Can't decide - as usual

[Nightjar]

Hi guys. ... Another decision for NJ. As usual, she can't decide.

Don't know what to do. I've reserved a kitten and paid a deposit. She is a very high maintenance breed (the highest). Very intelligent, needing a lot of interaction and stimulation.

I adore my cats, as some of you may know but haven't had one for a couple of years after the traumatic death of my last furbaby and moving house etc etc. 

My major against is that I'm already skint and scraping by. With another little mouth to feed and vet bills, my needs go to the bottom of the pile again. I can't really afford her. I've been scraping by for years. I need to save a little bit to get my bathroom and roof sorted too 🤔

I also need to get my hair done and buy shoes, pay for a dentist visit. Also, she would be so demanding of my time it would make finding a way to make money harder. 

I'm so torn as usual. She is adorable. I have pictures of her. Will I miss out on a beautiful relationship if I don't go ahead? 

I miss having a little one to care for. I'm jealous when my neighbour babysits 🤦

Help. As usual. 

All opinions considered.

Thank You 🆘

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Nightjar]

Also forgot to mention the fact that I still have intermittent sleep issues which affect me a lot and having a demanding furbaby would put extra pressure on me when this flares up 🤔

[sober4life]

From everything you said you don't seem to want this right now.  I have plans for all types of relationships.  I know how I'm going to get animals here and how I'm going to get a significant other in my life down the road.  I always put all types of relationships on the backburner and put all of my strength into getting my life in order.  Am I happy?  Sometimes but my life does feel empty but I fully believe I will get to the relationships soon.  I love animals but a good friend will say the bathroom and especially the roof is more important right now.  It would be great to have the cat but what are you planning on doing letting the roof deteriorate and fall in on both of you?  Roof issues start small and continually get worse and worse.  A few years down the road things might be really bad and you won't have the money to fix the place and nobody else will want to take on buying a house they might have to put a whole new roof on.

[Nightjar]

That sounds very sensible sober.

God, I can't get anything right. I suppose I thought I could just scrape by as I always have done and save for the roof repairs and bathroom...I don't know how bad it is yet....Could be very minor...or not. It's not that I would ignore it...I'd just have to save for a bit.

Another thing was that maybe we could make some money as a therapy animal and handler 🤔 but I don't know how reliable that would be.

I don't know..I'm tired..but I'm welcoming all suggestions.

Think I'm leaning towards not having her for financial and practical reasons but thinking that maybe I should have her because otherwise I'm not being true to myself and living life how I want to 🤷

I am so bad at making decisions.

It feels maybe like I'm trying to push myself into it a bit 🤔 and that can't be good. It's a 20 year.commitment.

[Nightjar]

I've been thinking about adopting one for two years and I still can't decide. I guess I thought that because I thought about it so much, it meant that I should do it 🤔

[sober4life]

Well my input comes from my roof issue.  Repairing a roof?  It's hard to find anyone.  It's usually the hey all give you a case of beer if you help me with the roof type people.  I went that route because companies aren't going to want to get up on the roof unless you at least commit to fixing half the roof because they know you're stuck and will eventually give in and get half your roof or your whole roof done because you can't find anyone reliable.  So that's what I eventually did I got the whole roof done.  Don't be hard on yourself though.  Life on your own sucks big time.  The right decision really is whatever you say the right decision is and whatever gets you through the day.  Things also change so much in our situation.  Maybe your mom might pull away more as you go on like my family did.  In the beginning they watched me like a hawk and helped here and there and made sure I did everything "right".  Now I can say I'm cutting up the old refrigerator with a sawzall and putting it out with the trash.  Ok just make sure you cut it up outside.  Anything so they don't have to be involved.

The last part I don't know.  I've never adopted a cat.  Nobody I have ever known or will ever know from around here will adopt a cat.  Their new cat is always whatever cat shows up to eat food that they tame and bring inside.

[rainingviolets]

It's too bad you can't give the little darling a personality test ahead of time. Attitude is everything. We've had lots of cats pass through our doors over the years- mostly strays that adopted us. Some were so laid-back and easy-going all they diid all day was sleep and stare out window. They used the farm fields for their potty, ate cheap cat food and table scraps, and adored us. The cat we have now is a rescue and she is a demanding diva. She will eat only one brand of pricey cat food (for kitties with sensitive tummies). She suffers from treat insecurity so treats must be visibly placed in a certain location for whenever her ladyship desires them. Water dish must be kept full, the bottom of her food dish must never be visible, and litter box must always be clean. At the stroke of sunrise the kitchen and living rooms drapes must be opened. If she decides at 3:00 a.m. that it is time to get up, trust me, she'll make sure we know she is ready to start her day. If any of her living conditions are not met, she will howl and meow loudly until she gets her way. Definitely a diva. For a cat that was discarded as a kitten in a country road in a cold autumn rainstorm, she is one fortunate feline. I do dearly adore her, though.  

[sober4life]

Sure I never even thought about that.  Most cats from my experience are like the first group of cats you described.  Then there's cats like the last one mom and I had that had his spot on the couch that better be perfect and his food dish always had to be full.  His food dish by the way was an automatic feeder that held about a whole bag of cat food.  On top of that if you came anywhere near him he'd swat you and hiss or my brother's cat that just hides all day and puts her paw out and scratches your ankles from under the couch or bed or jumps on you from shelves or out of closets because that's all she wants to do all day.

[Depressedgurl007]

I was more leaning towards not adopting the furbaby cos that’s another financial responsibility on your shoulders. Then I hesitate cos heard about that stat or study done on a large group of people studied from when they were young to old and one of the insights to that study is: People who live longer, healthier and happier are people who have meaningful social connection, and this meaningful social connection can be a furbaby. Maybe life has more meaning when we share it with a cat? I dunno. 

The cat will still be a responsibility but can also be that physical touch you need end of the day. I just want you to have moments of happiness but whether you have a cat or not, life will still be ok cos you have us 🙂 

[Nightjar]

6 hours ago, Depressedgurl007 said:

I was more leaning towards not adopting the furbaby cos that’s another financial responsibility on your shoulders. Then I hesitate cos heard about that stat or study done on a large group of people studied from when they were young to old and one of the insights to that study is: People who live longer, healthier and happier are people who have meaningful social connection, and this meaningful social connection can be a furbaby. Maybe life has more meaning when we share it with a cat? I dunno. 

The cat will still be a responsibility but can also be that physical touch you need end of the day. I just want you to have moments of happiness but whether you have a cat or not, life will still be ok cos you have us 🙂 

Aww, so sweet! Thankyou..

I know, still can't flipping decide. I'm always like this. I'm doomed 🤦

[AloneGuy]

Hey Nightjar.  That's a difficult decision to make but for what it's worth sometimes you just know a specific cat is the right one.  Things like money and all that are important of course but I tend to be someone who goes with my heart and inner feeling on decisions like that.  I'd go for it.  Good luck to you whatever you decide 🙂.  

Edited March 18 by AloneGuy

[sober4life]

One more thing I will add is who knows there might be a program out there that will help us pay for food and everything else for pets.

[Nightjar]

Thanks guys. I'm scared I guess. Losing my last was so traumatic for me. On top of the financial stuff of course which is worrying me. In my last place everything was set up and in order. I've had to start again here and it's difficult to get certain reductions I should be entitled too. I'm still working on that. 

Plus, cost of living in UK has skyrocketed. 

[Nightjar]

I'm so freaking confused. I'm so conflicted. I planned to have the kitty I  reserved for months and months and went 'baby shopping' in my mind every time I went out...

My finances haven't improved coz I've been struggling to get the help I'm entitled to. They're pretty bad and I'm struggling. This kitten costs a fortune to buy, plus all the stuff I would need to buy and then food, vets etc. 

I'm also concerned about her high maintenance with my sleep issues. ..

But so conflicted bcoz I adore cats and wanted this breed to leash train and take everywhere with me..I don't know how realistic that is and I want to keep my freedom. 

Now, they're looking for cat fosterers near me (which I need references for, if anyone is willing to help) and I'm thinking of doing that. Financially they would take care of things and I'm thinking that the cats would be less high maintenance and likely to be a bit older. Also, if I couldn't cope, they could go back to them....only downer would be my freedom would be slightly restricted. I couldn't stay out anywhere and leave them, though I'm not doing that currently anyway. 

Hmm 🤔

Wot u think guys?

I'm so torn about cancelling this kitten. I can't bring myself to do it. But its getting to the point where I really have to..