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Journaling


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  • 2 weeks later...

I have kept a journal. I think it only makes me feel x10 worse. As every time I re-read it I feel sick as I realized how messed up I was when I wrote it, and how pathetic it was. It doesnt help me, but I still do it. It helps to pass the time, but I think its actually stopped me from cutting myself at times. Same with Poetry. Longterm effect is a memory of awful thoughts

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  • 2 weeks later...

Journaling has been so good for me during the times that I really needed to express negative feelings and try to make sense of my emotions. I don't journal every day but only when I'm feeling confused or anxious, or depressed, ranting, talking to myself about what's going on inside my head really helps me a great deal.

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I'm new to the forums. This is my first post!

I started journaling yesterday and I plan to do it for a few days in a row. Yesterday was very good - I just wrote for about 20 minutes straight. Afterwards, I went thru my notes and typed out some of the more important things and expanded on some of it... and then I let my husband read it. I think this will be a great way for us to open up our communication. He will better understand how I feel and maybe he will also open up to me more about his own feelings. We had a great discussion last night, all because I shared these thoughts with him! This gives me great hope...! :hearts:

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I am also new to this forum. I wanted to say thanks for the reminder of journaling. I tend to be an obsessive thinker. Writing down the multitude of thoughts seems to help. it doesnt solve any problems for me but it slows down the multitudes for a bit. I used to journal passionately when I was younger until I realized that my mother was reading them. I tore them all up and threw them away.

Now even when I have journaled in my adult life I am so paranoid that someone will read my private thoughts I am not totally free in what I write.

i am going to have a go at it again. I am an adult

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Glad to hear you're going to give it a try again! I carry my journal with me everywhere - it's small enough to fit in my purse. I'm also paranoid about my husband reading it but I have shared some of it with him. I don't think he would seek it out just to read what I've written... altho I do find myself avoiding topics that I know would hurt him. Good luck!

I am also new to this forum. I wanted to say thanks for the reminder of journaling. I tend to be an obsessive thinker. Writing down the multitude of thoughts seems to help. it doesnt solve any problems for me but it slows down the multitudes for a bit. I used to journal passionately when I was younger until I realized that my mother was reading them. I tore them all up and threw them away.

Now even when I have journaled in my adult life I am so paranoid that someone will read my private thoughts I am not totally free in what I write.

i am going to have a go at it again. I am an adult

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journaling is definately helpful to me.

I can't always describe what I'm feeling, but just to let it out, it's relaxing.

i've tried accounts with livejournal and such

but no one answers

and here, well people actually look at what you write and try to help you

because we're all in the same boat

well, most of us

the boats are a bit different for everyone

anyways

i find journaling helps

even if you can't find the words

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  • 3 weeks later...

man, i feel so drained. i have no energy in my body. i just gave myself this huge head ache. its so crazy that its all psychosematic. this sucks. im at work right now, but i dont even have the strength to get up. plus, i have to give this notebook to my girlfriend today before i leave, and im definitely not in the mindset to see her. man, this blows. plus summer reading. i'm so behind. my godfather gives great advice, and it helps too, but i just cant do this s*** anymore no my own. when im by myself, i cant have the right thought process. i have to have someone to think for me. o well. live and learn.

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If anyone keeps a hand-written journal, where do you keep it? I'm thinking about starting one, but I'm not sure where to put it once I'm back in school with a roommate....

Does anyone have any good suggestions? I know I'm going to label the journal as if it were a school subject (like "English," or something), but I still want a safe spot for it.

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I find myself losing interest in journaling when the depression gets a hold of me... It's something I love doing and need to keep doing, no matter how I feel. Sometimes I feel like "What's the point?" but at least whatever comes out is, for some time, on a screen, on paper, instead of weighing down on my heart and mind.

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I have written down things in the past, a few years back. I did not keep a journal though. I just wrote in bits of paper and hid them. Though they helped me a little bit then, reading them later left me feeling disgusted. I do feel disgusted at myself sometimes.

Later on I tried to channel the pain through poetry. It did work to an extent.

These days I dont do anything. I just hate everything.

Edited by mkc
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  • 2 weeks later...

Early on I felt the postive affect of journaling, and now keep an online journal. It is has been over 5 years, and amazing I have no quit yet. But the good thing is I don't always use it to vent, but to record good times in my life, mudane times in my life-a reminder that I am a work in progress

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I kept a journal on my computer for a while. It really helped me to go back and read through my thoughts weeks later when I wasn't so upset and find answers that weren't there when I was feeling so down. That slowly became a very important file for me, and I was completely lost for a while when my harddrive was destroyed and I lost it.

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I used to keep an online journal that was open for other people to read. I told myself that I started off doing it so people I didn't talk to as much could keep up with what I was doing, but the reality is that those people never read it and would have just asked me anyway if they were interested. So instead I started writing random stuff in an attempt to get the people that did read it to understand things about me that I would have been afraid to bring up in person, or maybe to understand why I was so quiet.

But I think in the end most of them got tired of reading the same old depressing rant over and over, and started to ignore whatever I wrote and then ignore whatever I said in conversation if I started to talk about something similar, too. On one hand I guess it helped me sort out my thoughts and whatnot, but on the other hand it's made me realize that none of my so-called friends actually care and I wrote all of these really personal things for them to read for nothing.

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I used to keep an online journal that was open for other people to read. I told myself that I started off doing it so people I didn't talk to as much could keep up with what I was doing, but the reality is that those people never read it and would have just asked me anyway if they were interested. So instead I started writing random stuff in an attempt to get the people that did read it to understand things about me that I would have been afraid to bring up in person, or maybe to understand why I was so quiet.

But I think in the end most of them got tired of reading the same old depressing rant over and over, and started to ignore whatever I wrote and then ignore whatever I said in conversation if I started to talk about something similar, too. On one hand I guess it helped me sort out my thoughts and whatnot, but on the other hand it's made me realize that none of my so-called friends actually care and I wrote all of these really personal things for them to read for nothing.

Same here. I have a LiveJournal and there are times I like it because it's a lot easier for me to write things down rather than talking about them in person. It's hard for me to be with a friend and suddenly go "OMG, I feel like *insert emotion here*," then get into whatever I'm frustrated with/confused about/what have you.

But now it's like what you said, it feels like I'm saying the same thing over and over but it's how I feel, you know? It bugs me when I see other friends make a post about something depressing happening in their life and our mutual friends going, "We must drop everything and fly out to make them feel better!" Sometimes I want to sit there and go, "You know, some of us are going though a lot worse and just because I didn't step on a bug and mope about it doesn't mean my problems are any less signifigant."

By the way, if something I say doesn't make sense, don't worry. It'll make sense in my head but once I write it down, it's like, ***?

Anyway, as I said, I know where you're coming from. Now I hesitate on telling people things because I know they won't care. I would make those entries private for my eyes only, but I want people to know what I'm feeling. *sigh* I just wish they could be a little more.....I don't know if understanding is the word. Blah, I'm rambling again.

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I think in my case, people have just decided that I am a negative miserable person who complains about everything concievable under the sun, and it's just my personality, there's nothing "wrong" with me. Like I could be outside in a beautiful garden on the most wonderful sunny day ever, and they would assume that I am pi**ed that there's an ant crawling on my foot and ignoring everything else around me. It's really gotten me to the point where I wonder, am I depressed or do I really just have a miserable personality?

What would really get me is, like you said, someone else posts something and it's moderately bummed sounding and I think "wow, I feel like that all the time and I post about it all the time too!"...except that this person gets about 10 people to respond and commiserate with them, and one of them will offer to take them out tomorrow and another will offer to drive from 100 miles away to visit and cheer them up and it's like...D***, my friends just tell me to think about the starving children in Africa and shut up already.

I think I'm going to start writing again because it's helpful to tell someone, even if it's a big invisible someone that doesn't pay attention. I write about whatever I happen to be thinking on a given day, and about 90% of the time what I happen to be thinking about is not particularly happy. That's not my fault. I'm not going to be happy all the time just because someone else is happy all the time...that actually makes me feel worse.

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Well, that's the thing with depression. We don't really have much control over our feelings. I could be in a perfectly decent mood, but then some small thing will make me angry or want to cry. At this point, I think my depression has almost become a part of my personality (hopefully that makes sense). But sometimes I feel like my friends don't really get that there is something wrong with me, I am working on this but in the meantime just be there for me and accept the fact that I am like this.

Honestly for me, it's a lot better to get my feelings and what I'm thinking out on paper (or in this case, computer) rather than leaving it bottled inside. I've done that before and for way too long and it was bad.

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I am new here and this is my first post. I have been keeping a journal off and on for almost four years now. Gosh, four years. It's how it is, feel so much like it's forever and then again feels like it's just yesterday. Anyway, I've been doing a journal/diary since before I was diagnosed with depression. I found it a good way to keep my thoughts from overcoming my ability to function. I put them down and it seemed to break the loop for a little while. Going back in reading them hasn't really helped, but then again they weren't for me really.

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i write in a journal, i have been for about 4 years now, in fact im on my fifth journal!

i find it quite stressful tho. i dont know about you guys but i find i get quite nervous beforehand, and i have to have a cigarette before i begin.

also im not sure i use it in the right way. i write for ages and ages, like at least an hour, but the thing is i feel i always put myself under an immense amount of pressure to write, like theres some magic answer ive got to find or it isnt worth doing, its hard to explain.

i feel like through writing in my journal that im searching, searching for a way out of my depression. i guess because im depressed and have been for a long time i want every time i write to find an answer, to finally work out what it is i need to do to free myself from my depression. i think for me its become an outlet for my frustration at just going round and round in circles rather than a means of moving forwards.

does anyone else find writing as stressful and confusing as me? strangely though i feel like i cant imagine living without it.

Jim :hearts:

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Journals helps me sometimes and hinders me other times.

Depends how i write. Analysing helps, exploding doesnt.

Why is it that poetry is so therapuetic? Its so depressing to reread, but it helps so much 'in the moment'. What is it about writing poetry that seems to work better than just writing what you are thinking? Do we think 'in poetry' and thats why it identifies with us in that way?

After getting cognitive therapy, i used a journal to keep track of my days and get things done, like a freeform schedule. I used to do the excersises from 'Feeling Good' (its a book) in my journal as well. I doodle sometimes too.

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I started journaling in May, and kept it for a month or so. Unfortunately I tend to discontinue my activities and change my mind about projects a little bit too often, and this is something that disappoints me. And then writing stuff about my parents and how little i suffer their tantrums made me feel guilty, they just need help like me and they love me more than anything on earth.

M.

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i feel like through writing in my journal that im searching, searching for a way out of my depression. i guess because im depressed and have been for a long time i want every time i write to find an answer, to finally work out what it is i need to do to free myself from my depression. i think for me its become an outlet for my frustration at just going round and round in circles rather than a means of moving forwards.

does anyone else find writing as stressful and confusing as me? strangely though i feel like i cant imagine living without it.

Jim :hearts:

I guess what you write here sums up about the same reason I write. I've only recently started to keep a real journal, although I've written pages and pages of stuff - sometimes I close my eyes and just type away at the keyboard - just anything that comes to mind no matter how disconnected, and before I know, I've written about fifteen pages or so. But it scares me to read what I've actually written - to see what really goes on inside my mind, so usually, all these pages just end up in the recycle bin.

I search for answers too in my writing, but I realize, the answers that I receive from writing are those that my own dark mind is producing. Is it healthy to return to that and follow my own words? Isn't that the root of my problem in the first place - that I think way too much about everything? The mind is a dangerous, filthy place, expecially if you let it wander on like that.

But it helps to write. It helps more than I realize. I force myself to write no more than one page, in an attempt to control my thoughts and order them into something that begins and ends. But I still get my days, when I just let everything go. This is good too, for whenever I delete a page, it feels like I'm symbolically deleting a dark thought from my system. That makes me feel immensely better.

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