Jump to content

Noname188's Life Story


Recommended Posts

I think it's easier to point out what we DON'T want, but harder to point out what we actually DO want.

So let me clear up my previous message a bit.

It's not really about the sex. I pointed that out. It's mostly about how come my life is totally different than that of most people my age.

Maybe I'm a struggling with a little bit of peer pressure without really being aware of it.

What you are experiencing is something that we all face, and there is no real time-table -- we each progress through the hurdles at our own pace hoping for the best. In reading through your posts, I could identify with so much of what you wrote -- only I was going through all of this at the age of 49+. Age certainly doesn't make the experiences any easier, and while you are not aware, there are many others who are near your age going through exactly the same emotional roller-coaster. I know that I was shocked when I met two other gay 50+ men who hadn't started the "coming-out" process until they were 48+. As hard as it is to believe, you are not alone in your experiences. . . .

Peer pressure is certainly out there -- but one thing that I have observed is that it is much the same as that in the "straight" community. There is plenty of talk, but it isn't always obvious just how much of what you are hearing is just talk (bravado) -- or what is descriptive of actual experiences. I know that it is much easier said than done, but it is your life and greater happiness will be possible if you can put the "social norms" or "peer pressures" aside and realize that while it may take you a bit longer to attain that special relationship -- it will be all the more special when it does happen. I waited nearly 50 years for that relationship, and the only regret that I have is that I remained closeted for so many years.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dear Traveing_Man,

thank you very much for your words. I admit that ir was a bit shocking and frightning when I read the ages you're talking about, but I always say, that when the time is right for me to find someone special I will.... so I will just await my time. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

((((Noname188))))

I`m so glad you had a good time! That`s wonderful :shocked:

Hopefully the first of many; sometimes it pays off when we take a step out of our comfort zone, and find that instead of breaking it we only extend it further :wwww:

Chrystal

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

Thank you :)

Now I really ddon't care who knows.

A few of my (female) colleague know I'm gay... they simply asked and I told them.... so now I have the best time working with them. We are able to talk freely and openly. It really is a relieve after so many years of hiding!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 months later...

For a while I've been feeling something for this guy. I think I may have a crush on him. I've not had a real crush in over 2 years.

I think he's totally perfect... I know that no one's perfect, but to me he is.

I feel very strongly for him and just can't stop thinking about him. I get all warm inside by just thinking of him. Even the people around me notice that my face lits up when I think about him and/or talk about him.

But here's the thing!

I've NEVER seen him (in real life)!!!

We only chat...

This has been going on for months and the more we chat and the more we get to know each other, it's only clear that we should be together.

But is it crazy that I'm start having feelings for a guy I've never met?

Right now, he's only a screen image, but I'd like to meet him in the flesh.

We keep saying that we should meet up, but we've never set up a real date.

What should I do?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

For a while I've been feeling something for this guy. I think I may have a crush on him. I've not had a real crush in over 2 years.

I think he's totally perfect... I know that no one's perfect, but to me he is.

I feel very strongly for him and just can't stop thinking about him. I get all warm inside by just thinking of him. Even the people around me notice that my face lits up when I think about him and/or talk about him.

But here's the thing!

I've NEVER seen him (in real life)!!!

We only chat...

This has been going on for months and the more we chat and the more we get to know each other, it's only clear that we should be together.

But is it crazy that I'm start having feelings for a guy I've never met?

Right now, he's only a screen image, but I'd like to meet him in the flesh.

We keep saying that we should meet up, but we've never set up a real date.

What should I do?

I know that I am significantly older than you, but I met both of my boyfriends through on-line dating sites. The lack of face-to-face/person-to-person meeting does allow for pitfalls that might not be present otherwise. While I have met two absolutely wonderful men through dating sites, I have also had to deal with five scammers in far less than two years - - and these scammers do their best to make you feel that you are the most important person on earth for them.

I sense that you are at the point where you need to satisfy yourself about questions/concerns that only a face-to-face meeting can address. You may already know this, but with the scammers who are out there it is very important to obscure your true address until you have the opportunity for a face-to-face meeting. In both of my relationships, the first several dates were on neutral ground - - a restaurant that we mutually selected.

One suggestion that I would make prior to arranging a date is to do a little investigation for your own protection. Run a Google search on his screen name as well as his e-mail address and any name that he is using in addition to his screen name. I would also suggest checking the full headers on several of his e-mails. If you aren't familiar with this process, it is comparaively easy :

  1. Open the e-mail message in your usual e-mail client.
  2. Examine the e-mail client looking for a link or button labeled "Full Headers" or something very close to that.
  3. In the full header, reading up from the bottom should reveal a the first instance of "Received From" then read to the right looking for a number similar to: 41.138.188.172
  4. Then, open your favorite search engine and type in a search string something like this: Who Is 41.138.188.172
  5. The search string should bring up the URL of the Who Is site.
  6. Type the numeric IP address into the search window on the Who Is site, and the data returned will include the physical location of the server where the message was originated - - in addition the server owner's name will be listed as well as his/her address

Hopefully, you will find the originating server's location makes sense given what you know about your on-line friend. Using your favorite search engine search for the string: online dating scams - - there are several of these sites, and most allow you to search on screen name, e-mail address, as well as name(s) used in correspondence. In most cases, if you have discovered a scammer there will likely be several stories about his exploits on one or more of these sites. Only one of the five scammers that I have encountered was not identified in any of the dating scammer sites. What you do with adverse information that you discover is a personal choice. Each of the times that I have encountered a scammer, I have reported him to the site through which we met so that the webmaster can remove the scammer or take other actions determined by the site's acceptable use policy.

I am not trying to be alarmist, but my experience indicates that it is advisable to do a little investigating before meeting someone new whom you met via the web.

Edited by ChrystalR
Tos
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hmmmm that is a tricky one. I've met up with a couple of people from the interwebs and it's been weird the first couple of times we met up because we didn't really know each others body language, habits and all of that. We're all the best of friends nowadays though. But hey, you say you really like this guy, so why not? Maybe you could go to an event together? Could be fun. Keep us updated anyway x

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

So this how things went down.

I confronted the guy one evening... we were chatting and I asked him plain when we are finally gonna meet and how I deeply felt attracted to him. He was shocked, because he didn't know I felt that way.

He didn't know what to answer, so I told him to take his time.

The next day he still had no answer. A few days later still nothing. A week later nothing... so I just formulated my own answer and figured out he's just not that into me.

I just decided to remain just what we are "chat buddies". really good chat buddies who can talk about everything and know how to make each other laugh.

Last week he was also chatting about another guy and from his way of writting I noticed that his heart belongs to that other guy... so I'm not gonna push any further.

Yes... the story of my life :shocked:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi, Noname188,

Thanks for the update.

It is good that you expressed what you felt and that you figured out the answer. Best of all, you can remain chat buddies.

I'm not clear about how you feel about the situation.

I hope the story of your life is that you are emerging a person who can communicate your feelings and needs in a positive way. We just have to be aware of when we have expectations behind our asking for what we need. Yes, there will be "no's" from those you ask, but that isn't a rejection of you. We are all empowered with choice. And there will be "yes's'". Sometimes we are more afraid of the "yes" than of the "no."

It is a great accomplishment when you can be as clear as we can about our feelings and needs, take the risk to communicate those needs, and allow others to communicate their needs to you. That, to me, is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Taking responsibility for what you feel and allowing others to take responsibility for theirs isn't easy. Built into our language are assumptions otherwise: "He MADE me angry." "He MADE me feel sad." What a sad thing to relinquish our precious connection to ourselves and consequently our needs.

Anyway, forgive me for writing so much. I seem to have needed to remind myself of these things.

In any event, I hope you feel proud of yourself for tasking the risk.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Don't worry Lek it's okay

and I do feel good, because there's actually another story in development, which I don't want to talk about yet, because I'm afraid to jinx it.

(I kind of already did with this post... but I will remain silent for now).

Let's just say that i'm doing okay, and I feel content about the way life's going now.

As for this guy, I think we just remain really good chat buddies.

We can chat about anything and so we just have each other (online) to clear or thoughts and share stories.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, I'm a little superstitious :shocked:

Anyway, I'm deliberating whether or not to come out to my parents or not.

I suddenly have the need to let them know if I want my "new deleopment" to work out.

I can't imagine having a relationship while living under my parents roof. The constant going out of the house and them asking questions and I having to lie or keep secrets.

I wouldn't have a clue to explain all of this or if they'd even accept it.

Then again, I never even actually thought about coming out to them. I would just... you know... let them figure it out. When I was maybe living on my own, with a "friend".

But now the way life is treating me, I think if I'd let them know, maybe things would be a lot easier for me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Coming out to parents is a big and liberating step. The lies and secrets is exhausting, for sure. The when is something you have to decide, of course. You know your parents well.

The best way is to think of sharing this part of yourself as a positive gift of love so that they can be part of your life and vice versa. Parents take their cues about how to react by their son's or daughter's response--if it is a tearful "confession," they could assume that there is something bad about being gay or lesbian. If they don't know much about it, have information available and if possible the local chapter of PFLAG--Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. It sounds like you are in a positive state of mind about yourself.

Perhaps others here have other ideas.

Warm wishes!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The best way is to think of sharing this part of yourself as a positive gift of love so that they can be part of your life and vice versa. Parents take their cues about how to react by their son's or daughter's response--if it is a tearful "confession," they could assume that there is something bad about being gay or lesbian. If they don't know much about it, have information available and if possible the local chapter of PFLAG--Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays.

Thanks I'll surely look into that!!

But not for now. I knew I shouldn't have started about it.

It sounds like you are in a positive state of mind about yourself.

I was... I REALLY was... I was already making mayor life changing plans. Like coming out to my parents.

But this new thing. It's not gonna happen.

Why do guys keep breaking my heart over and over again?? :wwww:

I really thought this would work.

----------

Let me explain:

after the internet thing with the guy was wasn't interested. I found another one.

This one I knew from a few years back, we just never spoke. Until a few months ago when we found each other online.

He was in a relationship so I didn't want to get attachted. The relationship was over and now we started hanging. It was even started to go really well, until...

he confessed he still is in love with his ex.

So I decided to back off and let him go. though it's not easy. and it's not his fault.

I should have listened to the warnings that he wasn't ready, but still I pushed and pushed myself.

:shocked::sneaky2:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

Yesterday I was confronted with something again ad it made me realize that I'm still not 100% comfortable yet with my sexuality!

I was out with a friend and his friend is openly gay and I was kind of envying him.

How free, liberated and careless he lives. He doesn't care what he says and isn't ashamed to talk about anything. He even tried to out me a few times, which I could have easily said yes and make it known to everyone, but I couldn't. I tried to change the subject constantly!

But I was feeling bad. I want to live like that too. You know, free and not ashamed to be myself no matter whom I'm with (even my family). :verysad3:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Noname188, it's very interesting to hear about all your thoughts and experiences over the years! It was great to read that you were becoming so much more comfortable with your sexuality, and a bit dissapointing to read your last post where you were again expressing discomfort.

It seems like you accept your own sexuality but are worried about the acceptance of others (such as your family). I think that as long as you approach it in the right way, you have no reason to worry about telling others about yourself. Unless a person is obviously homophobic, telling them in a sincere and non-threatening way should be just fine. I'm 27 now and I told all my close friends and family that I was gay over the course of several years in high school. Not a single one of them had an issue with it, and it even changed a couple of their views on homosexuality (for the better). I seem to have an unusually reasonable family and group of friends though, so maybe it's not a typical example.

You should certainly be proud of yourself for all the progress that you've made so far in terms of acceptance and courage, and I hope you continue down that path. I'm much less comfortable with my sexuality than you appear to be, so even though you are envious of others for being so open an proud, there are certainly those out there who would be envious of you! Best of luck to you!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 months later...

Dear depthofmike,

thanks for the comment. It has been a while since I last visited here, so I hope you are able to read this.

There has been a lot of bad things going on in my life again, but I am getting so used to the disappointments that they are really starting to hurt less.

I'll write about it another time. For now I'm just slowly getting over it :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...