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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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Hi guys

Have just spent the last 2&1/2hrs reading this forum and haven't felt quite so much relief for a lonnnnnnng time.

I've had COs, that I can remember, since I was 11. It wasn't until recently my sister and I were watching an old movie and she said, (referring to the main actor) 'Aw, remember when you were so in love with him? You were so cute'. I didn't remember, maybe because at the time I was only 5. Needless to say I was pretty shocked, not only because I realised my COs had started that early, but also because the actor would have been 38 at the time! I'm still saying I only started at 11...

So, since the age of 11 I've only had a few COs, some more serious than others. By serious I mean, one that lasted throughout my entire 5 years of High School (I'm surprised I managed to graduate). After that, it was a handful of others lasting maybe a year or more. I'm now 31 and in the grips of another serious CO coming up to 3yrs.

I won't go into details now (don't want to bore you!) but I've had depression/anxiety for years, and on and off meds throughout the battle. DD is my biggest problem, for when it's in full swing, it has and does literally consume my life. In short, I just wanted to say how relieving it feels to know I'm not the complete headcase I thought I was (that wasn't insinuating that you are also headcases!). I was reading your posts and actually laughing out loud at some of them because they are just exactly what I do and have experienced.

Thank you!

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@HC103,

Welcome to our little group. :)

Don't worry, lol! I know what you meant with your comment about "headcases", lol! :D Although we probably are "headcases" here. The nice thing is that if we are all crazy, it's something we ALL share, so you're not alone. :D

Edited by Seeker2
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@HC103, we all have the same problem here, some a little different than others. I'm fairly new to this forum myself and to CO's in fact I think this is my first official one, but we welcome you with open arms. We all try to help each other out (even though the rest of them are much better than me). Feel free to tell us your problems as we will do also.

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Hey decado - you are in a tidal wave of emotion right now. Probably not the best time to be making decisions on anything if at all possible. We all know how consuming our CO's can be. All at once they help us get through some pretty dark days but after a while they can start to cause some as well. Take it slow and do what you have to do to take care of yourself. Promise?

The closest I came to my current CO was a couple years ago when he was in the state directly south of me filming a movie. He was 128 miles away. Could have driven it in under 2 hours with luck. The kicker - he wasn't my CO at the time. Guess maybe that's a good thing.

And Welcome HC103! You've come to the right place. Go ahead and unload here all you want.

Edited by cktv123
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@Decado it sounds like you had an overwhelming time at the gig... It's very hard not getting a reply (you know my thoughts on this!), but you have to imagine how busy these people are - I would think they would read everything but reply to only a few and it's just luck who they reply to. Try not to take it to heart, though I know first hand how difficult that can be. It sounds like it was an amazing gig with the added bonus of your CO being right in front of you, sounds good to me!

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Hi Everyone! Thanks for the advice! I've had a good cry and a nap and I think writing it all down and sharing the feelings with you guys helped a lot - so thank you for taking the time to listen!!

If I'd have been at work today it probably wouldn't have bothered me that much! I just really regret doing the tweet, I never have before and I only put the app back on my phone yesterday to send that one, as I have stayed away from twitter for the past few weeks! I just had the urge to send that one last night, and it wasn't just to my C/O it was to the rest of the band as well! But I wish I'd have listened to myself!! Also after I calmed down a bit I noticed that he has only responded to tweets where there was a photo attached, I didn't noticed that before, it was only when I went on to cancel my account that I connected two and two!

I have also been thinking of the note and what @seeker said I didn't put anything mushy in there but I only put my name and that I listen to his radio show. So I will never know if he got it or not, I just feel really silly to have sent it in the first place, I have never tried to contact him before and I wouldn't ever try again!

Looking at the photos, I've asked my family what they think and they think he is singing, he was being very good, loads of people had there cameras out and he would stand still long enough and come to the edge for people to get a snap!

I really liked what you said @bonkers about our lives crossing I never thought of it like that which was really lovely! I did realised as well that I wouldn't ever want a relationship with him he is a outrageous flirt, with the pics he posted after show and the way he was with the two girls on stage, I really felt for his girlfriend cos I know she hates him behaving like that and she was all the way back home!

Now the feelings have settled down, I think your all right about giving it some time, I don't know how and if I could ever give him up completely he's been around for just to long!

But thanks again for listening and Hello to @HC103 & @allisonanne

And lots of puppy hugs for your beautiful pup @Audrey and sending puppy love from my King Charles Rhody!! What is her name?

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@decado,

I think you should have given him some way to contact you because he might have answered. You nevah know. Oh well, no harm done really, but next time, give him a way to answer, lol!

Now that you mention about how he came forward and let people snap pictures of him, I guess he wasn't annoyed that you snapped a picture. My guess would be that he was just singing forcefully and you caught him at a moment where he looked 'angry' but it wasn't really anger or annoyance, just emotional lyrics. Sometimes Bright Eyes frowns at certain moments and if one snapped him at the wrong time, he could look very weird, lol!

Bright Eyes loves to flirt when he's with the girls on stage. If I were his wife, I might be annoyed, but I think it's cute, lol! Somehow when he flirts, it's so boyish and kind of innocent, so he can get away with it somehow, lol! :D

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Hi Everyone! Thanks for the advice! I've had a good cry and a nap and I think writing it all down and sharing the feelings with you guys helped a lot - so thank you for taking the time to listen!!

If I'd have been at work today it probably wouldn't have bothered me that much! I just really regret doing the tweet, I never have before and I only put the app back on my phone yesterday to send that one, as I have stayed away from twitter for the past few weeks! I just had the urge to send that one last night, and it wasn't just to my C/O it was to the rest of the band as well! But I wish I'd have listened to myself!! Also after I calmed down a bit I noticed that he has only responded to tweets where there was a photo attached, I didn't noticed that before, it was only when I went on to cancel my account that I connected two and two!

I have also been thinking of the note and what @seeker said I didn't put anything mushy in there but I only put my name and that I listen to his radio show. So I will never know if he got it or not, I just feel really silly to have sent it in the first place, I have never tried to contact him before and I wouldn't ever try again!

Looking at the photos, I've asked my family what they think and they think he is singing, he was being very good, loads of people had there cameras out and he would stand still long enough and come to the edge for people to get a snap!

I really liked what you said @bonkers about our lives crossing I never thought of it like that which was really lovely! I did realised as well that I wouldn't ever want a relationship with him he is a outrageous flirt, with the pics he posted after show and the way he was with the two girls on stage, I really felt for his girlfriend cos I know she hates him behaving like that and she was all the way back home!

Now the feelings have settled down, I think your all right about giving it some time, I don't know how and if I could ever give him up completely he's been around for just to long!

But thanks again for listening and Hello to @HC103 & @allisonanne

And lots of puppy hugs for your beautiful pup @Audrey and sending puppy love from my King Charles Rhody!! What is her name?

It sounds like you're feeling a little better, and I'm glad. :smile:

You know, I've tried to take screen shots from YouTube videos (don't ask!!) ...getting the facial expression just right is tricky. I can go back and "do over" but when it's live, you couldn't do that. Believe me, it's just because you caught him at an inopportune moment. But the important thing is, YOU WERE THERE!!

My pup's name is Snickers....like the candy bar (my favorite).

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Today is one of those days where I wish I could get rid of my CO. Where the hurt of never being a part of his life in the way I'd want is too much. Where seeing his life is a reminder of how mine is, and I get stupid jealous of all the lucky people who get to share his life and have fun with him, while I'm here on my own.

Yeh, I know, big time self pitying going on.

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@busymoo! Hope your ok Hun! Is it something that you've read about him that's made today worse?

Why is it our C/O's and the people in there lives get to us so much and make us so much more unhappy? I can't remember if you have said before so please accept my apologises but does your C/O cheer you up when your down about other things?

I can relate to how your feeling though, I used to get that occasionally, but since I saw my C/O last week, the feeling to want rid has been so strong! You would think it would be the opposite. But seeing him so close and so beautiful made me realise I'd never be part of his life in any way and that hurts so much! I keep telling everyone I was getting hate vibes from him! They keep saying don't be daft but it felt real to me! Instead of any positive at all I've managed to turn the whole thing into all negatives! Silly isn't it the things we do!!

But keep your chin, I hope you will feel better soon!

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Today is one of those days where I wish I could get rid of my CO. Where the hurt of never being a part of his life in the way I'd want is too much. Where seeing his life is a reminder of how s*** mine is, and I get stupid jealous of all the lucky people who get to share his life and have fun with him, while I'm here on my own.

Yeh, I know, big time self pitying going on.

:console:

I'm so sorry you're going through this right now, busymoo. I hope you feel much better soon. :hugs:

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@decado, I know how it feels to think a CO is disapproving, but in your case, you didn't even meet him, so why do you think he was giving you 'hate vibes'? Is it because of his expression in that picture? I think he was totally absorbed with the passionate lyrics of the song and his expression may have looked 'angry', but I think he was just being intense. If you wanted to "get rid" of your CO because you feel the obsession itself is hurting your life, that's one thing, but I think it would be sad if it was because you thought he disliked you when you didn't even meet him.

@busymoo, Sorry you're down. I hope things turn around for you in the near future.

Edited by Seeker2
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@decado. It's just the realisation that I let a man who I don't even know dictate my emotions. I'm too reliant on my DDs of him, and too scared of ANYTHING I might read.

It's not right that something pretty insignificance I see him doing can lead to my mood plummeting. It's not right.

I need to try and stop. Even writing that make me feel queasy because I've used my DDs and COs for over twenty years, it's a part of me that I do automatically without even thinking, in everyday life.

And then it's what do I do without them? That is one very large hole.

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@busymoo, Bless you! I completely understand, that's the only thing that's stopping me saying goodbye is the void it would leave behind! I didn't realise you've had your C/Os around for such a long time too! I'm still reading though the pages of this forum, I'm a very slow reader!

Have you got any hobbies or something else that could help, take you mind off him for a while? I know it's easier said than done!!

@seeker to be honest the picture has a bit to do with it, I guess I'd have to show you the photo. I love him to pieces thats probably the other reason, I've liked him for twenty years, granted more the younger him. but it's a long time to idolise someone, then when right in front of him, he bearly looked in my direction and when he did it was with a scowl! I tried not to make eye contact at all after a couple of times! Lol! Not to mention that Stupid twitter thing I'm still kicking myself for I think that's more to do with it!

I'm very quick to assume the worst in every situation I always look for the negatives whatever I do, that just me!

I suppose I feel, for me, it's better to think that he hates me rather than never having that fairy tale meeting I've craved for so long!

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@decado. Thank you for your understanding and kind words.

DDing has taken over my life. It is like the never ending hobby, there's nothing else I want to do. It's also my best friend and the way I get any sense of fulfilment in my life. Pretty pathetic I know, but the truth.

Feel really quite embarrassed admitting that on a public forum, but what the heck, if I can't do it here I can't do it anywhere!

I've done what I class as maladaptive daydreaming since I was a little girl. Over the years the object of those DDs, the COs, would change, and the DD would change with them, but I'd always live in a fantasy world in my head.

This most recent CO, who's been with me for almost two years now is in a league if his own though. And right now, I feel I've had enough.

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@decado, You probably wouldn't have a fairytale meeting with your CO, since most encounters with COs just don't turn out that way in real life. But imo, I think that believing he 'hates' you is also a fairytale, (in a negative sort of way). It's simply not likely that he would 'hate' a complete stranger who's just sitting in the audience taking a picture. I think (realistically) he was probably indifferent, since you didn't meet him in person, so he has no reason to judge you one way or another. In fact, I would almost be certain that he didn't even see you because very often performers are distracted by the bright lights and can't see the audience well at all. I don't know the kind of music he sings, but if it's pop of some kind, it's very likely that he just 'scowled' in the heat of a high energy performance. He would probably be surprised to learn that he looked 'angry' when he was just singing and looking at a section of the audience, lol! When you first talked about your experience, I thought he might have looked angry if pictures weren't allowed at the concert, but after you mentioned that he was posing for people, I guess that wasn't the case at all, so I take back that theory. I think he was just scowling like singers do when they are singing pop music. (I am assuming he is some kind of pop singer, although I could be mistaken since I don't know who he is.) In any case, singers of any kind can look very weird if you snap them at the wrong moment. Perhaps you should have just deleted the pic and snapped a new one. :)

Edited by Seeker2
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@decado. It's just the realisation that I let a man who I don't even know dictate my emotions. I'm too reliant on my DDs of him, and too scared of ANYTHING I might read.

It's not right that something pretty insignificance I see him doing can lead to my mood plummeting. It's not right.

I need to try and stop. Even writing that make me feel queasy because I've used my DDs and COs for over twenty years, it's a part of me that I do automatically without even thinking, in everyday life.

And then it's what do I do without them? That is one very large hole.

You're not alone, and I've been doing this for over 45 years. I had an experience last year -- I won't rehash it here -- but I thought I should stop too. I'm not surprised that writing that made you feel queasy because that's where I was too: sick to my stomach wondering what now?

Just remember that you're not alone, busymoo. We'll help you get through this. That's a promise, so hang on!!

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@decado, Just to let you know that even though I am saying all of what I said above, I do understand completely why you felt disturbed by his expression, although I believe it was a total coincidence. But I guess I would feel the same if a CO seemed to be glaring at me, even if he wasn't really.

Edited by Seeker2
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Yeah big hugs busymoo, so sorry you are feeling so low.

Distraction really is key although I know how hard it is to take your mind off a CO. If I'm left to my own devices (and right now there's a lot of that) it's too easy for me to lose myself in daydreams. They even overtake my desire to do things that I normally find enjoyable. Before I know it, hours have passed. It's still something I'm working on.

I do have some hobbies. My friends always call me "the one who does all the weird " because I like to seek out obscure and not so obscure stuff to do. I'm in a choir, joined the committee of a voluntary org (don't even enjoy that but it gets me out and meeting new people), and in a few weeks I'm dancing in a big opening ceremony as a volunteer. I've done all sorts over the years. I know on some level I do all this stuff to mitigate my ever-present feelings of my life being dull and sub-standard. I'm not very good at sticking with one hobby because I'm never that interested in a single thing. Perhaps you could have a go at a few different things and try to find some fulfilment that way?

These things don't stop my COs but they do help me to get something into my life that doesn't 'involve' them, although I will admit that daydreams of my COs do invade these activities at times.

Edited by bonkersinthenut
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For people who have had multiple COs....do you have a type? Like a particular look, or career you're attracted to?

Was thinking the other day about this as one of my old COs was performing at Glastonbury and I was thinking how TOTALLY and COMPLETELY different he is to my current CO in every way....in fact you couldn't really get more polar opposite.....really made me laugh as I clearly don't have a type or even really know what attracts me about a man, lol.

I was thinking about this the other day when I was puzzling over why I have fallen for my current CO, and I think I DO have a type, to an extent. He is physically very like all of my long term exes and one of my intense real life COs ie very thin. I've always had a thing for that, and all of those ( and my current CO) were/are not classically good looking and I suppose would be classed as a bit geeky and 'nice' yet interesting. I also tend to go for dark hair and eyes too. So I can correlate my current CO to what I would probably describe as my usual type. I did not even realise this until I thought about them all in a line lol!

However my last three COs did not really fit that type. My most recent was classically good looking and dark but average build. I still say he has the 'perfect' face. One that came along while I was in the throes of that one was very tall, quite striking but unusual looking and slim. My partner knew about both of them and interestingly said that those two resembled each other! The one before that wasn't of type at all. Rather short, fairish hair, average build. I think I fell for his boyish looks.

Bit of a mixed bag really.

Edited by bonkersinthenut
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