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Anhedonia and rape


Emu567

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Hi,

I have been hearing voices for 3 years. They are loud derogatory nasty spiteful and unpleasant 

I was raped when I was 24 . I was unconscious/asleep and when I woke up someone was having sex with me from behind . I couldn’t fight back as my arms and legs were paralysed . 
After this the voices started becoming more aggressive and sexually abusive . They called me a slut, whore, said I was asking for it and that loads of men had been with me and no one pays me any money!! 

this worried me as I was starting to think how many other men have assaulted me sexually when I’m unconscious/ incapacitated and I haven’t woken up? It made me paranoid that I had been raped more than once and I just hadn’t woken up the other times

the worst thing is they’re anonymous . I cant see them I just hear their voices so they have the upper hand 

how do I protect myself from being assaulted again? 
 

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After my rape I also lost all pleasure in sex and physical touch like head massage or bathing . I feel uncomfortable so I can’t actually enjoy consensual sex now . The anhedonia and lack of pleasure has really depressed me recently as I am simultaneously being told I am a slut and loads of men have been with me but also that I can’t feel pleasure . One of the voices even said I bring pleasure to loads of men - this is a disgusting creepy comment that makes me want to throw up 

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I am so sorry you are dealing with this.  And I hope I can offer just somethings that come to my mind.  But have you reached out to a licensed psychiatrist/therapist?  Forgive me, but maybe a crisis line?  Or your doctor?  I don't know where you are residing, alone or with someone-- but seeking help from a trusted doctor, therapist, or crisis center or a social services agency?  Forgive me, but I wanted to reach out to you.  I'm sorry I'm not on here that much, but I wish you safety, peace of mind and someone to aid and help you.  Reporting what's happening to you can be helpful.  Medication to ease the thoughts and voices can be helpful.  And speaking to someone about being physically safe..  Bless you.

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I don’t know I feel like my brain is damaged too ! I cant seem to think clearly all I hear are voices calling me slut/ prostitute / misogynistic names

its so stressful it’s giving me a nervous breakdown 😭

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