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I haven't posted on this site for a very long time, it looks a lot different from when I used to be on here. Anyway due to recent events in my life I've decided to come back as I could do with some extra support. I'm 34 days sober and really trying to begin anew. It feels as though I've been existing in some parallel universe for the past 20 years, a universe that is practically lifeless, except for the speeding heart of anxiety and the oblivion of addiction. I want to truly start living again, however my recovery has already had some serious challenges. I met someone, a lovely woman, but things got out of hand and I was left heartbroken, however I refused to drink. I ended up at hospital due to a panic attack that didn't want to go away. The anxiety has subsided a bit since then, but I'm left with the void of melancholia. My therapist believes I'm making huge progress, as she said "Greg you are shedding your old skin". I want to believe her, and there's some semblance of hope that maybe this is a case of 'It's always darkest before the dawn'. I'm still in a lot of pain, but I will not give up, I CANNOT give up.

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Hi and welcome back!  I hope you will find much support here!

First , , ,congratulations on your 34 days of sobriety.  People who do not struggle against addictions have no idea what a big achievement that is.   

You have a really good attitude in my opinion.  I wish mine was as good as yours.  

I struggle with depression and anxiety  . . . and panic disorder.  Each is pretty miserable but all together they can be really brutal.  I hope you find your time here to be helpful and rewarding.  I don't know what I would do without this place.  Anyway . . . I want to wish you the very best and will be looking forward to reading your posts.

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I'm very proud of you!  At 34 days what would I suggest?  Write down your sobriety date somewhere where you can look at it when you need to remember but stop counting.  I was like you at 34 days having panic attacks.  We have to learn how to fill the void left by the alcohol so I would say do what I did.  It's spring out there.  Go out and enjoy the birds and the fresh air.  Go for long walks when you feel the walls closing in.  Before you know it the days will add up quickly and you'll be in the best shape of your life.   You'll feel good sober believe me.  I don't know if I would say sobriety is shedding our old skin and becoming someone else.  I like to see it as us becoming who we always were and becoming who we were meant to be. 

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