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This control freak is frozen


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I am frozen and this frightens me.  I have been treated for depression decades ago, but this feels different.  I can't seen to move forward and get tasks done.  Can't even get my refrigerator cleaned out.  I sit here knowing I need to get something done but can't put one foot in front of the other.  I have always been the one family comes to for help.  I have taken on monumental, exhausting responsibilities.  I won't even move to a new place because I have such fear that my family will desperately need me but I will be too far away to get there in time.  I feel like the weight of the World is on me.  I am worried about the future with this horrendous inflation and hard times, which are only going to get worse.  I fear for family losing their jobs and losing their homes....I feel the need to take action to protect them all.  And now I feel unable to move or make a decision.  I want to sleep but can't as my mind is moving a mile a minute.  I am 63 years old and my life is shit, but I can do well helping other people with their lives.  I need something to kick me awake and up because I have to be there for my family.

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I am so very sorry you are in that situation.  Although the details are different, I can definitely relate.

Our minds are not identical with our brains and sometimes our brain has a mind of its own.  Sometimes in our mind we will set before us a set of unrealistically high expectations.  It is certain a noble and praiseworthy thing. 

But since we are not infinite, all-powerful, all-knowing, all-seeing and all-perfect beings, our little 3 pound brain can break down under the load. 

It can be even harder when we are trying to meet other people's expectations, especially if they have unrealistically high expectations for us. 

Sometimes something has to give and sadly it is often our poor brain. 

I was in a situation somewhat analogous to what you describe and I actually broke  down and ended up in a mental hospital for a long time.  It was a horrible time for me but some good came out of it. 

Here's how.  A lot of people who needed me for so many things found out that when I was not around they were able to manage on their own or with help from others.  I think many of them also realized that perhaps their expectations for a person like me weighed down with depression were unrealistic. 

One might expect an exceptional fit person to be able to climb Mount Everest.  But such an expectation for someone lame or bearing the crushing burden of depression is unrealistic.

I knew a sweet lady whose family leaned on her for almost everything.  When she passed away, I was amazed at how much they were able to function without her.  They did not simply crawl into a cave and disappear when she passed away.  Substitutes were found to meet their needs. 

My stint in the mental hospital also helped me to come to grips  with the difference between realistic and unrealistic expectations and I had to lower many of mine to keep from ending up in the hospital again.  Some people did not take to well to this, but it had to be done.

Hopefully you will find helpful ideas here on these Forums. 

None of us here are therapist but we are all fellow strugglers.  Sometimes a word from this person or that can prove helpful.  I hope many people here see your post and offer you helpful ideas. 

Since I am somewhat in the same boat, I am sorry that I was not able to be helpful to you.  Sometimes just wanting to be helpful to someone is not enough.  Sometimes one needs the necessary knowledge, experience, insight and wisdom to be helpful. 

In any case, I want to welcome you here and will be interested in reading anything you post here.  You sound like a very kind, caring and even heroic person and I admire you. 

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I know from experience.  At a certain point the mind will just say nah I've had enough of being the strong one.  Being strong all the time just makes you old at a young age.  It wears you out.  It runs you down and at a certain point the mind and body is just done with it.

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Hi Caroline, welcome.

Easy for us all to make comments, you seem overwhelmed and are a people pleaser for sure. Maybe you cannot take a time out for yourself but could you think about it. Just maybe take a day and spoil yourself, spa or massage or just a nice walk where you are able to look at the forest and other wonders of life. To be there for others you must be there for yourself first, and as a people pleaser I know this is the hardest step. Take baby steps towards self care but ensure you do, it will remove some the feelings that you are out of control and enable you to love yourself.

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