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Hey everybody, im a 20 year old gay guy, and i have something bugging me, so last year in october i was fantasizing, and the thought of a boy came up, like a youthful face, and i imagined something for about 30 seconds but my conscience just wouldnt let me and i knew in my soul that i couldnt, and ive just been having trouble dealing with it, even though its been a while, i want to fully have peace with the fact that it happened, any advice?

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JamesDean21,

It sounds like you're trying to come to peace with the idea coming in your head and continuing to think about it for a few seconds. I have a very strange idea about this. If you are feeling negative about it, perhaps it's your mind's way of imprinting the feeling on your memory because you're sort of telling yourself not to dwell on the thought, should it come up again. On the other hand, if your problem dealing with it is causing you to continue to think about and heaping more negative feelings, then you need to take some kind of mental action to get rid of it. Do you usually sort of have obsessive thinking about things you feel negatively about.

I'm sorry, I sort of feel like a blind person looking for dropped needle. I hope a guy comes on and can give you better advice than I have!

Iowa

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Hi, JamesDean21:

Welcome to our little corner of DF.

If I read you correctly, you are saying that you are having trouble dealing with a disturbing fantasy.

If so, you're not alone. I think almost everybody has had a disturbing fantasy at one time or another. For example, a very common fantasy is being raped. That DOESN'T mean one wants to be raped. That fantasy can represent different things, but one is that one gives up total control to another.

So, a fantasy shouldn't be confused with a desire or need or that one will turn into something one is not.

Does that sort of help?

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:hearts: to DF and the GLBT forum!

Please don't torture yourself. Fantasizing is such a natural, human thing to do. If it were more persistent or you felt compelled to carry it out, you'd want to talk to a professional about it. But it was obviously some fleeting thing that you'd never act upon.

I've had my fair share of inappropriate fantasies, whether sexual, violent, cruel, etc. Everyone has, whether they feel comfortable admitting it or not. Think about some of the outrageous stuff that happens in our dreams. The mind spins off on tangents sometimes, and it's impossible to fully control it.

When something like that happens, acknowledge that it's just a harmless fantasy. The big deal here is not what crossed your mind for a moment, but rather how disturbed you are by it still, and how much you're beating yourself up over it. Give yourself a break. There's a big difference between an idea and an action.

It's good to have you here in the GLBT forum, although this is really not a gay issue. Everyone deals with this kind of thing. I hope you're able to be at peace with it.

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Thanks everybody, the main reason i posted in lgbt is because ive known i was gay since high school, and since being about 18 ive been really proud to be gay, proud to know that what people might think is bad about me was actually really natural, beautiful and made me a better person.

To iowa - I dont usually have a problem with obsessing over negative things, ive actually dealt with everything really well, except this, i guess for me it feels like my ultimate i dont want to be, and for a second it felt like i was in that position, and that really bothered me.

Lek - You are right about a fantasy not being something that will turn someone into something one is not, i just felt like i was all alone and this was just one thing that i would never want to have to do with me, like its some issue i could have just lived without.

and Burgy - i have been telling myself not to be hard on myself, it did feel like my mind went off on a tangent, like it just happened and then i was like i just cant, thats not me.

i think i can move on, once i truly believe i dont have to torture myself about it, thats been the main problem.

Thanks again you guys, youve been a big help, and i really appreciate it.

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Ive talked to a really good therapist and weve gotten down to why this has been such a problem for me, and why it even happened in the first place. Shes been a lot of help and anybodies help has been good to me too, so thanks again people, hope everybody has a good summer, take care :)

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