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Every time I fall for someone or connect with potential, the person is not ready for a serious relationship. My longest relationship was 4 years. That finished in 2014 & I've virtually been single since.

I don't know why and I don't know what to do. I'm just sitting here crying because in the past two years I've had trauma therapy & virtuallly become a new person. Confident & communicative learning how to put boundaries in place. I thought this meant I could finally find someone that I could see myself living with & having a real life with.

Instead I've fallen for a polyamarous person which I'm fine with except that she's coming out of a 10 year marriage & doesn't know what she wants. I'm the first person she's dated this long & we see each other multiple times a week, text every day, stay at each others house & I've looked after her daughter. It's very early days (just over a month) and has felt very fun & a little whirlwind-y up until last night.

We check in regularly & this last time she said "I don't want to hurt you" and "I don't know if we'll be compatible in the future" and "I'm worried as it's your first time delving into poly life" which is of course true and I have the same worries... I know if she and I carry on like this for months and then she decides she's ready to see someone seriously I'll have just been her distraction/support through this then she'll find someone else. It's what happened last time. I don't know how I'll get through that kind of pain again. Maybe she was having an anxious day? Because her behaviour doesn't seem to match her words?

Do I just walk away? Or say let's be friends until you know? I don't want to lose her as a friend. I have very few friends these days.. it's like the stronger I've gotten the less people are around. 

I haven't felt this depressed since last year. I love every second with the person I'm seeing, I'm fine when I'm with friends... But the moment I'm alone I think "alone again" and "what's the point in going on?" And I'm so gutted to be back here. I was so happy a few months ago for the first time in my life. I didn't expect to be back here. I don't know what to do or who to talk to. 

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I'm sorry you are in this situation.  Wish I knew how to help but sadly I have had a terrible track record regarding relationships.  The loneliness of such a situation can be an absolutely crushing burden to bear and I don't know how I go on.  Hopefully others here will prove more helpful to you. 

There are lots of really kindhearted and understanding people here.  An especially active place here is the Forum called Depression Central "How Do You Feel Right Now?"  Many people post here every day and we all try to be supportive of each other.   It can be awful to be all alone with one's feelings so I hope you will feel very welcome here.  I wish you only the very, very best.

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Hello,

I will give you my honest evaluation. It sounds like woman is taking advantage of you for psychological benefit and free childcare. It is awful to be treated like that and you deserve better.

Don't settle for garbage like that. If you want you can message me. I am a single guy, I consider myself to be pretty attractive but I have had people try to take advantage of me as well and that is where setting boundaries comes into play.

The trick is to first fix your mental health, people hate hearing that but it does not have to take a long time. If you keep bouncing from rebound to rebound people will emotionally extort you and you will honestly end up in a crappy relationship with someone you are probably more attractive than but because you are emotionally crippled and because they gaslight you into believing you are worthless you end up believing that is all you can get when that could not be further from the truth.

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