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Is it really always good idea to tell someone when you’ve been assaulted?


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When I was a child my dad Molested me. I never told anyone about it until my teenager years and one was a friend that ended up being a horrible person and blackmail me with it. And a therapist who was dismissive. I continued to surpress those disgusting memories after that. My parents got a divorce when I was in high school but for the past 3 years they have been together and he has been living in my home. For the most part I had been able to seporated how I view my dad as my dad and him as the person who molested me. But now I’m 27 and this had been a really bad year for me. I have been having bad panic attacks and my depersonalization has been really bad lately. I wonder if this has to do with the fear my dad put in me as a child. And lately I wonder if maybe living in the same house as him and my mom have been destroying my mental health. I quite literally can’t afford to move out and my mental health is so bad right now I can’t even handle going out on my own because of how anxious and paranoid I am. All this to say That idk if I should tell my mom about it. I feel like the obvious answer is to say yes tell her. But it’s hard to explain. It’s like saying if you do good then good will come to you but we all know that’s not true. I’m scared to tell my mom because my mom needs him financially since they both own a house together, and she’s always talking about how much she needs him emotionally, financially everything. And I know this isn’t about my mom but about me but my mental health is so bad that if my mom were to have a mental breakdown over me telling her what my dad did then that would not be good for me mentally either . I would not be able to heal. So idk .. thoughts?

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Update , I told my mom.  I honestly don’t know How I feel about it now .. in some ways right now I feel worse. and I’m so worried how this news is affecting my mom .. I hope me telling my mom is for the better 😕 my dad will still be living at home right now. I told my mom that he can stay since he helps her with stuff and later we can decided what can happen since they do own the house together and we can’t afford the mortgage solo. I hate how much power money has in everyone lives 😞 they say money can’t be happiness but I know this situation would be better if weren’t in a financial crisis heak I think most people can bez but then again it doesn’t seem to helping some of the celebrities that seem to have so much money yet are miserable. Sorry I’m rambling since I know most likely people won’t read my post. In the case you do I hope the best for you because truly we all deserve peace in life and not depression and  fear 

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Hi June322.  That's terrible, I'm so sorry that happened to you.  I think he should face consequences for what he did to you, but I know that's easy for me to say and doesn't really help you at all.  I'm just sorry that you're struggling so much and I hope things get better for you.  And you're right about that everyone deserves peace and not fear or depression, and that includes you too.  I hope you can find some peace of mind.  I struggle with lots of anxiety too and it can be crippling at times.  I wish you all the best.

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4 hours ago, AloneGuy said:

Hi June322.  That's terrible, I'm so sorry that happened to you.  I think he should face consequences for what he did to you, but I know that's easy for me to say and doesn't really help you at all.  I'm just sorry that you're struggling so much and I hope things get better for you.  And you're right about that everyone deserves peace and not fear or depression, and that includes you too.  I hope you can find some peace of mind.  I struggle with lots of anxiety too and it can be crippling at times.  I wish you all the best.

I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to read my story and commenting with compassion and encouraging words thank you 🥹 I’ve been having panic attacks none stop and my depersonalization always scares me of going crazy and I fear going into a psychosis episode 😕 but I just hope that slowly I can be on a paste of recovery. 
 

thank you again for making space in your own troubles to hear my own. I can imagine you’re in pain too since you’re on here and I hope that you too can feel better soon or at least just find more peace on life 

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12 hours ago, June322 said:

I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to read my story and commenting with compassion and encouraging words thank you 🥹 I’ve been having panic attacks none stop and my depersonalization always scares me of going crazy and I fear going into a psychosis episode 😕 but I just hope that slowly I can be on a paste of recovery. 
 

thank you again for making space in your own troubles to hear my own. I can imagine you’re in pain too since you’re on here and I hope that you too can feel better soon or at least just find more peace on life 

Thanks for your kind words as well, I really appreciate that.  Yeah psychosis is a fear of mine too.  I've had it in the past.  I'm sorry you're having so many panic attacks as well, I know how terrifying they are.  I wish you lots of healing.  

Edited by AloneGuy
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@June322

I am so very, very sorry that happened to you. 

I tend to use the word "heartbreaking" a lot, but I feel in this case, your situation is truly, truly heartbreaking. 

Since I was not sexually abused by a parent, I don't feel as though I am at the same depth of suffering as you and so I feel I would be a hypocrite to offer you advice.

I was emotionally abused by my parents and find myself more and more in the role of caregiver for the one who is still alive.  And it stirs up in me all kinds of unwelcome thoughts and feelings:  depression, stress, feeling trapped,  distress, anxiety, panic attacks, sometimes rolling panic attacks, fatigue, feelings of anger and rage directed wildly and on and on. 

For the sake of my mental health I have had to place my mental health above almost all other things.  This is taken as selfishness by others but I was in a mental hospital once and I don't want to end up there again.  I could say that it is fear that drives me but others take it as lack of bravery.

Those who do not labor under the burdens of mental illness, especially mental illness linked to past trauma can never understand those who are so burdened.  The mental illness that comes from past trauma can be paralyzing but it is not a paralysis that engenders compassion in most people.

A person paralyzed by an accident will often elicit understanding and compassion from others.  Others will tend to lower their expectations for that person.  Sadly this is often not the case for those who are disabled or paralyzed by mental illness caused by trauma.

Being sexually abused by a parent must be the worst kind of trauma a young person can suffer.  I think it must scar them for life.  Who can understand that except someone who has going through the same thing?

When things are abnormal I think it is normal to be abnormal [if that makes any sense].

When I had a complete breakdown and was hospitalized, a psychiatrist addressed our group and said:  "You shouldn't be here.  Its the people who made you this way who should be behind these walls."  

Sometimes our poor brains need a rest.  Sometimes they need to breakdown in order to get better. [Please don't think I am encouraging anyone to have a mental breakdown]. 

I'm just trying to say that when a person is victimized it is to be expected that all kinds of strange things will happen to them.  And none of it is their fault.  The brain has a mind of its own.

I wish I knew how to help you.  Sadly wanting to help someone is often not enough.   One must also know how.  I don't know how. 

I do know you here on these Forums as a kindhearted and deeply compassionate and understanding soul so I wish you only the best.  You are a remarkable person who inspires me.

 I hope you find the path for yourself that leads you to the best possible outcome.  My deepest, deepest apology for not knowing how to be helpful to you!  Please know that my heart goes out to you.

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