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I miss my cat sooo much :(


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My cat died on Sunday.  He was at least 18 years old, maybe 19.  He had been dealing with IBD for many years, but maybe 4 months ago arthritis started to kick in.  He reached a point where he just kept on falling, everywhere.  Whenever he walked, jumped, tried to get on anything, he'd often fall.  He'd fall off the radiator after sleeping.  It was soo terrible to see.  On Sunday his heart just gave out, and he was gone.

I know he was suffering terribly, constant pain, just trying to do kitty cat things.  I know that it was no life for a cat, and he even meowed to me Sunday morning to tell me something was wrong.  I snuggled with him, then put him to bed. And in a few hours I knew something was wrong, and at the ER he was already half gone.

 

I know, putting him to sleep was an act of kindness and mercy.  They told me he likely wouldn't have woken up the next morning.

Its just sooo hard.  He seemed like he refused to give up.  He just kept on trying.  And it seemed like and felt like he was never gonna give up, so I just wasnt prepared.

 

I keep having fantasies that this is a terrible nightmare, and I will wake up and he will be there.  That I can go back in time and make different decisions that would have helped him more and he would still be here.

 

But I also know, that he lived a VERY long life, very long for a cat.  But he was with me for sooo much.  Im having trouble letting go mentally.  Its just so hard to accept, and I have issues sometimes not accepting things in life that are terrible and I feel like i made choices that led to it.  I take meds for OCD with clearly help with my obsessions, but it can only help so much I guess when major trauma happens.

 

We have another cat, who is very sweet and lovable and fun and only 5, and I know she loves to play with me.  I just hate feeling like we are just moving on and forgetting about him.  

 

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I am so very sorry for your loss.  What a heartbreaking situation.  I wish I knew what to say that would help.  A few years ago I lost my beloved pet rabbit.  I took him to the vet and he was put down.  I felt awful.  And the pain was so inescapable.  Missing him was devastating.  I hope you will find some comfort as time goes by.    I never know what to say when someone loses a beloved pet.

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7 hours ago, Epictetus said:

I am so very sorry for your loss.  What a heartbreaking situation.  I wish I knew what to say that would help.  A few years ago I lost my beloved pet rabbit.  I took him to the vet and he was put down.  I felt awful.  And the pain was so inescapable.  Missing him was devastating.  I hope you will find some comfort as time goes by.    I never know what to say when someone loses a beloved pet.

Thank you so much for your kind words.  I really appreciate it.   Im healing, but slowly.  I just need to learn the right way to think about this, and im moving forward.

 

 

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7 hours ago, Evergreenforst4 said:

Hi Oscar,

You could keep a memorial for your cat so they won't be forgotten and give yourself some time to mourn.

Also you still have the other cat who is still around, I would try to give that cat as much love as possible.

I have been giving Luna lots of snuggles and play time.  I know she needs it.  It doesn't  help the way i thought it might, but she is a special kitty and deserves it.

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Sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my beloved little girl last summer and it was one of the worst things I have been through.

She was my everything and I had to put her down because we were both suffering too much as a result of her illness. I still miss and love her and think of her every day. Plus, the guilt was terrible. I have to keep telling myself that I did my best to do right by her. 

I'm sure you did right by her and she knew she was loved. My little one knew she was loved and that was the gift I gave to her during this lifetime. She wasn't loved before she came to me. 

According to a medium I saw she is still by my side which doesn't surprise me but its not the same. I loved her so much. I can see you loved your little one just as much. 

It hurts but the love is worth it. In time your pain will lessen and you will remember the good times fondly 🥰

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2 hours ago, Nightjar said:

Sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my beloved little girl last summer and it was one of the worst things I have been through.

She was my everything and I had to put her down because we were both suffering too much as a result of her illness. I still miss and love her and think of her every day. Plus, the guilt was terrible. I have to keep telling myself that I did my best to do right by her. 

I'm sure you did right by her and she knew she was loved. My little one knew she was loved and that was the gift I gave to her during this lifetime. She wasn't loved before she came to me. 

According to a medium I saw she is still by my side which doesn't surprise me but its not the same. I loved her so much. I can see you loved your little one just as much. 

It hurts but the love is worth it. In time your pain will lessen and you will remember the good times fondly 🥰

i could have been better to him, i could have spent more time with him.  his medical conditions were very difficult to deal with.  he would often poop and pee on my bed.  The medicines didnt always do the trick.  then when we moved him to the new house, it turned out that he HATED other cats, so that caused a ton of new issues.  we hired a therapist to help us get the two cats together and after about 8 months, their last two interactions that actually touched noses and were peaceful.  IT was amazing to see, i did not think it was possible.  sadly they did not have time to become closer friends, but these two little moments were just such a success.  

 

I too have gone back and forth feeling terrible guilt.  but knowing that the prednisolone both saved his life for 5 years, but also likely wore away his muscle tone, and the three vets working with him were sure this is what had to be done, makes me feel i did my best.  what more can you do for a possibly 19 year old cat with severe IBD?   i will always miss him.  

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My little one girl had IBD, possibly cancer. She started to pee on my bed and all over the house and was back and fore to her litter box all day and night in the last two weeks. She started to cry in pain and frustration. 

Neither of us could sleep.. 

I tried her on steroids but they made her out of it and she wouldn't eat the food I put them in. I didn't want to force them down her. So I stopped that treatment. I feel guilt that I stopped so quickly but I followed my instinct on it. 

Our life became unmanageable. And I still feel guilty. Guilt is natural. I'm glad she's not suffering now. And I'm glad she felt loved and has stayed with me since she passed over. 

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4 hours ago, Nightjar said:

My little one girl had IBD, possibly cancer. She started to pee on my bed and all over the house and was back and fore to her litter box all day and night in the last two weeks. She started to cry in pain and frustration. 

Neither of us could sleep.. 

I tried her on steroids but they made her out of it and she wouldn't eat the food I put them in. I didn't want to force them down her. So I stopped that treatment. I feel guilt that I stopped so quickly but I followed my instinct on it. 

Our life became unmanageable. And I still feel guilty. Guilt is natural. I'm glad she's not suffering now. And I'm glad she felt loved and has stayed with me since she passed over. 

Sounds like kitty was really suffering.  Im glad the suffering ended.  Hearing my cat scream from pain was very scary, especially when we just dont know what to do.  I tried sooo many different combinations of meds, foods, treatments, etc.  Its very frustrating.  Be nice if animals spoke English.  😉

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I just thoroughly cleaned Oscars room.  It was a mess.  Dried vomit in multiple places under the bed.  And apparently he was bringing food under the bed to eat.  I guess that was his little safe space, or the dining room who knows.

 

Why did I decide to do this now?  I felt like I was treating the room like an off limits cemetery and I don't think it was incredibly productive for me.  Every time I saw the room and the blankets and the smells it made me sad.  Felt like time was just standing still in that room.  😞

 

I kept some things of his that are important to me, and weren't completely destroyed with vomit and poop.  🙂

 

Still have his wonderful climbing tower, which the other cat loves but Oscar for whatever reason decided he did not like anymore.  Still have one of his original beds which he loved.  Of course this is the one that was not turned into a disgusting mess in my previous home.  😉

 

 

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The heartbreak.  I wish I could send comfort, to everyone on here who has lost a beloved family member-- because it goes beyond just a pet.

Grief, take all the time you need.

Mourn in the way you need to mourn.

Let me know, or us, know how you're doing, and remind yourself that YOU loved, YOU cared, YOU gave your family member a home, you've been a blessing!  

I send virtual hugs.

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