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Loneliness, anyone else ?


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Does anyone else deals with loneliness and joined here or other forums to at least chat online ?

Loneliness isnt my only problem. But its one of the hardest to cope with. 

I have 0 people to talk to. Sometimes it really drives me crazy being so alone. I miss being with someone and talk. Go out with someone. 

Sometimes its weekend, I have the whole day free, there is good weather, and I just spend the day at home alone. I spend day the day looking in online sites for someone to talk to, I can not find anyone.

Anyone relates ?

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Generally people only talk to one another if:

- they want you to do tasks/chore for them

- they wanna borrow money

Try getting a customer facing job. Not just customer/clients will want to talk to you all the time, your supervisor/bosses will too to delegate tasks to you or berate you for not doing it to their liking 

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Depends upon the people.  There are all sorts.  It is easy to generalize "all people bad" or "people only talk when they want something".  Those things do happen.  But not everyone is bad or manipulative. 

So...minimize negative interactions with people who are manipulative or negative etc.  Maximize interactions with positive people.  But, we need to look at the flip side of it also...who likes hanging out with depressives?  Depressed people are, what's the word?  Depressing!   So I cannot blame my friends that need a break from me.  That means when I am 'up', I should invest in some friendships just in case I get down and need some support from them.  If we are not willing to give, why should we expect others to?  And if we are not going out of our way to make new friends, do we expect others to  magically find us?

But, that is part of a catch-22.

Otherwise, given the last 2 years, I am fine with seeing fewer and fewer people.  Over the last 7 years or so, strangers have gotten meaner in general.  Intolerance and selfishness have greatly increased.  I know I have run out of empathy for certain types of people (eff them anyway)  But I am just a grumpy old man, don't listen to me.

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I can relate with your loneliness. I too have other issues I try to deal with but loneliness is the hardest by far. I can talk online but I feel lonely. I guess that the only way to fix loneliness is to get out there and meet real people.

I ponder sitting in a coffee shop and just watching the world go by with my java, but fear it may make me feel worse as I don't necessarily want to hear all the stuff others have to say. I have real physical friends even, but still feel lonely. Maybe because I long for somebody to share my daily stuff with, somebody to listen to and share stories with. I broke up with my girlfriend of four years only a few months ago and it hit me hard as I thought we had a soul mate style relationship. Best I can do is to keep my hopes up and force myself to interact with others at each opportunity.

I'm considering volunteer work where I will have a defined routine but dont want to work in a hospital where there can be too much sadness for me to handle. 

All this to say you are not alone, and in my ramblings maybe you see a chance for you to look at something else.

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13 hours ago, Extremebeginner said:

I can relate with your loneliness. I too have other issues I try to deal with but loneliness is the hardest by far. I can talk online but I feel lonely. I guess that the only way to fix loneliness is to get out there and meet real people.

I ponder sitting in a coffee shop and just watching the world go by with my java, but fear it may make me feel worse as I don't necessarily want to hear all the stuff others have to say. I have real physical friends even, but still feel lonely. Maybe because I long for somebody to share my daily stuff with, somebody to listen to and share stories with. I broke up with my girlfriend of four years only a few months ago and it hit me hard as I thought we had a soul mate style relationship. Best I can do is to keep my hopes up and force myself to interact with others at each opportunity.

I'm considering volunteer work where I will have a defined routine but dont want to work in a hospital where there can be too much sadness for me to handle. 

All this to say you are not alone, and in my ramblings maybe you see a chance for you to look at something else.

Ive been alone so much that Ive kinda lost the North about what can expect from people.

I want to find someone who I like to spend time together and talk. But when I think in the people I used to hang out, I dont necesarely love the idea to being with them.

I had 1 close friend, we talked about everything, we had similar interests, was the only person I was anxious to tell about something to then listen his opinion. But then, I was dealing with a lot, and he was a really ostriostracized, I was needing to go out, having someone to talk, but he didnt like to go out much, he was telling me to hang out next week, then cancelled, said next week, he cancelled, I decided to just never talk with him. Sometimes I dream we meet again and we be friends again.

I dont feel I can ever find someone I like to share time again. I dont like being wlth most people. I just feel alone. 

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There is a lot of really good advice from the people here.

I was talking to someone the other day about why people seem meaner nowadays. I think part of the reason is the internet it is possible to hide behind a veneer and people are more unhinged and unfiltered.

Also a lot of decisions from people do not stem with peoples best interest but simply to make money regardless of social damage.

I think if you take the time to understand some of these people and the things that they have gone through you will begin to realize they are actually good people and interesting as well. I feel that way about a lot of the people on this forum.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I can imagine the pain you are going through. I experience this time to time. Until few months ago, I wouldn't be able to handle it properly, but then obe day, I read following quote:

The best thing for disturbances of the spirit is to learn. That is the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love and lose your moneys to a monster, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honor trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then--to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the poor mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting.

T.H. White, The Sword in the Stone (The Once and Future King, #1)

And I have found learning can reduce the loneliness/mental issues (for me for sure). And helping other makes it even better.

I hope you will find well deserved mental peace. It's within you. 

And I'm always open for listening.

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I do feel lonely all the time but it's a craving like drugs and it always works out the same way as drugs when people finally come around.  My mind never gets it though.  It's like craving this place catching on fire and burning to the ground.  All the things my mind craves leads me to ruins.

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I also am lonely. I have no real life friends nor could I handle any right now. I talk to my family only. For me time goes crazy fast that literally scares me and I think that's in part because I'm so lonely and have the same routine. Sleep, laptop, sleep.

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On 7/10/2022 at 5:44 PM, Zagor said:

I also am lonely. I have no real life friends nor could I handle any right now. I talk to my family only. For me time goes crazy fast that literally scares me and I think that's in part because I'm so lonely and have the same routine. Sleep, laptop, sleep.

If anyone is still feeling lonely, you can take away the boss/management I have to constantly interact with

Y'all have my blessing

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I can completely relate because I am lonely ALL the time. I work from home and have been for the past two years. I interact with coworkers all day but that is via text, voice/video calls, and telephone calls. And that is just work and there is nothing socially rewarding about it.  I have a wife and two kids that I spend every day with but when I am with them I am playing the role of “dad” and acting as I’m supposed to. There are never any moments where myself, the actual me, comes out and one of my family members actually interacts and connects with me. I do go out into the world, run errands, go to stores, etc. and obviously interact with people. But there is nothing meaningful there because that’s just humans doing what they need to do to get through their day.

So yes, I have tremendous loneliness and can comprehend what you are talking about.  I think we are all looking to have some sort of connection with someone. We just want to communicate with someone, verbally or even nonverbally, and have that person communicate back to us.  And I think the whole purpose of that, at least for me, is validation. We need to share experiences with people in order to validate who we are.  We want to be told that we are ok, that we are relatable, and that maybe even we are respectable.  At least, that’s what I see myself needing and because I don’t get that validation I call it loneliness.

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 7/13/2022 at 9:01 AM, MtnDreams said:

... and there is nothing socially rewarding about

 

Thinking about this a bit.  "Socially rewarding"  I might have known what that was once upon a time.  Maybe the fact that I do not understand "socially rewarding" is a problem.  Or, maybe I just grew out of it.  But I see no reward in social interaction.  I've just seen too many horrible "people".  Which is worse? Not being "social"? or being social with the wrong people?

Then there is "social" vs feeling "connected" to something else (people, a person, a hobby, pets etc) which is similar but different of course.

hm.

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Yes I deal with loneliness or boredness whatever it is. So i started chatting with what I thought was a new friend but they were so negative it made me feel even worse. Everything I said they knew everything about, they wouldn't let me talk, and labeled everything bad. There's hardly anyone worth talking to so I stay busy watching reruns and looking at the phone all day. 

Edited by watalife
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I live with several other family members but I am lonely as hell. I have no friends at all….online or off…never have. I have also never dated or had a relationship of any kind.

I work from home…and have been told by my employer that it is likely permanent and I have almost zero contact with my co-workers or even my boss.

My hobby is spending ungodly amounts of time of social media and comment sections. Even though I am kind of “interacting” with others, it is not the same. And I think my growing addiction to it is making me feel even more lonely and miserable.

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I understand you well on living with others but feeling lonely, really lonely. You dont have to be friends with your family, but you can use them a little to practice social skills. Nothing detailed just politeness and a quick how was your day.

You are also making friends in this forum, just by speaking out and responding. I don’t know what exactly would define an online friendship but I think this would count. Real life friends are made more difficulty, but its possible if you take a class, go to a workout session or hang out at the same table in a coffee shop, regularly. Could you take a laptop and do some work from such a place, library even.

as to dating, well, there are many aspects to that and not all are feel good factors. I suggest you try though, online even, just for a couple of meet ups even if nothing comes of it. Experience will help you with the next one.

maybe I sound too upbeat for you right now, but there are ways to battle loneliness. Fyi, they are not currently working for me because I need to put some more effort in. Hugs, friend

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On 6/8/2022 at 1:37 AM, ManDss said:

Does anyone else deals with loneliness and joined here or other forums to at least chat online ?

Loneliness isnt my only problem. But its one of the hardest to cope with. 

I have 0 people to talk to. Sometimes it really drives me crazy being so alone. I miss being with someone and talk. Go out with someone. 

Sometimes its weekend, I have the whole day free, there is good weather, and I just spend the day at home alone. I spend day the day looking in online sites for someone to talk to, I can not find anyone.

Anyone relates ?

I certainly can relate with one exception. I live with my 20 year old twin boys but that has actually made my feelings of loneliness worse.  So here I am on this site because of loneliness.  My best friend passed away years ago and my former coworkers although we were close at work I just don't feel I can reach out to them.  I used to post a lot on facebook and that just intensified my feelings of desperation. I was constantly checking to see if anyone responded so I could at least feel connected. But I was disappointed more often than not by no replies. I was glad I finally stumbled on this site because all of the other site haven't had new postings in years. 

And I too really miss having someone to talk to and my chances of finding a new best friend at my age are not very good especially since I don't leave the house.  This site does help. I can post about my loneliness issues and sadness in a setting that someone may relate to what I am going through and reply. But they say the connections you have off line are what makes life bearable so I keep running things through my mind about where to go to meet people. I am not a bar person and I used to go to church but these days most church's care more about filling the collection plate than their congregation. 

So for now this site helps and sooner or later I will find a way to connect again socially. 

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On 7/25/2022 at 3:37 PM, monicott17 said:

I live with several other family members but I am lonely as hell. I have no friends at all….online or off…never have. I have also never dated or had a relationship of any kind.

I work from home…and have been told by my employer that it is likely permanent and I have almost zero contact with my co-workers or even my boss.

My hobby is spending ungodly amounts of time of social media and comment sections. Even though I am kind of “interacting” with others, it is not the same. And I think my growing addiction to it is making me feel even more lonely and miserable.

I hear you on spending and ungodly amount of time on social media because I do it to. Even though as I mentioned in an earlier post that I realized posting and then frequent check ins to see if anyone replied showed my desperation so I quit for maybe 3 hours and was back making comments. I convinced myself that it was fine for me to do it if I enjoyed it and stopped worrying about replies.

I also am not working at this time. I am on disability because of heart problems and narcolepsy type 1. I do really miss working I met and worked with a lot of great people. I am not in a relationship and haven't been in one for over 10 years. I am divorced but I spent 20 years in a on again off again relationship with my ex.  Short version. He quit his job 2 weeks before the wedding and rarely held a job after that. His money was his money and my money was his money. Six months in I got my first black eye and filed for divorce before a year was up. Found out I was pregnant the day after I filed. And when my son was born I had to call his girl friends house to tell him. The same girl he was cheating on me with. Things got much worse and more abusive but still I kept letting him back into my life. I am in no hurry to meet someone new.

With a little luck maybe both of us can slow are posting addiction down a bit and find a hobby that requires human interaction. Like someone suggested I could go to the library and use their computers or sit and read. I do read a lot but I am always sitting on my bed. Or I could go to a coffee shop with my laptop, never know you could make a friend that way and if nothing else just someone to have a friendly chat with.

But hang in their you are not alone and your situation is not unique in this day and age. And you never know maybe one of our comments will start a conversation that grows. I for the first time had a person on line invite me and my son's over to go swimming. It made me feel good and showed me that connections on social media can cross over into the real world.

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On 7/2/2022 at 4:21 AM, Deep_joy said:

I can imagine the pain you are going through. I experience this time to time. Until few months ago, I wouldn't be able to handle it properly, but then obe day, I read following quote:

The best thing for disturbances of the spirit is to learn. That is the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love and lose your moneys to a monster, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honor trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then--to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the poor mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting.

T.H. White, The Sword in the Stone (The Once and Future King, #1)

And I have found learning can reduce the loneliness/mental issues (for me for sure). And helping other makes it even better.

I hope you will find well deserved mental peace. It's within you. 

And I'm always open for listening.

I actually have had to stop learning. At least not learning about political issues and scandals. For the last month or so I have only watched documentaries on every thing from true crime to the history of curse words. The more I learn about climate change and how much of nature and wild life will be gone and animals extinct my heart aches.  And the ones about our government just angers me and saddens me that the country accepts these politicians with no moral compass or strength of character. They govern to increase their own wealth and will sell us out to the corporation that makes the biggest campaign donations.  Knowing these things and knowing I am only one person and can not change the world doesn't change my outrage.  I have wept about the way our country is headed.

So I read a lot but I read books by Patterson, Grishim, Koontz and Spielberg and I guess that does not count as learning because the story's are not real.

I have also given up on most tv shows and the movie industry. !!!!!! and sex seem to be written into every story.  Call me a prude but it's like watching soft porn. 

I understand why they say ignorance is bliss.

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I agree.  I don't want to learn anything else or figure out anything else.  I just want to sit here and hope nobody ever shows up.  In this world the only person that comes here that's going to give me something is the mail carrier.  Everyone else is going to come here to take something and I don't have anything left to give.

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I never used to feel that way, but I do now. It started for me with my current job, of all things. I'm not big on work, let's just get that out there. I didn't plan to have a career, and I resent that the world requires me to work. I didn't ask to be born, and I damned sure didn't get here and immediately start jumping up and down and yelling, "Ooh, when can I start doing crap I don't want to do for someone else so they can make money?!?!? Now, please!!!! Oh, and let me do it until I DIE so I never have a moment's peace or a chance to actually enjoy my life!"

Sorry for the rant. Despite my hatred of working, I have always met people at work that made it fun. Sometimes, they were the only good thing about my job. Other times, they were simply the best thing about it. But I always found people who I could be myself around and have fun with. . . . until my current job.

This place is corporate, but I've had lots of corporate jobs. It's different, though. I like to laugh--it's literally what gets me through life. These people, though--I crack a joke, and I get nothing. And they don't open up. It's as though everyone at this place only wants surface-level relationships. "Don't try to get too close" is the message, and I don't understand it. Regardless, though, I'm left feeling more lonely now.

My work people were always the ones I could turn to for advice on anything. Now, I have none. All my old work friends live in another state, and I don't really have anyone I can talk to other than my husband. Unfortunately, he's not an ideal person for me to talk to because he's not . . . normal, for lack of a better word. He has his own history, and it's left him not very empathetic, and not a very good communicator. So I know he is trying to help, but he ends up making me feel worse. 

 

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I envy you believe it or not.

I wish I was actually alone then have certain people in my life who make me FEEL alone.

Robin Williams was right when he said that that is the lesser of two evils.

I hope you are able to find companionship of any kind soon.

In the meantime, you're never alone on here 🙂

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There are days and days where I don't speak to anyone... I watch a lot of TV or look for books to read... I called a local crisis line the other night and that wasn't much help... I could hear her family in the background and it added to the loneliness. I am in my 60th decade and I look back and I can see the very bad decisions I made that landed me here.  Being alone all the time also adds to the giant disconnect of not being able to talk to people correctly. I find myself saying incomplete sentences or weird things that just doesn't make sense to anyone else.

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