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Setting an end date even if you aren't actively suicidal?

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I'm trying really hard but I'm in an even worse place than the first time I tried doing it. I am not actively suicidal (probably because I havent seen my dreadful mum in two months while she's been overseas so I am ok at the moment). I turned 29 last week though and a small part of my brain this week started accepting me not living past 32 (it's been in my head for years). I tried offing myself once before when I was 26 and failed out of uni again but just before it my family didn't care about my problems, encouraged me to do it, did it, then told me i'm so useless I couldn't even end myself properly and left. Ended up with a ton of debt and my family upped making things worse for me because I'm dependent on them.


I haven't tried to off myself again (because mental health staff talked me into things will get much better). Things haven't doe and at 28 I gave myself till 32 then I'm done. I'm really worried about my future. My family will never change and I'm dependent on them, I don't know if I'll find the right combo of meds that works for me, I see no future career or meaningful relationships/friendships for me and every time I think about where I see myself 5 years from now I just see endless pain and misery and would rather not experience my 30s. 


Do any of the older users have advice? I'm not the same person I was at 26 and have had some fun and learned some new enjoyable things but the juice doesn't seem worth the squeeze. I see someone older with mental health issues and the only thing that goes through my head is things get even worse as you age.

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Things may or may not get worse as we age.

It all depends on our attitude.

We are not helpless confronting mental issues.

My motto: Despair not / Repair a lot.

Please don't give up on yourself and we won't give up on you.

Keep posting and try to smile even if it is a forced one.



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I agree with Oscar, forced smiling works in emergency situations. I did that when I was in military inpatient in the past along with forced laughter.

The biggest thing I would say is to focus on staying alive and okay. I think you should try to do some soul searching and change your tactics. You could try changing your actions or perspectives or try different religion or none at all. I would try different hobbies or activities and find something that helps you feel more mentally stable on a regular basis.

I would not focus on your age so much as your health. I do bodybuilding and I workout at the gym and I see a women who is 70 and she actually looks like quite an attractive tall woman apart from her silver hair you would not be able to tell she was older. I have seen people with diseases that cause premature aging and are teenagers who look like elders there is a lot of different spectrum with age, it is more important to take care of your health. There are fantastical stories of people living 900 years in Eden people can go on long rants about age or storie of aging but I honestly believe that based on what I have seen that there are many actions you can do to restore or reducs aging through collagen or increasing telomere length.

Some basic things would be quality sleep, improving physical, mental and emotional health. I would try to do therapy if you can.

You may feel like you are not the same person anymore but you still are. Deep down that same person is there and wants to be happy, I believe you can be happy with a good environment and training. Do you have a bad home environment? I would try to pursue the happiness, that is the dream

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Hang in there Kalahari.  As others have said, don’t worry about your age so much. What I mean is, try not to set a limit on how much more time you have.  Forget looking into the future and trying to assess how it will go and how long it will go.  Instead, just go day by day and see what happens next.

I can remember being 18 and thinking that I’ll never make it past 24. Things were so bad that I just couldn’t see myself enduring anymore. I can remember being 26, being in the absolute pit of despair, and giving myself another 18 months and if things don’t improve by then then that’s it.  I can remember being 44 and getting obsessed with just how much longer this could go on.  I’m 50 now and I still don’t see all this going on much longer.  Physically, just how much more abuse can my heart and mind take? But here I am, going on day after day after day.

I am sorry that I don’t have any concrete advice to help you get through what you’re going through.  I for one can’t figure out my own life so if I could I would definitely be sharing that wisdom with the fine folks here.  But until then I would just recommend not getting hung up on timelines or dates on the calendar. Just go day by day and see what happens.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I just wanted to say that you're not alone in this kind of thinking.  Even in the best of times I don't see myself living beyond 70.  I am almost 35 now.  My reasonings for this is because I've witnesses family deteriorate after this age, and I don't want to go through it either.  Changes are equal between the downfall happening sooner or not at all.  So, I'm on board with what you and everyone has said that you will not be the same person you were, and things can always change.  Usually these ideas aren't entirely set in stone because of all possibilities.

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