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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support

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I guess because I'm an only child and although I've been loved and adored I just wish I had someone as a friend who I could hang out with and would understand that I like different types of music. I guess to someone of my race it wouldn't make sense why I would enjoy the pop culture of another demographic not because of skin color but because I can't identify with what their world is like. Again I apologize for wrecking this thread.

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@urivgirl86,

 

Please stop apologizing. :)

 

As long as you don't start thinking that all these famous people are really your friends in real life, I guess you can pretend they are to yourself. But it would be even better to have some 'real life' friends. Are there any activities you could get involved with that would help you to make some new friends? It sounds like you are lonely and the loneliness goes beyond just being in love with one man. It sounds like you are missing having a group of friends.

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As you get older and other people you grew up with fade and become married & have their own families and you're single and not really interested in a relationship . I guess what I'm really saying is the I fear getting older or at least getting old but instead I should take a step back and think what it is I want out of life. I don't want to be afraid of life. I want to live and love and do as I please. Thank you for responding

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I guess because I'm an only child and although I've been loved and adored I just wish I had someone as a friend who I could hang out with and would understand that I like different types of music. I guess to someone of my race it wouldn't make sense why I would enjoy the pop culture of another demographic not because of skin color but because I can't identify with what their world is like. Again I apologize for wrecking this thread.

You're not wrecking the thread!  

 

I'm an only child, too...I've done that since I was a kid.  And once you're used to doing it, I think it just stays with you no matter how old you are.  Maybe that just goes with the territory of being an only child...not having anyone else to talk to, fight with, etc. like other kids with siblings had.  So, I've had characters in my head too.  I think that's probably where my alter-ego originates from, really.  

 

@Seeker...

 

Yeah, that's true...it would become a problem IF someone thought these people/characters were real.  I never went that far.  I always knew it was a "pretend" game when I was younger....now it's a place to hold my daydreams.  But I know it's not real.   It would just be a thing I'd do after it was time to come in from playing with friends in the neighborhood...they would go home with their brothers and/or sisters and I would envy them (they always said *I* was the lucky one LOL)   I would be all alone in my room at night...and just start fantasizing about characters in my head.  What else was there to do?  That's how I've gotten pretty good at living in that dream world to this day.  I guess I had a lot of practice as a kid, and I'm glad I did!!  :Coopwink: But I know it's not real....all too well. 

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Sometimes our dreams portray what we really want or what is missing in our life. It would be nice to ride with a guy in an elevator in real life and have him wink at me. 

 

I do not think it is abnormal to have pretend friends.  When one doesn't have real friends, the next best thing is pretend and fantasy.  I used to have a lot of imaginary friends growing up.  I have kind of grew out of that phase except for my CO.  I still talk to him, first thing in the morning and last thing at night and whenever I get a chance but only in private.  Sometimes I like to sing songs to him when I listen to music.  I am also in my thirties and sometimes I think it is weird some of the things I do but I don't tell anyone about it, except on here because I know you guys won't judge and laugh.

 

And no it is not bad to watch BET.  There is no law saying only certain people can listen to certain music or watch certain shows.  Continue to watch and listen to what you want and what makes you happy.

 

Hugs.

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I know its not real either. I guess I share too much.

 

Nobody said that you thought it was real. It's just that you seemed to be saying that you felt it was abnormal to pretend, so I was trying to say that as long as you don't lose sight of the fact that it's a fantasy, there is nothing wrong with pretending.

 

But also, better than pretending is to have real friends, so I suggested that you could try and form some kind of social group. It might lessen the need for pretending. In the meantime though, why not pretend? If it makes you feel less lonely then it's not a bad thing.

Edited by Seeker2

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It's not an only child thing, maybe lonely child or creative child, but I think most people here daydreamed stuff. I have a brother but Im an introverted artist since I was little. Whenever I was grounded and had to stay locked in my room I daydreamed things up. And Ive created over 100 fictional characters (a lot Ive tried to draw, paint, write about etc), also roleplaying game characters for games and groups etc (I guess its also a geek-related thing hahah). My previous thing (before my CO) was daydreaming about a character in a tv show, like writing fanfiction in my head. (I suck at writing though so I dont do it really.) I think it's normal and a lot of people do it, but it can get unhealthy. Like all my daydreams sometimes I overdo it and it gets too distracting from reality, it gets obsessive.

If we lived close maybe we could all hang out :/ I like almost all kinds of music.

Edited by random alice

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There is a huge difference between pretending to have imagunary friends and actually believing it's real. I'm not saying anyone here does the latter.

Edited by Seeker2

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@Urivgirl86 No need to apologize. In fact, quite the contrary. If you are able to make yourself believe you're with these people and having conversations and interactions with them, then it is me that should be taking advice from you. I WANT to be delusional, for fantasy to overtake reality when it comes to mila. Reality is just awful. Regardless of what that means for your mental health, if it's taking you to a place where the one you love is making you HAPPY then who cares? You got one more thing then I got!

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There is a huge difference between pretending to have imagunary friends and actually believing it's real. I'm not saying anyone here does the latter.

We know you weren't saying that...I think most of us knew that. I just chimed in with my experience on the subject as an only child, that's all!

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It's not an only child thing, maybe lonely child or creative child, but I think most people here daydreamed stuff. I have a brother but Im an introverted artist since I was little. Whenever I was grounded and had to stay locked in my room I daydreamed things up. And Ive created over 100 fictional characters (a lot Ive tried to draw, paint, write about etc), also roleplaying game characters for games and groups etc (I guess its also a geek-related thing hahah). My previous thing (before my CO) was daydreaming about a character in a tv show, like writing fanfiction in my head. (I suck at writing though so I dont do it really.) I think it's normal and a lot of people do it, but it can get unhealthy. Like all my daydreams sometimes I overdo it and it gets too distracting from reality, it gets obsessive.If we lived close maybe we could all hang out :/ I like almost all kinds of music.

Wouldn't that be cool if we could?

The whole introverted artist thing....I'm not even sure if that applies to me or not. I've talked on here before about my mother, k!lling every dream I ever had as a child. I was never encouraged to find my talent (if I even had one.) In fact, if I did have one, it's safe to say that my mother would have wanted to keep it stifled and never allow it to be developed for fear I might make something of myself in the future. What I really wanted more than anything in the world was to sing. I wasn't even allowed to join my school church choir to see if I had any singing talent. I used to draw too, but I never saw that as my thing...it doesn't feel right inside that I had any special talent for that. Just the scribbles of a child. But singing? I wanted that so bad...I still feel there's something inside of me that wants out. Even though I have no idea if I have the talent for it or not. These days when I'm alone I just sing along with my favorite Earth, Wind & Fire songs (my favorite band next to my CO's) ....nobody can stop me.

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@Audrey822 it sounds like you did the right thing in not going to see your CO. It's best to protect yourself from the emotional pain that it could have caused and the inevitable analysis afterwards that anonym12345 and Seeker2 described.

 

I've never met, or even seen my CO either. Part of me would like to, to find out if something could happen. He doesn't have a girlfriend and the age gap between us isn't extreme, so there's nothing stopping me. But unfortunately, I just know I'd go bright red and make a complete fool of myself if he ever so much as looked at me!

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There is a huge difference between pretending to have imagunary friends and actually believing it's real. I'm not saying anyone here does the latter.

We know you weren't saying that...I think most of us knew that. I just chimed in with my experience on the subject as an only child, that's all!

 

 

My comment wasn't a reply to what you said. I just wanted to be sure that people understood that I wasn't judging them for play-acting or having fantasies. I wanted to be clear that I was distinguishing the difference between losing oneself to fantasy and just pretending.

Edited by Seeker2

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My comment wasn't a reply to what you said. I just wanted to be sure that people understood that I wasn't judging them for play-acting or having fantasies. I wanted to be clear that I was distinguishing the difference between losing oneself to fantasy and just pretending.

I know you weren't. But I know you tend to be hard on yourself here, too (you do!) You're always worried that someone is reading you wrong, and I just wanted to jump in and let you know that I don't think anyone did. You were absolutely right with what you said: crossing that line between pretending and believing it's real is a huge difference. And the latter would be problematic.

Edited by Audrey822

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I'm so sorry your mother never allowed you to follow your singing dreams. Singing can be really therapeutic and great for raising self-esteem. Maybe you could join a choir now?

 

When I was younger I wanted nothing more than to be a West End/Broadway star (I still do to be honest). I've been told I have a really good voice but a few setbacks caused me to lose confidence and I haven't sang in public for 4 years. It's something I really miss... perhaps it's time for me to be brave and try again.

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@Audrey I think you really should take some lessons or join a choir! I believe singing has something like a natural antidepressant effect, at least short term. This week I talked to an instructor finally but my family is low on money now. The place is also really hot I felt sick. So I dont know when I'll be able to take lessons. But she said talent has nothing to do with it, its just training.

I feel reeeeally depressed today. I was doing ok, was sunbathing and trying on bikinis, looked in the mirror and was like "Im actually kinda really hot, just a few things and Id be pretty happy with myself, Id make an impression" and then started wishing I had that alternate life of (my better-version-of-me in) my fantasies where I work with my CO and the people there and things happen etc etc argh (again its not for the fame, its the work and the traveling etc... though the CO specially). Dammit. Now I just really wish I could trade reality with it. Actually I just wish I never wanted or wished for any of this or felt any of this.
Nothing new I guess. Its just I'm doing ok, not good, but you know not crying, then I start feeling terrible and it has to do with these fantasies. It sucks, its annoying, I hate it.
Also it's a cycle: depressed so -> fantasize -> fantasies are not reality -> get depressed so -> fantasize -> fantasies are not reality -> get depressed so -> fantasize -> etc etc
I think really the only way Ill maybe see a way out is with medication or a miracle. I cant even see a reason to want to look good if all I want are my fantasies. Real objectives and real people just seem like nothing I can really take interest in. Whats the point of anything as long as I keep feeling this way.... I cant make myself want anything else.

edit: I snuck around the house to get a glass of liqueur while everyone was out. It helped just slightly.

Edited by random alice

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Gah I had an ultimate opportunity to be alone here and drink and watch Mila and try to make it enjoyable..my fiancee is going out with her mom and offered to take both kids so I can get some alone time. I don't know why this came out of my mouth but I asked her to leave my daughter here. I don't know if it's because I needed a reason not to be drinking at 10:30 in the morning or if I'm just afraid to face mila..I feel like maybe I could handle it today with the help of some booze but I've had such a horrible week regarding her, I'm just so scared to see and hear her. I feel like I just keep making leaps just for something to put me right back at square one. I know part of my 3 day meltdown was sleep deprivation. I've had these dreams of mila, some I remember, some I don't all week and have made me wake up at 4:30 in the morning, sometimes earlier, feeling the most extreme longing for her than I ever have.. there's nothing worse than thinking subconsciously that you're FINALLY in your paradise..just laying in an open field with her talking, laughing, looking at the stars, SO much kissing..just to wake up to pain and dying to go back to that world but can't fall back asleep.. I think so many days of this accompanied with exhausting work days just made me snap and just made these fears of what I may find in tabloids consume me. I'm flipping the channels to put something on for my daughter and there it is..she is on tv right now.. and as bad as I want to, I feel like I shouldn't put it on because another person whose entire EXISTENCE I cannot accept is on it too.. My depression has been kind of dormant this weekend and I don't want to screw it up, I feel like maybe I could handle it but I still feel pretty emotionally fragile like I shouldn't test the limits and I'd have to be stone cold sober cuz my daughter is here. I feel like I should do something else but the thought of seeing her and it going well has me so excited and its just a click of the remote away..and it's the character that began my undying love for her.. douchebags I choose not to acknowledge left the show on the last season why couldn't it be an episode from the last season! Or something without that p.o.s. altogether! He is so dull and ordinary and boring and NOT funny. I despise him with all of my being. Why must I constantly be tortured this way? She has hurt me so much this week and caused me more pain than she ever has, if that's even imaginable. For the first time last week, I actually HATED her. This weekend, I feel better and more focused on my family but I just feel so empty when I have to avoid mila but I'm scared all the pain and anger and jealousy will consume me again. I know I should give it more time but expecting me to stay away from mila is like expecting a magnet not to stick to a refrigerator. It is taking every ounce of what little self control is left in me to stay the hell away from the tv. Its...right...there... the smile, the laugh, those eyes, that body, and I have the biggest weakness for that whiny, bossy character she used to play.. but there's really nothing about any version of her that doesn't drive me completely insane. I am desperately trying to find something else to do but I'm gonna hate myself because who knows when my next chance to be alone and watch her will be. I'm trying to divert my attention and just wait til next time cuz I really don't want to cry today and stir my depression up when its dormant at the moment and end up fighting with my fiancee when she gets home, cuz at this point she'll know I looked at her just by the look in my eyes, but it's driving me crazy knowing what I could be seeing and hearing. WHEN will I get my drunken night of fantasy that feels real? I want to think about something else but she owns my mind! I don't feel like cleaning my house but I don't know what to do. I want to hear her voice SO bad! HELP.

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@nothingatall7766,

 

I understand how COs can bring both joy and sorrow, (goodness knows, mine sure does), BUT I think there comes a point when a CO causes more harm than good. Please don't get offended if I say that I think you have reached that point. Difficult as it may be, I think you're going to have to make a choice: either be alone with Mila on your TV screen, drinking and feeling so miserable, etc. or keep your family life with your fiancee and your kids. If you don't make this choice, life will make it for you. Something has gotta give here. If you could love Mila quietly without your fiancee always being aware of it and put Mila aside just enough to be able to enjoy family time together, then I would say why give up Mila? You know I always say that it's okay to love more than one person, even if one is married or engaged. But I think that in your case, it's not going to work to live in both worlds if you are going to be *THAT* distracted by Mila every minute. I'm not saying you can stop loving Mila because love is love, but you've really got to find a way to stop thinking about her as much. You'll have to decide which is more important to you because I have a feeling that you will lose your fiancee if this keeps up much longer. (She will probably take the kids too.) You can't hide this from your fiancee indefinitely. Can you really believe that she will marry you, knowing that every minute you are aching to get another peek at Mila, no matter what she's doing with you? Do you think she won't *know* it and *sense* it if she knows you well enough? You can't fool her. If she isn't fully aware of it now she WILL be. Sorry if I sound harsh, but that's what real friends do when a friend needs to hear the truth. I am that friend who doesn't want to see you destroy your life. If you don't listen to my advice, then there is nothing more I can say. It sounds like you need help that goes beyond anything I can offer. I hope you will be seeing the therapist soon.....very soon.

Edited by Seeker2

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I still got a ways to go til December 1st. I didn't put her on..I cleaned my house til I knew it was over. I feel like if my depression was being treated that I could stop always seeing the bad in this but my mental state is deteriorating fast. I feel like if I was my true self again and was happy then I could rebuild my happy fantasy world with mila, I could build coping skills...there is only one thing she could do that I could NEVER recover from..if she changes her last name.. I will seriously d!e inside and will probably hate her forever. I won't be able to look her up anymore or anything. Life has shown me that it's not afraid to CONTINUALLY keep punching me and twisting my heart and breaking it as much as possible but I just hope it will just spare me this ONE thing. her name is beautiful and she just can't taint it with that p.o.s. she just can't. Trigger me all you want, hurt me, anything just please leave the name alone. I'd beg her if I could.

You and Audrey and your advice do help me so much and I try to follow it so hard. But I don't have the ability to not think about her. Not on my own anyway. My mind no longer belongs to me, it is hers to do what she decides with. My entire BEING is hers. I hate it. I don't think that can be changed until I get extreme medical attention. I am trying to be as hopeful I can with this crippling depression but if she changes her name, I don't think I will EVER recover from that and how I would react truly scares me.

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You and Audrey and your advice do help me so much and I try to follow it so hard. But I don't have the ability to not think about her. Not on my own anyway. My mind no longer belongs to me, it is hers to do what she decides with. My entire BEING is hers. I hate it. I don't think that can be changed until I get extreme medical attention. I am trying to be as hopeful I can with this crippling depression but if she changes her name, I don't think I will EVER recover from that and how I would react truly scares me.

I appreciate that you said I helped you. I'm glad.  I want to address what you said in that paragraph above that I emboldened.

 

I would like to encourage you to stop thinking this way...you DO have the ability to control your own mind.  In fact, if you even think you don't, it's a priority to take back control of your own mind. Immediately!!  I will admit to having intrusive thoughts, but I would never, ever allow anyone to take control of my mind!! 

 

I told you something in a PM yesterday.... I hope you don't mind if I share it here.  I told you that I likened my intrusive thoughts to raging flood waters on the other side of a door, threatening to burst through and drown me.  It's up to me to hold that door closed, so the waters don't come in.  It's a lot of work to do that, and I sometimes get really tired....but I cannot give up because I will drown if I do!! I would add that, if I'm the only one who would drown if the flood bursts through the door, I cannot allow anyone else to take control of holding that door...or maybe it's more accurate to say I wouldn't trust anyone else to hold the door closed.  That's a job that only *I* can do, and I will do it.  I spoke to you privately this morning about a situation where I might have stumbled.  But I thought better of it (you know what I'm talking about.)  I had to stay strong.  Because after all the work I've done I WILL NOT DROWN anymore.  

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I've tried in all these months to only think about her when it's happy but I'm not allowed. She talks to me all the time. I have so many distractions in my life and none of them work. I think it is all connected to my depression.

That being said, I'm also really scared that I'm putting TOO much faith in medication but it's ALL I have left to go on as far as having hope. If she changes her name though, it's all over.

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