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Beyond Broken

Unhealthy Relationship. Cant Let Go

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ok I am sorry that u had to go through so much.

You are an amazing guy.. trust me you can find someone much better then her.

First of all she being so younger to you the level of maturity is vey low as you can see she abused u when u went for Lunch with ur Uncle.

I know how it feels... to not want to let go. You have this fear of never finding someone tht beautiful ever again.

I feel the problem is ur just lowering your standards and convincing yourself tht u'll never find someone better...

I am sorry for being so blunt and straight to the point but right now u really need to snap out of it.

Try running/jogging/working out at the gym it's been proven scientifically tht it releases certain hormones, which relieves stress and increases the 'Feel good Factor' and self esteem... while ur at it keep telling yourself u deserve better..

Try to collect all the things tht remind u of her like Tshirts, letters, anything thts associated with her memory and keep it in a box and keep it away in some closet where u never go.

Write down her contact details in a piece of paper and give it to the person who is your best pal, deleting the contact details from the cell phone in the process

Move to some place new if u can and its possible it'll help a lot , it will be difficult at first but eventually it'll work out.

Remember ur Family will always be there for u as u said u and your family are very close; They are the only one's u can fall back too. So pls try not to loose their respect.

Always have some family member in ur house till ur alright, cause if ur lonely thoughts of her will come back..

Its really difficult to hear the things u've been through I will pray tht u get what u deserve and a better life, I've also been through similar situation, and I was insane at a point, but therapy helped a lot; FAMILY COMES FIRST always

Its really bad that Great ppl like u have to go through this...

I hope this helps a little

Hi Beyond Broken,

You got a lot of very good advice already.

I know how hard it can be to move on, especially if someone is being hot and cold like her. Still, move on you must. This kind of thing is not healthy for anyone. I agree with the advice to distract yourself as much as you can. However, you should not forget to get closure on this relationship either. What I mean is don't just numb your feelings and open questions because they will only come back to haunt you later. Better to deal with the pain now. Try to write down everything you feel, write down answers to all the questions you might have, write down all the reasons why she is not good for you and also the reasons why you still love her. After you have a complete picture, leaving nothing out and being completely honest with yourself, you should find it easier to come to a conclusion. A resolution about what you must do, how you must do it and why.

Doing this will not only make you feel better, it will also give you more resolve to follow through with your commitments. Finally, it will prevent you from "rewriting history" later and making her out as something better than she was!! When in doubt, you can always come back to your own words and see why you had to let her go.

Take care!

Awesome Advice! Thank you! I will do that!

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Why am I having so much trouble with this? Why cant I seem to move on? Why do I feel like contacting her all the time? (I don't at all) I spent the whole weekend with my family, had a nice time. Went on a date with a wonderful woman Friday night... But When I'm alone, the demons come. I know it was very toxic, and I dont think I want her back. I want to let go. I just want to let go.

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Hi Beyond Broken

You are doing all the right things for you.

I know right now its difficult especially when you are alone, but time will enable you to let go and eventually you will.

Trace

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It's been 3 whole weeks now since any contact. And I still feel the same. I miss her. I dont know what I miss about her, I just miss her. They say time is the only way to help. But how much time? It takes everything I have not to send her a simple "hey" text...

I started a new hobby: Setting up a saltwater tank. It takes up alot of my time. So hopefully my new hobby will help a bit...

I know I dont want her back. I just want to stop thinking about her. I miss her.

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(((((((Beyond Broken))))))))

I am glad that you have found something to keep you busy.

Time will heal, the length of time will be different for each person, but as you have made the decision to not take her back, even though you still miss her, your healing has already started as one of the first emotions of a relationship ending is denial and it seems to me that you have got through that.

Trace

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((((((((Beyond Broken)))))))))

Yes, it is hard. It really is not easy, but you will get through it.

Trace

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This is so hard...

HI Broken

Just wondering why you decided nothing and then decided all when she accepted nothing???

confusing..

I guess its the "want what you cant have" Syndrom. Right now I want her back so bad I cant handle it. She is all I think about. But then I know that if i do get her back, I wont want her anymore. Yes, it is very confusing, and I am so messed up in the head. I dont know what to do. Either try to get her back, or try to move on. Either one is very difficult. Somedays I just want to die. I hate feeling like this. Therapy and medication is not helping. I am so lost.

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You are not so messed up in the head. Don`t think that way about yourself, it`s very non-constructive and won`t help you. The "want what you can`t have" syndrom is exceptionally common! Only you might be a bit more obsessive about it than some others. It doesn`t mean that you are hopeless or messed up, only that you like the rest of us have issues that trouble you and disturb your everyday life.

Therapy and medication can help! Don`t you lose faith on that.

Keep on trying..

ChrystalR

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(((((((((((Beyond Broken))))))))))

Crying is a good thing.

It helps you to heal.

The more you cry, the more you heal.

Trace

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Beyond Broken

It can take a long time to let go and it can be hard. You may want to try therapy to help you to let go and meds could be a possibility to take the edge off.

You will get through this, it just takes time. Writing can help heal you too. Have you got a journal or thought of starting a blog here? It can be very therapeutic.

Trace

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Hi Beyond Broken

If you are having thoughts of suicide every day, I think you may definitely have to go to a psychiatrist and get some meds, probably more than just Valium.

If you go into your control panel, there is an option to start a blog. There is also a help tab on the top of the page, if you press it and type in blog, it will tell you exactly how to start a blog.

I hope this helps.

Trace

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Lots of good advice here! But I'd like to put in my 2 cents.

My counselor has me trying something she called "thought-stopping" while I'm coping with a recent breakup of a 2 year relationship. It doesn't work 100% all the time and takes practice but I feel it's a good approach. To put it simply, try to set aside 15-30 minutes each day (pick the time beforehand). During that time, you can allow yourself all the thoughts about this girl you want. Cry, yell, do whatever you need (aside from contacting her). But when your time limit's up, that's it. You'll still have thoughts about her pop into your head throughout the day, and that's okay. This is where practice will make a difference.

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Lots of good advice here! But I'd like to put in my 2 cents.

My counselor has me trying something she called "thought-stopping" while I'm coping with a recent breakup of a 2 year relationship. It doesn't work 100% all the time and takes practice but I feel it's a good approach. To put it simply, try to set aside 15-30 minutes each day (pick the time beforehand). During that time, you can allow yourself all the thoughts about this girl you want. Cry, yell, do whatever you need (aside from contacting her). But when your time limit's up, that's it. You'll still have thoughts about her pop into your head throughout the day, and that's okay. This is where practice will make a difference.

I tried thought stopping. But thats impossible right now because she consumes my thoughts. If I yelled stop everytime I thought about her i would be yelling stop every minute all day long...lol.

I went to my psychiatrist and we decided to put me on Welbutrin. I hope it works!

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Hi Beyond Broken

I am glad that you have something to help you through. I hope the Wellbutrin works for you too.

Trace

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Broken,

I don't have anything to add except that I'm right there with you.

Getting out of bed and going to work is my major accomplishment of the day - but you know what - that's ok.

You have to tell yourself that it WILL get better. Each day that you don't make contact, give yourself a pat on the back. And in time, it will get easier.

The meds will help with the ruminating - I know they did for me... But I believe an SSRI is more helpful (seratonin) for ruminating. Wellbutrin helps with energy.... Something to discuss with your Pdoc next time you go.

Check out the book Codependent No More... I've just started to follow called Beyond Codependence.

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Update: I've been on the welbutrin now for about two weeks. It's not working yet, but I know it supposed to take 6-8 weeks. I Started taking flying lessons which really keeps my mind occupied (during flying). And I look forward to every lesson!

But I am still severly depressed, and I don't think it's about her as much anymore as it is about being lonely. When she pops in my head I can start thinking about something else. I just say to myself that she is no good for me. and an awful person. And think of something else. But this loneliness is horrible. I live in a big house all alone (except for my dog and cat). I wake up feeling bad every morning, worse if I had a dream of her. And my nights are awful. I used to drink every night, I have cut that way down. I think I'm doing all the right things, but I still breakdown and cry for no reason everyday. I hate this feeling!

I'm trying to meet other women now, I go on myspace everyday and flirt. And I get alot of responses, but I still dont think I am ready to date anyone until I can get her out of my mind. But I do feel that if I met someone nice, I could hang out sometimes and do some things together. But it's hard...

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Hi... I am 23 and my ex bf was 47. Was in a very similar relationship. I think what made me stay was I had no father figure growing up and he was always telling me to go to school, don't drink, etc. He also said I reminded him of his daughter who won't speak to him since his last divorce. Same situation...we kept breaking up and I was always the first to call and he could not say no to me. I guess its hard to let a relationship like this go because ur afraid u wont get someone else like this again in your life (young, pretty) and because of jealousy of another guy. But what made me really officially break up was the cycle of the relationship. THe constant breakups every other day. The jealousy. His mind games. I couldnt do it anymore...it was messing up me school, my social life. I wouldnt talk to anyone. I was miserable. I guess just occupy your time with friends and family and fun. You will soon feel stronger alone. You will always miss her though :(

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BeyondBroken - You must let go of her for the sake of her and yourself. If you truly believe that you cannot commit to a full term relationship that will "go somewhere", then there is no point as it will just be a waste of time and feelings.

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