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Am I a loser?


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hey hey hey there! Everyone! Do you guys think I'm a loser? Let me tell you my story, I was always bad at school because I was the one that everyone made fun of from 1st grade all the way to 12th and I'm 38 and I still live with my parents and I live off of social security. My redeeming qualities are that I'm into health and fitness so I always look my best and I have an outgoing personality. I consider myself the best looking and most outgoing loser but I'm still a loser. I have the look of a winner, big muscles, washboard stomach but I can never succeed at life. Girls never like me and I can't hold down a job. I want to know what you guys think about this?

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Posted (edited)

If you have to ask, you already have your answer. 

Nothing you have said decries a trauma, or illness. There seems to be no underlying incident or occurrence. You just seem to have failed to grow up and become an adult.

To quote the Dread Pirate Roberts: "Life is Pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something."  

 

Edited by Frankensense
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+1 for any PB quote.

"Loser" is quite judgemental. Quite "bottom line" assessment.  Life if this long process of evolving and adapting.  There is no one judgement or bottom line or even single opinion that would cover everything.

Unless you are on your deathbed, you have time to reassess and change.  Well, I'm not saying that one should change who they are solely because they are looking for validation from others.  But we can set goals, work to achieve them, give to friends, ask from friends, make new friends etc.

I appreciate the first post being concise (and not a wall of text)  But it is quite reductive (is that the right word?  I already used judgement... hm)  I do not believe life is goaled towards the things you list as positives.  'Looking good' and 'outgoing personality' are very superficial to me (but not to many...)  We are all born with different traits...we cannot do much about that.  It's "what you do with it" that is important to me (and some others)  If you are your authentic self and helpful and friendly, great.  If you think you are the center of the universe but not competent or kind to strangers, I'm not very interested in that as a person.  Some of the ugliest people are very pretty on the outside.

But, don't go by me, just some thoughts.  A person is so much more complex than a couple lines posted on a random forum. 

Live.  Improve.  Get better at things.  Be better as a person.  Don't dwell on the past, but do learn from it...(And other glib things that are actually accurate, but hard to implement)

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It seems like a very comfortable life but it's a very fragile life.  Knowing the system and knowing the world and knowing what could happen in this situation I'm terrified for you.  I'll be honest.

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12 hours ago, Shane Anderson said:

hey hey hey there! Everyone! Do you guys think I'm a loser? Let me tell you my story, I was always bad at school because I was the one that everyone made fun of from 1st grade all the way to 12th and I'm 38 and I still live with my parents and I live off of social security. My redeeming qualities are that I'm into health and fitness so I always look my best and I have an outgoing personality. I consider myself the best looking and most outgoing loser but I'm still a loser. I have the look of a winner, big muscles, washboard stomach but I can never succeed at life. Girls never like me and I can't hold down a job. I want to know what you guys think about this?

Hi Shane,

To put in perspective Shane, you question of if you are a loser is like asking if Achilles was a loser because he got hit in his heel by an archer, it is like asking if the massive dinosaurs of ancient times were losers because they went extinctl, it is like asking if Muhammed Ali was a loser because he lost to Joe Frazier in 1971.

You have some flaws but that does not make you a loser by any stretch of the imagination.

Here is a quote I made up

"Winners are losers who never quit and losers are winners who quit"

As far as dating advice goes I have been on a winning streak with casual encounters but have struggled with longer relationships. Two times in a row now the first dates have ended up in encounters both with redheads.

Pretty much life as a man is like being an ant in a colony or fighting in a colisuem. Most people don't care if you are down as a men or expect you to have emotions or feelings, they often have little to no sympathy unless you can meet their standards.

That being said you still need to look at things from their perspective as well. Generally the most important thing for dating women is to 1. Fix mental health and 2. Show you are not a threat

Mental health is important because you could be the most attractive guy on the planet but if you have severe mental illness you will self sabotage any relationship. That ties in with number 2 if you are a strong man with mental illness you will most likely intimidate women so you have to be respectful and show you are not a threat.

Basically in a nutshell just work on your achilles heel, I can see why it would seem frustrating to you but mental health is actually more important than physical attractiveness. There are probably men out there who are less attractive but date fine. Try to focus on your mental health first, do not neglect that area of your life.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Being a loser is a state of mind always in flux. You should just defer to your own assessment of self. If you feel like things are dire and you need changes make steps. Otherwise if you have zero problems with girls never liking you and not being able to hold down a job whatever hey enjoy life man. Nowadays all I do is spend hours on FL Studio learning to make music. Same loser archetypes that have plagued me for a decade but I'm happy with what I do in my (mostly) free time.

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