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Depression is ruining my life. Am I in the wrong?


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So my depression has bene really bad. I'm having my friend over from out of state for the summer but since I've been isolated for the past 8 months and my depression is really bad I haven't been able to fully engage with them. They're frustrated and unhappy. My parents and my friend think that I should put more effort in to engaging with my friend but I just can't. I'm at a low right now. This friend is like my brother but he's been talking about like how this is going to affect our relationship in the future and that maybe it would be better after this is over to be more distant with each other. Honestly this really pisses me off because we have put so much emotional energy into our relationship and we were supposed to be loyal long term friends. I told him that our relationship won't change unless we want it to. It really makes me mad that one week of discomfort because of my illness that I cannot control is enough to make him fold under pressure. I have to live with this disease every day and he couldn't handle it for one week. Hell, he started talking to me about how it bothered him 3 days into his stay. I don't know, am I in the wrong? He feels socially isolated because he doesn't know anyone here and I'm not able to fully engage with him, although I have been trying. I told him that i get that the situation sucks and that it didnt work out how we wanted it but this is what my life is like and there's not a lot I can do to control it on a day to day basis. I dont know, am I the jerk?

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Nope, you're fine, a good friend should understand and be supportive,  only thing i can say constructively is maybe let them know in advance so maybe they'd have known ahead of time, i know it's rough, you're not wrong though

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Hey Cent! Have you told this friend that you're struggling with depression, as opposed to being tired, sad, low, etc? If they don't, you might want to tell them you are specifically dealing with depression, and maybe give them a few sentences about what that means for you. They might be getting frustrated because they just think you're "bummed out" and they don't understand why you won't just perk up and come around (as if it was that easy!). It could also be that they're assuming you're shutting them out because of something they did, you don't enjoy their company, or so forth.

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On 5/22/2022 at 8:18 PM, Cent said:

So my depression has bene really bad. I'm having my friend over from out of state for the summer but since I've been isolated for the past 8 months and my depression is really bad I haven't been able to fully engage with them. They're frustrated and unhappy. My parents and my friend think that I should put more effort in to engaging with my friend but I just can't. I'm at a low right now. This friend is like my brother but he's been talking about like how this is going to affect our relationship in the future and that maybe it would be better after this is over to be more distant with each other. Honestly this really pisses me off because we have put so much emotional energy into our relationship and we were supposed to be loyal long term friends. I told him that our relationship won't change unless we want it to. It really makes me mad that one week of discomfort because of my illness that I cannot control is enough to make him fold under pressure. I have to live with this disease every day and he couldn't handle it for one week. Hell, he started talking to me about how it bothered him 3 days into his stay. I don't know, am I in the wrong? He feels socially isolated because he doesn't know anyone here and I'm not able to fully engage with him, although I have been trying. I told him that i get that the situation sucks and that it didnt work out how we wanted it but this is what my life is like and there's not a lot I can do to control it on a day to day basis. I dont know, am I the jerk?

Hi Cent,

Here is my two Cent(s)

The most important thing for having good relationships is good mental health. People lose romantic, friend and family relationships because of mental health.

The huge problem and I mean really huge problem is that when people are down and out we tend to ignore them even more when that is probably the time when they need the most compassion and acceptance. Instead we are forced to wrestle with our inner demons and claw our way out of a deep pit of misery and despair which some people don't make it and some who do become profoundly changed from the experience.

This is a tragic pattern I have both seen and experienced myself. Life is so easy for some and so difficult and bitter for others and it is difficult to improve your mental health when you are down and people begin to abandon you.

I am going to try to explain how best to recover from this type of situation.

The first thing is to focus on gratitude.

I once hears a story about a man with a private jet, a man in a yacht envied that man, a man in a sports car envied the man with the yacht, a man in a sedan envied the sports car, someone on a bike envied the sedan, someone jogging envied the bike and someone who could not walk envied the person jogging.

It is good to always be grateful for simple things and have this perspective. Be thankful for even having a friend even if they are distant, some people have no friends.

This could be for food or anything, it does not mean we strive to improve. In my honest opinion, I think you might need a better friend but you should still appreciate what you have and you can make new friends and still keep the old. One is like silver, the other is gold.

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Well we lose relationships when we're sick because everyone abandons you when you're sick in this world because they don't want to help unless they think we're really sick and we're about to die.  Then in this world everyone comes around.

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hi cent.

Depression unfortunately does ruin parts of our lives. You are not wrong.

If you have explained to your friend what you are struggling with and they are unsupportive then they are either not the friend you thought they were or maybe suffering with their own issues and unable to be supportive. I think you should follow up with your friend to ensure they are OK and accept some distance in the relationship temporarily. you will quickly discover the truth and you will know what to do at that point. Or chat here again....

Hope this helps you feel that you are not alone, and that you are reading the situation as would any other adult.

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