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Sexual abuse and bullying


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Hi,

I have been hearing voices for the past year. I was raped when I was 24 and after that the voices started becoming increasingly misogynistic, sexist and sleazy and blaming me for being raped.

I shall list some of the things these vile misogynistic trash have been saying to me :

loads of men have been with you

the men who’ve been with you don’t pay you 

We don’t pay you any money 

you do it for free

none of the men who’ve been with you can give you pleasure

youve given pleasure to loads of men

You’re really good at giving them 
You’re a slut/whore/slag / insert derogatory name for woman here 

you’re a sex robot/ sex doll/ inanimate object 

Mainly they brag about how they don’t pay me any money . It’s true I don’t get any compensation for being raped when I was 24 . Most women who are raped don’t get compensation and don’t see their rapist prosecuted  .

The other insults are just playground bullying - the sort of thing I’d hear in high school 

However it is irritating and unpleasant to hear this in your head 24/7 from male voices and some female voices . I don’t think I should have to put up with it from anyone 

Anyone have any advice I hate misogyny and sexism 

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I am actually what you’d describe as ‘frigid’ . I haven’t had a boyfriend in over a year, I don’t have sex and have been with one man my entire life ! I am quite prudish about sex and do not have a high sex drive 

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These are lies as I know I do not have one I don’t have sex and I’m very careful who I have sex with - I have only had consensual sex with one person in my entire life and that is my ex boyfriend 

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I am very careful to avoid sex with sleazy/ dodgy men who want to use women for sex . I am very fussy and picky about who I sleep with . I don’t actually enjoy sex unless it’s with someone I have an emotional connection with . 

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I also hear voices calling me a pedophile - this is disgusting and untrue . I find it vile and disturbing .

i think my brain is damaged in some way to hear these negative and derogatory voices 

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I find myself shouting and screaming because I feel so emotionless and numb and empty . It’s a strange combination of energy , aggressiveness and numbness / emptiness 

this is what’s odd . I don’t feel anything but I still shout and scream but there’s no emotion behind the screaming and shouting . I do it to let out excess energy 

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It’s very odd . I cant feel fear or anxiety either . I haven’t felt anxious in over a year. Nothing seems to worry or bother me- I feel unfazed by everything .

you might say that’s a good thing but I want to feel something - I think there’s something wrong with my brain - I have undergone an extreme personality change from someone who was quite shy and easily embarrassed to someone who is loud , confident and uncaring 

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