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Cannot Take It Anymore


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I feel like a coward as I cannot take my life much longer if it doesn't improve. I hate my life and the lack of quality of life I have, I feel I want to shout or scream but what is the point, who would listen. Every transsexual girl I talk to online seems to have a better life than me, and as a result theysimply don't understand where I am coming from when I describe how I feel.

Psychiatrists and doctors just cannot help me, as they cannot solve the underlying issues of my not passing as a woman. Clearly hormones do not work, and must therefore be seen as a placaebo to see you through to the op whenever that happens.

The work situation is annoying as is the constant miserable life I lead everyday.

Transition is a nightmare

poeticgirluk

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((((((((Poeticgirl))))))))

I can't even pretend to know what you're going through but if you're waiting for an op then your life is going to change isn't it? We often think everyone else has a better life than us but I'm sure it's not true. It's just that not everyone is so honest and open about how they feel. You're certainly not a coward. You're facing this head on instead of shying away and pretending how you feel doesn't matter.

Wish I had some more words of comfort.

PRT xx

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I feel like a coward as I cannot take my life much longer if it doesn't improve. I hate my life and the lack of quality of life I have, I feel I want to shout or scream but what is the point, who would listen. Every transsexual girl I talk to online seems to have a better life than me, and as a result theysimply don't understand where I am coming from when I describe how I feel.

Psychiatrists and doctors just cannot help me, as they cannot solve the underlying issues of my not passing as a woman. Clearly hormones do not work, and must therefore be seen as a placaebo to see you through to the op whenever that happens.

The work situation is annoying as is the constant miserable life I lead everyday.

Transition is a nightmare

poeticgirluk

I am very sure transition is a real nightmare and more horrible than I could even realize, but remember; There`s a pretty big chance that your life will improve, either by you reaching your goal, or you realizing that you are perfect and beautyful just the way you are. Have you considered that the transexual girls you have been talking to actually did have a difficult time, but that they are either forcing it away, as it must be painful to remember, or simply have forgotten how bad it was, because it finally got better? Or perhaps they simply have lived in better surrounding than you, or have had friends and family for support. You don`t have much support from friends and family, do you? It`s bound to be more difficuly that way. Where have you met/talked to these girls? Over the net or in real life?

Please hang in there and have faith in that one way or another, you will make make it, and you can live a good life.

Changes are always hard, but we need to muster up the strenght to go through them. You must be both brave and strong, because you have had it so difficult, yet are still standing, still reaching out, capable of talking about the way you feel.

So hang in there, honey.

*Big hug*

Ps:

What sort of a shrink do you have?

Have you considered either changing, or going through some confidence sessions?

I can`t really give to much advice, as I dont know much about how they have tried to help you, but..

You could try cognitive treatment, if you aren`t getting it already. Cognitive shrinks are really good when it comes to changing thought patterns and ideas.

I know you feel that your body is your only problem, but it wouldn`t hurt if you also got some help to build up more confidence. We all need a little extra of that, and in the vulnerable situation you are in, I would think it would be even more important.

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Thanks Crystal & PRT

I had a better experience the other day. I was in my local shopping precinct paying bills rent etc, and had no abuse at all. The girls in the community centre were delighted to see me again, as they were among the first people I came out to in 2006, and they said I looked amazing, especially pointing out my long hair which they said was so lovely and feminine, they loved my make up and dressing style too, they said that I looked so womanly, they should know as they are genetic women.

So I no longer feel like a coward or a fraud, the girls in the community centre really boosted my confidence, as did the no abuse experience.

a nice experience living the life.

poeticgirluk

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Thanks Crystal & PRT

I had a better experience the other day. I was in my local shopping precinct paying bills rent etc, and had no abuse at all. The girls in the community centre were delighted to see me again, as they were among the first people I came out to in 2006, and they said I looked amazing, especially pointing out my long hair which they said was so lovely and feminine, they loved my make up and dressing style too, they said that I looked so womanly, they should know as they are genetic women.

So I no longer feel like a coward or a fraud, the girls in the community centre really boosted my confidence, as did the no abuse experience.

a nice experience living the life.

poeticgirluk

Keep focusing on the positives poeticgirl, it might help, maybe even write down ever compliment you get about your appearance so you can read them through when you're a bit down. Are you talking to/meeting other trans girls face-to-face too? Maybe just to share tips etc. If you listen to every single media and society pressure about femininity you can never been too thin/hairless/tanned/shapley but real life isn't like that. I know I can't know what you're going through but this is true for all women. We're under a lot of pressure when it comes to looks. I hope you can get through this difficult time knowing you're working towards your long term goal and that there are people who have told you they think you look great and lots of other people who you pass in the streets etc who see you as a woman.

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Hi Poetgirl, it is great that you've had such positive comments about your appearance.

My transexual friend who is taking female hormones at the moment has had photos taken by a friend who is a keen photographer (these are arty pictures not in your face glary ones which most women hate) but ones to show off her clothes and hair etc. Is this something you could do to show yourself how other people see you with the style the girls at the community centre raved about? Something for you to keep for yourself in the future too?

I type this whilst sitting in leggings and a football top though and feeling very frumpy!!!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thanks Worrier999 and Girly,

Hi Girly,

I bet your friend looks amazing though, unfortunately I do not, what depresses me is the constant battle with facial and body hair without the means to remove it permanently due to being out of work and in heavy debts.

poeticgirluk

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Time, poeticgirluk. Time..

I know it`s easy to say "be patient".

But you just need a little time.

Be happy for the things that are good now, and later try to do something with what is lacking. Do what some of us are doing, self-esteem boosting activities. Because certain things about you cannot be handled right now. So, we have to pretend they don`t excist, and focus on the good parts about us. I try doing them as well, and sometimes I feel better about myself, sometimes I don`t.

No matter how many flaws you feel you have, or have, I guess that`s part of being a woman. It`s worse for you than any one of us, but believe me, had you been a woman you`d still dislike your appearance. God knows I do. I might not have facial hair, but my face looks crappy anyways. I have absolutely no chin, and my nose is gigantic. I know most people hate their noses, but mine is really just big. Which makes my profile look weak and horrible. Oh, and did I mention the scars? What can I say. I get men, because they are stupid, but I really want women, and they have more demands regarding looks, so I have no way of getting a girlfriend. I don`t even have the guts to try. Every date I`ve been on has ended up being horrible. So, I have retired from the love-career.

Look, you`ll have your operation, and body hair can be handled with intensive shaving, until you can afford real treatment for the problem.

Glad you had a good experience, though. Gosh knows we need those!

There shalt be more. I am sure of it.

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what depresses me is the constant battle with facial and body hair without the means to remove it permanently due to being out of work and in heavy debts.

(((((poeticgirluk))))) Getting rid of those pesky testes this November should help ease up the body hair. I wish I had less of it myself (hair I mean, lol). I'm constantly "manscaping" to keep it in check. :hearts:

What Crystal said is so true. We all have hangups about our bodies, even the people who you might think have ideal bodies. It's more a matter of inner self-esteem, and that takes some time to build. You're headed in the right direction, so keep it up. :hearts:

I get men, because they are stupid

LOL, you crack me up. :flowers:

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I feel like a coward as I cannot take my life much longer if it doesn't improve. I hate my life and the lack of quality of life I have, I feel I want to shout or scream but what is the point, who would listen. Every transsexual girl I talk to online seems to have a better life than me, and as a result theysimply don't understand where I am coming from when I describe how I feel.

Psychiatrists and doctors just cannot help me, as they cannot solve the underlying issues of my not passing as a woman. Clearly hormones do not work, and must therefore be seen as a placaebo to see you through to the op whenever that happens.

The work situation is annoying as is the constant miserable life I lead everyday.

Transition is a nightmare

poeticgirluk

I kind of know how you feel. Everything takes a whole lot of time and i know you have waited a long time 4 years i think from what i read in your last post.

I do not think i will ever pass i am 6 ft 6 my feet size well i cant find womans shoes that fit. From what i have read hormones can take a long time too work because it takes time to flush your man hormones out or something like that the more testerone a man has the longer it will take for the female hormones too work also age plays a part too but dont hold me too that.

If you ever want too talk about trans related stuff feel free to pm me.

Sarah :hearts:

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This is a tough issue, body hair I mean. If I shave I come out in loads of red spots, I cannot afford laser or waxing so what is left, I do have an epilator but that is so much intensive pain for little benefit and ingrowing hairs as a consequence.

the other day a guy called me sir, this was soul destroying.

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