Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Justmemyownself

Apathy In Teenagers

Recommended Posts

My teenage son (19 yrs old), since probably his Junior year in highschool has completely lost the motivation to do ANYTHING other than sleep and play video games.

He is very intelligent. His IQ is pretty high. This was a problem in school because he would learn something and then want to move on. He found homework boring and so he wouldn't do it, but he aced all of his tests. Regardless of being able to grasp the knowledge taught to him, he was failed out repeatedly because of the homework issue. They school said they would work with me on his different learning style but this never happened. He finally gave up his half way through his senior year and then we set him up with online school, which in the beginning he did really well and then it trailed off yet again. So he got kicked out of that program.

Then he got into this great college program that would have gotten him his diploma and an associates degree. His first quarter he did really well, completing most of his classes early, all except career development. Because he didn't turn in the homework for that class, he got booted from the program. He goes out and gets applications for jobs and they sit around the house for weeks as I gently prod him to fill them out. Eventually I get frustrated and it becomes a yelling match.

He says he is not motivated to do anything. Video games are merely a distraction for him. He feels like a failure. He feels like why should he even bother. He has not wants or desires. He just doesn't care about anything. His life consists of sleeping, eating, and video games. He feels the constant need to critique my parenting for his younger sister. I threaten to kick him out and he doesn't care if he has to sleep outside. He has become a little agoraphobic, he has a problem with new people. And will have anxiety when he has to go somewhere unfamiliar to him with people that he is unfamiliar with. He will go... but he becomes very obviously agitated.

Since he is no longer in College full time, I can no longer claim him on my insurance, so now, getting him psychiatric care is not in my capabilities. How can I continue to support him and better the life for my daughter and I? It just feels like I am going in circles.

Meanwhile, I am working two jobs to keep us afloat. We live in a one bedroom apartment.

Just for the record... I am not depressed. I am frustrated. I am angry. I feel like I have failed him somehow.

Suggestions? Insights? Anything?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sounds just like me growing up, turned out I suffered from dysthymia, and well, still do although it's become a lot more complicated than that. It's possible that therapy alone might help him get through it., call around and see if there are any free or sliding scale services in your area. Hopefully somebody can point you in the right direction.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
My teenage son (19 yrs old), since probably his Junior year in highschool has completely lost the motivation to do ANYTHING other than sleep and play video games.

He is very intelligent. His IQ is pretty high. This was a problem in school because he would learn something and then want to move on. He found homework boring and so he wouldn't do it, but he aced all of his tests. Regardless of being able to grasp the knowledge taught to him, he was failed out repeatedly because of the homework issue. They school said they would work with me on his different learning style but this never happened. He finally gave up his half way through his senior year and then we set him up with online school, which in the beginning he did really well and then it trailed off yet again. So he got kicked out of that program.

Then he got into this great college program that would have gotten him his diploma and an associates degree. His first quarter he did really well, completing most of his classes early, all except career development. Because he didn't turn in the homework for that class, he got booted from the program. He goes out and gets applications for jobs and they sit around the house for weeks as I gently prod him to fill them out. Eventually I get frustrated and it becomes a yelling match.

He says he is not motivated to do anything. Video games are merely a distraction for him. He feels like a failure. He feels like why should he even bother. He has not wants or desires. He just doesn't care about anything. His life consists of sleeping, eating, and video games. He feels the constant need to critique my parenting for his younger sister. I threaten to kick him out and he doesn't care if he has to sleep outside. He has become a little agoraphobic, he has a problem with new people. And will have anxiety when he has to go somewhere unfamiliar to him with people that he is unfamiliar with. He will go... but he becomes very obviously agitated.

Since he is no longer in College full time, I can no longer claim him on my insurance, so now, getting him psychiatric care is not in my capabilities. How can I continue to support him and better the life for my daughter and I? It just feels like I am going in circles.

Meanwhile, I am working two jobs to keep us afloat. We live in a one bedroom apartment.

Just for the record... I am not depressed. I am frustrated. I am angry. I feel like I have failed him somehow.

Suggestions? Insights? Anything?

Hi justmemyownself.

As far as psychiactric care...... can you get him on medicaid? It's a simple form. Also..there are government programs, local groups, church counselers, etc that you might be able to utilize for him. What about jobcorp? or miltary service? would he be interested in either one of those??

Edited by shannabanana

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

hey, Justmemyownself

I'm 23 and I dropped out when I was in my junior year of high school, my situation was the same and I played video games a lot and still do somewhat. My reasoning for all of this was feeling misplaced in society and not feeling welcomed by people. Sounds like your sons issue is mainly that of one of a social life. That was the reason I didn't go out and played video games, it was a mind occupant and an easy non-effort outlet to keep me alone in my room while in some sense feeling productive my achieving things in games. I never really wanted to go to my parents because there was a disconnection when I was younger and never really felt comfortable going to my parents for anything. Difference being is that not wanting anything from them motived me to be working when I turned 14 and never stopped since then.

I can give a few reason that he may be doing things but it's completely guessing. for me I was conditioned to feel like an outcast since I was a kid, even with brothers and sisters, a family being torn apart, I started to slowly disconnect from the world. As I felt I was disconnecting I had to find outlets which was TV and Games. School was no different thats why I slipped(that and knowing I was smarter than the teachers and them giving me a hard time because I went through their tests easily).

Sounds like your sons story is a lot like mine. Maybe your first objective is to try and open a communication between you and his inner issues. This can be very difficult if not impossible(classic teen thinking). but maybe you could talk about what he wants out of a social life, or things on the outside world he would like to do. start asking positive questions of things that can be done outside of the house.

I wish I knew more that way I could give more insight, I know the place he is right now he wants to be sheltered from the world and I still do that. without creating a safe place for him outside of the house he will continue to resort back to that place in his life as a haven when things get bad. It's very difficult and when you are working 2 jobs and coping with a son that has socially cut himself off from the world it's a very hard climb just to challenge his problem let alone work 2 jobs.

from what I can see your son has a few things going on, I'll try to tell you what I think the best I can. There is a lack of self worth, and probably a decrease in higeine(from what I'm guessing). A lot of the problems stem from self worth, the lack of self worth can lead or stem from a lot of different things, so in order to JUST combat that one issue you have to go after the things that leads him to that way of thinking.

Lack of selfworth - No friends, No girl interests, bad self image, no recognizable achievements, no optimistic view of future, feelings of abandonment(justified or not).

so in order just to get his selfesteem on track you have to look at each one of those and then the cause for each, and individually promote optmisitc views and create goals for them. probably the best place to start is "feelings of abandoment" the reason I say to start here is probably because in order to even open up a level of communication is breaking that barrier he has between you and him. this is the most difficult but probably the most critical, it requires a lot of work and a lot of time. in order for you to open that up it's going to take everything you know and don't know about him. If he's like me he's probably hiding a lot from you because he feels like he can't go to you or discuss his inner feelings about how or why he's depressed. Arguing with him is a clear sign of him challanging that fact that you "don't understand." maybe sitting down and discussing things in a very open manner about whats going on and maybe a little tough lover afterwards will help.

but I'm going on a rant here. He needs an outlet, he needs a little tough love to get out there to have some ambition, he needs goals, and needs to have a social activity(not through the computer).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...