some boards people asked your CO out on a date.  Now, it would be nice if she accepted,  but how could a reasonable person think she would? She doesn't know if the person who asked her out is a real creep, or even worse. Most people most likely have no bad intentions, they just would like to date her, but she wouldn't know this. It could be very risky if she accepted a date with an insane person who wanted to do her harm. 

As I said before, don't take it personally if she said something bad about her admirers.   

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On 6/5/2016 at 5:08 AM, MysteryName said:


Thinking a lot about my CO's comment about how the guys who approach her after shows and say they have a crush on her are always the creepy ones. Well. I used to think I'd be another one to prove her right. Now I know I'd be the worst one. What is a creep? What makes these guys creepy? I thought it was to do with how a guy tries to hit on a girl but that doesn't apply in the same way with celeb crushes unless guys really do come up to her after shows and in a persistantly won't take no for an answer kind of way try to get a date with her. Surely that doesn't apply with celeb crushes unless security ends up kicking out a whole ton of fans. If it's just saying "I have a crush on you", well, the ones who say that to her bandmate apparently aren't creeps so it must be something about the ones who say that to her. Wish I knew. Wish I could find the interview. But no doubt low self esteem low confidence and poor social skills feature pretty highly in guys who get called creeps. Like me. I am a creep. No doubt.

I can understand how easy it is to take things personally when one has low self esteem, but I don't think you need to worry about this too much. My guess would be that the guys who approached her backstage (with crushes on her) happened to be creeps. That doesn't mean ALL guys who have a crush on her are creeps. It also doesn't mean that she necessarily thinks that ALL guys who have a crush on her are creeps. She thought the ones who approached her were creepy. So, try not to take what she says about other people's behavior and apply it to yourself.

Edited by Seeker2
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@MysteryName,

In addition to what I said about your CO in the above post, I also wanted to say, good for you if you have done some traveling! Some people just dream about travel, but they never actually do it, nor do they get the free time. You're already doing much better than a lot of people in that regard and it takes courage to travel to foreign countries. Also, there is no such thing as an "easier" country, just different levels of difficult, lol! :D If you have trouble traveling alone, why not join a tour group or get a reputable travel agency to help you organize your next trip? Some people just have a hard time traveling alone and that's okay. That's what tour groups and travel agencies are for. :)

There is no such thing as the *worst* person on the planet and I am sure you're not that bad, lol! There are a LOT of people who don't have either a good career or a good date, but they might not talk about it with you. Or, maybe they do have careers and dates, but they are *still* miserable because something else is still missing from their lives, (maybe a spiritual path or something else they want). Stop comparing yourself to others, even if you think the people you are comparing yourself to aren't the "best" people. Maybe there are things that these average people hate about their lives, but they probably won't mention the bad stuff to you, so you just don't know what their real problems might be. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You don't sound like a terrible person to me. You just sound very, very depressed. I hope you will feel better soon and you can always come here for support.

Also, stay away from message boards full of nasty people who throw insults at you and your CO. They are the real losers and creeps. Their opinions don't matter. There are many reasons why people like a celebrity and while she might appeal to certain types more than others, that doesn't mean it's universal. Just enjoy your CO and I'm sure she has many other decent fans.

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Have you ever thought about writing a letter to tell your CO how you feel, even if you know you'd never send it?  I just did that.  Of course, I won't send it, but it's making me cry buckets over here.  And honestly, there's so much I'm not saying because if I thought he was really going to read this, he would think I'm absolutely bonkers if I said everything there is to say.  

Geez, I'm such a mess.  It's times like this when I realize just how much of a mess I am.  What makes me think this man would even want to come within 50 feet of me?  I'm not seeing 2 mental health professionals for no reason. 

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13 hours ago, Audrey822 said:

Have you ever thought about writing a letter to tell your CO how you feel, even if you know you'd never send it?  I just did that.  Of course, I won't send it, but it's making me cry buckets over here.  And honestly, there's so much I'm not saying because if I thought he was really going to read this, he would think I'm absolutely bonkers if I said everything there is to say.  

Geez, I'm such a mess.  It's times like this when I realize just how much of a mess I am.  What makes me think this man would even want to come within 50 feet of me?  I'm not seeing 2 mental health professionals for no reason. 

Now it's time for you to stop being so hard on yourself. Seems like a lot of that going on around here lately. Folks need to stop thinking their CO's would think they're creeps or repulsive. Unless you met your CO and they had a reverse reaction we really don't know how they would act. For whatever reason the lot of us here are obsessed by someone who's unattainable. For me the frustration is more on the line of being born in the wrong time, country and body. I would love to be a peer of Reina's and have the opportunity to date her and possibly marry her down the road. Since that's not happening, I try not to dwell on it.  I try to enjoy Reina in my own way. Pictures and video's. It's all I have and all I ever will have concerning her.

What I do believe, and this keeps me somewhat positive. I believe Reina's my lost soulmate and we will be together forever in the afterlife. She will be mine, and I will be hers.   It's all I have. But, I'm in no hurry to get there. 

So whatever you can do, find a shining light in your obsession and focus on that. Don't dwell on self induced negativity. 

 

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Thank you for responding, @NCC For years, I never gave a single thought to meeting my CO. Not until I signed up here and read accounts of others meeting their COs was that thought ever put in my head...that was a little more than 2 years ago. By then, and I'd already been in love with this man over 45 years, happy with just having the fantasy going in my head.

The irony is, my CO could be considered more "attainable" than many discussed here, since he's not extremely famous, and the opportunity to meet him is there when his band is on tour -- he's very approachable (the whole band is); I've read about numerous fans' meetings with him on Facebook after concerts over his entire career, up until the most recent tour, last year.  I could have gone to a concert last year, but I didn't dare. I can't meet him like this. Too much could go wrong, and besides...I could not bear that moment when one of us would have to walk away. This, I know. ?  

But until reading these accounts of meetings here and on Facebook, I was satisfied with my fantasies. I knew it was all I'd ever have -- could ever have, so like you, I didn't dwell on it.  Like you, I was born at the wrong time (too late) and on the wrong side of the country. Unknown to me at the time, he wouldn't have been available anyway.  Since these thoughts have been put in my head, I've made myself miserable with thoughts of regrets: what if I'd tried to find him and meet him many years ago when we were both younger? Why didn't I try?  But my life was filled with obstacles...maybe for good reason, because there were so many things unknown about him...so many chances I might have gotten my heart seriously broken. 

I want so badly to believe what you said is possible: that we'll be together in the afterlife because we must be soulmates. I can't be the only one feeling this so strongly and for so long. There must be a reason. There was another girl who used to post here; we used to communicate every day via email. She and I used to have that same theory...that we'd be with our COs forever in the afterlife. I'm still holding on to that. It is the one thing that brings hope to my life. That is the shining light in my obsession. ❤️

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16 hours ago, Audrey822 said:

Thank you for responding, @NCC For years, I never gave a single thought to meeting my CO. Not until I signed up here and read accounts of others meeting their COs was that thought ever put in my head...that was a little more than 2 years ago. By then, and I'd already been in love with this man over 45 years, happy with just having the fantasy going in my head.

The irony is, my CO could be considered more "attainable" than many discussed here, since he's not extremely famous, and the opportunity to meet him is there when his band is on tour -- he's very approachable (the whole band is); I've read about numerous fans' meetings with him on Facebook after concerts over his entire career, up until the most recent tour, last year.  I could have gone to a concert last year, but I didn't dare. I can't meet him like this. Too much could go wrong, and besides...I could not bear that moment when one of us would have to walk away. This, I know. ?  

But until reading these accounts of meetings here and on Facebook, I was satisfied with my fantasies. I knew it was all I'd ever have -- could ever have, so like you, I didn't dwell on it.  Like you, I was born at the wrong time (too late) and on the wrong side of the country. Unknown to me at the time, he wouldn't have been available anyway.  Since these thoughts have been put in my head, I've made myself miserable with thoughts of regrets: what if I'd tried to find him and meet him many years ago when we were both younger? Why didn't I try?  But my life was filled with obstacles...maybe for good reason, because there were so many things unknown about him...so many chances I might have gotten my heart seriously broken. 

I want so badly to believe what you said is possible: that we'll be together in the afterlife because we must be soulmates. I can't be the only one feeling this so strongly and for so long. There must be a reason. There was another girl who used to post here; we used to communicate every day via email. She and I used to have that same theory...that we'd be with our COs forever in the afterlife. I'm still holding on to that. It is the one thing that brings hope to my life. That is the shining light in my obsession. ❤️

I've read some of the messages about people seeing their C.O's. For me, I don't know if I really would want to see Reina, In one way I would. Seeing her in real life would be something to behold. It would be so bittersweet though. I think it would end up making me depressed. Being so close yet so far would make me realize what I don't have and that's Reina. Plus, seeing her wouldn't be a short drive to the nearest town, it would be on the other side of the world and cost me thousands of dollars. Now I can afford it, I wouldn't really miss the money, but would it be worth it?  It would be highly stressful and it could make me miserable if things didn't turn out ok. Being ok would be that Reina's approachable and friendly and I get to say what I want and need to tell her. Could I tell her what I want to? Or would I get nervous and act like a goof?  Or the worst case, cry like a baby because I get overwhelmed with emotion. Right now I'm not ready to go. Maybe someday, but it's not today.  Heck, just sitting here, I get nervous thinking about it.

As for accepting fantasy. I have to when it comes to Reina or I couldn't be happy at all concerning her. Now it's bittersweet in this relationship I have with her. I do enjoy looking at her, I love my love buzz I get,  In fact, this Saturday, I have plans to stare at her for many hours.  I'm  truly looking forward to it. It's all I want to do. As I said before, I cannot get enough of her. The very fiber of my being  is crying out for her and it won't stop. When I'm looking at Reina I feel euphoric, everything in the world is fine, I'm at peace and nothing matters. When I need to go out, work, shopping or whatever, my body is screaming for Reina. And it keeps crying out till I see her again.  

Now about the sorrow.. I want her so bad it hurts. It would make me the happiest I've ever been or possibly could be if I could be with her. Unfortunately, it won't happen. Which can be depressing, especially if I dwell on it. Right now, I'm focusing on the positive. As we know, that can change in an instant. My body right now loves it when I stare at Reina, it's acceptable right now. What happens in the future if my body wants more? When only being with Reina in real life will make me happy. Hopefully for my sanity, looking at pictures of her will be good enough. 

 

 

 

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Thank you for the replies everyone. I wanted to respond properly but couldn't find the words and now on phone passing through airport with last internet access for weeks maybe so just quick reply. 

I wrote last post mid mental crisis. I've had a few more than usual traveling but nowhere near as constant as back in my dark days and I've had enjoyable experiences too. Feel OK now.

Things I like about myself have been lost to collapsing career then CO although feel I can get them back more now than mid crisis. Feeling like a creep also crisis dependent which in turn dependent on how encounters with travellers go. I also think less of CO if had more good social encounters. 

Travel partly a test - if it takes all my confidence and energy to ask about busses how will I apply for jobs and end the "dead years". Managing better now though. 

I like the idea of being together with CO in afterlife - hope all you who want will be. I do have a higher opinion of embracing fantasies than it seems - just in my own case I'd like to be more functional first and there's the taking up mind space pushing out everything else issue. But happened less lately.

And Audrey if you were such a mess you would not have been able to give me and others such good advice. Thanks.

And have a good time seeing your CO decade!

And for the record I'm an INFP (was lurking in MB type discussion :) ) wish I knew what my CO is

 

 

 

 

 

 

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What I'm about to say has nothing really to do with him. Since Monday I have woken up feeling okay but not hungry. I have at times been hungry but not really. I've ate sort of healthy throughout the week and didn't eat at night. Today I woke up not hungry but felt really tired and needed a jolt of energy and didn't want to get sick from not eating so I ate breakfast. I sometimes don't eat breakfast in the morning but then feel hunger to eat again but haven't. I don't feel anything. I don't see what the point is in life anymore let alone romance. I'm a Christian and believe in what The Bible says and with all of the things written in The Bible being fulfilled everyday and with the way things are going as far as political and social in regards to women & children and privacy I don't look at men the same way.  I have nothing against their gender. It's not their fault. We live in a sinful world. I just don't see romance as a viable option anymore.

You all may have known but when I was little I didn't want to be a wife & mother. I wanted to be in the entertainment industry and maybe perhaps this one certain individual would give me the time of day as they say. I saw several videos on YouTube the other day claiming that celebrities are being cloned or either who you think is a man is really a woman and the women are really men or they're being killed and replaced by synthetic versions of themselves. I'm not hating on anyone I don't know if these individuals are telling the truth or they just took the nighttime Dayquill PM instead of Dayquill AM which tastes horrible either way but it scared me straight. It made me think: What if this was real? What if these people aren't playing? What if in order to sell your soul they have to **** you and they recreate you and they've been fooling us all? It made me sad and scared but to be honest with you - it made me feel very free in case it was true. They even talked about several famous men who I have liked (him included) and it scared me to death. It showed how celebrities are under this certain mind control thing and how everything is and its scary you guys. After I watched the videos I had a peace the passes all understanding but I still felt shook up.

I just feel like something is so empty inside of me. I'm not hungry anymore. I'm thankful and grateful for each and everyday and every breath. I'm human. I get upset. I get angry. My hormones don't always obey the Holy Spirit. I get angry at myself over that. I feel like something is happening to me and maybe its all for the best. Why would I not be hungry anymore? I'm actually glad I saw those videos because either way as I said it did set me straight. The Lord did. It was like he let me see it and then once I saw it either way I decided I didn't want anything to do with anyone or anything in it but then sometimes The Lord has specifically asked me to pray for certain individuals. He's woke me up to pray over people who don't know me and I don't know them and in that moment its about going to war with the enemy. It ain't about how cute I think you are, being famous, your songs, your dance moves, it's about doing business with God and can I attest that it's always been during the night? Nothing good happens after midnight guys. It's not about me. I'm just sharing what The Lord has been doing in and out my life throughout after Michael Jackson's death in 2009. This shift inside of me started then but it wasn't until a few years later this intercessory prayer started happening. It's not about being famous, singing a song, traveling the world. I on't know what this or what this is leading to do I just felt a need to share with you guys. I hope you all understand.

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A while back I had mentioned how I was growing interest in a simpler way of life. I don't live a complicated life to begin with. I just have lots of thoughts in my head is all. I go on Pinterest and have boards and have as of last year fallen in love with country music again. As a little girl it was really the only secular music I was allowed to listen to but I knew who other people were. All I mean is that I love James Taylor & John Denver's music and it takes me to a life that is kind of like The Walton's meets Little House On The Prairie except it's 2016 but I dearly love those shows and see these pictures and just think not to live away from civilization but to be married to a simple man who may want to get away from it all after putting money aside that would be kind of cool. I don't  know what  it is about all this but I keep going back to this whole way of life. I just wish it could happen.

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5 hours ago, NCC said:

I've read some of the messages about people seeing their C.O's. For me, I don't know if I really would want to see Reina, In one way I would. Seeing her in real life would be something to behold. It would be so bittersweet though. I think it would end up making me depressed. Being so close yet so far would make me realize what I don't have and that's Reina. Plus, seeing her wouldn't be a short drive to the nearest town, it would be on the other side of the world and cost me thousands of dollars. Now I can afford it, I wouldn't really miss the money, but would it be worth it?  It would be highly stressful and it could make me miserable if things didn't turn out ok. Being ok would be that Reina's approachable and friendly and I get to say what I want and need to tell her. Could I tell her what I want to? Or would I get nervous and act like a goof?  Or the worst case, cry like a baby because I get overwhelmed with emotion. Right now I'm not ready to go. Maybe someday, but it's not today.  Heck, just sitting here, I get nervous thinking about it.

As for accepting fantasy. I have to when it comes to Reina or I couldn't be happy at all concerning her. Now it's bittersweet in this relationship I have with her. I do enjoy looking at her, I love my love buzz I get,  In fact, this Saturday, I have plans to stare at her for many hours.  I'm  truly looking forward to it. It's all I want to do. As I said before, I cannot get enough of her. The very fiber of my being  is crying out for her and it won't stop. When I'm looking at Reina I feel euphoric, everything in the world is fine, I'm at peace and nothing matters. When I need to go out, work, shopping or whatever, my body is screaming for Reina. And it keeps crying out till I see her again.  

Now about the sorrow.. I want her so bad it hurts. It would make me the happiest I've ever been or possibly could be if I could be with her. Unfortunately, it won't happen. Which can be depressing, especially if I dwell on it. Right now, I'm focusing on the positive. As we know, that can change in an instant. My body right now loves it when I stare at Reina, it's acceptable right now. What happens in the future if my body wants more? When only being with Reina in real life will make me happy. Hopefully for my sanity, looking at pictures of her will be good enough. 

 

 

 

Everything you said would be exactly how I'd feel, exactly my concerns: stress, nerves, getting too emotional, crying, acting like a goof. After 49 years, there's so much I would want to say (and much of it wouldn't really be appropriate at that moment...I couldn't tell him how I really feel, especially with other people around) I can just imagine he would be standing in front of me and I'd lose my nerve to say anything at all, and I'd hate myself forever for being so stupid! (Do you think I've played this scene out in my imagination many times? Especially when I had to make the decision to go to that concert or not last year.) 

Your post in response to mine yesterday made me realize, I've taken this too far out of control these past couple of years; I need to scale it back to where it used to be. It was a fantasy, and that's all it was meant to be (in this life?) All I've done trying to think otherwise is make myself miserable with regrets over things, some of which weren't even mine to control. Those that were mine to control probably couldn't have been done any differently, and even if they could, I might have come out losing immensely. As I said, my heart may have gotten broken into a zillion pieces, and I probably wouldn't have the amazing twin sons I now have (one of whom is getting married in 13 months ?.)  I do believe things happen in life for a reason...I don't pretend to know why so many bad things happened to me...except for my twins almost everything else sucks. If I had followed my heart I might not even have the one good thing I've ever had in my life. 

All this to say, you've given me good advice: I was content to have my CO as a fantasy husband for 47 years before I started putting regrets in my head 2 years ago. He still is my fantasy husband, I just need to get the regrets out of my head now. << That's the good advice you've given me. 

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3 hours ago, MysteryName said:

Thank you for the replies everyone. I wanted to respond properly but couldn't find the words and now on phone passing through airport with last internet access for weeks maybe so just quick reply. 

I wrote last post mid mental crisis. I've had a few more than usual traveling but nowhere near as constant as back in my dark days and I've had enjoyable experiences too. Feel OK now.

Things I like about myself have been lost to collapsing career then CO although feel I can get them back more now than mid crisis. Feeling like a creep also crisis dependent which in turn dependent on how encounters with travellers go. I also think less of CO if had more good social encounters. 

Travel partly a test - if it takes all my confidence and energy to ask about busses how will I apply for jobs and end the "dead years". Managing better now though. 

I like the idea of being together with CO in afterlife - hope all you who want will be. I do have a higher opinion of embracing fantasies than it seems - just in my own case I'd like to be more functional first and there's the taking up mind space pushing out everything else issue. But happened less lately.

And Audrey if you were such a mess you would not have been able to give me and others such good advice. Thanks.

And have a good time seeing your CO decade!

And for the record I'm an INFP (was lurking in MB type discussion :) ) wish I knew what my CO is

 

 

That was such a nice thing to say....thank you so much, MysteryName. I hope anything I've said to you helped.

You asked about confidence...if it takes all you have to ask about busses, how will you manage to apply for jobs? Confidence is something that builds upon itself. Even if it takes all you have for one simple task, do it. Even if you fail, get up and try again. And when you succeed, take that success and build on it. Eventually you will have the confidence to do whatever you want to do. No successful person has ever gotten where they want to go without a few failures along the way, so don't let that deter you...this is how we learn what not to do. That's just as important as knowing what to do.

Keep smiling, and keep your head to the sky.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8iJ_E5WRABc

 

Edited by Audrey822
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