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I don't know why I can't and I hate it


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Sometimes it gets too heavy. I know its such a small thing for others. Sunday's lunch out with fam, taking my mom to church, explaining to my daughter for the nth time what to do for her chores (she's 11). It may sound simple and small but there are days like today that it gets so heavy and I hate myself for feeling that I cant do it. Its frustrating to be like this. I hate the fact I can barely do it and have to will myself to finish the tasks. I do like my family's company but its exhausting to talk and get outside my room. Its exhausting to pretend that I want to make plans. Its exhausting to explain that its not them and that there are days I just want to be alone because my world is already too noisy. Id hate myself for sometimes giving up pretending when they go out of their way to understand me and adjust. My mom would patiently wait for hours and say, no need to dress up honey just come as you are u look fine, it will just be us. And I still cant spend a Sunday's lunch with her. I don't know why I cant but I hate that I can't.

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I can totally identify with you.  It appears that you and I share many, many of the same difficulties.  Its good to know that I am not alone but sadly I don't know how to be helpful to you since I feel equally burdened.  Hopefully others here will have better words than my poor words.  My heart goes out to you!

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