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Dating (on line) for the Depressed


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Has anyone here ever tried using online dating apps?

My divorce was finalized last Friday (Saturday I moved the 5 of us into 2 new apartments close enough so the kids could walk).  The marriage was over for a long time.

Since I'm lonely anyway, and that can be like a cancer, one morning this week, I couldn't sleep, so I got up and put up a dating profile on a cupule prominent sites, including the well known one where women make the first move.

It's fun, a head trip, and is addictive.  Had some good interactions, and a couple people who seem fun and attractive, agreed to go out, though we couldn't make our schedules work this weekend.  I think that's pretty good experience so far, especially quickly (the way I typically do everything).  Got a lot of good insight and affirmation from an excellent NPR report on ins and outs of dating apps.  Best one was something I was already in the process of doing.  Rather than trying to figure out what to do once someone's agreed to go out with you, decide something you want to do and would enjoy even if it was just you, and then invite the other person.  It works on so many levels, so this is what I did, and I found something very cool.  It's taken the pressure off of a lot of it, and I am enjoying a lot of it.  

Dating app services run on loneliness, and it really is compulsive in nature.  I guess I need to slow down, be patient.

Actually, as I read this, I realize this is going well, and that I'm just a little hypomanic in general. 

Curious about others' experience?

- g

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Well I would like to try them but I would like to know how they work before I do it.  I can't pay the money for a membership and once things start I have to fill out a huge application about myself because I would have just wasted all of that money.  I mean I basically want to be able to put some pictures of myself and really explain everything later if we talked or met in person because that's the only way I would have any chance.  My life on paper is a piece of paper most people would throw in the trash.

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19 hours ago, sober4life said:

Well I would like to try them but I would like to know how they work before I do it.  I can't pay the money for a membership and once things start I have to fill out a huge application about myself because I would have just wasted all of that money.  I mean I basically want to be able to put some pictures of myself and really explain everything later if we talked or met in person because that's the only way I would have any chance.  My life on paper is a piece of paper most people would throw in the trash.

I hear what you're saying, but I havta say, I had those same thoughts and feelings, and my life is kind of a sh*tshow too, but 4-5 women have said yes, they'd love to meet (just couldn't Saturday due to work schedules or kids), and I've only been on this for 2 days.

I think there are so many people who have problems too, we just have such a negativity bias that it's "just us."

I've found some people get pretty open pretty quickly, even women which is noteworthy given the understandable reasons to be cautious.

If I just didn't have such an impulsive personality in general, or could modulate it more reliably, this would (and will) be a great way to meet people and have fun.

I don't really have the $ to spend on it ether, but I just went for it for a few bucks for 1 month after I'd learned how to use these from the sources above.  Everyone else out there is trying to do the same thing, because: loneliness.

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Honestly I probably just have to do it the old fashioned way.  I have no interest in lying about myself or trying to find just anyone to have here at the house with me.  I want to find someone that I can spend the rest of my life with and nothing short of that.  The problem is I have no interest in lying to anyone or I feel like I'm wasting my time and at the same time I can't really be honest about myself on a site like that either at all.  I could give someone a great life but being with me would seem like being with Batman or being with a spy.  You may never really know anything about me but you will be happy when I'm with you.:unsure:

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I would love to try them but I need to know how they work first.  I'm fine having a profile where I have my picture, age, city where I live, first name but I do not want to do it if you have to put everything out there for everyone to see every time they look at your profile.  Everything beyond what I said needs to come in conversation.  If someone tells me yes all you have to have on a profile is a picture, age, city where I live and a first name I'll be all in.

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18 hours ago, sober4life said:

Honestly I probably just have to do it the old fashioned way.  I have no interest in lying about myself or trying to find just anyone to have here at the house with me.  I want to find someone that I can spend the rest of my life with and nothing short of that.  The problem is I have no interest in lying to anyone or I feel like I'm wasting my time and at the same time I can't really be honest about myself on a site like that either at all.  I could give someone a great life but being with me would seem like being with Batman or being with a spy.  You may never really know anything about me but you will be happy when I'm with you.:unsure:

That makes sense, and I'm not here to promote dating websites either (plenty of hassle), but I will tell you there are a lot of other people on them looking and trying for the same thing.  Including me.  The biggest pleasant surprise to me, is how many people there are a) open and up front about who they are and what they're looking for; and b) how many are also looking for real long term relationships.  The people I've met, talked to, gotten to know a little, (and asked out) give every indication of telling real, candid versions of themselves, because they really don't have a lot to gain by not doing so, and they're looking for the same.  They don't have time to waste, and so things get real very quickly.  Of course not everybody, but that's okay.
I'm betting the internet is the #1 way that people now meet and form long term relationships.

Anyway, its early for me.

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I think you've talked me into it.  If there are other people looking for long term relationships like me I think I should try it.  I mean how would I really find what I'm looking for in real life without scaring people off?  The words and situations don't really exist in real life.  I think this is the only reasonable way to find what I'm looking for.🤔

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Long term is relative to many…… long term for me means to the end, worth working for to overcome differences and ailments….. not sure everybody gets on the same page these days.

i don't want to get hurt again, so I am almost paranoid about relationships, despite the loneliness that also brings which I cannot deal with either….

 

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I think relationships take a lot of work but it is worth the effort. Having someone who cares makes a big difference.

I would not take anything in online dating too seriously until you actually meet the person and form a committment. Many people will say they have to cancel for work but they could just be seeing others. I find it is better to just focus on one good relationship. One good relationship is better than a thousand bad ones.

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