Jump to content

All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to Die.


Recommended Posts

I don't want to die, but life is absolutely too miserable for me. I plan on buying a boat and sailing it out into the open sea, maybe die of starvation, heat exhaustion or drowning. If by some miracle I survive, then maybe I'll have an epiphany or life changing moment. Too bad I'll die alone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Life is full of difficult moments, but when we're alive we get to choose how to experience the moments to some degree. Those of us with high anxiety or depression or many other mental illnesses do not often see the scales as being balanced and thus choose to live the dark or hardsides. 

i respect your wishes, but would also ask that you share your situation with us, to see-if we can help guide you. We all suffer here and can most definitely relate, so try us before you do something you can not undo. Welcome to the forums, even under the dark circumstances. We will not judge you in any way, and you may make a friend or two.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Extremebeginner said:

Life is full of difficult moments, but when we're alive we get to choose how to experience the moments to some degree. Those of us with high anxiety or depression or many other mental illnesses do not often see the scales as being balanced and thus choose to live the dark or hardsides. 

i respect your wishes, but would also ask that you share your situation with us, to see-if we can help guide you. We all suffer here and can most definitely relate, so try us before you do something you can not undo. Welcome to the forums, even under the dark circumstances. We will not judge you in any way, and you may make a friend or two.

For me its mostly financial. I'm in my 40s with nothing to show for, living month to month with a lot of debt (bad planning and management on my part), its a wretched, pathetic place to be, especially someone with a family. I also just despise my every existence, every fiber of my being is vile to me. Why is it that dying for people like me ill-favored? I would never want someone to go through a life like mine. They are better off dead.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sometimes I read posts here and scratch my head thinking “did I write this?”  I think I am very much right there with you. I’m in my 50’s and professionally am fairly successful. But bad financial management over past years has put me in a terribly fragile state where I live paycheck to paycheck with countless financial bombs sitting in the future. I absolutely 100% despise myself, just utterly hate the person I am, and regret all of these things I’ve done or haven’t done in my life.  And actually my problems are probably due to me NOT making decisions and instead just going along and keeping everyone happy.  I too want to go and disappear.  Sailing out to sea is fascinating but that’s not I’m my head, although I love the sea and sailing so I very much get the appeal. I find myself wanting to disappear into the mountains or desert.

As much as I am done with life my children have a whole life to live. And I will not put the horrible baggage on them that their father needed to leave them behind. The rest of their lives would be devastated by such a thing. So I’ve chosen themselves over me and that keeps me going one day at a time. Now, it makes my life even more miserable knowing that every moment of every day is not for me but is for someone else.  But at the same time I try to force myself that living for someone else is a noble thing. And maybe, just maybe that is why I’m still here.

I’m saying all of this not as an answer or solution for you.  I really just wanted to tell you that I think I can fathom where you’re at because it sounds eerily similar to my situation.  Hang in there and keep plodding on.  You might be thankful someday that you did.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

The thing you already know is that dying ends all of the suffering, the worries, the freaking out, the money problems. It wipes the whole slate clean. So, knowing that you always have that out, you're actually free, then, to take chances. Do something to shake yourself out of your current state in some way. Maybe that's looking at job listings to see if there's something better out there; maybe it's seeing if there's a financial change you could make that would get you back on track. (Marcus bank has some good deals on CDs right now, for example. There's one that lets you take your money out at any time, and all that happens is that you forfeit any interest you earned to that point, so there's no risk.)

Once you take a step in that direction, you start to feel more in control, and then you start to feel more motivated to do more. Watching your bills inch closer and closer to being paid off and your savings grow--even just by bits at a time--can get kind of addictive.

Sometimes a little change like that is just what you need to kickstart your motivation. The finance problem is one that is real, and it's scary, but it is not insurmountable. It just feels that way when you're depressed. 

I hope this doesn't sound trite. I know exactly where you are, and it's a dark place. it's hard to find the energy to take a single step to get yourself out of there, but that's what you need. This is my attempt to push you a little. It may not be enough, but that's okay--I can push harder!

There is going to be something--a moment, a day, an event, a sight--that makes you say, "I'm thankful I am here to experience this." You just need to keep going through the shit until you  can get there. It will be worth it, I swear.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...