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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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Because I feel like "no one" compared to him. :/ That's the problem when you compare yourself to a celebrity. Like I've done nothing interesting in life... I'm neither rich nor famous. I don't really have a low self-esteem, I've learned to love myself in a way, but being in love with him has also brought some insecurities back into my life.

I'm not the kind of person that everyone loves "at first sight" and I've never been that. They say I'm quite attractive, but there's must be something off-putting about me when I meet new people. One line I often get from people around me is "You look sad." Maybe I do, even if I don't really feel that way! That's like a curse, but I just don't feel the urge to smile all the time. And every time I don't smile, I'm supposed to look sad. And he is, or seems to be (have to remind myself all the time that I don't really KNOW him, although it seems to me that I know him better now than some of the people in my real life whom I call "friends" - lol) very easygoing, nice to everyone, and that's also why I love him (and many other people do). I don't even know if I'd be his type personality wise.

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Wait, new puppy? Can we put pictures on a thread? We need to see the puppy! :inlove:

This is Snickers:

She's a 5 month old Yorkshire Terrier....she brightens my day every day.

OOOOHHHH MY GOSH!!! She is the cutest thing in the whole wide world!!!! Lol! Wow! :D xxx

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@Emily,

You seem to be indicating that you want to get over your CO because it may be hurting your marriage to a man who really loves you. If that is the case, I could advise you to try and come to America to meet your CO at a public event, as a way of getting over him, but who knows whether that would make it worse? Sometimes meeting a CO in person adds a dose of reality, which makes the obsession go away. (This hasn't worked for me with Bright Eyes, but I haven't met him often enough.) It eventually worked with a spiritual teacher I was obsessed with. I met him often enough to realize that he and I really have no meaningful personal connection, or he would have reacted differently to me.

Edited by Seeker2
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emilydresar1983, welcome to the forum! Thank you for sharing, I appreciate being able to read what you all have to say.

Today was surprisingly better for me concerning my dream girlfriend. I had some struggles this morning (literally sat up in bed and thought of her lovely face, then realized she wasn't mine....owch.), but after the morning I got distracted by my allergies (haha). In the afternoon I had filled up on a good dose of caffeine and have felt surprisingly good since then. Sometimes my love and this intense longing for my dgf is just too strong and I have to get her off my mind or I feel like I'll go 'crazy'.

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I guess I'll post a quick update. On Tuesday, the team posted a highlight video on their website and my crush looked amazing and was throwing the ball great. The other QB threw two interceptions and didn't throw the ball very well at all. Yesterday, the team didn't include my crush at all in the highlight video. I was so bummed. I seriously felt blue yesterday. I was tired and didn't feel like doing anything except moping around the house.

Today I feel much better. It was media day today and, of course, my crush was the only QB to throw an interception so the sports reporters went on and on about how my crush hasn't improved since last year. They really hate him for some strange reason. I was kind of bummed about it until the general manager said in an interview that it looks like my crush has improved a lot since last year and that he is throwing completed passes in practice that he couldn't throw last year. The GM has always liked my crush and always says good things about him. He was the one who made the decision to draft my crush 3 years ago. The coach didn't mention my crush during his interview but he did say that the rookie QB needs a lot of work. All I keep hearing from reporters is how the rookie looks so much better than my crush but I don't think that's true, especially based on what the coach is saying. I really don't understand how people can form an opinion based on watching one workout. These sports reporters seem to base their reports on one media day practice when, in reality, the team practices twice a day for three days a week. My crush made a few mistakes in one of those six practices and, according to these reporters, he is the worst QB in the world. I try my best to ignore what the reporters say but it's hard when I'm trying to find out as much news about him as I can. I pretty much just watch the press conferences and interviews posted on the team website and form my own opinions. Speaking of which, there was an interview with one of the players posted the other day on the website and my crush was standing in the background talking with the other QB. He was looking so hot! Yummy!! I'm not sure where I'm going with this post anymore. :Coopwink:

The next practice isn't until Monday so I'll try to avoid any sports related websites until then. I have a lot of work to do on my web design business so I need to try to avoid distraction as much as possible. I also need to stop thinking about that cute actor in the movie I saw the other week. I keep daydreaming about him which isn't a good use of my time. :innocent:

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@Seeker2

Thanks for the reply. This is actually something I've been thinking about a lot - go somewhere where it's sure he will appear and at least SEE him once with my own eyes. I know that he's quite short for a man, like 5'8'', some sources even say that he's only 5'7'' and I'm quite tall for a woman (5'9'' or even 5'10'' - can't tell exactly since us Europeans use centimetres and I always have a little trouble recounting - I'm 1.76 cm:)) - so I know it would probably feel awkward to meet him and see that he's shorter than me. But that alone is not something that would discourage me. My husband is also not the tallest of all guys, he's a little shorter and he's never had a problem with that (me neither). I almost never wear high heels (and rarely with my husband), but that's ok because my favorite type of shoes are ballerinas anyway - and though I'm almost always one of the tallest girls around, and would like to be shorter, this is not something that would bug me much, but for the reason that all the guys that I like are almost always shorter. :D

I'm afraid that meeting him in reality wouldn't help me much, because he's one of the prettiest guys I've ever seen (though I don't like all of his pictures, but like I said before, he's the prototype of a perfect man to me) and almost everyone who's ever met him says that he's even MORE handsome in reality. I don't even know how this could be possible, but it obviously is so, and I believe that.

His great looks were the first reason why I fell for him, I found myself staring at the pictures of him in the fall of 2013, when my obsession started, telling myself how something this perfect can even be real. Most of the pictures were from photoshoots anyway, but they say he has the "ability" to look perfect even in casual everyday life, and he's SO pretty that he makes most of other people look ugly or at least pretty average. He just totally redefined everything I've ever considered "attractive." I may sound quite obsessed, but well, that's what I am. :P I'm not thinking of him as a "God" anymore, there are certainly some things about his appearance that I also DON'T like, but I'm just worried that meeting him would not only not eliminate my obsession, but it would just intesify it.

Besides, I love his kind manners and his voice. I was joking the other day, that even if I eventually went blind, I'd still be crushing on him, since his voice is just perfect as well. He has a really DEEP voice, and I find it sexy as hell. My husband looks more "manly" than him (he's handsome as well, though not as perfect of course), but he doesn't have such a voice.

One important thing I haven't mentioned yet, is, that he's currently single, and has been for quite a long time. There's a rumor he still can't get over his last GF, who's now been in a relationship with someone else for more than 2 years, and it's hard for him to find any other girl to love as much as he did love her. There are CROWDS of women who'd be happy to be with him (me included...), but he seems to be quite faithful and shy around women, which makes him even more adorable and doesn't help the entire thing. However, when I read something about him and an "unknown girl" at the theater few months ago, I was crying. That's gone bad. :( I'm sure that a guy like him, even though he doesn't have an "official relationship" at the moment, must be low key dating or such.

I guess I just need to type out my feelings now... anyways, I've noticed a positive change since I wrote here yesterday. I've got some kind of feedback to my feelings about this whole CO thing, and I've found how badly I'm still struggling with these totally "inappropriate feelings", as I call them. I realized that maybe I should relax a bit, and enjoy it for the most part. I'd just like to get him out my head at least for the time when I'm with my husband. And we got a long-distance relationship now (temporarily), we see each other only every other (extended) weekend, but the awful thing is that I don't think of missing my husband as much as I still think of my CO.

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It's so comforting to read people's experiences on this thread. I'm a little better today but still wrestling with the very unpleasant idea that I have so, so little chance with my chap in reality. I can't face it TBH. That's childish and cowardly I know, however I just don't want to face it. Even if the chance is less than 0.01% I want to carry on hoping. I feel like I need that hope. I'm sure some of the folks on here can understand that.

I also feel like the biggest barrier (and possibly the only barrier) to my chance with him is the fact that if we ever met he's a celebrity and I'm 'just a fan'. It's not a level playing field is it? I can't meet him just as a person, an individual, only as someone who is one of many, someone who probably wants a 'selfie' with him or an autograph or whatever. (I guess there's also the problem of whether he'd never consider getting to know a 'fan' as he'd think my interest in him from afar is a bit strange and shows that I'm a bit too keen on him...)

I'm still considering sending him a letter. Can't decide whether it's worth the effort or not. Will he see it and read it? I'm thinking of trying to strike a balance between being polite and casual whilst showing genuine interest in him, along with trying to show a bit of my sense of humour and personality at the same time. I think it's very, very difficult to write a letter like that to someone that you don't really know but just admire from afar. How do you present yourself? I'm a reasonably good writer when I put my mind to it I believe, although it's tough to know exactly how you're going to come across to someone in his position who receives lots and lots of fan mail on a regular basis.

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Something else has occurred to me today about this whole situation. I think I've got a need for something (or someone) to be difficult to obtain. If it feels like I have to go to a lot of trouble to try and secure the attention or the affection of another person it makes me feel like that person is more special or worthy of that attention or affection. To me this isn't just about celebrities, this is how I am in general with everyone. I suppose I have some sort of narrative in my head about how I want things to unfold with a love interest - it can't be too easy and it can't be too instant otherwise I feel like I haven't achieved what I really want. I don't understand why that should be the case. Maybe it doesn't have to be like that?

Edited to add: it seems to be about inequalities in relationships. I want someone that truly impresses me. My darling chap does in all sorts of ways. I know that I'm capable of impressing others, but I'm not sure I could impress him. I don't know. I'm worried that the only sort of man I could truly be happy with is someone 'out of my league'. Then I think of couples I know in my family and my friends. Some of them don't seem to always have complete parity in terms of attractiveness, status, education, type of job or any other sort of attribute. It could be that my experiences have given me a skewed perspective.

Edited by boingboing
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boingboing - you're speaking from my soul! (in both of your posts)

I got the same feeling about meeting my CO, I'd be just kind of painful to know that to him, I'll always be "another fan." Even though he said in a recent interview, that he'd date a fan, and a fan is a person (:D), I'm sure that was mainly what the PR advised him to sound nicer and more likable. They know well that now all of us would think we actually have a chance with him when we really don't. Too sad they are celebs - I'm sure that if my CO was a "normal guy", I'd feel much more confident to contact him and maybe even let a romance unfold, if I really got to know him and got confirmed what I think - that he's the guy I could live with. But he's a celeb, and I am, and always will be, a FAN. One of the millions. I tend to tell myself that my feelings for him are special and different than those of the other "fans", but I guess that's what everone who's obsessed tends to do. And most likely they're really not.

I'm also afraid of writing a letter to him. It's much more confusing in his case since I feel that his PR team is actually LYING to fans telling us repeatedly on Twitter he doesn't have a fan mail address, when we all know he actually does. What's the matter? Is he annoyed with reading/replying to the letters? With his fans (even though he says in EACH interview how he loves each and every fan of his...) That's kind of painful.

I've already written a letter to him, but I'm afraid of sending it. I know that waiting for the reply would be too harmful to me now. I'll eventually send it, tho, telling myself that I got nothing to lose...

And well, I know your feelings about wanting mostly something or someone unobtainable as well. This is my FIRST real hard CO, but I've had this with real life people all of my adult life. I've always been more attracted even to real life guys who didn't really seem interested to me. I enjoyed fighting for their attention. And then, the least of "victory" felt like heaven. I don't like too "easy" relationships. :/

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@boingboing Quote you: "I'm thinking of trying to striking a balance between being polite and casual whilst showing genuine interest in him, along with trying to show a bit of my sense of humour and personality at the same time. I think it's very, very difficult to write a letter like that to someone that you don't really know but just admire from afar."

I'm also in trouble with this. I wrote a letter that's mostly polite, presenting myself as a "reasonable" fan, since I still think that's what I'm supposed to be, or that's what I only have the "right" to be, considering my age and marital status, and revealing that I'm older and married, in order not to scare him or sound too creepy (in case we ever meet, though I'm sure he wouldn't remember me.:)) I've added a few flirting cues, but it's all clearly in a joking manner, the total outcome is still polite. Still I'm afraid that this kind of letter is totally plain, something he's receving every day, and wouldn't impress him much.

A part of me just wants to tear this letter off and write a completely different one, a GENUINE one, describing and revealing all the feelings I've got and I've been fighting with for so long (still leaving out the part where I'd like to run to him and leave it all behind, of course). :)

I'm split in two.

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@emilydresar1983

I think you're right. I doubt my Mr X would seriously consider dating a fan. Why? Because he probably and quite sensibly realises that a lot of fans are obsessive and OTT. I'm pretty sure he gets a lot of fan mail which is borderline or outright creepy. It just goes with the territory.

I also like to think I'm special and different but I'm not really, at least not from his likely perception when it comes down to it. I guess there is an idea in the back of my mind that writing a letter to him is an opportunity to try and be distinctive, to come across in a different or more memorable way that might get his attention. Is it a forlorn hope? Very probably. I still think I might try it. :smile:

As for the business about always going for people who are unobtainable: yeah, I've had no end of problems with that. I'm single and still looking! I have guys who are interested in me, but I'm not interested in them. It's like what I was saying about impressing people in that other post. The guys I can easily impress are not my cup of tea. The reason why they are easily impressed (in my view) is that they're not much of a catch themselves. There's no parity there at all. The idea that I could date a very well-educated, attractive celebrity seems pretty far-fetched. What I hope isn't so far-fetched is the idea that I could date a very well-educated, attractive man who may or may not be an actor - or a teacher, a writer, a journalist, an academic etc. (you get the idea). Incidentally I'm actually more interested in my crush's interests and educational background than in the fact that he appeared in a particular film...

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I totally get you.

I'm sure that my Mr. X also wouldn't REALLY consider dating a fan. He must know pretty well that most of his fans are obsessive over him (just hear them scream at his movie premieres and other public events). That doesn't really help a real relationships thing. I bet his next girlfriend will be another actress, singer or another celebrity like him. That's just how it goes. (If he ever dates someone "officially" again. He still seems to be quite stuck on his ex-girlfriend. But she's obviously moved on, and it doesn't seem like they're ever getting back together. Even though many people still ship them so hard... I don't, of course. I don't really like her and think that she doesn't have the best of personalities - appears a bit slutty to me. I'd "ship" him with a nice girl, maybe not at the beginning, but I'd get used to the idea of him being taken, I actually think I'd help me BIG TIME to get over him... but not with her). They usually don't date "ordinary" people. Moreover, not the people who've been their FANS before. I honestly cannot even imagine that... :P

Just like you, I think the letter is a perfect (and to be pretty honest, also almost the ONLY) chance to impress him and distinct yourself from the others. Especially when I DON'T intend to include all the regular "omg you're so hot, I love you so much" thing.. :D As much as I love him, I'd treat him just like someone I like but "talk" to him in a little ironic and mostly JOKING manner. I guess this could work... I don't really know what I even want from him, but I just know I want a PIECE of him in my real life. Not just the imaginations.

I guess it sounds quite creepy but sure some of you can relate...

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I wouldn't send him that 'heartfelt' letter. It's tempting and possibly therapeutic in some sense, but can you imagine how you would feel to receive such a letter from a complete stranger? Weird, isn't it?

I try to keep that in mind even though I fancy him like mad. He doesn't know me from Adam and I have to remember that! I am going to try drafting a new letter this weekend. I just want to really.

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I probably wouldn't send that "heartfelt" letter either. As much as I fancy him, I'm still feeling kind of awkward about all these feelings, even after 9 months sice it all started, and I'm reasonable in the sense of being "mature" enough to know that it's all just a little bit insane.

Nevertheless, I'd like him to "know" me as well, at least know about my existence, and of course, I'd like to impress him in a way.

I'm quite SURE that he's reading his fans' letters, and I've read several times that many people have received a personalized (even short) reply from him, so I still don't get it why his social media manager lies to us so badly.

I feel like there's a world of difference between what his PR team wants us to know about him and what HE would actually like to do, I just don't get it why he lets them take over his life in this way, which leaves an unpleasant impression of him being a weak or rather a careless person. :/ But I still idolize him and make up excuses for him. :)) And I still want to "touch him" in any way. I'm gonna give it a try.

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I guess this is where I differ a lot, because I have no thoughts about meeting or wanting to meet my CO in real life. I have no expectations, however unlikely, that he and I are somehow meant to be together.

I wouldn't even register on his radars radar.

I live it all through my AE. It's hers life that I DD about and therefore kinda try and protect myself from any ideas of me and CO being together, if that makes sense.

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Ah, the irony is that if we were more nonchalant about our interest in these people we might very well have more of a chance. That's always assuming you could actually 'bump into them' in some way, which isn't really possible unless you mix in the same circles as they do.

Marking ourselves out as fans immediately gets us put into the same file as the seriously creepy 'let me send you some lewd/inappropriate fan art/fanfic' people. A bit unfortunate that! Still I like a challenge :Coopwink:

And I think you've got the right idea. Polite, reasonable, light-hearted is the way to go. Make a joke or two, be complimentary but don't gush and simper (does anyone like that?). I guess we could try to be a little flirty in a subtle, jokey way, although I wonder whether fan mail gets 'vetted' by agents or PAs... Is it likely that letters deemed 'inappropriate' in some way won't get passed on or replied to? I've wondered about that.

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@busymoo

Totally understandable, and I guess I can but envy you.

I had some mini COs (plus crushes on real life guys, who'd never be interested in me because I was too young) when during puberty, and that's exactly what I did. I just DDed and I never even thought of any attempt to contact them. Actually, this is not completely true, since I've tried to write a letter to my biggest CO back then, but in the end I never really sent it and I just outgrew it peacefully. But that was so different. I knew well that I'm never really going to be with them, and I just enjoyed the DDs and was quite ok with them.

Awkward to admit, but does that mean I was far more reasonable at the age of 15, than I am now at 31? :/

(Or maybe also the social media thing nowadays makes it worse. That too).

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Don't envy me Emily, lol.

Just because I might not have any notion of being with my CO in any way, doesn't mean that it hurts any less to not have him and my AE be my real life. The emotions feel just as real and hurt just as deeply.

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@boingboing

Agreed about the way how to write the letter to pass through the "postal censorship" (an interesting idea btw., this has never crossed my mind before).

But sure there must be something like that - also to eliminate some rude/hateful/scary anons, that the celebs must be getting too.

I guess I'll keep the letter as it is, though it's not exactly ALL I'd like to say, but I want it to get to him and there's no other way.

Two little jokes are included, which shall make the letter more "memorable", anything more would be too much.

:P

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Remember that when you write to a CO, you are also writing to their secretary. You must keep the secretary in mind as you write the letter because they are the ones who decide whether or not your letter is worth giving to your CO.

I have tried to write letters to several COs and I actually had moderate to fairly good success at writing good letters. I would advise anyone considering writing a letter to their CO to avoid being flirty at all costs. That would not make a good impression, imo. The best way to write a letter is to just be sincere, compliment what you like about their work and treat them like a person you respect. Leave out anything flirty or suggestive. They may know you like them more than you're letting on, but they will appreciate being treated with respect. Also, I would advise a fan writing a letter not to joke around or be too frivolous in an attempt to hide intense feelings. It will come across as childish and insincere, imo. Even if you mean it in a light, harmless sort of way, it may come across differently than you intend.

The letters I wrote which got the best results were from the heart, respectful and sincere. (I also had to have a good reason for writing to them in the first place.) In the case of one CO I wrote to, (who answered me with a personal letter), I first told him why I admired his activist work, then I praised his literary work, (without being too gushy), and I found a way to talk about things I liked about his personality. I avoided talking about his looks and talking about him being cute or sexy, etc. I focused on his good qualities as a person, rather than gushing about his looks. He was very pleased and he said my letter made him happy, which made me happy as well. :)

Edited by Seeker2
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@emilydresar1983

My experience sounds so very similar. This is the first CO I've actually had where I've started to entertain thoughts of trying to contact him in some way.

I think that's because he's made such a massive impression on me, also that he's (apparently) single, is a similar age, has similar interests and seems to have the sort of outlook/demeanour/manners I can relate to. His educational background is in some ways similar to mine as well. He does my head in really with how many boxes he ticks in addition to what he looks and sounds like!

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@busymoo

I am sorry, and I know exactly how it hurts. :/
I read some of the earliest comments in this thread, and it said something like "knowing that you can't get what you want every time, is just a tough pill to swallow."

I don't even know what I'd do if I really met my CO one day (no matter how much I wish for that, and how much I SO don't wanna die before it happens. :P) I'd probably be so star-struck and lovestruck I'd forget to speak, or act my worse (in the sense of being totally awkward around him). Maybe, just maybe, I don't even wanna see it coming... I can't imagine "bumping into him" in the street, I'd probably lost all my cool and hide away. And then I'd be upset for the rest of my life.

It's quite interesting, and I swear to God it's true, that I've NEVER had any of these bad/painful feelings with any of my previous COs. I ENJOYED all of it, knowing it's just a fantasy. But I guess that was because I was just too young and waiting for a real relationship. Once I got it, I've never crushed on any actor or anyone else "unreal." Until now. :/

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