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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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Hi Thel! Good to see you here again. :)

No need to apologise for your vent; this is the one place where we can vent as much as we want!

That does sound like a bit of an awkward situation you're in, and it's one I can relate to. If my CO is on the TV or in the news, I try so hard to act as if I'm just a casual fan. Unfortunately, I think my family know that I fancy him. I just really hope they don't know the extent to which I'm obsessed with him. I'd be absolutely mortified if they did!

Funnily enough, my mum asked me last year which celebrity men I found handsome. I muttered something like "Don't know really. I don't really fancy celebrities". Lol what a lie!

 

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It's funny, Opal. I've never had an issue admitting a crush or attraction to anyone other than the man who is responsible for me being on this site. But the thought of admitting I have a crush on him, or that I'm in love with him (whatever you want to call it!) sends chills down my spine...not in a good way. It literally makes me feel exposed in a very vulnerable way, and I can't explain why. In 49 years, I've only told 5 people on this board (and there's one who may have guessed), and I've told my therapist. Telling my therapist was extremely difficult because I had to tell her face-to-face. I'm just glad she didn't know who he is. 

Edited by Audrey822
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I have a CO for Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt and their children.  I admire them for their humanitarian work and I like their movies.  I have no desire to meet or correspond with them ever.  I have no desire to be like them or live their lifestyle.  I enjoy reading about their activities and seeing pictures of the children as they grow up.  I think when we know this is a CO and are realistic about it, there is no harm in it.  I think the harm is in not knowing it is a CO and in not being realistic that we will ever be a part of their lives. You read about some fans going overboard and stalking celebrities.  These are the ones who have a real problem.  We have no idea what their lives are really like. It is part of their job to present a successful beautiful picture to the public when, in fact, they may be far more miserable than we will ever be  You often hear of celebrity suicides and substance abuses.  It can be a pleasant distraction from everyday, ho hum life to enjoy these beautiful, talented people from afar.  So go for it.

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I feel exactly the same way, Audrey. I expect there are probably a few people here who know who my CO is because I've given away some massive clues. That doesn't really bother me. But the thought of actually writing it out on a public forum or, heaven forbid, telling someone face to face fills me with horror.

I remember right at the start of this CO, about 5 and a half years ago, an arrogant boy who I was friends with at the time started talking about my CO's sport and asked me who my favourite was. Obviously I told him it was my CO and this boy said "Oh I HATE him!" I asked him why and he replied "Because he sucks!" and he suggested I only liked my CO because I fancied him. Which isn't true! (Well... okay... only partially true ;))

As you may imagine, I've kept rather secretive about it since then!

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Hi

I'm very new to this forum, but just wanted to thank you all for sharing your experiences with celebrity obsession disorder. It was such a relief to find others in the world that are going through the same thing that I am. I've had one or two celeb crushes in my lifetime, but none as obsessive as the one I have at the moment with a male actor who is actually dead. More to the point, I've found out recently that he was actually gay and it feels like a massive betrayal to me personally. Crazy I know. I think it affects me so badly because I had created a whole life/relationship with this person in my head, and now that fantasy isn't viable anymore. It leaves me feeling alone and empty. I am married to a wonderful man who (once I admitted to him that I was having these thoughts) has been nothing but loving and supportive towards me. I know how lucky I am to have him, and I love him deeply, but it doesn't stop the obsessive thoughts from occurring. I am also seeing a therapist at the moment to try to sort this out. 

This is such a space to be in. And I too feel a lot of shame around this. I always thought that this was just a qwerk of mine that I could take or leave no worries, but I've realised lately that it's gotten completely out of control. I neglect my kids because I'm to busy staring at his pictures or reading about him on the net. And that really upsets my husband. I don't want t feel this way anymore! Anyway, it just helps to talk about it with people that understand. Thanks for listening.  

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@Opal....I've never even done as much as that.  To admit to a friend that my CO was my favorite among members of his band.  Before telling my therapist about him, I don't think I'd ever uttered his name out loud before.  In (then) 48 years.  What a weird feeling that was.  

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@Sad in NZ ...Welcome to our thread.  I know how you feel.  I know exactly how you feel.  I too felt betrayed upon finding out something about my CO that I was in denial about for a very long time (in my case, that he had been married a long time ago.)

Like you, I've had other celebrity crushes, but the man responsible for the feelings of betrayal is like no other crush I've ever had.  It's white hot, and it's lasted (off and on) for 49 years now...when it was "off" that wasn't my choice; that was because information about him wasn't available.  It's a long story, but chronicled on this board (ad nauseam!!) Like you, I'm also married, but I'm pretty sure my husband has no clue that I feel the way I do about this man.   (My marriage is complicated, so while I don't really want anyone to know the identity of my CO, it wouldn't really matter to me if my husband knew I had one.)  We differ in the description you have about your kids:  mine are grown up and on their own, so I don't have to worry about neglecting them.  Good thing!!  

So, you're definitely not alone here...I just wanted you to know that.  Anytime you want to talk, we're here to listen. You'll get a lot of support here.  

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Hey guys, I haven't been here in awhile. I see that the site has changed a bit and now my antivirus software is telling me that it's unsafe? Well, hopefully not because I'm here anyway. I had a date last night, first time I ever met the guy, and I ended up talking about my CO way too much. The guy I met is from the same state as my CO and he knew that I was a fan beforehand, so that's why we talked about it, but still! I feel like I purposely sabotage dates by talking about my CO because then I won't have to risk the guy wanting to see me again and having to actually deal with a real relationship. Pretty messed up, I know. But then again, if I was really interested in the guy, I don't think I would've talked about my CO so much. It's hard to say.

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2 hours ago, Audrey822 said:

@Sad in NZ ...Welcome to our thread.  I know how you feel.  I know exactly how you feel.  I too felt betrayed upon finding out something about my CO that I was in denial about for a very long time (in my case, that he had been married a long time ago.)

Like you, I've had other celebrity crushes, but the man responsible for the feelings of betrayal is like no other crush I've ever had.  It's white hot, and it's lasted (off and on) for 49 years now...when it was "off" that wasn't my choice; that was because information about him wasn't available.  It's a long story, but chronicled on this board (ad nauseam!!) Like you, I'm also married, but I'm pretty sure my husband has no clue that I feel the way I do about this man.   (My marriage is complicated, so while I don't really want anyone to know the identity of my CO, it wouldn't really matter to me if my husband knew I had one.)  We differ in the description you have about your kids:  mine are grown up and on their own, so I don't have to worry about neglecting them.  Good thing!!  

So, you're definitely not alone here...I just wanted you to know that.  Anytime you want to talk, we're here to listen. You'll get a lot of support here.  

I really appreciate that, thank you:) 

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@HopelessRomantic2011

Quote

I feel like I purposely sabotage dates by talking about my CO because then I won't have to risk the guy wanting to see me again and having to actually deal with a real relationship.

That could be a defense or coping mechanism you're using...maybe because you really are trying to avoid having a real relationship. Your CO is your "safe place"...real relationships are complicated and messy. I understand. It's hard to step outside of that comfort zone, even if doing so would be good for us. BTW, I don't think the site is unsafe now...I doubt the security has changed. It might just be that your antivirus software isn't recognizing something about it due to the change.

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On February 21, 2016 at 0:40 AM, Audrey822 said:

@HopelessRomantic2011

That could be a defense or coping mechanism you're using...maybe because you really are trying to avoid having a real relationship. Your CO is your "safe place"...real relationships are complicated and messy. I understand. It's hard to step outside of that comfort zone, even if doing so would be good for us. BTW, I don't think the site is unsafe now...I doubt the security has changed. It might just be that your antivirus software isn't recognizing something about it due to the change.

I think you're right. He contacted me today to ask about my plans this week, and I realize that I was really hoping that I wouldn't hear from him. Real life relationships just aren't fun for me. Aside from the CO thing, I feel like if I'm really into someone, I know it right away and I didn't feel that with this guy. I don't think that I can grow to have feelings for someone. Of course it wasn't love at first sight with my CO and I didn't fall for him until 17 years after I first became a fan of his band, but that's different. :)

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19 hours ago, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

I think you're right. He contacted me today to ask about my plans this week, and I realize that I was really hoping that I wouldn't hear from him. Real life relationships just aren't fun for me. Aside from the CO thing, I feel like if I'm really into someone, I know it right away and I didn't feel that with this guy. I don't think that I can grow to have feelings for someone. Of course it wasn't love at first sight with my CO and I didn't fall for him until 17 years after I first became a fan of his band, but that's different. :)

I suffer from social anxiety. I say "suffer" but I'm not really suffering, because I'm fine alone...I'm an only child. I've always been alone, so I've always been fine alone if I needed to be, but the social anxiety is something that came on within the last 30 years or so. I wasn't always like this, and I don't know what brought it on. Like you, I'm always hoping people don't call when they say they will. I'll make excuses for not accepting invitations. If I HAVE to accept the invitation, I always hope the other person will call and cancel. Obviously I'm not talking about dating (I'm married) I'm talking about just general socializing. I've heard it said that many people who spend a lot of time online (*raises hand*) have this issue, that's why the Internet is such a blessing to them/us....a way of interacting without needing to actually socialize. I think it's true.

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@Audrey822 I was diagnosed with a minor form of social anxiety about a year ago. The funny thing is that socialising actually has a positive effect on me, but I dread it so much beforehand and, like you, I always hope people will cancel invitations. And while I find a certain amount of social contact enjoyable, too much can be completely mentally exhausting. Afterwards I need to be alone to recover from it. It can be really difficult to live with at times.

@HopelessRomantic2011 I'm guessing you are trying online dating? It does seem to be pretty much the only way people date nowadays, and it's obviously worked for many couples. From what I gather, the websites seem to work on the rather businesslike premise that if two people have similar interests, and like the look of each other's photos, then they will make a good couple. But that's no guarantee that they will feel that all important romantic spark! 

Because of this, I sort of feel that online dating is maybe best suited to those for whom romance isn't really top of the agenda, those who can be satisfied with a caring relationship with a nice person who shares similar interests. Judging from your username, romance definitely is a priority for you, so perhaps that could be why your experiences so far have been disappointing.

But I admire that you're brave enough to put yourself out there in the dating game (I'm not!). I really hope you, and everyone else here who's still looking for the right person, meet someone special eventually.

 

 

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6 hours ago, Audrey822 said:

I suffer from social anxiety. I say "suffer" but I'm not really suffering, because I'm fine alone...I'm an only child. I've always been alone, so I've always been fine alone if I needed to be, but the social anxiety is something that came on within the last 30 years or so. I wasn't always like this, and I don't know what brought it on. Like you, I'm always hoping people don't call when they say they will. I'll make excuses for not accepting invitations. If I HAVE to accept the invitation, I always hope the other person will call and cancel. Obviously I'm not talking about dating (I'm married) I'm talking about just general socializing. I've heard it said that many people who spend a lot of time online (*raises hand*) have this issue, that's why the Internet is such a blessing to them/us....a way of interacting without needing to actually socialize. I think it's true.

Yeah, this makes sense to me. I'm an only child too and I definitely have some social anxiety issues. I don't really go out of my way to talk to or get to know most people, yet I'm an active member of several Internet forums that I visit every day...lol Crazy, I know. It's just easier to find like minded people online and you can always log off whenever you're ready. :)

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5 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

@Audrey822 I was diagnosed with a minor form of social anxiety about a year ago. The funny thing is that socialising actually has a positive effect on me, but I dread it so much beforehand and, like you, I always hope people will cancel invitations. And while I find a certain amount of social contact enjoyable, too much can be completely mentally exhausting. Afterwards I need to be alone to recover from it. It can be really difficult to live with at times.

@HopelessRomantic2011 I'm guessing you are trying online dating? It does seem to be pretty much the only way people date nowadays, and it's obviously worked for many couples. From what I gather, the websites seem to work on the rather businesslike premise that if two people have similar interests, and like the look of each other's photos, then they will make a good couple. But that's no guarantee that they will feel that all important romantic spark! 

Because of this, I sort of feel that online dating is maybe best suited to those for whom romance isn't really top of the agenda, those who can be satisfied with a caring relationship with a nice person who shares similar interests. Judging from your username, romance definitely is a priority for you, so perhaps that could be why your experiences so far have been disappointing.

But I admire that you're brave enough to put yourself out there in the dating game (I'm not!). I really hope you, and everyone else here who's still looking for the right person, meet someone special eventually.

 

 

Thanks for the encouragement! Yes, I've been doing online dating for years now. I always say I'm going to quit but I think I might be addicted even though I don't actually enjoy the dating process very much. Maybe I'm just addicted to the search for love. Yes, I've seen online dating work for some people, but it can definitely be awkward too. I'd rather meet someone offline, but I'm sure my social anxiety and avoidance of social interactions don't really help.

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47 minutes ago, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

Thanks for the encouragement! Yes, I've been doing online dating for years now. I always say I'm going to quit but I think I might be addicted even though I don't actually enjoy the dating process very much. Maybe I'm just addicted to the search for love. Yes, I've seen online dating work for some people, but it can definitely be awkward too. I'd rather meet someone offline, but I'm sure my social anxiety and avoidance of social interactions don't really help.

My son just got engaged a few weeks ago.  He met his future wife through an online dating site.  I love her, she's a perfect match for him.  

Just wanted to give you (and anyone else who is trying online dating) that piece of encouragement!

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18 hours ago, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

Thanks for the encouragement! Yes, I've been doing online dating for years now. I always say I'm going to quit but I think I might be addicted even though I don't actually enjoy the dating process very much. Maybe I'm just addicted to the search for love. Yes, I've seen online dating work for some people, but it can definitely be awkward too. I'd rather meet someone offline, but I'm sure my social anxiety and avoidance of social interactions don't really help.

I can relate to that. I don't think I'd ever find the confidence to approach a guy in person and ask him on a date. Though if I ever saw my CO, I would have to pluck up that courage from somewhere because I doubt he'd just approach a random fan!

It doesn't really help that I never seem to be interested in real life guys anymore. I'm 20, and in my first year of university, where most of my peer group are a year or two younger. Given that I've always had a preference for men 5-10 years older than myself, I don't really like the idea of dating a teenage boy!

To be honest, I partly blame Disney for my terrible love life, and my unwillingness to try different forms of dating. I was obsessed with The Little Mermaid as a young child, and I thought Ariel and Eric were just the most romantic couple ever! I dreamed of having that sort of relationship for myself when I grew up. Then when I was an impressionable pre-teen, High School Musical came along (and with it my Zac Efron CO) and that probably ruined any chance of me ever having realistic expectations of romance. And, stupidly enough, I still believe in "true love" and "the one" which is why I stand no chance of ever being truly satisfied in my love life.

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After some time I have come to realize that in the end the decision I made a long time ago was not selfish but selfless. I came to the realization that even if I had gone and something was to occur that I felt that I would have been in the way of him - his career, his life, his persona to the very different values he & I grew up with. We both come from different social classes and I could never see how he & I would get along let alone have a conversation about anything. I know the saying goes you never know unless you try but I feel as though everything is better just as we are now. He has his life & responsiblities as do I. He was a moment in my life not the final chapter. There was life before him at 7 years old and there will be hopefully much more life to come as I enter my thireteth year. Here's to a happier life with new beginnings. I don't drink alcohol but here is the perfect time to say cheers.

Edited by urivgirl86
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7 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

I can relate to that. I don't think I'd ever find the confidence to approach a guy in person and ask him on a date. Though if I ever saw my CO, I would have to pluck up that courage from somewhere because I doubt he'd just approach a random fan!

It doesn't really help that I never seem to be interested in real life guys anymore. I'm 20, and in my first year of university, where most of my peer group are a year or two younger. Given that I've always had a preference for men 5-10 years older than myself, I don't really like the idea of dating a teenage boy!

To be honest, I partly blame Disney for my terrible love life, and my unwillingness to try different forms of dating. I was obsessed with The Little Mermaid as a young child, and I thought Ariel and Eric were just the most romantic couple ever! I dreamed of having that sort of relationship for myself when I grew up. Then when I was an impressionable pre-teen, High School Musical came along (and with it my Zac Efron CO) and that probably ruined any chance of me ever having realistic expectations of romance. And, stupidly enough, I still believe in "true love" and "the one" which is why I stand no chance of ever being truly satisfied in my love life.

Well, you're still quite young. I didn't actually start dating until I was 24, so things can change! :) I'm the opposite of you though in that I've always preferred younger guys. My CO is four years younger which isn't a big deal since we're both adults now, but when I first became a fan, he was only 12 and I was 16 so I wasn't attracted to him then- I just thought he was a cute kid. My CO at that time was 14. lol

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I would be lying if I said there haven't been a few times recently at night I cried and I'm not cussing but it hurt like you know where. I have never cried like this my whole life over anybody. The crying is over. The pain is gone. I'm done with infatuation - I'm ready for the real thing. Cue the Motown music. On second thought we may have to pay Barry Gordy royalties and Marvin Gaye's family so just forget the music and let the words ring out!

Edited by urivgirl86
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Hi everyone. I posted on this thread once, months ago, and have looked in a few times since then just didn't post. I don't feel like going into all the details and they're not all that relevant anyway, but things in my life got very hectic for a while and my CO was even pushed slightly to the background during it. I thought that things were getting better, but I was wrong. Honestly right now I'm longing for the days before social media. I still had CO's then, but they didn't seem quite as bad as the few I've had since social media exploded. My CO, T, is pretty mysterious and doesn't have a huge presence online though his group does. He does have an instagram & twitter, both set up where you have to request to follow. I sent him a request on instagram about a year ago - back when I had a crush on him, but he wasn't a full on CO yet - and he accepted. I've resisted the urge to try to follow him on twitter up until this week when someone from his group shared it on their twitter (though I did know what it was prior to that due to other fans I know). I caved and regret it. I don't know if it'd be worse for him to accept and thus give me another way to try to keep up with him or deny, which would feel like a rejection.

Right now I'm thinking it may be best to try to avoid going to his profile on there at all. At this point I think the best option is to just not know one way or the other. He doesn't come across as much of a tweeter, which I hope is the case because then he might not even see it. It seems silly to be this stressed out over something like this, but here we are. There was a point when I thought I might be ready to try to let this CO go, but I'm not and I don't want to be. I still want the fantasy. Even though it makes me feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes.

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@urivgirl86 It's great you are feeling more positive now!

 

@musiclover83 If your CO doesn't accept your request, I'm sure it wouldn't be for any particular reason. But you're right that's it's probably best just to avoid his profile if you know that it will only make you feel worse.

Social media and COs don't seem to mix too well from what I've read here. Although I look at social media and fan forums about my CO quite a lot, I've actually avoided making any accounts myself. This is for the reason that if I started dating him, I wouldn't want him to see that I'd tweeted him or wrote on his fan forums, because then he might realise that I've been obsessed with him. I know how deluded and ridiculous that sounds!

6 hours ago, musiclover83 said:

There was a point when I thought I might be ready to try to let this CO go, but I'm not and I don't want to be. I still want the fantasy. Even though it makes me feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes.

I can relate to these few sentences so much!

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@musiclover83 I know how you feel ...I've certainly been made to feel that I'm losing my mind at times, too. 

I'm one who's always saying social media is more of a curse than a blessing. I grew up at a time when it didn't exist...nor did the Internet at all. I didn't have as much information about my CO, and I was blissfully ignorant.

I'd stay away from that request if it was me. Nothing good has ever come out of social media for me. All it's done is turn up things I'd rather not know. My fantasies are better off without that information.

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