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Wonderful, that your appt went so well and you have lots of hope for improvement!

The little girl-Elfie thing: I went through that same thing in one of my counseling sessions. Well, I don't mean in one session, but with one of the various counselors I've worked with over the years. It has to do with realizing that a part of you that is still inside you somewhere is the little child whose needs were not properly met, for whatever reason. With the sort of work you and your therapist will be doing, you can learn to sort of parent that little child, and to help yourself (your adult self) learn to be aware of when you may be in danger of being hurt. Then, since you have learned to take care of little girl Elfie, you can promise yourself that you will always take good care of yourself, and you won't allow anything to hurt you.

I don't know if that makes any sense. Perhaps it will come out in a whole different way for you. But I think it is a rather common part of therapy, and it definitely helped me. This may sound really stupid, but when I was going through this, and it happened to be during the counseling I got when my very first depression struck, I actually had a special teddy bear that I carried around with me. His name was CB, for Cuddle Bear. He went in the car with me wherever I went. I even took him to work and sat him on the counter. He kind of served 2 purposes for me. He gave me something to cuddle when I was feeling really needy, and he also was something I could "parent," and relate that to parenting myself. Yeah, I had my own kids to parent, but taking care of myself and my little child was a different thing. CB helped me to be more aware of that. Maybe even just allowing myself to do such a "childish" thing helped me to open up to the little child in me.

One co-worker of mine who knew what I was going through told me that years earlier, when she was in therapy, her counselor had her buy a doll that reminded her of herself. She was to practice taking very good care of the doll and giving it all sorts of loving. Of course, the plan was that she would feel like she was giving that special care to her little child.

It all sounds a bit weird, but I think it is a great idea. Just to finish off my little story here, a couple of years ago when I was feeling much better (at least I was beyond the initial severe crisis of my depression, and I had learned a lot about taking care of myself), my oldest son was going through a terrible time. I explained the whole thing to him, and pulled CB out of my closet and gave him to my son so he would have something special to cuddle and love. :)

By the way, CB was such a cool bear. I got him from Avon; he took batteries and he would giggle when you tickled his tummy or just jiggled him a lot, and he would go to sleep (complete with snoring) when you laid him down. What a sweetie!

Hope your week continues to be great, Elfie!

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Hi, everybody!

Well, it's been a little while since I've been here! Some of you may notice that I'm no longer a moderator, so let me explain:

I'm on a sort of "sabbatical" right now from modding. Not only am I really struggling emotionally, but I've also discovered that I have some nasty back problems that will take quite awhile to work through. I was diagnosed with scoliosis (curvature of the spine -- mine happens to be shaped like an "S" side-to-side as well as the normal front-to-back curves we all have) when I was in 7th grade, and wore a corrective hip-to-chin back brace as a teen. We managed to get my curves to a relatively acceptable 28-or-so degrees on each side. Well, as I have gotten older, and about 50 pounds heavier than I was in 7th grade, the curves have started creeping back to the low-to-mid 30-degree range (at 40 degrees most orthopedists begin discussing rod-insertion surgery). Curves like I have can begin to cause some real problems in later life with internal organs, nerves, etc., so I need to do something to work on correcting the curves again. I am NOT ever, ever, ever going to wear a brace again (I'd rather swim in a pool of hot lava), so I've been going to a really great chiropractor who is working on me on several levels, not just "adjustment", but nutrition, exercise, etc. She wants me to join a local gym and work with a trainer on strength-training so we can build up my bones and muscles and make the load less strenuous on my spine. This is great -- but expensive. So prayers for our finances would be highly appreciated!

But all this has just totally overloaded me, mentally, emotionally, physically. I just don't feel able to be very regular in my visits here, and feel a little too fragile emotionally to deal with the important responsibility of moderating right now. I want to be capable of being helpful, but I'm doing all I can to help myself right now. Sorry to be selfish, but y'all know how that goes -- sometimes we have to take care of ourselves first (the old oxygen mask on the plane thing) before we can take care of others.

I'm not leaving the boards. I love DF, and have gotten so much support and encouragement here in the last 4-1/2 years! I love each of you who have been so loving and caring to me -- you are all vessels of God (whether you want to be or not! ;-) ) and I appreciate you!

So I will be around occasionally, but probably not much in the next little while. God is being so sweet and compassionate with me -- when I can "feel" Him. Admittedly, sometimes I just can't. But today He went out of His way in so many ways to show me how much He loves me, and I just felt like He was putting priceless gems into my little "heart treasure box".

I would definitely appreciate your prayers. And I will keep praying for you, too!

Back soon,


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My prayers go with you Elfie. I hope you get better and check in every now and then to let us know how you are doing.

May peace and the love of the Lord be with you always. May he keep you strong and give you the strength to over come. For he is with you now & forever. Amen

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My prayers and love go out to you. I know by the grace of God that you will overcome what you are going through. Thanks for all the support you have shared with all of us. It's not selfish of you to concentrate on yourself for the time being, we will miss you moderating in this forum. Take good care of yourself.

God Bless

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Thank y'all. I totally appreciate your concern and prayers!

Right now I'm just at this awful "How can this be my life?" stage. Not that the life I live in is bad -- I'm terribly blessed with my family, we have a stable financial situation (not wealthy, but able to pay the bills), my marriage is good, etc. But just how did I become One of the Depressed? Why? Why does this have to be who I am right now? Depressed and crooked, for heaven's sake. Yes, I'm having myself a major pity party (sorry I can't invite y'all over for it).

I want to change my meds back to (or to include) Wellbutrin. It made my heart race like mad, but I lost 20 pounds on it when I was on it several years ago, and I was pretty happy, except for that heart thing. My psychologist says I might have done better with that on a lower dose. Anyway, I'm going to ask her about it on Tuesday and see if she can get me in with a p-doc, or even just my family prac, to see if I can try going on it again and tapering down the Lexapro. I don't think the Lex is working very well.

Anyway, I'm just so down today I needed to come here and vent a little. This is not what I expected of my life. It sucks. And I'm having a little trouble seeing past that right now.

Thanks for listening!


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Guest art.chick

No, you are not being selfish to take a sabbatical right now. I would not be too happy to have such a health issue re-emerge when I was already battling depression. How wonderful that you will be getting chiropractic care. As you know, I have a lot of othopaedic issues myself (having knee surgery tomarrow, in fact). I love chiro. It does so much for both my body and spirit. An adjustment can make me more relaxed and confident because things I did not even notice that were wrong get put right.

I love your "heart treasure box" image, and I know what you mean by "feeling" God. He is always right there, and if you need to feel him, go to your prayer spot and "Be STill and KNow that I am God." You will get the love you need. I felt it today. I had been dashing around so much that my meditations had all been on the fly. But today, I settled in for a good hour. And it made all the difference in the world.

Keep posting when you have time. Let's make sure to keep your thread warm here.

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Depression alone is more than enough for anyone to have to cope with, without having re-occuring health issues compounding the situation. I can only imagine what a difficult time you are experiencing right now. Stay strong in your belief that things will get better and that with God's help you will overcome this. Keep posting whenever the need arises, we are here to listen always. :hearts: Take care and hope that you are feeling better.

Edited by lostguy
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