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Always Alienated with No Hope or Purpose


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Everywhere I go I haven’t really had any luck meeting people. I’ve got one friend and he’s becoming more and more busy watching his son. One of my molars shattered last Monday. When I was home with swollen gums my boss was the only person from work who bothered to text me. But then this text message wasn’t to check on me. Only to ask when I’d be back and to let me know that if I wasn’t back by Monday that I would be terminated. Generally nobody really seems to care about me. If they do then it’s tragic. There are so many people who want me gone, but none more than me. I have no passion for anything and I want to die. I don’t want to keep trying. I don’t want to keep looking for a job that I’ll enjoy. Regardless I’ll sweat and toil for nothing until I croak. 10 years since I lost my grandfather and it hasn’t really gotten better. Gave up on trying to make friends. Not sure why I’m even typing this. I’m just ready to die. I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m tired of waking up every morning as me. I have nothing to offer and I have no ambition. I’m a disappointment and most of the population won’t notice I’m gone. So in the grand scheme of things it will never matter what happens to me

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It does matter what happens to you, you may not feel that now but it does. I feel like you do too often, just recently in fact was in hospital to get right, try changing something in your life, if we keep doing the same thing we get the same result, keep fighting it's not going to be in vain

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Posted (edited)
59 minutes ago, Dorothy Sanders said:

Yeah, this is true because most of the population doesn't know you. But the thing what about your family and what about you, man. Everyone has two phases in their life, if this phase is not good then you should wait for the good phase. You have to keep trying and when you reach your destination (a good phase) then you'll realize that you can't end your life because of some problem. Human has solutions to every problem but if life ends then no matter whether you have the solution or not because you can solve the problem multiple times but you can't live twice. So if this life ends then everything ends. And try to contact some therapists like RoyalVibe Health. You need someone who can listen to your problems and make you feel better.

Everything ending sounds like the least of my problems. That’s the huge issue. I’m 19. I’ve been miserable for 10 years. No amount of counseling or therapy seems to be able to change that. I’m not willing to wait until I’m 50 with hardly anytime left to just suddenly be happy. I’m not willing to wait for the next phase I just want to end the one I’m in. Therapists don’t care about me anyways. I’m on the autism spectrum and I’m a man so I’m almost certain they place me at the bottom of all of their lists. Nothing keeps me happy so I know I’ve been running on borrowed time since I lost my grandfather. Nobody is going to help or save me regardless of how much I wish I could just be fixed. But I’m not everyone else. I’m me and that alone is probably the biggest problem of all. I’m me and I’m alone in that. Nobody can ever really understand me, not even me and I just want to disappear. People generally don’t want me anywhere I go. I don’t want me either but I’m not allowed to get rid of me. Its unfair and I just want to end it

Edited by Logan Sims
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11 hours ago, surfcaster said:

It does matter what happens to you, you may not feel that now but it does. I feel like you do too often, just recently in fact was in hospital to get right, try changing something in your life, if we keep doing the same thing we get the same result, keep fighting it's not going to be in vain

I’ve lost a lot of weight since I was sick earlier this year. I went from 205 to 175 just because I felt fat and forced myself to eat at a caloric deficit. I look better but nobody seems to care about that but me. I don’t have anyone interested in me after losing 40 pounds and that feels incredibly discouraging. There’s a girl at work who talks to me rarely and I wish I could get her to like me. It won’t happen though. I’m balding and my being on the spectrum is a guaranteed turn off for most girls. Even if I had abs I know I wouldn’t be much to look at. Being ripped doesn’t make me fun to talk to either. Not sure what to do anymore. Speech therapy so people won’t hear one sentence from me and want to hang themselves? Exercise so people won’t vomit on sight of me? I’m trying to make myself appealing. Nobody cares

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Hi Logan,

I dont think it is your fault. I think in our society we treat men like garbage unless they are considered good enough whatever that means.

For examole Dorothy just straight up said yeah if you died the population would not care because they dont know you.

There is a quote one death is a tradegy, a thousand deaths is just a statistic. You dont need to know someone to care about a human life dying to suicide.

My girlfriend left me today because of a rough day. I hate how love feels like a job. I am not unconditionally loved or accepted, life is not fair for men. Women get all the grace support and love they want and most men suffer while they gush over a few favorites.

It is a cruel nature but no one cares. All you can do is strive every day and hope you get lucky. When you are plagued at night you have to find a way to rest but its impossible when you are unsettled and then its like a trap and you need someone to help you out of the trap but they are so unwilling to until your perfect but if you were perfect you would not even need them.

Its a vicious cycle of despair and hate and sometimes you got to be strong and break the cycle.

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I have family members who are pretending like they care and will sometimes act nice and helpful but deep down I know they couldn’t care less about me. I think I probably knew this deep down but have recently learned it the hard way. This is the case with my job as well. I am at the very bottom of the priority scale and my needs don’t matter and I only get to do things if it is convenient for others. 

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  • 4 weeks later...
On 4/27/2022 at 6:41 PM, monicott17 said:

I have family members who are pretending like they care and will sometimes act nice and helpful but deep down I know they couldn’t care less about me. I think I probably knew this deep down but have recently learned it the hard way. This is the case with my job as well. I am at the very bottom of the priority scale and my needs don’t matter and I only get to do things if it is convenient for others. 

That's pretty much how I feel. I feel like my Mother lets me stay because she's guilty that I'm mentally ill. Otherwise I'm pretty sure my ass would be to the curb. Aside from my immediate family everyone else has died or they have no desire to contact me.

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On 4/24/2022 at 9:21 PM, sober4life said:

I'm alone all the time even in my dreams.  Do I talk to myself all the time because I have schizophrenia or is it because I'm always the only one there?

In my experience it's because I'm the only person I usually have to talk to. The only person who understands. None of the typical people out there want anything to do with me and never will. Even if they did they'll turn around real quick when they see the demons.

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12 hours ago, Logan Sims said:

I feel like my Mother lets me stay because she's guilty that I'm mentally ill. Otherwise I'm pretty sure my ass would be to the curb. Aside from my immediate family everyone else has died or they have no desire to contact me.

Do you wanna know how the world function? A person will ONLY contact another if:

- one wants the other to do a chore/task for him/her

- to borrow money

- he/she is looking for a scapegoat to shift blame on

Otherwise no human will ever contact you, sadly

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