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Mean Comments You Still Think About Years Later


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  • 1 month later...

Wow, I couldn't stop reading all of the comments and I started with the first post.

First off, for me...I logically know that I am smarter then a lot of people but when it comes to social skills I rather suck as of late. So the fact that I still remember and "believe" the following comments boggles my mind at times. Here are a few that stand out more then the others.

  • my "middle" sister - taking extra classes at school so we at one point ended up in the same class - her comment "I told you that you were a looser"
  • my dad - speaking to my middle sister - if you don't take that course you will end up a looser like your sister
  • my mom - at my middle sister's funeral - it should have been you that died, after all you have nothing to live for and she did; if there is reincarnation, I hope I don't get stuck with a child like you again(this was said after I had spent over 2 years taking care of her because she had cancer)
  • my little sister - never said anything negative, at least that I know about

I think some of the actions or written words have hurt more. My dad forgetting to pick me up from a competition in a different city. Neither of my parents going to my grad. And as of tonight, reading copies of my mom's letters/journals from the last 20 years and the comments that she said to others.

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  • 5 weeks later...

You are the worst ****ing daughter ever

It was your fault, you deserved it (after telling one parent I had been assaulted)

You should have known better than to go there (the other parent)

If I had known it could have been passed on, I wouldn't have had kids (mental illness)

I'm going to have you arrested for parental neglect (this was on Christmas Eve, and oh yeah, she was capable of taking care of herself)

I wish people would engage their brain before they open their mouth:/

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  • 3 weeks later...

"Of course you don't know, you never knew anything since you were young."

"Your uncle is shocked you even made it and got into university."

"No one will ever be proud of you"

"Your a complete disappointment to everyone"

"You're a waste of a human being"

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  • 2 weeks later...

I've never been a particularly girly-girl, more of a tomboy. I often get called a man, "big," and stuff like that. I'm a thrower in track, and more than once I've been called "Big Bertha." I'm not even that big! I've always struggled with self-image, so these comments are really, really hurtful to me.

Also, if I'm in a slump, people will often say "Oh, she's just going nuts again." That's painful, especially because they don't know I have depression. So it's worse because I can't tell them that hurts me without explaining everything (and in a small town, people are incredibly judgmental of stuff like that). Rarely does anyone ask if I'm okay--just, "going nuts again."

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Having suffered my share of lings and arrows ever since I can remember, I can relate to much of what's been posted here.

I hope we can all at this point agree on a couple of things?

1. There's a LOT of us in the same boat. A lot of folks don't understand, don't care, and have made themselves feel better at the expense of others.

2. Though it might've been ill-received at the time, we've all wanted to tell our detractors that we've got stuff to offer to others if they'd only listen. Intelligence, compassion, unique interests.

Best wishes to all of you. Keep pursuing your goals and dreams - you've got a right to. Don't listen to those who find you odd... seek out people who'll listen and be compassionate. They're out there.

I've been fortunate to have worked for a ton of very caring people - many more people have had their lives affected by depression (personally, loved ones, friends... ) than you think.

Persist.

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It's funny as thinking back a lot of the things that stay with me the most are about invalidation. Of my feelings, of my experiences and later of my struggles.

A lot of the things others have mentioned though. Stupid, fat, slow, clumsy, weird, strange, crazy. My mothers imaginative ways of implying ugliness such as flat face, bad hair, odd shape etc etc. My fathers "wobble, wobble" as I walked around the house. Interesting as I had a BMI of around 16 at the time and modeled around too. I was neither stupid, weird, ugly or fat as a child.

Some of the worst of it was the inflection, the way things were said and the look on their faces. My fathers pure disgust, the way he spat out the words and the way he looked as if I was something he stepped on; and my mothers thoughtful, calm look of distaste, disappointment and constant critical evaluation. Like she wasn't quite sure what this thing was that she ended up with.

My sister has done some vile things to me but strangely I don't have a problem forgiving her despite the damage remaining. Likewise some terrible things my husband has said to me.

Edited by Fizzle
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Mine was pretty simple and straight forward, also said by my mother...

"Your little OCD quirks are getting annoying." There may be an incorrect word or two, but that was the gist.

Well gee, "mom," if they annoy you, how the hell do you think they make ME feel? Any guesses why I haven't spoken to her (or the rest of my family) in years?

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  • 3 weeks later...

This is hard to admit because my family are very important to me and are great supporters now! :)

Different story in the past.

I've been misunderstood a fair bit because I have a hidden disability.

Mum

"You were a demon child. At one point I just didn't like you, Ella."

"Send her away! Just send her away! Just put her up for adoption. Someone else can deal with her then."

"Slut."

Dad

"GO ON! Run into the ****ing road. Do it. Maybe then you'll get your wish and a car will run over you."

Me: If I died, none of my friends would miss me.

"HA. Are you having a laugh? You're friends would be dancing over your grave."

"Who would want to marry you? If they found out what you were really like every guy would run a mile."

"No man will fall in love with you."

Brother

"You're never going to be happy."

"Like, I'm just trying to have a nice time here. You're depression has to ruin everything. Why can't you just be happy for once? There's always a ******* problem with you."

"You're such a burden. We'd all be better off without you."

"Why do you even exist?"

"******."

Friends / Peers

"You're so stuck up."

"She scares me."

"There's nothing wrong with you. We all just think you're making excuses."

"Why doesn't she talk? She's so weird. She's so quiet. Doesn't she know how to speak?"

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I was in a car accident when I was 19 i’m now 52, I’m lucky to be alive and being able to work.

My physical rehabilitation took more than 2 years and of course I’ve been followed for quite a while for traumatic brain injury.

Anyway! About 10 years ago I was talking with a colleague he told me about a car accident that he recently had and I told him about mine then out of nowhere another colleague jump in looked at me and said well now I finally understand the reason you are so ****ed up and messed up in the head.

I didn’t replied to her but believe me in my eyes would have been pistol she would be dead.

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I don't really hold grudges or think about the things people say

I mainly judge myself and use the judgment I've received over the years to judge myself, which isn't a good thing most of the time

The thing that annoys me most is that both my parents dismiss the merit of mental illness and call it "Satan" living inside me and think I need Jesus. I am an atheist and this is whenever I try to talk about them about serious issues. It's really annoying and depriving.

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"how can you live like this"

"you're the least good looking in the family"

"you're the worst one of all my children"

"you're embarrassing to me that I can't talk to people when they ask about you"

"you're always in locked up in your room"

"you're worthless"

"why can't you even hold a man"

"you need help"

"why would do something so stupid?"- in regards to my suicide attempt

"I never expected you to turn out like this"

"just go get a job"

"dirty Biotch"

-Almost all the above have been said by family

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My dad was an abusive alcoholic. I was born when he was 45 and my mother was 41.

We were poor, on and off of food stamps. When I was about ten, we got a car.

But he was drunk 4-5 days a week. He didn't have the time or wherewithal to "raise me", but I was G-D stupid for not understanding sports or mechanical stuff like he thought I should. And, living with him, I couldn't either get around to other kids' houses, nor did I WANT anybody to come over. When he got tired of berating/beating my mother, he started in on me.

At school, I was usually smaller and weaker than the kids in the grade BELOW mine. I wore the corrective leg brace shoes until I was six. I was bullied for my size, and weakness, my bad teeth, my crooked spine.

Somehow, thankfully, when I was sixteen I grew to 6' 1" tall. The bullying stopped, but I was still in pretty sd shape and the emotional damage had almost been done.

Still living at home, when I was 19 I came home from work and he was very dunk. Something inside me snapped. I retrieved one of the iron dumbbell bars from my weight set, and said "never again".

So I spent Thanksgiving week 1977 in county jail. He suffered cuts and bruises (of course) and a ruptured spleen and two cracked vertebrae. He was much calmer until his death five years later.

That's enough for now. That, basically, is how I got to be me.

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • 8 months later...

Wow, I could only read through a handful of posts before feeling to down. The worse part is seeing how many times it was family that were the ones who said these things. Ironically they are the one who are supposed to offer you the most support, at least I think so.

For me it was mostly kids in school, worse was 4th - 8th grade, but all the way through high school. I can't recall specific sayings, but everything along the lines of, loser, ugly, weirdo, stupid, so stupid, stupid dumb-ass, basically I was a stupid ugly weirdo that had no life. Elementary kids are not very creative when it comes to insults, but those simple words still stick with me.

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My dad was a real jerk - a drunk (he'd give alcoholics a bad name... ), who had no business raising a child. So when he would try to show me how to do stuff - auto mechanics, woodwork, whatever - there'd come a point where, when I didn't get something right off the bat, he'd cancel the exercise and exclaim "you're too GD stupid... never mind".

But kids were pretty hurtful, too. When I was in grade school, there was only one guy in my class who lived near enough to pal around with. One day when I went over to his house, his older cousin answered the door (with my friend" right behind him, just off his shoulder) and exclaimed "X has never really liked you - you need to go away".

In my sophomore year in high school (before a pretty substantial growth spurt), one kid who usually got picked on, too, walked past my desk in front of one of the nicer-looking and more popular girls in the class. He turned around and said to her "is that your boyfriend???".

Just some of the stuff I remember 40+ years later. And THAT in and of itself is stupid. Can't live in the past - it's gone.

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When I first started to become depressed in high school because of bullying, my parents had this to say:

Dad: "What's so bad about your life?"

Mom: "What are you doing to make people hate you?"

My mom has also said all of the following:

"It's okay to be happy, you know" - In response to my statement about how it was okay to be sad. Gee, you think? Thanks for that one! Weirdly enough, my mom also suffers from depression.

"I'm starting to lose hope for your existance" - When I left some clothes in the bathroom

"You don't have any direction"

When I had knee surgery last year, she also said I shouldn't complain because it was nowhere near as painful as HERS (to be fair, I had an ACL repair and she had a total knee replacement but it was still harsh).

Also, the other day this random dude in Buddhist group said: "did you know that the Latin word for try is the same as failure?" Obscure for sure, but it still seemed rude.

Edited by Smad
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Hello Christopher, I hope your doing well. As for your post I know where your coming from, words can really screw up a persons life. I think sometimes more than physical abuse, especially coming from a parent, like my father. A father is supposed to bring up his boy/boys with Love and encouragement and all other male stuff. All I got, all my life was words like useless, want amount to anything, you just get in the way, and your worthless ect... And I believed every bit of it and still do when I get really depressed. I know my life would be a hell of a lot better if he encouraged me and taught me how to be a good man, I had to learn about sex from friends and any and all positive reinforcements came from a very loving mother. I will always remember those words but the key is to not believe them or let them control who you really are inside. Think about all your positive traits and all the good things you have done. People that call others names because their different are the ones with the problems. Just totally embrace the good person that you are...God Bless...

Edited by quentin360
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  • 2 months later...

"White trailer trash, I bet you live in a garbage pit" - 6th grade teacher

In middle school a bunch of kids made a poll and handed it around the class about whether I should **** myself. There were like 23 yes's and not a single no.

Middle school was a bad time.

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A guy I dated yelled at me in front of everyone at a bar "I guess you didn't take your medication today you crazy b****"

 

I didn't even talk to him the entire night, he just verbally attacked me because I refused to go home with him.

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