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I Feel so fed up and down with hubbys comments


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Hello, ive been on mirtazapine on and off for 3 years its ballooned me so much I was a size 10 now a size 20 , I hate the weight gain but im being pushed to come off because my hubby says he wants me off it because he wants me to be slim again, hes not interested in my moods and how difficult it would be I have tried to come off twice before but failed. Hes now telling me what I should wear, I dont want to wear jeans, I just want to wear comfortable things. I just dont know what to do as its affecting our relationship. I feel that im not worthy anymore and just want to feel well again but Im not sure if Im ready to come off.

Any ideas please

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Hi Mel, 

I can understand your frustration about the weight gain 🤔 It doesn't feel that great when there is so much pressure in Western society to be thin. Maybe try and introduce more exercise and cut down on the junk would be the best I could come up with to help regulate it a bit. Have you tried walking more? 

This is what I'm working on too. I've recently gained 10 pounds and it feels yucky on top of the 30 pounds I've already gained through life's ups and downs. Lol. 

I wouldn't quit the medication if you're not ready. It has to be your decision. It's your well being in question after all. Maybe switching to another medication could be an option for you if you really want to get off it? Could you discuss it with your doctor? 

Weight gain can mess with your head quite a bit so it may be worth considering 🤔

 

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The times I lost massive amounts of weight were for 2 reasons.  I myself was afraid of dying because of health problems and because I loved someone.  I don't know if everyone is like me but I know in my case that love is absolutely strong enough to make you do anything.

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I am a guy and I think peoples physical attraction can change overtime and part of it is emotional as well.

I used to date a lot of women who were plus size and that is what I was comfortable with but now I am dating someone that is thin but it took a while to get used to it but we had a great connection so I was able to like her.

So I think prioritize your mental health and work on other aspects of the relationship and maybe he will get used to it.

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  • 1 month later...

Hey Mel!

Not to be blunt, but holy cow. I'm sorry, he understands that you're on an antidepressant medication, right? A medication that is (presumably) keeping you safe and sane and allowing you to show up as a partner? Because if he does, then your post sounds like he's saying he'd be OK with you being miserable as long as you're thin. That's a huge red flag.

As a female-presenting person myself - jumping from size 20 after being size 10 is definitely a change, but your partner's response should be one of understanding and support, not throwing a tantrum because his d*ck is somehow more important than your mental health.

If you haven't already ran the gauntlet of trying other medications, it may be worth talking to your provider about your weight gain and seeing if there is another med you could try. Weight gain on medication is a real issue, but some meds are better than others in this regard. You might also want to consider if your current med is effective - I'm making assumptions here and am NOT a doctor, but overeating, binging on junk, and low energy levels often accompany depression. It could be that your med is fine but it's not as effective as before, which is leading to unhealthy behaviors. 

Best of luck. ❤️ 

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