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Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support


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I love being able to share on here, but after reading the forum rules more carefully, I think I will need to be more careful what I post. I assume personal messages don't need to be quite as filtered, but am uncertain...

Anyway, I am having a really hard week in regards to my dreamgirlfriend.... I am feeling so empty and lost, torn and mixed up.

I was just reading the rules too. I am also going to have to be more careful. I had no idea.....

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling bad about dreamgirl... want to talk about it?

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I've read the rules too. Lady is a member of the DJ group I am. She told me she was straight up banned! From what I understand, you get three warnings before being banned. But I guess that isn't always the case. I, too, am going to be careful what I post. This "safe haven" may not be as safe as it seems.

Lady misses you guys. She's sad. I promised her that I'd let you all know.

I am glad to have found this thread nonetheless. I don't feel so weird about my crush on Don. Glad to know I'm not the only woman past her 30s that still harbors a teenage crush on a celeb complete with posters and magazines. :)

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When I think about it more carefully.....I HAVE had more crushes on TV characters than the actors.

It's so weird, because it's like I forget who some of my past COs have been and then my memory gets jogged and I'm like "oh yeh....I forgot about him", lol.

So yes, definitely think having COs who are not actual real people, ie characters, is easier and as someone said above, much easier to blend into the person you want them to be in your DD.

I think I've had waaaay more COs and crushes than I thought I had, lol.

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Me too, busymoo, me too.

The more recent ones have been fairly fleeting and have sort of fizzled out and faded without me really having to get over them. That makes this latest one all the more puzzling for me. It's very intense and very deep and I feel like I have to know if it's based on something 'real' and not just a mirage. Yes, I suppose I'm deluding myself perhaps, but there's something about it I can't explain. I try to think back to when I last felt this strongly and I know previous crushes haven't felt the same. I knew with 100% certainty that they were truly impossible - this one feels like a crush I had not so long ago on a man I worked with - the possibility and the hope is there somehow. I suspect people on here will now think I'm mad! ;)

Edited by boingboing
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When I think about it more carefully.....I HAVE had more crushes on TV characters than the actors.

It's so weird, because it's like I forget who some of my past COs have been and then my memory gets jogged and I'm like "oh yeh....I forgot about him", lol.

So yes, definitely think having COs who are not actual real people, ie characters, is easier and as someone said above, much easier to blend into the person you want them to be in your DD.

I think I've had waaaay more COs and crushes than I thought I had, lol.

I can see that it would be. Or I guess I should say I can imagine it would be.

I tried to make a list awhile back when someone asked the question in the thread about our previous crushes/COs. Not counting real people, it's only 11 (if my memory is reliable, which is questionable these days!!)

5 singers

4 sports figures (3 NFL, 1 MLB)

1 actor

1 politician (the most embarrassing one on the whole list)

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No one will think you're mad Boing, lol. We're all a little crazy here to start with!

I feel the same about my current main CO. I think because I've got the most detailed and exciting DD based around him, it's made my feelings for him so much stronger.

But I know I felt equally as strong with other COs, it's just hard to remember because I don't care for them at all anymore. It's almost like you get CO amnesia when you get over them.

Is you're current CO more obtainable somehow to past COs?

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@Audrey. I've tried doing a count but I keep missing people out. It's actually a little unsettling just how many COs, I've had, lol.

It makes me a little sad to think I might one day feel nothing for my current CO. Because despite wanting to get rid of him, i do love him and want him to stay. So messy.

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@busymoo

Yes, he does seem more obtainable and more 'suitable' as well. Many of my past crushes were either on men who were a lot older (absurdly so) or more based on the fictional characters they played in a TV show or whatever. I probably blurred the distinction between the actor and the character way too much, knew I was doing it and turned it into an obvious fantasy. This time it isn't based on a fictional character portrayal at all, the man is a similar age and he has similar interests to myself. If I was to look for a real-life non-celebrity partner my crush's interests would be something I would look for anyway.

I know this might sound a bit conceited but I could honestly imagine that my Mr X might find me attractive as well. It's possible. Not saying he definitely would (I might not be his 'type', if he has a type that is), but it's not beyond the realms of possibility that he could. Arghh. What he does to me!

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@Audrey. I've tried doing a count but I keep missing people out. It's actually a little unsettling just how many COs, I've had, lol.

It makes me a little sad to think I might one day feel nothing for my current CO. Because despite wanting to get rid of him, i do love him and want him to stay. So messy.

yeah, it wasn't easy for me to think of them all either...and it's possible I'm leaving some out due to "CO amnesia" as you said to boingboing (I like that!)

There's still this one baseball player who I will watch if his team is playing...it's nothing at all like the obsessive crush I have for my Sweetie, but this baseball player has gorgeous eyes. I don't care if y'all guess because he doesn't mean as much to me as my CO...so I'll just say I'm a little sad because he's retiring this year and I'm watching his team's games more this year because he'll be gone soon! :( Not obsessed over him though; just looking ;) Obviously he's younger than me since he is, as of now, still an active player.

I don't think there's any chance of me tiring of my main CO. I can understand why you say it would make you sad to feel nothing for yours. I can honestly say that even when my feelings for my CO were "dormant"...if something made me think of him, it was always very fondly. I have never felt nothing where he's concerned. I don't think that will happen.

Edited by Audrey822
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CO Amnesia?! Hey, I like that. It's just the same as any strong feelings for someone that you've managed to get over, you just forget about how strongly you did feel.

Will I eventually forget about Mr. X I wonder? I find it hard to imagine him never having any effect on me at all, but then again I thought like that about someone else once... Still feel like I'm getting closer; although somewhat scared at this point if Mr. X truly turns out to be a sort of ideal, but an ideal I can't have.

Edited by boingboing
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CO Amnesia?! Hey, I like that. It's just the same as any strong feelings for someone that you've managed to get over, you just forget about how strongly you did feel.

Will I eventually forget about Mr. X I wonder? I find it hard to imagine him never having any effect on me at all, but then again I thought like that about someone else once... Still feel like I'm getting closer; although somewhat scared at this point if Mr. X truly turns out to be a sort of ideal, but an ideal I can't have.

Of the 11 people on my list of crushes, there are 7 of them who make me ask what was I thinking???? I almost wish I could be granted amnesia for them!!
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I think a mini crush on a celebrity is not the same thing as a CO because a "CO" is an *obsession* and it goes a lot further than just thinking a guy one sees on TV is cute and then forgetting about him. There is no way to forget a real CO, imo. A mini crush is just a mini crush, so they don't really count. Even a medium crush isn't a CO because it has to be an obsession before it counts as a CO. It goes a lot deeper than a crush. If I were to count all the silly, little crushes I've had, the list would be much longer, lol! With some of them, I really have to ask, "What was I thinking?"

There is one in particular, (who would qualify as an actual CO in my teens), and I am always wondering what the heck I saw in him. It's so embarrassing! He is so awful looking, it's just nauseating to imagine being with him. I know looks don't always count, but this man is truly ugly and he also has a lot of *issues* that make him weird on a personality level. I shudder to think that I used to be fixated on this guy. I think I wanted to "rescue" him somehow, so that's partly what lay underneath it. But I am so ashamed of ever having been fixated on him. Brrrrr!

Edited by Seeker2
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I disagree Seeker. I have had proper CO over many people, but once it's faded, I'm done with it. At the time though it feels every bit as strong as it feels now for my current CO. And as you know from my pass posts about him, I struggle a great deal with the heartache this CO causes and it's been no different with any other.

Yeh, I've had fleeting crushes that maybe enter my DD for a short while and are fun and then I forget about.

But once a CO has worked it's way out of my system....then they become just a memory and often I wonder what I was thinking, lol.

Edited by busymoo
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Just seen your edit Seeker, lol. Yeh, I get that with one on my CO in particular....he is sooooo ugly (and that's rich coming from me, but he is), and I just feel a bit sick thinking about some of the DDs I had about him!!!

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I disagree Seeker. I have had proper CO over many people, but once it's faded, I'm done with it. At the time though it feels every bit as strong as it feels now for my current CO. And as you know from my pass posts about him, I struggle a great deal with the heartache this CO causes and it's been no different with any other.

Yeh, I've had fleeting crushes that maybe enter my DD for a short while and are fun and then I forget about.

But once a CO has worked it's way out of my system....then they become just a memory and often I wonder what I was thinking, lol.

Yeah, maybe I didn't express myself all that clearly. Well, I agree that COs can lose their intensity and can be forgotten. (Like I have totally forgotten the CO from my teens. Okay, I remember he exists, but I have forgotten him in the sense of him being a CO. In fact, I now find him annoying.) But I guess I mean that when one has a mini crush, they are casually forgotten, which is a different sort of forgetting. While a CO can be forgotten in time, it's a long process of getting over that person, or maybe it's because they get replaced by a new CO. But with a mini CO, it's more like out of sight, out of mind. There is no way that a real CO is going to disappear so easily from ones mind, although I do agree that they *can* be forgotten, so maybe I should have worded that a little differently. In my own case, I usually forget them when they are replaced with a new CO.

Edited by Seeker2
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My own experience is a little different. When I first got here I might have confused the term "CO" with just any crush...I was more concerned with the idea of telling my story than getting the terminology right. In that first post I said I have done this my whole life. But now that I'm more familiar with our "language" here, I would have to say that's not true!

I've had only one CO....as in "obsession". That's the one I've talked about in this thread, the one who brought me here. The others were mere crushes.

I have no idea from experience whether it's possible to have a "what was I thinking????" moment about an actual CO obsession because the only one I've ever had is my Sweetie, and I doubt seriously I will ever feel that way about him. The others were just crushes. I didn't even spend all day thinking about them; if I had daydreams about them, it was just an occasional thing, not an obsessive, all-day thing like I'm going through now.

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@Seeker. I understand what you mean, and yeh, I agree with that! I think my main COs have generally been quickly replaced by a new one and so I forget the old one fairly quickly, they fade with time until one day they just don't register on my radar anymore. But yes, fleeting crushes are more throw away crushes than in the CO domain.

I get that calling my current mini CO, a CO, might seem wrong. But for me he is more than a fleeting crush, I've had him on the boil for about 3 years now. But right now he's playing a much bigger part in my DDs, and is giving me butterflies like fleeting crushes don't. So, he's not a CO, but he is significant.

Right, ok, I'm muddling myself now, lol.

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I had a long-term CO that lasted for over 10 years. I very gradually started to feel less intensely about it and it eventually faded but it was a very long process. I finally moved away from it completely when I began to realise that the man in question had actually changed quite a lot from what he originally seemed to be like when I first fell for him. I still enjoy his acting but I don't fancy him now and I don't really like what I've seen of his real-life personality nowadays. I think he's a bit of a pratt!

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My own experience is a little different. When I first got here I might have confused the term "CO" with just any crush...I was more concerned with the idea of telling my story than getting the terminology right. In that first post I said I have done this my whole life. But now that I'm more familiar with our "language" here, I would have to say that's not true!

I've had only one CO....as in "obsession". That's the one I've talked about in this thread, the one who brought me here. The others were mere crushes.

I have no idea from experience whether it's possible to have a "what was I thinking????" moment about an actual CO obsession because the only one I've ever had is my Sweetie, and I doubt seriously I will ever feel that way about him. The others were just crushes. I didn't even spend all day thinking about them; if I had daydreams about them, it was just an occasional thing, not an obsessive, all-day thing like I'm going through now.

All I can say is that with one of my major ones....one I cried over and felt sick over and who I couldn't get enough info about, but who I couldn't bare to look up at the same time because of the fear of discovering "stuff".... Well now, I can't bare to look at him for totally different reason, lol. He makes my skin crawl.

But this is my experience. If you'd told me that is how I would feel at the time I would have been furious with you for even suggesting it. I was very in love with him. As much in love as I am now.

But I guess it's different for all of us and that's what makes talking a out it all so interesting.

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This is where I think maybe my maladaptive daydreaming comes in more than CO. I MD'd before I CO'd therefore maybe my obsessions over celebs are more incidental to my MDing. If that makes sense.

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I sometimes look back at all the little crushes I've had on TV characters, singers, etc., and just LAUGH!

Okay...here ya go. A partial, chronological list, for your amusement. The ones mentioned by name were not CO's. Just crushes.

Age 10- The character 'Enos' from 'Dukes of Hazzard', and Robert Wagner (who was older than my dad. He was in the news around that time because of his wife Natalie Wood's tragic death. I felt sorry for Mr. Wagner and thought him dreamily handsome. At 10 years old. LOL!)

Age 11- Captain Kirk. 'Nuff said.

Age 12 and 13- Some of the members from that Australian pop group Men at Work. Their videos were so silly and goofy. I thought the drummer was super cute.

Age 14- The character "Murdock" from the show 'A-Team.' He was so zany and funny. Loved him! I didn't know all that much about the actor.

Age 15- Norman Bates. What was I thinking?? I read two novel versions of 'Psycho' and saw the original movie on TV. I thought Anthony Perkins was cute.

Age 16- This was the year I really had my first "real life" heartbreak with a guy I liked in high school. I don't remember any celebrity or character crushes at that age.

Age 17- A pro baseball player and 2 pro wrestlers. (Yes, that stupid pro wrestling that my younger brothers watched, and I got dragged to watching a live match. It was more like live theater and I ended up loving it, and a handful of the wrestlers! LOL!)

Age 18- A character on '21 Jump Street' but NOT Johnny Depp. The other guy whose name I don't remember. I remember the actor was related to Dom Deluise? His son, most likely. He was CUTE!!!

Age 19, 20, 21- No one except for crushes in real life that I wish I never had. (sad) I was busy with college, too.

Age 22. Two failed "dates" that year, then I met my husband. The next three years were crush and CO-free. Too busy courting my guy!

Age 25. The character that Kevin Spacey played in "The Usual Suspects." I have NO idea why...he wasn't even that attractive-looking in that movie, but I was still like "awwww..."

Ages 26 to 30- No one! I was busy having and raising my babies and it was the earlier years of our marriage. I DID have a tiny crush on a coworker, but all the ladies in the office loved him too.

Age 31 and 32- The 2 hosts of a PBS children's TV animal show called 'Zooboomafoo' and...Dr. Carter from E.R.!

Age 33-34- No one

Age 35-37- Ladies, some of you can understand this...Snape from Harry Potter. Not the actor Alan Rickman, just Snape! LOL! He was such a tragic character...(sigh!)

Age 38-39- The character Elliot from "Law and Order."

Age 40-42 (up to today) The CO's I still have, one fictional character, and one random stranger crush. These are all MUCH more intense than all the crushes I have listed! Because they are so strong, I'm not saying. For one thing, none of them are actually famous. And the fictional character is kind of ridiculous!

That's my life- and I know there were more, but at least a dozen to 20 are completely forgotten.

Edited by imalittleteapot
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