really struggling...

[mariearruda]

Hello,... I'm a 58-yr old woman struggling with post-menopause/aging/health/depression issues,.. it took me 3 hours searching online to find this group, I pray it can help me. I turned 58 last October and I can honestly say that right now in my life,.. I am at the very worst: healthwise, depression-wise, aging-wise, and everything else-wise. I raised 3 boys and loved being a young christian mom, took care of my oldest son who was born with heart defects and who died at age 21 and went through all the trauma of that,... got the other 2 boys into college,... struggled with our middle boy who for a brief time had a serious drinking problem and I had to put him in rehab, (he is now fine),.. was Shocked off the face of the earth when after 28 years of marriage and promises to 'grow old together' in 2011 my husband came back from overseas and told me he was divorcing me for a 28 year old; went through divorce; got back together with him a year later, marriage is fine now,.. i have 5 beautiful wonderful grandchildren but i hardly ever see them,. .. i struggled intensely after my husbands affair and ended up spending 7-8 years after that getting involved with a man online because of my hurt and rage towards my husband and also to prove to myself that i was still attractive to somebody,... i'm a chrisitan so i finally broke free from that and now i suffer from constant guilt because of it,.. i've always had weight issues (-my low weight is 135, my normal weight is 155,-)- but this year, ever since covid and other health problems,.. ive ballooned up to 250 pounds which is the highest i have ever been and i hate it,.. my health has been spiraling downward for the past year,.... i dont even recognize the woman i see in the mirror and i fight self-loathing every day,....

..... any advice or encouragement or prayers would be so so sooo welcomed,... I know I still have a purpose and I don't want to give up on life but,...

.... it gets harder and harder each day. 

Thank you for reading this,.... please post replies i hope:).... (if you want to send me an email my email is:credwi882002@hotmail.com)

....God bless all of us.,... -Marie A.

[rainingviolets]

"Christ can do wonders with a broken heart if given all the pieces." - Anonymous

"Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." Romans 12:2

"Change, indeed, is painful; yet ever needful; and if memory have its force and worth, so also has hope." - Thomas Carlyle

"Letting go is a process. We first look at events honestly; then learn to understand their power, and finally, use that new understanding to move confidently into brighter days." - Sandra Aldrich

"Asking is the rule of the Kingdom" - Charles Spurgeon.

"There is no medicine like hope, no incentive since great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow." - O. S. Martin

"Lord, may I not lose today's joy because I'm concentrating on today's chaos!"

Hello and thank you for providing your email address. There are forum rules about what we can say and share as far as faith is concerned. I also don't visit here often any more, so if we do "talk", it will make communication easier. 

You sound like you are emotionally struggling - something people here can relate to. I come from an abusive, dysfunctional background, have had an eating disorder since I was a teen, and know the pain of child loss (although nothing on the grand scale you have). I can not comprehend the depth of your grief from losing a child you have loved for so many years. One of my biggest battles was dealing with my self worth and body image as all I heard from my toxic family my entire life was that I was worthless garbage and the world would have been better off if I had never been born. It took me a long time and it was a difficult lesson to learn, but I know today my life has purpose and value, and so does yours. When I look in the mirror I see a daughter of the King. As a Christian who belongs to Christ, you are, too. I'll email you later and look forward to talking with you. 💜