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oOAllyOo

Is It Wrong To Spend To Much Time Together?

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................EDIT................: It seems ive come into a rather overwhelming situation here, in which im forced into a bad guy situation by my friends simply because I have chosen to spend all my time with my boyfriend... and because.... so much.... I dont know how much more of this I can take.... how important are friends like these? I regret to lose such close friends, I regret to see them go, I regret to say that soon I shall have no friends....but at least ill have him. I have said many times before (and I never thought I would) that he is all I need. Is it wrong for me to say this? He is my strength, my love, my life. Is it so wrong that I want nothing but him? Why must I have friends who do nothing but bring me down. I dont want to cry over their loss, but it feels as if I have lost a friend to death. As if someone dear and close to me has just died. Ill recover. Perhaps. Someday soon. It has to be, I mean. This is really interfering with life, heh ^^; No more of this right!

Whats some advice anyone got out there for me? I feel confused.....

...............end edit...............

What do I say. I have my first boyfriend whom ive been dating for about 10 months now and I see him -about- 4 days a week. The other days I spend at school. Is that really too much?! Am I really with him too much? Is this really not healthy? My friends are complaining. Family is complaining. And its literally affecting our relationship to the point where we bicker and argue quite often about the littlest things. We love each other so much and are always pointing out how stupid it is that we argue about such small and insignificant things, but is it because we see each other too much? I want to be with him every day of my life. How could these peoeple say such things to me? People whom are married and with their own boyfriends? Instead of encouraging the happiness of my relationship they yell at me because I spend too much time with my boyfriend? Is it true? What do I do? Am I doing something wrong here? Are we jeopardizing our relationship by spending too much time together? Should we see each other less, despite the fact that its torture for us to be apart? Its makes no sense.... Why? Gah.... my head hurts now.

When I do see him I actually go to his house. His families house. Sometimes, I feel like I am intruding at their place. Spending so much time there. They dont really say anything. They just go about doing their own business, but I cant help but feel like they think I am crazy for always being there, with him. Sleeping together, eating together, arguing together, doing our HW together, bathing together (although we try to make sure no one see us :P) and the such. Like were a married couple or something. My parents constantly joke and call us married and tell us to get married already, but its not funny. Were college students and we are not ready to jump into something like that. We need the jobs, money, and we both need to ready relationship wise too. They are always saying to move in with his family as well, and sometimes, I have thought....well, why dont I? Im there all the time anyway. I go to school in his county anyway (we live in different counties). But is that selfish of me? And that gets me thinking again...should we be spending that much time together like that? Everyone complains about it anyway, and theyre not going to stop if we move in together.... or would that make things better...........god.....HEAD HURTS DX

Edited by oOAllyOo

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Four days a week is hardly a problem. I think if he were isolating you from your family, then yes, that is a problem because that is one of the first signs of an abusive relationship. But if you guys mutually enjoy being around each other, then maybe you should ask your friends and family what their problem is. Are you usually the "beck-and-call" person and they are upset that you are not available at the drop of a hat, or do they see something that you aren't catching?

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I'm not really sure that anybody can tell you whether or not you are spending too much time with your bf. I believe it is important to make time to spend with your friends and family as well as your "significant other". If you are doing this then I don't see a problem. Although in saying this, I believe it is wise to listen to those who care about you, ie your friends and family, so you may need to come to a compromise where you spend a little less time with your bf, so you can spend a bit more time with friends/family.

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Hi oOAllyOo,

The true barometer is how the two of you feel. And one way to silence your critics is to start spending more time with them, with your b/f with along as well. Special relationships usually always entail wanting to be with one another. So, think of things you can do with your friends and family as well, this will not only satisfy your friends and family but also make it so you don't feel so much like you are putting his parents out (although it sounds as if they are OK with the amount of time you spend together.) But maybe it is time for your friends and family to start thinking of you as a couple and certainly getting to know him will help in their understanding that any of your free time will likely include him. And as a plus, with him in tow, friends and family can't complain about your absence. They may even chime in on the 'get married' theme, fully realizing you are a couple.

Peace and Love... .wayne

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Thanks guys. The whole thing about making time for friends and family is what im supposed to be thinking about, but I think its more about family then friends actually. I am actually having some trouble with friends and I might even be losing all of my very close ones very soon because of all of this. But ive been thinking....is the loss really that much of a loss? The 2 so-called best friends I would be losing werent really best friends in the first place. But the thing is, if I lose them, I might end up having no friends, except for my boyfriend. That concept is scary, but the opportunity for new friends is out there right? Im still young ya know. I just dont know... Its all such a mess right now. How can I cry over this? I dont need this. Not now. I need to get through college. I need my education and I need my career. Its so important. How important are friends though, despite how little loyalty they hold with me? If they are meaningless friends whose bonds I could never make right, then it is best I let them go for sake of my relationship with my boyfriend and for the sake of my future. Its time I started looking out for myself....for my love.... for my family....

and as far as keeping them and making things work with bf and friends.... im not sure thats going to happen considering many complicated things between each friend and I that have accumulated over the past few days. How is it that people can learn to hate some one because they fell in love with another? Are they jealous?

Edited by oOAllyOo

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When I fell in love I wanted to be with HIM every moment of the day. Family had to take a back-seat. My Dad wouldn't let me be with Him during the week after College but we saw each other during the day ..... we travelled to College and home together all lovey dovey on the bus ....... so I got my 'fix' daily ;-). It's natural. We want their company, we want to learn about them, how they view the World [especially how they view us :hearts: ]

It is NOT wrong from your perspective. I would however, tell you to keep 1-2 evenings/weekends for your friends. If relationships tumble we all need someone to have a good moan with about HIM ...... also it's good to go out with girl-friends doing girlie things in the same way as lads want to go drinking/clubbing/fishing/motor-cross ........ we do need our space because it gives us something to discuss when together.

life's a learning curve ...... have fun, stay safe, enjoy! After 5 years I eventually married the man I FELL in love with and we've been together since 1970 - exactly!

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yay for you lizzy! 8D Thats so awsome to hear, no one does things like that anymore ^^

But indeed, friends are for things like that. If we need some one to turn to when we need those girl talk kind of times n such. Problem is... what if those friends cant be trusted.... im already having trust and loyalty issues with these people. It almost seems like the fight for their friendship isnt going to be worth it. One friend, ive been fighting for for 3 + years now. Its starting to bring me down, its BEEN bringing me down. enough is enough, dont you think? If a friend is doing that, then they arnt truly a friend in the first place are they? I just miss what we had before. I thought I could trust her but ever since I started dating my boyfriend she made new friends and had stopped communicating with me. Her marriage is failing, and the guy im with, well, she told me that she once liked in her highschool years. So, I guess its only natural that she has developed some type of distaste towards me and our relationship... right? The other one...well, she has a boyfriend! And shes supposedly happy with him, so i dont know what her issue with me is! She is actually the one who started the whole "you spend too much time with your boyfriend and not me" thing......... *gets thinking*....hm.... funny how "friends" can cause so much grief in your life because they dislike something about you. Oiy -_-

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At my exceptional age I've found that friendships move on. Society is more mobile, we need different 'things' from diffrerent people. We do need friends. We do need people we can trust. Friends can become jealous of the time we spend away from them espeically if they have problems they want to chew over. Family may get worried about who we hitch up with .......

Would your friends be the same if you were to begin an out-of-school hobby or interest that took you away for an evening or maybe weekends? Or is it jealousy over a human-bean?

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At my exceptional age I've found that friendships move on. Society is more mobile, we need different 'things' from diffrerent people. We do need friends. We do need people we can trust. Friends can become jealous of the time we spend away from them espeically if they have problems they want to chew over. Family may get worried about who we hitch up with .......

Would your friends be the same if you were to begin an out-of-school hobby or interest that took you away for an evening or maybe weekends? Or is it jealousy over a human-bean?

Well thats an interesting thought to think about. Your last paragraph I mean. Well, But then again, I think its so much more complicated than that. I dont even think my friends understand the emotions that they are feeling right now, so im not sure if I should hold them for granted for their actions or what.

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I think it's probably related to jealousy. It's a change for you to get used to abeing in a relationship, but also a change for your family and friends. I'm sure they will eventually accept it. Just go with the flow and beleive that they will eventually accept it.

I have the same thoughts sometimes and doubt myself. LIke am I spending to much time with my other. I don't thin kthere's really an answer. But make sure you keep in contact with your friends once ina while and allow them to feel what they are feeling because it takes most people a while to get used to change.

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Once the initial flush of love passes over and you both come up for breath ;-) you will find time to go out and about with your friends - do you have similar interests and hobbies that you could all join up with say, once a week or at weekends?

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Dont forget about your friends, as much as you want to spend every minute with him. There's an old adage about burning your bridges, you definitely dont want to do that. I know right now it seems like you'll be with him forever, but if something does happen and you split up it will be your friends and family you go running to for support. And if you've alienated them, they may not be there for you like you hoped :(

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My Mum, widowed 14 months ago, has a new man - it's really getting to me 'cos she won't visit with us but is keen to go out and about with him: note to self: must remember how it felt when I fell for my 'future' hubby ....... what I fear for Mum is that Dad was a control freak who didn't allow her to go places: now she's finding her feet and going it alone, finding 'old' friends are still there for her, I don't want her to be trapped again.

Make sure though that you don't talk continually about 'him' whilst you are with friends: choose some subjects to introduce and let them take up the chit-chat - that way you can dream :hearts:

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I'm engaged, and I see my hubby2be every day! Some poeple think that I see too much of him, but some people don't. It doesn't matter as long as you aren't giving up anything in your life that you mind losing.

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Im trying not to forget about my friends. I even fight for our friendships, but some times, I think that some things and some people just werent meant to be, friends that is. Im trying. I really am. Perhaps Im not doing it the right way, perhaps im not saying the right things, but I am indeed trying to save our friendship and in the end, she takes everything I say as an attack and spits in my face. A true friend wouldnt do that. So thus, why should I continue being friends with someone like that? With some one who doesnt care about our friendship? Im still young. Im not some lonely old woman. I dont need her. I dont need her to make me feel better.

...And yes, some one once told me the old adage about burning bridges, but this person wasnt necessarily on my side really...

Edited by oOAllyOo

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i mean this with the best of intentions and by no means hold this as any sort of ultimate truth but, when two lovers spend so much time together that they are around one another 24/7 sometimes it ends up backfiring since one or both fal victim toboredom caused by routine. sometimes its good to take a break from one another for short periods so each person can have some experiences without the other so that when they come back together they have something new to share instead of sharing the same things constantly. i mean this in no offensive way but have watched many a relationship disintegrate by mutal smothering leading to stagnation but if you are both content and happy then continue doing what brings you those sort of feelings. best of luck and wishes

9 be with

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i mean this with the best of intentions and by no means hold this as any sort of ultimate truth but, when two lovers spend so much time together that they are around one another 24/7 sometimes it ends up backfiring since one or both fal victim toboredom caused by routine. sometimes its good to take a break from one another for short periods so each person can have some experiences without the other so that when they come back together they have something new to share instead of sharing the same things constantly. i mean this in no offensive way but have watched many a relationship disintegrate by mutal smothering leading to stagnation but if you are both content and happy then continue doing what brings you those sort of feelings. best of luck and wishes

9 be with

Oh indeed, that I understand. But sometimes I think of it this way:

"so im supposed to spend less time with the person I love because Im afraid of becoming bored with them in the future?" Uh uh. I understand some people can become bored with each other but I have a belief that boredom is all in your mind and nothing more. You become bored with something, but does that make it boring? No. You are simply bored with that particular thing, and some one who truly loves some one wont allow themselves to become bored with them. You have to change your style of thinking and such. I dont want to take "breaks". I find them useless. You never need a break from some one you love :3 But yeah, I get you though. Thats just my opinion on that matter though XD Smothering can definately ruin a relationship too, but both parties have to enjoy the smothering though for it to not become an affect.

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We had fun toghether as often as possible. We were courting for 5 years before we married. Due to circumstances we were unable to be together for the whole of that time so we phoned [no mobiles then!] once a week and wrote daily. Is that too often ;-).

Friendships alter depending on our needs. Friendships wane due to circumstances. Accept. Move on. If this guy asked you to go to the back of byond with 2 pairs of clean underwear and a toothbrush would you go?

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................EDIT................: It seems ive come into a rather overwhelming situation here, in which im forced into a bad guy situation by my friends simply because I have chosen to spend all my time with my boyfriend... and because.... so much.... I dont know how much more of this I can take.... how important are friends like these? I regret to lose such close friends, I regret to see them go, I regret to say that soon I shall have no friends....but at least ill have him. I have said many times before (and I never thought I would) that he is all I need. Is it wrong for me to say this? He is my strength, my love, my life. Is it so wrong that I want nothing but him? Why must I have friends who do nothing but bring me down. I dont want to cry over their loss, but it feels as if I have lost a friend to death. As if someone dear and close to me has just died. Ill recover. Perhaps. Someday soon. It has to be, I mean. This is really interfering with life, heh ^^; No more of this right!

Whats some advice anyone got out there for me? I feel confused.....

...............end edit...............

What do I say. I have my first boyfriend whom ive been dating for about 10 months now and I see him -about- 4 days a week. The other days I spend at school. Is that really too much?! Am I really with him too much? Is this really not healthy? My friends are complaining. Family is complaining. And its literally affecting our relationship to the point where we bicker and argue quite often about the littlest things. We love each other so much and are always pointing out how stupid it is that we argue about such small and insignificant things, but is it because we see each other too much? I want to be with him every day of my life. How could these peoeple say such things to me? People whom are married and with their own boyfriends? Instead of encouraging the happiness of my relationship they yell at me because I spend too much time with my boyfriend? Is it true? What do I do? Am I doing something wrong here? Are we jeopardizing our relationship by spending too much time together? Should we see each other less, despite the fact that its torture for us to be apart? Its makes no sense.... Why? Gah.... my head hurts now.

When I do see him I actually go to his house. His families house. Sometimes, I feel like I am intruding at their place. Spending so much time there. They dont really say anything. They just go about doing their own business, but I cant help but feel like they think I am crazy for always being there, with him. Sleeping together, eating together, arguing together, doing our HW together, bathing together (although we try to make sure no one see us :P) and the such. Like were a married couple or something. My parents constantly joke and call us married and tell us to get married already, but its not funny. Were college students and we are not ready to jump into something like that. We need the jobs, money, and we both need to ready relationship wise too. They are always saying to move in with his family as well, and sometimes, I have thought....well, why dont I? Im there all the time anyway. I go to school in his county anyway (we live in different counties). But is that selfish of me? And that gets me thinking again...should we be spending that much time together like that? Everyone complains about it anyway, and theyre not going to stop if we move in together.... or would that make things better...........god.....HEAD HURTS DX

hello there ally, is it wrong to spend to much time together you ask, well i guess that depends if the time is well spent. i've been married for twenty eight years and the only times we've been apart was when i traveled for my job, time away from my wife and family that i hated. my wife is my best friend and my companion so i greatly appreciate all the time that we do spend together. there will come a time when death will seperate us and if my wife goes first i will greatly miss her and vise versa so i want to spend as much time as i can with her. so it is wrong to spend so much time together, well that all depends if you enjoy it. much blessings to you, Frank

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