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just wanted to introduce myself. im 26 and have suffered from depression since my midteens. recently it has been a roller coaster for me. my GF of 5 yrs left me about 8 weeks ago, and it has been horrible since. just recently basically started functioning again. pretty much lost everything the last 2 months, job, GF, dropped out of grad school, and lost about 35 lbs (am a competitive bodybuilder, so its not like i am skinny now, but its still alot of weight). i just feel so lost.

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Hi, I'm a 20 year old male from Virginia, in the States.

I figured that I'd just introduce myself, but I really just needed a place to vent and let loose my current problem that's been plaguing me. I have, however, gone through depression in high school, and had a few suicidal thoughts in 9th grade. I'm glad I didn't carry any of it out though, because I wouldn't be where I am today. I do feel kind of sad at times because most of the time, I've never really been successful in the dating department. There is more to know about me, but recently, something happened that really changed my life. I knew it was coming, but I didn't know how much it would hurt until now. This isn't the place for it, so if you want to read my story, it's over in the Members Needing Extra Support Now section. I figured it would be rude to post it there without properly introducing myself, so...there you go.

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Welcome to DF,Redif1ne,

Sounds like you have been through some rough patches and may have some words of wisdom and experiences to share with us in time.

Im sorry that you are struggling at the moment,ill read more in Members Needing Extra Support Now and see where your comming from.

Take care and know DF is a friendly and supportive environment.

Kind regards

SO6

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Hello :)

You can call me Annie :)

I was recommended to come to this forum by a friend, who also visits here.

My deal currently is I am suffering some grieving from a recent break-up of a 1.5yr relationship. It was a long distance relationship of 700 miles. We managed to see each other quite frequently. We took many trips and did many things, and even went to Italy.

In June, he decided to end it :( Two weeks later he told me he was seeing someone new :( I put the pieces together and found out that he had been emailing her some months before, and probably was seeing her prior to our break-up. I was speechless :( I was hurt beyond belief. I could not believe the man I had dated for 1.5yrs could be this same guy... who was not only breaking up our relationship, but who apparently betrayed me :(

I have had some bad ups and downs. The last two weeks seem to be the hardest. The anger has subsided and now I am left with this sadness, that sometimes gets pretty bad. I am grieving the loss of who I thought he was, I am grieving the companionship, the friendship that I had with him everyday via email and phone, and I am simpy grieving what I thought was something that was going to work.

However, with that same note, I will twist your brain and tell you there was also verbal and emotional abuse in this relationship, which is really why I am here.

The break-up hasn't so much been the problem, compared to what I tolerated while we dated :( At about 4 months into the relationship, he started to express these shameful looks to me when he didn't approve of something I did. His eyes would roll up, and he would bow his head while shaking it back and forth, clearing communicating shame at me. I was horrified, but I stayed in the relationship anyway. Then came the criticisms. Criticisms of what I was wearing, what goals I didn't meet, and most of all, criticisms of how I handled myself in public. After any public outing, we would get into the car and he would tell me what he thought I had done wrong, what embarrassed him, and what he thought I did to make an *** out of myself. Now let me remind you, I never found myself to be embarrassing in public, but he apparently did. Alot of his criticisms were not nice, and they were not always handled in the nicest tone :( There were many outbursts and at the least opportune time :(, that always threw me off. At the time I would expect it least, out would come a small outburst, of something I had done within the last few hours that he did not approve of.

So I'm sure you are asking yourself why would someone stay with someone like that?, and why would someone be grieving some one like that?

... and my answer is "exactly, why would someone? Why would I tolerate this?", and then I will tell you "I don't know".

This was not my first verbally and emotionally abusive relationship... but it was the one that opened my eyes. I am 44yo and I really don't want to have another relationship like this. He was tender and sweet at times, and he send me a boat load of cards through the mail, but what he didn't do was tell me he loved me, he never put his arms around me and said he would miss me, or he had missed me, he didn't adore me, and he sure didn't accept me for who I was... but I continued to love him, and I continued to give the relationship my all, regardless of the fact, that very few of my needs were ever met.

So I am here to get some help through this grieving process and maybe chat a little and find out what I can learn about myself in terms of why I tolerate such abuse in a relationship.

That's my story, and I'm glad to be here :)

Annie

Edited by superfox
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Annie,

Welcome to DF,glad you have found this site or at least a friend has refered you to it.

Im sorry for your break up,but more sorry to hear what you have endured during the course of the relationship. No doubt you will be going through a huge grief process but also feeling alot of relief too...i can imagine it must be a confusing time for you.

Hope to see you around the boards,i think theres some good topics here you will be able to relate to.

Warm regards

SO6

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Hi from the UK :bump:

I am 30 years old and have suffered from depression since I was about 17. I have been on medication since that time. I looked for a forum like this today because I am having a particularly difficult time coping with life at the moment. Lots of different stressors hitting me at once.

Looking back over my life I'm now thinking just how much I could have achieved had I not been cursed with this debilitating illness. Everytime I manage to raise some enthusiasm to start something new, it dissolves and I'm left with another failed venture behind me. I'm still not married and have no children even though I want both more than anything, but this illness is so difficult for non-sufferers to handle and all my relationships fail because of it. Thankfully I've met a very emotionally strong and supportive man who is trying to learn as much as he can about depression so we can fight it together. Fingers crossed I don't drive him away too.

I decided to study for a degree in Psychiatric Nursing a year ago in the hope that I could help others like me and maybe understand myself a little better. I also volunteer with a local mental health charity whereby I spend time with a lady every other week to help her deal with life and it helps me too, although sometimes it's extremely difficult to appear cheerful when I just want to curl up in a dark room on my own inside.

I am currently on Cymbalta 60mg and started that a month ago as I had a severe depressive episode prior to that and thought of suicide every day. I just didn't have any more 'fight' left in me. I was so sick of waking up every morning and not getting better. Not being able to appreciate the beautiful things around me. Cymbalta has been good and stopped the thoughts of paranoia and inadequateness (is that a word?!!) but now it it doesn't seem to be helping and I'm sinking again. I was on Seroxat (I think it's called Paxil in US) for 10 years with no support from a professional so it was kind of like giving me a car but not teaching me how to drive it!! I then tried Cipralex after I had a breakdown in 2004 and was on that until this recent change, again with no professional guidance.

I wanted to try Prozac but the doc said it worked in the same way as my first 2 meds and probably wouldn't be any more effective. I'm getting really disheartened now. I'm even thinking of ECT!!

Life just seems to be so hard to struggle through. A few days a week a little bit of my healthy personality shines through and I love to feel like that because I love to laugh, I suppose depressed people do because it's such a rarity eh! Colour seems to flood back into my world on those days and it gives me strength to continue the battle.

Anyway, that's enough of my boring waffle for now. Thank you to the creators of this site for providing a place of sanctuary :) Thanks for taking the time to read my post :shocked:

I look forward to getting to know lots of other members.

Trin x

Welcome to the forums Trinity :hearts::shocked:

Please post this in Members Needing Extra Support Now where you will get much support for yourself and meet many in the same situation that you are in now. You may reply and introduce yourself in any of the forums as well...we are very helpfful and informative here at the DF and members will share their experiences with you. Best wishes..

~Lindsay, Forum Administrator

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Today is my first day to visit and then join this forum. Why so many limitations on the newbies? Can't do a blog, can't chat, can't start a thread. I'm no so sure I feel particularly welcome. It seems like a depression forum would try to make folks comfortable to use the entire forum, not "earn" the right to be more depressed. What is the reasoning behind these rules?

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Again-

You are definitely welcome! Glad that you found us!

I'm glad that you asked about the rules, because it gives us a chance to explain.

The administrators of this board work very hard to keep this community a safe and supportive place for all who visit here. Unfortunately, there are folks out there ( often called trolls ) who get their kicks from stirring up internet communities by posting inflammatory material. Asking that new members respond to 5 posts prior to receiving other privileges in the community is a way of protecting against trolls--trolls don't have the interest or the patience to spend that much time with us!

So please bear with us and out rules--they are in place to protect you and all of our members.

I hope that you stay! I think you will find this community to be very supportive.

KA

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Hello all!

Not sure really where to start or what to say in these introduction type threads!

Someone recomended me to this site so I thought I would take a look but I must admit I am a bit bowled over not really sure where to start with things - so much to read and so many different boards I really don't know where my issues would fit in here!

So about me, I'm 26 and live in the UK, I've been suffering with depression for probably about 18 months, though I didn't start getting pills for it until around 6 months ago. I basically had an accident late 2004 which has left me partially disabled (though this is due to get better - and I should regain full mobility etc with treatment), but not only that the accident triggered off numerous other health problems which has put me in and out of hospital qutie a fair bit since.

Naturally I found all this a bit difficult but seemed to be coping well, I have a very supportive family and up until recently a wonderful supportive girlfriend. I was doing quite well until my girlfriend who had been with me through all my ups and downs dropped the bombshell she was not in love with me anymore and basically dumped me. This has obviously set me back and even though this was a few weeks back I really don't understand why she did what she did, as she's avoided talking to me and not given me any direct answers - rather taking the decision to say hurtful things to make me angry with her, over being direct with me?

Anyhow as I mentioned it's really set me back a great deal - given how far I have come the last 2 years, and when I rememeber how things were it's really upsetting and it's thrown me back to square one.

Once again I feel pretty worthless as a person, I'm very unhappy with myself, I blame myself for the breakdown of the relationship, and I also think it's my fault I got ill in the first place. I can literally work my life back to the one event that seems to have been the trigger of all my problems.

I must confess in my darker days I have thought about suicide, though I know it's not right, but more than that I have the strongest desire to basically do a runner - I feel very much like a prioner at home, in my own body, and I just can't bear to be around where I live anymore because of all the bad memories. Not only that I really don't want to see my ex girlfriend, nor see her with anyone else - when it should be me.

Random and rambling is what I do best, sorry if that doesn't make sense. It's a cut down version of events, so any advice and specifically pointers of how to find the right information on this sight would be most welcome! :)

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Hi,

I have been up and down throughout my whole life but I always thought that was just me. A big side to me that me and people around me would have to deal with. I've been in therapy since I was 12 due to my childhood and living situations being rubbish.

Only now, when I'm almost 30 my councelor spoke about these 'moodswings' and made me think of bipolar or manic deppression. I can see how my huge ups and huge downs have a bad effect on my partner I am now looking into it and it would be good to find more info here and tips on how to cope better.

Stickysen

UK

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Hi

I am back here after 4 years, I was a regular on the Seroxat board, then I got off that, met a bloke, had a baby etc. All that is over now and I am a single mum of a 3 yr old. It's been a hard year, I have been trying to build up a social life again and at first it was very scary. Now it's easy to go out, I love it, and I find mothering a 3 year old mind numbingly boring in comparison.

Feeling at the moment like I am about to fall into a pit, I'm really tearful, pre menstrual too.

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Eso: Welcome to DF! I'm sorry about your girlfriend; that has to be difficult. You will need to give yourself time to grieve, but things really will get better. As far as finding your way around DF, I'd suggest you just spend lots of time reading. There is SO much tremendous information. Remember that (except for posted news articles) most everything is info that has been posted/shared by our members. So you will find out some of the experiences others have gone through, and maybe some of your questions will be answered. In time, you will be more comfortable finding your way around our board. And feel free to jump in and add replies to any topics that interest you.

Sticky: Welcome! It is interesting that you've had to wait so long to get on the track of a possible diagnosis, but hopefully now you can get better treatment. You will find plenty of info about bipolar disorder and other symptoms/illnesses that you may relate to - just look around this place. You will also find plenty of supportive friends here.

Welcome back, teapot! I am sorry you've gone through such a rough time. I hope that you are getting some counseling and medical care for your depression. And as you know, you will get great support here at DF.

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Hi, I'm Chris- Riley'sMom He's my little dog that is usually here with me. I am 49 and have been married 29 years. My two children are both married and out of the house now so it's just the two of us and Riley. I guess it's just the emptyness now that I am here alone that is starting to get to me. My husband is away a lot with his job so I just get so sad sometimes and feel alone. I have friends but they have their lives too so I don't want to bother them with my troubles. I have been doing some crafts in my home to keep me busy because I am out of work with a back problem. I really need just to be able to talk to someone sometimes and I hope that this is the place.

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hello. I'm Arwin (female) and I'm glad to find this forum. I have bad PMS. I have been depressed for a little over one year. I had been depressed for almost a year about 5 years ago and been able to snap out of it.

I feel hopeless and just icky. Not suicidal at all. Just feel like crud.

I have no health insurance so medical help is not an option for me sadly.

I hope to find some support and help on here and also to give support and help.

xxx Arwin

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Chris - welcome. There are lots of us here to talk to. Many of us, me included, are empty nesters. And lots of animal lovers. Wander around, and if you need any help please feel free to pm me, or any of the other mods. I'm sorry to hear that you're home on disability, but glad that you have crafting things to do. I'm mostly into quilting, but also do other things depending on how my hands are. deb

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Justarwin, welcome to the forums. You may find some of the articles in psyc 101 helpful because some of them talk about things you can do to help yourself. There are other general illness rooms with postings about a variety of subjects. You'll definitely find support here. deb

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This is my first post to these forums.

Hello all,

An introduction... I guess the first thing I should do is make a bit of a statement as to why I'm here. I'm the father of 2, married... for the moment... my wife is determined to end the marriage because I was blind enough for years to not see my own problems. I've been working hard to solve the problems, seeing a marriage councilor and working through a lot of problems that I was not able to see myself or refused to see (depression, anxiety, narcissism to a degree). Unfortunately my wife, who I love without question even through the pain of an impending divorce, has not been willing to see the marriage councilor. I love my children more than I could ever come close to saying with simple words. This situation is tearing me up inside. I've seen my general practitioner and started on an antidepressant/anti-anxiety medication, I'm continuing to see the marriage councilor, I'm making massive changes in me and my life... and I'm still facing a divorce... a divorce that involves not only the woman that I love, my best friend... but the two children that are my life.

Outside of the drama there, I'm a computer programmer... long time consultant that is converting to full time employment with my current contract. Something I've needed to do for a long time in order to reduce the stress of working as a contract employee... the fear of not having a job every 3 to 6 months as the sole provider of a family of 4... stress that no one needs these days.

I'd imagine, unfortunately, that in posting here I have dug my hole a little deeper... my wife is a part of these forums as well and I know she will recognise my description and writing style. After hearing about the forums for quite some time I decided to look into them and see if I could find some help here as well...

Hopefully I can not only find some help here but also be a solid contributor to these forums!

Sadfather

Edited by sadfather
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Welcome sadfather!

I'm glad that you've found us and I think you will find a lot of support here.

I'm glad to hear that you are continuing your threapy and treatment. Regardless of what happens with your marriage, the work that you are doing to manage your depression will serve you and your children well.

Hopefully your wife will get on board and work with you.

KA

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Welcome sadfather!

I'm glad that you've found us and I think you will find a lot of support here.

I'm glad to hear that you are continuing your threapy and treatment. Regardless of what happens with your marriage, the work that you are doing to manage your depression will serve you and your children well.

Hopefully your wife will get on board and work with you.

KA

Thank you for the welcome! :hearts:

I am not a religious type but I find myself praying a lot these days to the universe and whatever there may be out there that my wife would work with me. She has filed for divorce at this point but I know that is not the final word and that there is a long road to walk before that is final. I just keep hoping and praying that I get the chance to prove that I can and AM changing and can become the person she thought I was when we first met. I am that person, through a long list of things that I won't go into yet, I allowed myself to become a different and not so great person... one that I am quickly putting behind me again hopefully.

SF

Edited by sadfather
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