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I feel things are getting worse


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I feel things are getting worse and I feel im not helping but cant get out of problems I have, Because of hubbys lies and porn addiction has made me feel very insecure and im doing things to try and make myself feel better but i feel its not right either. Ive put restricted mode on youtube and its just making things worse he has this issue that im disturbed about but dont know how to make things better. Any chance he gets to look at a woman clothed or unclothed he will stare for ages even in books, its making me feel uneasy and he does the same thing when out and about, I dont like to use this word but its the only word I can think of which is pervy. How do I make things better and how do I change the way I feel and be a better person. I cant talk to him about it he always turns it into a argument and its all my fault. What do I do. I know my depression and medical problems arent helping, I just need some advice what to do.

Thank you all 

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I'm so sorry you are in the situation you describe. 

Sadly, because of my endless failures at relationships, I am the last person on earth to offer you advice. 

What to do when someone we love changes and we cannot bear the change?  How to change a person we love when they do not desire to change?  

It is heartbreaking that you are caught in that web and I would share anything with you to help if I only knew how.  Certainly the situation cannot be making your depression or other medical problems get better. 

Some people have told me that "couples counseling" helps in some cases, but I'm not sure it would he helpful in your situation or even if your husband would consent to it. Do you think it might help to talk to someone like a counselor or therapist yourself?  

My hope if that others here on the Forums, others with helpful insights on salvaging troubled relationships will see your post and respond to it in a kind-hearted and really useful way.  I feel badly that I do not know how to be helpful to you but I am really at a loss. 

It is awful what you are going through.  Just heartbreaking!

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Mel,

Honestly if that was me I would leave the relationship. You deserve to be treated better than that and someone who does that in front of you shamelessly deserves to be sitting alone in his basement doing that not with the amazing worthwhile person that you are.

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Mel...

I know this isn't a very 'professional' response and probably not what you wanted to hear,

but LEAVE his ass!

I understand it's not just that easy, especially if you're married and have been for some time, but this sounds like a serious problem. As upsetting as a pornography addiction and other things you described are, lies make for a horrible relationship. By the sounds of it he does not respect you. If he did, he would be able to act like a mature adult and have a conversation with you, not deflect or cause arguments. You shouldn't have to put up with that. I would seriously recommend respecting and valuing yourself and trying to find someone better. But, if you feel you just cant and still want to try to save the relationship... maybe try couples counseling? If not, maybe talk about it with some family and friends, maybe get someone he's close to to talk to him about it.

Sending you love and light!

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On 4/2/2022 at 10:55 PM, braindead said:

Mel...

I know this isn't a very 'professional' response and probably not what you wanted to hear,

but LEAVE his ass!

I understand it's not just that easy, especially if you're married and have been for some time, but this sounds like a serious problem. As upsetting as a pornography addiction and other things you described are, lies make for a horrible relationship. By the sounds of it he does not respect you. If he did, he would be able to act like a mature adult and have a conversation with you, not deflect or cause arguments. You shouldn't have to put up with that. I would seriously recommend respecting and valuing yourself and trying to find someone better. But, if you feel you just cant and still want to try to save the relationship... maybe try couples counseling? If not, maybe talk about it with some family and friends, maybe get someone he's close to to talk to him about it.

Sending you love and light!

It is ironic that someone named braindead offered the smartest reply 🙂

Your brain is very much alive!

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Thank you for all your replys he got his revenge on me by giving me gone off food, so had food poisioning but hes my full time carer so I have to put up with it however i feel.

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