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I wish i had a fresh start at life


EvilMaxxer

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I just wish I had another start at life even if I was ugly, my brain is beyond repair and my thoughts make me sick its like a disease that unfortunately won’t **** me any time soon. I wish I had a dad who liked me I really liked fishing and all that shit I just wish I had a normal family life, it wouldn’t have to be perfect just sustainable don’t get me wrong I love and care for my gran but she isn’t my mum I honestly hate my mum so ****ing much she was and is a disgusting vile junkie who would hit me over the slightest of things she would genuinely mock my poor looks and call me ugly a lot. She loved putting me down, sometimes she would even come over to my grans house and fight and hit her and me I was a lot younger then but still, one day I sent a text to my gran about my suicidal thoughts and all the horrible shit I felt my mum was in the house and read the messages told me to come home then she proceeded to beat me just for being depressed the list goes on and on about the disgusting shit she put me through.

My dad was just as much of an asshole as her he would do all his drugs with her and he would hit me too I don’t know why but I forgive him, he never even talked with me all that much I don’t even know the barest things about him he kind of vanished.

I wish I wasn’t so ****ing alone I have legit NO ONE to talk to my age, no one to be my friend during school no one to chat with me no one to hang out with, the only interaction I really had besides “hellos” was talking to people on Xbox I tried everything I joined lots of clubs I did lots of activities I went outside to mingle with people, but no one wanted anything to do with me they would quickly brush me off if I made ANY conversation with them. I kind of jestermaxxed in school by ****ing up on purpose acting like a clown walking home mid lesson and the likes it was funny and I got some laughs, but I never had anymore than that really. I did dog shit in terms of school and I have NOTHING to show for the time I spent there, I was coping with the army but that turned out shitty because of me being on anti-depressants and my cutting habit.

I just hate being so lonely and feeling like shit 24/7 even with all the shit that’s went wrong for me I wish I could just make all my feelings stop it’s just been getting progressively worse and worse, I have no idea when it will stop ever nothing has helped me with It. I just wish I had a friend in this world, but NO ONE can be bothered with me. Nowadays I wish that a meteor would just eradicate all of us to be honest. I despise seeing all these people with their perfect families and girlfriends and huge friend groups I don’t give a **** if they are “fake” or what ever bullshit id rather have a fake friend than none.

I hate all the habits I have now I get shit sleep and I cant get any dopamine from porn, I sometimes cry while watching porn because I know no one will be inmate with me, and before you say “just get An Escort bro” its not about sex it’s about love I WISH it was about sex, to be accepted in that way by a woman would be the best thing EVER and the best feeling but no not for me I cant have that no matter how hard I try. I am doomed there isn’t a single attractive trait about me my only chance is to wait until I am 30 and betabuxx a roastie, I just want to be loved for once in my life I just want someone to ****ing notice I exist that’s all I want the attention I’ve been robbed of, I just hate how pathetic my life has turned out I am so angry I am somehow not angry its an odd indescribable feeling.

Why am I so weird I hate being the odd one out I can remember going to the gym and having people laugh at me just for being me and being there what is so ****ing funny about me? I’ve had rubbish flung at me, water sprayed on me and once a lit cig flung at me all because they want to assert power over me even though I am already gone, I hate the looks of disgust people give me why does everyone act like they are better than me.

I am so sick of sitting in the side lines and not even being a person, I am not human I am a legitimate subhuman, who just for some reason does anything to try make people like me. Why is it every time I help someone they must use me for some twisted reason? Its never anything nice, no one wants me to be nice for the sake of being nice.

I am so ****ing sick of being ignored by everyone what even makes anyone special? I am sick of acting like I don’t deserve anything I deserve everything I deserve towers of gold and all the sex I want with any woman.

I am entitled to it, its only fair as reparations from the world. I am fully entitled to any woman I want what does it matter what they want? They are inferior to me.

All the harassment and disgusted looks I get from these ***** is just making me angry now, its not your body your choice by the rules of humanity I own every woman, so why is it illegal to do anything “bad” to them?

EVERYTHING that was went wrong is to blame on the creatures known as females, people should get down on their knees and worship me every time I walk through a door.

They all want something that I don’t have any more, they keep chipping away at my core there is nothing to steal from me it’s all gone! Why do you even want to do these things to me.

I don’t feel like my body belongs to me its a surreal feeling to be “alive” and I want it to end years ago.

I honestly just want to die I just want all this to stop, I have a constant feeling of pure severe pain it’s so persistent, I don’t have a gun or anything that would be painless I have tried sleeping tablets, but I have vomited them back up.

It was honestly so peaceful to know my life was going to end but I can’t get hold of anymore pills so it kind of sucks, I just pray I get a terminal illness or I get mowed down by a car, even better yet someone just shoots me in the face.

I just want all my pain to fade away and for myself to never wake up, just pure bliss permanent night.

I can only dream of my own demise, I just hate being taunted by the universe by it dangling nice things in front of me. I just want to quit this game I don’t care about getting even I just want to be dead, nothing would bring me more joy than dying.

But until I get the opportunity ill just take out all my frustrations my wrists.

I am so disgusted with human beings, I have never seen another person be truly kind unless it was recorded or written about. The only reason people act “nice” is for their superiority complex the whole “I am holier than you” thing.

I have done lots of nice things will not disclose what I’ve done, but I am by definition “good” and like I’ve said good and evil are artificial social constructs just like age.

I think the saddest realisation I’ve come to is no one will ever change from learning from the mistakes of themselves or others, no one wants to change or be better.

I’ve seen people who have grown up just like me sometimes even worse. I have seen countless grandmothers push around kids in strollers and I just find myself thinking Jesus Christ that poor kid is like me parentless, its extremely common to see.

I just pity them to be deadly honest and it makes me angry, fratricide is very common here too in the metaphorical sense. There isn’t any community or brotherhood here, no one has any honesty or loyalty left in them.

Everything nice just goes away sooner or later, that’s why I have learned to never really get my hopes up or have any expectations of people. People are people and humans are just not the nicest to me.

Its me to blame I don’t blame all the people I have known for distancing themselves, honestly if I could get away from myself I would but I am trapped with this whiney loser. I tend to overreact to anything, or I don’t react properly.

I can never hit rock bottom its always just getting lower and lower, its like falling to a new low all the time there isn’t a “rock bottom” for me.

I don’t know I am just lonely and its unescapable and I hate the fact I can never just be normal and with a nice family and lots of friends.

I really hate hypocrites especially, you know people that constantly contradict themselves they are the most annoying, besides liars they are just as bad, but hypocrites are slightly worse. I have obviously met my fair share of hypocrites

It’s just the moronic way they often present themselves, it will consist of grandeur they are mostly filled with a false sense of superiority due to all the glib flattery they receive.

These are the same people that will be pseudo intellectuals they have no respect for learning or even anything to do with what they are talking about. Shallow hypocrites are my mortal enemy I just hate them so much, the thing is with these people they will often display Jewish characteristics such as sycophancy, greed, and a megalomaniacal lust for power, but these “people” turn out to be fools almost all the time.

Its pretty easy to uncover these creatures once you can see the signs, just try not to fall victim to a (((hypocrites))) tricks and lies, its easy to say hard to do. But I think we all know what (((hypocrites))) want as an end goal.

I feel so weird, I don’t feel as if my body even belongs to me, it’s a locked out of body experience and I feel like that 24/7, on top of that I feel like pure shit it’s like a feeling of pure uncomfortableness and it never stops.

I think my brain is melting, its just unrest and mental decay and I know for a fact it wont stop anytime soon. And its only accelerated by everything around me, I am forgetting more and more daily I am slowly losing touch with myself day by day. Today I spent a solid half hour talking to myself and I didn’t even realise and when I did it was like snapping into tune.

But in short my brain is melting and melting away as I am typing this the amount of corrections I am having to make is insane, it’s a horrible experience that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

Again, I am lonely again I am sat hunched over in my decrepit room staring at a screen that has absorbed my soul and life. Just everything and everyone has it out for me NO ONE likes me or wants to be around me, and if they somehow force themselves to enter a dialog with me, they are just constantly itching to leave.

All I see now is weird multiracial adverts and mountains of whores everywhere its just all over there is no point on existing the end of my life was when I was born, I am just doomed to feel like this, there is no cure or way to temporarily elevate myself of this deadly parasite that is my mind and myself.

I hate the way everyone acts nowadays they are all so cringe especially the “goth” and “e boy/girl” style, it’s a disgrace and I despise It, its such a normie mainstream thing anyone who follows trends such as rap, Minecraft, designer brands etc everything mainstream. I hate you so much you normie piece of garbage oh yeah and by the way all the low tier dead “musicians” you listen to are amateurs they are only famous because they are DEAD.

The universe just wants me lonely, because I am the main protagonist of my life, but I doubt it I am probably just a bystander to be deadly honest, anyways why even continue breathing what’s the point the point is there isn’t one its all a joke god just hates me.

I just really don’t fit in here I don’t know where I truly belong but its not here on earth, I have never felt the famous feeling of belonging no matter how hard I try or where I go I just don’t belong anywhere, there is nothing here for me anyways the only thing that awaits me here is torment.

I just feel so alone because I am, even on the internet people still pick on me and annoy me why can’t people just leave me alone to rot by myself, why does everyone need to give me their opinion I really don’t care if you disagree with me, you are wrong anyways.

I just hate how everyone makes me feel I feel so horrible everyday and there is no where to get away from it, all the forums are filled with fakes and the outside world is filled with couples, cute women happy people I hate it so much I really do.

I hate seeing people doing better than me or people who are happy and that is EVERYONE, its torture going online or walking outside its pure evil doing this to me, I wish I wasn’t as hate filled as I am I hate being bitter deep down I am very kind I love everything especially frogs, old people and ice cream I am very nice and kind I am just confused.

But none of that matters when I was born, I was doomed to be lonely this is my life there is no changing it, its just all over and it can NEVER be ok.

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Hi EvilMaxxer,

This is a long post. You mention wanting to have a fresh start. With meeting new people or being a new face this is possible. You could try to get out of town and meet some new people they do not have to know only what you want them to know.

I have dated many women and I work really hard to attract women and many find me attractive but I tend to lose on personality and character flaws. I think it is more important to be a good person and this is something I am working on.

Sometimes it is hard to be nice to women when you feel like a hurting lonely wolf. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Women are selective but men also go for multiple women. It is a two way street where we have to be aware of male and female tendencies to try to have a fair balanced relationship.

Try to be respectful and put best foot forward. It takes patience.

There was a boy named Elliot Rogers who eschewed similar sentiments to yourself. He wrote a book on his life as well that I read, he ended up ******* people but many women who saw said they would have dated him if he was nice.

There are more women than men for the most part and also as age increases this disparity only gets bigger.

Having envy for others is natural and difficult to deal with because you want to feel special and valuable as well. If you let go of the hatred and bitterness you can be happy and have friends like those people as well. I firmly believe this.

You are a human just like they are, you can accomplish the same things sometimes it just takes someone believing in you. I remember there was an old movie called Don't look under the bed and one of the main characters turned into a bad guy because no one believed in them anymore.

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On 11/26/2021 at 4:09 PM, EvilMaxxer said:

I just wish I had another start at life even if I was ugly, my brain is beyond repair and my thoughts make me sick its like a disease that unfortunately won’t **** me any time soon. I wish I had a dad who liked me I really liked fishing and all that shit I just wish I had a normal family life, it wouldn’t have to be perfect just sustainable don’t get me wrong I love and care for my gran but she isn’t my mum I honestly hate my mum so ****ing much she was and is a disgusting vile junkie who would hit me over the slightest of things she would genuinely mock my poor looks and call me ugly a lot. She loved putting me down, sometimes she would even come over to my grans house and fight and hit her and me I was a lot younger then but still, one day I sent a text to my gran about my suicidal thoughts and all the horrible shit I felt my mum was in the house and read the messages told me to come home then she proceeded to beat me just for being depressed the list goes on and on about the disgusting shit she put me through.

My dad was just as much of an asshole as her he would do all his drugs with her and he would hit me too I don’t know why but I forgive him, he never even talked with me all that much I don’t even know the barest things about him he kind of vanished.

I wish I wasn’t so ****ing alone I have legit NO ONE to talk to my age, no one to be my friend during school no one to chat with me no one to hang out with, the only interaction I really had besides “hellos” was talking to people on Xbox I tried everything I joined lots of clubs I did lots of activities I went outside to mingle with people, but no one wanted anything to do with me they would quickly brush me off if I made ANY conversation with them. I kind of jestermaxxed in school by ****ing up on purpose acting like a clown walking home mid lesson and the likes it was funny and I got some laughs, but I never had anymore than that really. I did dog shit in terms of school and I have NOTHING to show for the time I spent there, I was coping with the army but that turned out shitty because of me being on anti-depressants and my cutting habit.

I just hate being so lonely and feeling like shit 24/7 even with all the shit that’s went wrong for me I wish I could just make all my feelings stop it’s just been getting progressively worse and worse, I have no idea when it will stop ever nothing has helped me with It. I just wish I had a friend in this world, but NO ONE can be bothered with me. Nowadays I wish that a meteor would just eradicate all of us to be honest. I despise seeing all these people with their perfect families and girlfriends and huge friend groups I don’t give a **** if they are “fake” or what ever bullshit id rather have a fake friend than none.

I hate all the habits I have now I get shit sleep and I cant get any dopamine from porn, I sometimes cry while watching porn because I know no one will be inmate with me, and before you say “just get An Escort bro” its not about sex it’s about love I WISH it was about sex, to be accepted in that way by a woman would be the best thing EVER and the best feeling but no not for me I cant have that no matter how hard I try. I am doomed there isn’t a single attractive trait about me my only chance is to wait until I am 30 and betabuxx a roastie, I just want to be loved for once in my life I just want someone to ****ing notice I exist that’s all I want the attention I’ve been robbed of, I just hate how pathetic my life has turned out I am so angry I am somehow not angry its an odd indescribable feeling.

Why am I so weird I hate being the odd one out I can remember going to the gym and having people laugh at me just for being me and being there what is so ****ing funny about me? I’ve had rubbish flung at me, water sprayed on me and once a lit cig flung at me all because they want to assert power over me even though I am already gone, I hate the looks of disgust people give me why does everyone act like they are better than me.

I am so sick of sitting in the side lines and not even being a person, I am not human I am a legitimate subhuman, who just for some reason does anything to try make people like me. Why is it every time I help someone they must use me for some twisted reason? Its never anything nice, no one wants me to be nice for the sake of being nice.

I am so ****ing sick of being ignored by everyone what even makes anyone special? I am sick of acting like I don’t deserve anything I deserve everything I deserve towers of gold and all the sex I want with any woman.

I am entitled to it, its only fair as reparations from the world. I am fully entitled to any woman I want what does it matter what they want? They are inferior to me.

All the harassment and disgusted looks I get from these ***** is just making me angry now, its not your body your choice by the rules of humanity I own every woman, so why is it illegal to do anything “bad” to them?

EVERYTHING that was went wrong is to blame on the creatures known as females, people should get down on their knees and worship me every time I walk through a door.

They all want something that I don’t have any more, they keep chipping away at my core there is nothing to steal from me it’s all gone! Why do you even want to do these things to me.

I don’t feel like my body belongs to me its a surreal feeling to be “alive” and I want it to end years ago.

I honestly just want to die I just want all this to stop, I have a constant feeling of pure severe pain it’s so persistent, I don’t have a gun or anything that would be painless I have tried sleeping tablets, but I have vomited them back up.

It was honestly so peaceful to know my life was going to end but I can’t get hold of anymore pills so it kind of sucks, I just pray I get a terminal illness or I get mowed down by a car, even better yet someone just shoots me in the face.

I just want all my pain to fade away and for myself to never wake up, just pure bliss permanent night.

I can only dream of my own demise, I just hate being taunted by the universe by it dangling nice things in front of me. I just want to quit this game I don’t care about getting even I just want to be dead, nothing would bring me more joy than dying.

But until I get the opportunity ill just take out all my frustrations my wrists.

I am so disgusted with human beings, I have never seen another person be truly kind unless it was recorded or written about. The only reason people act “nice” is for their superiority complex the whole “I am holier than you” thing.

I have done lots of nice things will not disclose what I’ve done, but I am by definition “good” and like I’ve said good and evil are artificial social constructs just like age.

I think the saddest realisation I’ve come to is no one will ever change from learning from the mistakes of themselves or others, no one wants to change or be better.

I’ve seen people who have grown up just like me sometimes even worse. I have seen countless grandmothers push around kids in strollers and I just find myself thinking Jesus Christ that poor kid is like me parentless, its extremely common to see.

I just pity them to be deadly honest and it makes me angry, fratricide is very common here too in the metaphorical sense. There isn’t any community or brotherhood here, no one has any honesty or loyalty left in them.

Everything nice just goes away sooner or later, that’s why I have learned to never really get my hopes up or have any expectations of people. People are people and humans are just not the nicest to me.

Its me to blame I don’t blame all the people I have known for distancing themselves, honestly if I could get away from myself I would but I am trapped with this whiney loser. I tend to overreact to anything, or I don’t react properly.

I can never hit rock bottom its always just getting lower and lower, its like falling to a new low all the time there isn’t a “rock bottom” for me.

I don’t know I am just lonely and its unescapable and I hate the fact I can never just be normal and with a nice family and lots of friends.

I really hate hypocrites especially, you know people that constantly contradict themselves they are the most annoying, besides liars they are just as bad, but hypocrites are slightly worse. I have obviously met my fair share of hypocrites

It’s just the moronic way they often present themselves, it will consist of grandeur they are mostly filled with a false sense of superiority due to all the glib flattery they receive.

These are the same people that will be pseudo intellectuals they have no respect for learning or even anything to do with what they are talking about. Shallow hypocrites are my mortal enemy I just hate them so much, the thing is with these people they will often display Jewish characteristics such as sycophancy, greed, and a megalomaniacal lust for power, but these “people” turn out to be fools almost all the time.

Its pretty easy to uncover these creatures once you can see the signs, just try not to fall victim to a (((hypocrites))) tricks and lies, its easy to say hard to do. But I think we all know what (((hypocrites))) want as an end goal.

I feel so weird, I don’t feel as if my body even belongs to me, it’s a locked out of body experience and I feel like that 24/7, on top of that I feel like pure shit it’s like a feeling of pure uncomfortableness and it never stops.

I think my brain is melting, its just unrest and mental decay and I know for a fact it wont stop anytime soon. And its only accelerated by everything around me, I am forgetting more and more daily I am slowly losing touch with myself day by day. Today I spent a solid half hour talking to myself and I didn’t even realise and when I did it was like snapping into tune.

But in short my brain is melting and melting away as I am typing this the amount of corrections I am having to make is insane, it’s a horrible experience that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

Again, I am lonely again I am sat hunched over in my decrepit room staring at a screen that has absorbed my soul and life. Just everything and everyone has it out for me NO ONE likes me or wants to be around me, and if they somehow force themselves to enter a dialog with me, they are just constantly itching to leave.

All I see now is weird multiracial adverts and mountains of whores everywhere its just all over there is no point on existing the end of my life was when I was born, I am just doomed to feel like this, there is no cure or way to temporarily elevate myself of this deadly parasite that is my mind and myself.

I hate the way everyone acts nowadays they are all so cringe especially the “goth” and “e boy/girl” style, it’s a disgrace and I despise It, its such a normie mainstream thing anyone who follows trends such as rap, Minecraft, designer brands etc everything mainstream. I hate you so much you normie piece of garbage oh yeah and by the way all the low tier dead “musicians” you listen to are amateurs they are only famous because they are DEAD.

The universe just wants me lonely, because I am the main protagonist of my life, but I doubt it I am probably just a bystander to be deadly honest, anyways why even continue breathing what’s the point the point is there isn’t one its all a joke god just hates me.

I just really don’t fit in here I don’t know where I truly belong but its not here on earth, I have never felt the famous feeling of belonging no matter how hard I try or where I go I just don’t belong anywhere, there is nothing here for me anyways the only thing that awaits me here is torment.

I just feel so alone because I am, even on the internet people still pick on me and annoy me why can’t people just leave me alone to rot by myself, why does everyone need to give me their opinion I really don’t care if you disagree with me, you are wrong anyways.

I just hate how everyone makes me feel I feel so horrible everyday and there is no where to get away from it, all the forums are filled with fakes and the outside world is filled with couples, cute women happy people I hate it so much I really do.

I hate seeing people doing better than me or people who are happy and that is EVERYONE, its torture going online or walking outside its pure evil doing this to me, I wish I wasn’t as hate filled as I am I hate being bitter deep down I am very kind I love everything especially frogs, old people and ice cream I am very nice and kind I am just confused.

But none of that matters when I was born, I was doomed to be lonely this is my life there is no changing it, its just all over and it can NEVER be ok.

Thats a long post. Wow.

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On 11/26/2021 at 4:09 PM, EvilMaxxer said:

I just wish I had another start at life even if I was ugly, my brain is beyond repair and my thoughts make me sick its like a disease that unfortunately won’t **** me any time soon. I wish I had a dad who liked me I really liked fishing and all that shit I just wish I had a normal family life, it wouldn’t have to be perfect just sustainable don’t get me wrong I love and care for my gran but she isn’t my mum I honestly hate my mum so ****ing much she was and is a disgusting vile junkie who would hit me over the slightest of things she would genuinely mock my poor looks and call me ugly a lot. She loved putting me down, sometimes she would even come over to my grans house and fight and hit her and me I was a lot younger then but still, one day I sent a text to my gran about my suicidal thoughts and all the horrible shit I felt my mum was in the house and read the messages told me to come home then she proceeded to beat me just for being depressed the list goes on and on about the disgusting shit she put me through.

My dad was just as much of an asshole as her he would do all his drugs with her and he would hit me too I don’t know why but I forgive him, he never even talked with me all that much I don’t even know the barest things about him he kind of vanished.

I wish I wasn’t so ****ing alone I have legit NO ONE to talk to my age, no one to be my friend during school no one to chat with me no one to hang out with, the only interaction I really had besides “hellos” was talking to people on Xbox I tried everything I joined lots of clubs I did lots of activities I went outside to mingle with people, but no one wanted anything to do with me they would quickly brush me off if I made ANY conversation with them. I kind of jestermaxxed in school by ****ing up on purpose acting like a clown walking home mid lesson and the likes it was funny and I got some laughs, but I never had anymore than that really. I did dog shit in terms of school and I have NOTHING to show for the time I spent there, I was coping with the army but that turned out shitty because of me being on anti-depressants and my cutting habit.

I just hate being so lonely and feeling like shit 24/7 even with all the shit that’s went wrong for me I wish I could just make all my feelings stop it’s just been getting progressively worse and worse, I have no idea when it will stop ever nothing has helped me with It. I just wish I had a friend in this world, but NO ONE can be bothered with me. Nowadays I wish that a meteor would just eradicate all of us to be honest. I despise seeing all these people with their perfect families and girlfriends and huge friend groups I don’t give a **** if they are “fake” or what ever bullshit id rather have a fake friend than none.

I hate all the habits I have now I get shit sleep and I cant get any dopamine from porn, I sometimes cry while watching porn because I know no one will be inmate with me, and before you say “just get An Escort bro” its not about sex it’s about love I WISH it was about sex, to be accepted in that way by a woman would be the best thing EVER and the best feeling but no not for me I cant have that no matter how hard I try. I am doomed there isn’t a single attractive trait about me my only chance is to wait until I am 30 and betabuxx a roastie, I just want to be loved for once in my life I just want someone to ****ing notice I exist that’s all I want the attention I’ve been robbed of, I just hate how pathetic my life has turned out I am so angry I am somehow not angry its an odd indescribable feeling.

Why am I so weird I hate being the odd one out I can remember going to the gym and having people laugh at me just for being me and being there what is so ****ing funny about me? I’ve had rubbish flung at me, water sprayed on me and once a lit cig flung at me all because they want to assert power over me even though I am already gone, I hate the looks of disgust people give me why does everyone act like they are better than me.

I am so sick of sitting in the side lines and not even being a person, I am not human I am a legitimate subhuman, who just for some reason does anything to try make people like me. Why is it every time I help someone they must use me for some twisted reason? Its never anything nice, no one wants me to be nice for the sake of being nice.

I am so ****ing sick of being ignored by everyone what even makes anyone special? I am sick of acting like I don’t deserve anything I deserve everything I deserve towers of gold and all the sex I want with any woman.

I am entitled to it, its only fair as reparations from the world. I am fully entitled to any woman I want what does it matter what they want? They are inferior to me.

All the harassment and disgusted looks I get from these ***** is just making me angry now, its not your body your choice by the rules of humanity I own every woman, so why is it illegal to do anything “bad” to them?

EVERYTHING that was went wrong is to blame on the creatures known as females, people should get down on their knees and worship me every time I walk through a door.

They all want something that I don’t have any more, they keep chipping away at my core there is nothing to steal from me it’s all gone! Why do you even want to do these things to me.

I don’t feel like my body belongs to me its a surreal feeling to be “alive” and I want it to end years ago.

I honestly just want to die I just want all this to stop, I have a constant feeling of pure severe pain it’s so persistent, I don’t have a gun or anything that would be painless I have tried sleeping tablets, but I have vomited them back up.

It was honestly so peaceful to know my life was going to end but I can’t get hold of anymore pills so it kind of sucks, I just pray I get a terminal illness or I get mowed down by a car, even better yet someone just shoots me in the face.

I just want all my pain to fade away and for myself to never wake up, just pure bliss permanent night.

I can only dream of my own demise, I just hate being taunted by the universe by it dangling nice things in front of me. I just want to quit this game I don’t care about getting even I just want to be dead, nothing would bring me more joy than dying.

But until I get the opportunity ill just take out all my frustrations my wrists.

I am so disgusted with human beings, I have never seen another person be truly kind unless it was recorded or written about. The only reason people act “nice” is for their superiority complex the whole “I am holier than you” thing.

I have done lots of nice things will not disclose what I’ve done, but I am by definition “good” and like I’ve said good and evil are artificial social constructs just like age.

I think the saddest realisation I’ve come to is no one will ever change from learning from the mistakes of themselves or others, no one wants to change or be better.

I’ve seen people who have grown up just like me sometimes even worse. I have seen countless grandmothers push around kids in strollers and I just find myself thinking Jesus Christ that poor kid is like me parentless, its extremely common to see.

I just pity them to be deadly honest and it makes me angry, fratricide is very common here too in the metaphorical sense. There isn’t any community or brotherhood here, no one has any honesty or loyalty left in them.

Everything nice just goes away sooner or later, that’s why I have learned to never really get my hopes up or have any expectations of people. People are people and humans are just not the nicest to me.

Its me to blame I don’t blame all the people I have known for distancing themselves, honestly if I could get away from myself I would but I am trapped with this whiney loser. I tend to overreact to anything, or I don’t react properly.

I can never hit rock bottom its always just getting lower and lower, its like falling to a new low all the time there isn’t a “rock bottom” for me.

I don’t know I am just lonely and its unescapable and I hate the fact I can never just be normal and with a nice family and lots of friends.

I really hate hypocrites especially, you know people that constantly contradict themselves they are the most annoying, besides liars they are just as bad, but hypocrites are slightly worse. I have obviously met my fair share of hypocrites

It’s just the moronic way they often present themselves, it will consist of grandeur they are mostly filled with a false sense of superiority due to all the glib flattery they receive.

These are the same people that will be pseudo intellectuals they have no respect for learning or even anything to do with what they are talking about. Shallow hypocrites are my mortal enemy I just hate them so much, the thing is with these people they will often display Jewish characteristics such as sycophancy, greed, and a megalomaniacal lust for power, but these “people” turn out to be fools almost all the time.

Its pretty easy to uncover these creatures once you can see the signs, just try not to fall victim to a (((hypocrites))) tricks and lies, its easy to say hard to do. But I think we all know what (((hypocrites))) want as an end goal.

I feel so weird, I don’t feel as if my body even belongs to me, it’s a locked out of body experience and I feel like that 24/7, on top of that I feel like pure shit it’s like a feeling of pure uncomfortableness and it never stops.

I think my brain is melting, its just unrest and mental decay and I know for a fact it wont stop anytime soon. And its only accelerated by everything around me, I am forgetting more and more daily I am slowly losing touch with myself day by day. Today I spent a solid half hour talking to myself and I didn’t even realise and when I did it was like snapping into tune.

But in short my brain is melting and melting away as I am typing this the amount of corrections I am having to make is insane, it’s a horrible experience that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

Again, I am lonely again I am sat hunched over in my decrepit room staring at a screen that has absorbed my soul and life. Just everything and everyone has it out for me NO ONE likes me or wants to be around me, and if they somehow force themselves to enter a dialog with me, they are just constantly itching to leave.

All I see now is weird multiracial adverts and mountains of whores everywhere its just all over there is no point on existing the end of my life was when I was born, I am just doomed to feel like this, there is no cure or way to temporarily elevate myself of this deadly parasite that is my mind and myself.

I hate the way everyone acts nowadays they are all so cringe especially the “goth” and “e boy/girl” style, it’s a disgrace and I despise It, its such a normie mainstream thing anyone who follows trends such as rap, Minecraft, designer brands etc everything mainstream. I hate you so much you normie piece of garbage oh yeah and by the way all the low tier dead “musicians” you listen to are amateurs they are only famous because they are DEAD.

The universe just wants me lonely, because I am the main protagonist of my life, but I doubt it I am probably just a bystander to be deadly honest, anyways why even continue breathing what’s the point the point is there isn’t one its all a joke god just hates me.

I just really don’t fit in here I don’t know where I truly belong but its not here on earth, I have never felt the famous feeling of belonging no matter how hard I try or where I go I just don’t belong anywhere, there is nothing here for me anyways the only thing that awaits me here is torment.

I just feel so alone because I am, even on the internet people still pick on me and annoy me why can’t people just leave me alone to rot by myself, why does everyone need to give me their opinion I really don’t care if you disagree with me, you are wrong anyways.

I just hate how everyone makes me feel I feel so horrible everyday and there is no where to get away from it, all the forums are filled with fakes and the outside world is filled with couples, cute women happy people I hate it so much I really do.

I hate seeing people doing better than me or people who are happy and that is EVERYONE, its torture going online or walking outside its pure evil doing this to me, I wish I wasn’t as hate filled as I am I hate being bitter deep down I am very kind I love everything especially frogs, old people and ice cream I am very nice and kind I am just confused.

But none of that matters when I was born, I was doomed to be lonely this is my life there is no changing it, its just all over and it can NEVER be ok.

You could also list what you love. I know its difficult to ignore what we don't like. I know its difficult to have people around who are in tune with our thoughts.

I try speaking to the animals and plants around, 

 

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On 11/26/2021 at 10:39 AM, EvilMaxxer said:

. I am fully entitled to any woman I want what does it matter what they want? They are inferior to me.

You are NOT entitled to any woman you want. Sex needs consent from both people. They are NOT inferior to you. Every one of us has equal rights. 

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On 11/28/2021 at 1:10 PM, Nightjar said:

You are NOT entitled to any woman you want. Sex needs consent from both people. They are NOT inferior to you. Every one of us has equal rights. 

women are inferior to men get over it the strong rule the weak

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That’s an awful lot of …. What exactly, envy? Oh well, it is at least apparent why kindness seems to be so elusive to you.  Despite this, you do deserve a fresh start in life. Pick a planet and I promise I will do my very best to help you get there

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On 12/4/2021 at 9:32 AM, EvilMaxxer said:

women are inferior to men get over it the strong rule the weak

Wow, somebody seems like they are mad at the world! I know that tensions are high right now. But that comment was pretty harsh and uncalled for. Women can be wonderful or terrible, just like men. Women have the power to shape the world by deciding who they reproduce with. That's a lot of power if you ask me! And it doesn't stop there. Most women rule households. There are more Queens than Kings in the world. It was said that "A nation divided against itself cannot survive." If you agree with that quote then how do you think a species divided against itself will fare?

 

If you are against Feminism that's one thing. I think modern Feminism is pushing too far. I think the best way forward is to sit down and talk about the issues peacefully. I am very sorry that both of your parents were drug users. I kinda think that is something that no child should have to go through. You could make it your mission in life to help people that went through similar upbringings as you had. Talk about turning a negative into a positive! That would give you a real sense of meaning and purpose. Your upbringing gives you a unique perspective and likely a lot of insight into things that could help. Sorry to say it but don't discount women in this area. Women are very good at getting laws changed and also raising funds to support a worthy cause. Why not try to make them your ally?

 

I think you would benefit from watching some Les Brown motivational videos! Another one that you could check out is one from from a sex worker named Nicole Emma, she has a very good grasp of what makes men tick and is very compassionate. I have struggled with multiple issues thus far in my life. High school drop out, Porn, Alcohol and Gambling and I've made huge progress on 2 of those issues. It's not over until it's over. That's the good news, that and YOU have the power to change and be a force for good. I know you have it in you and also I think you may have been stirring the pot a little just to get a reaction.

Good luck to you Sir, or if you prefer resistance. Keep going the way you have, it's working beautifully!

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On 12/4/2021 at 3:31 PM, Gisele said:

That’s an awful lot of …. What exactly, envy? Oh well, it is at least apparent why kindness seems to be so elusive to you.  Despite this, you do deserve a fresh start in life. Pick a planet and I promise I will do my very best to help you get there

as much as id love to get away from humans i cant so its a kind offer but you are a woman and you wouldn't know the first thing about getting me to another planet 

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On 11/28/2021 at 6:40 AM, Evergreenforst4 said:

but men also go for multiple women

no lol only the best looking of guys have multiple choices women are disgusting monsters there isnt any changing that and if it was up to me and if i lived in america i wouldve blown away a few whores with a rifle by now 

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  • 3 weeks later...

In psychological terms, there's a lot of generalizing and labeling and all or nothing thinking going on. They're examples of cognitive distortions. Its when your brain feels overwhelmed and you're trying to make sense of the world, but nothing does make sense, and you subconsciously misinterpret everything in the worst possible way. 

You sometimes are subjected to cruel treatment from people, and then start to believe everyone is cruel. Anyway the whole topic can get very complicated. When I was young I had very few friends and thought everyone hated me. I basically struggled along and life in general slowly got better with the help of medications and reaching out for help.

The right therapist can help a lot. No magic or fairy tales about it, cognitive behavioral therapy helps elevate your consciousness and understand the whole world isn't against you. 

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On 11/26/2021 at 4:39 AM, EvilMaxxer said:

I just wish I had another start at life even if I was ugly, my brain is beyond repair and my thoughts make me sick its like a disease that unfortunately won’t **** me any time soon. I wish I had a dad who liked me I really liked fishing and all that shit I just wish I had a normal family life, it wouldn’t have to be perfect just sustainable don’t get me wrong I love and care for my gran but she isn’t my mum I honestly hate my mum so ****ing much she was and is a disgusting vile junkie who would hit me over the slightest of things she would genuinely mock my poor looks and call me ugly a lot. She loved putting me down, sometimes she would even come over to my grans house and fight and hit her and me I was a lot younger then but still, one day I sent a text to my gran about my suicidal thoughts and all the horrible shit I felt my mum was in the house and read the messages told me to come home then she proceeded to beat me just for being depressed the list goes on and on about the disgusting shit she put me through.

My dad was just as much of an asshole as her he would do all his drugs with her and he would hit me too I don’t know why but I forgive him, he never even talked with me all that much I don’t even know the barest things about him he kind of vanished.

I wish I wasn’t so ****ing alone I have legit NO ONE to talk to my age, no one to be my friend during school no one to chat with me no one to hang out with, the only interaction I really had besides “hellos” was talking to people on Xbox I tried everything I joined lots of clubs I did lots of activities I went outside to mingle with people, but no one wanted anything to do with me they would quickly brush me off if I made ANY conversation with them. I kind of jestermaxxed in school by ****ing up on purpose acting like a clown walking home mid lesson and the likes it was funny and I got some laughs, but I never had anymore than that really. I did dog shit in terms of school and I have NOTHING to show for the time I spent there, I was coping with the army but that turned out shitty because of me being on anti-depressants and my cutting habit.

I just hate being so lonely and feeling like shit 24/7 even with all the shit that’s went wrong for me I wish I could just make all my feelings stop it’s just been getting progressively worse and worse, I have no idea when it will stop ever nothing has helped me with It. I just wish I had a friend in this world, but NO ONE can be bothered with me. Nowadays I wish that a meteor would just eradicate all of us to be honest. I despise seeing all these people with their perfect families and girlfriends and huge friend groups I don’t give a **** if they are “fake” or what ever bullshit id rather have a fake friend than none.

I hate all the habits I have now I get shit sleep and I cant get any dopamine from porn, I sometimes cry while watching porn because I know no one will be inmate with me, and before you say “just get An Escort bro” its not about sex it’s about love I WISH it was about sex, to be accepted in that way by a woman would be the best thing EVER and the best feeling but no not for me I cant have that no matter how hard I try. I am doomed there isn’t a single attractive trait about me my only chance is to wait until I am 30 and betabuxx a roastie, I just want to be loved for once in my life I just want someone to ****ing notice I exist that’s all I want the attention I’ve been robbed of, I just hate how pathetic my life has turned out I am so angry I am somehow not angry its an odd indescribable feeling.

Why am I so weird I hate being the odd one out I can remember going to the gym and having people laugh at me just for being me and being there what is so ****ing funny about me? I’ve had rubbish flung at me, water sprayed on me and once a lit cig flung at me all because they want to assert power over me even though I am already gone, I hate the looks of disgust people give me why does everyone act like they are better than me.

I am so sick of sitting in the side lines and not even being a person, I am not human I am a legitimate subhuman, who just for some reason does anything to try make people like me. Why is it every time I help someone they must use me for some twisted reason? Its never anything nice, no one wants me to be nice for the sake of being nice.

I am so ****ing sick of being ignored by everyone what even makes anyone special? I am sick of acting like I don’t deserve anything I deserve everything I deserve towers of gold and all the sex I want with any woman.

I am entitled to it, its only fair as reparations from the world. I am fully entitled to any woman I want what does it matter what they want? They are inferior to me.

All the harassment and disgusted looks I get from these ***** is just making me angry now, its not your body your choice by the rules of humanity I own every woman, so why is it illegal to do anything “bad” to them?

EVERYTHING that was went wrong is to blame on the creatures known as females, people should get down on their knees and worship me every time I walk through a door.

They all want something that I don’t have any more, they keep chipping away at my core there is nothing to steal from me it’s all gone! Why do you even want to do these things to me.

I don’t feel like my body belongs to me its a surreal feeling to be “alive” and I want it to end years ago.

I honestly just want to die I just want all this to stop, I have a constant feeling of pure severe pain it’s so persistent, I don’t have a gun or anything that would be painless I have tried sleeping tablets, but I have vomited them back up.

It was honestly so peaceful to know my life was going to end but I can’t get hold of anymore pills so it kind of sucks, I just pray I get a terminal illness or I get mowed down by a car, even better yet someone just shoots me in the face.

I just want all my pain to fade away and for myself to never wake up, just pure bliss permanent night.

I can only dream of my own demise, I just hate being taunted by the universe by it dangling nice things in front of me. I just want to quit this game I don’t care about getting even I just want to be dead, nothing would bring me more joy than dying.

But until I get the opportunity ill just take out all my frustrations my wrists.

I am so disgusted with human beings, I have never seen another person be truly kind unless it was recorded or written about. The only reason people act “nice” is for their superiority complex the whole “I am holier than you” thing.

I have done lots of nice things will not disclose what I’ve done, but I am by definition “good” and like I’ve said good and evil are artificial social constructs just like age.

I think the saddest realisation I’ve come to is no one will ever change from learning from the mistakes of themselves or others, no one wants to change or be better.

I’ve seen people who have grown up just like me sometimes even worse. I have seen countless grandmothers push around kids in strollers and I just find myself thinking Jesus Christ that poor kid is like me parentless, its extremely common to see.

I just pity them to be deadly honest and it makes me angry, fratricide is very common here too in the metaphorical sense. There isn’t any community or brotherhood here, no one has any honesty or loyalty left in them.

Everything nice just goes away sooner or later, that’s why I have learned to never really get my hopes up or have any expectations of people. People are people and humans are just not the nicest to me.

Its me to blame I don’t blame all the people I have known for distancing themselves, honestly if I could get away from myself I would but I am trapped with this whiney loser. I tend to overreact to anything, or I don’t react properly.

I can never hit rock bottom its always just getting lower and lower, its like falling to a new low all the time there isn’t a “rock bottom” for me.

I don’t know I am just lonely and its unescapable and I hate the fact I can never just be normal and with a nice family and lots of friends.

I really hate hypocrites especially, you know people that constantly contradict themselves they are the most annoying, besides liars they are just as bad, but hypocrites are slightly worse. I have obviously met my fair share of hypocrites

It’s just the moronic way they often present themselves, it will consist of grandeur they are mostly filled with a false sense of superiority due to all the glib flattery they receive.

These are the same people that will be pseudo intellectuals they have no respect for learning or even anything to do with what they are talking about. Shallow hypocrites are my mortal enemy I just hate them so much, the thing is with these people they will often display Jewish characteristics such as sycophancy, greed, and a megalomaniacal lust for power, but these “people” turn out to be fools almost all the time.

Its pretty easy to uncover these creatures once you can see the signs, just try not to fall victim to a (((hypocrites))) tricks and lies, its easy to say hard to do. But I think we all know what (((hypocrites))) want as an end goal.

I feel so weird, I don’t feel as if my body even belongs to me, it’s a locked out of body experience and I feel like that 24/7, on top of that I feel like pure shit it’s like a feeling of pure uncomfortableness and it never stops.

I think my brain is melting, its just unrest and mental decay and I know for a fact it wont stop anytime soon. And its only accelerated by everything around me, I am forgetting more and more daily I am slowly losing touch with myself day by day. Today I spent a solid half hour talking to myself and I didn’t even realise and when I did it was like snapping into tune.

But in short my brain is melting and melting away as I am typing this the amount of corrections I am having to make is insane, it’s a horrible experience that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

Again, I am lonely again I am sat hunched over in my decrepit room staring at a screen that has absorbed my soul and life. Just everything and everyone has it out for me NO ONE likes me or wants to be around me, and if they somehow force themselves to enter a dialog with me, they are just constantly itching to leave.

All I see now is weird multiracial adverts and mountains of whores everywhere its just all over there is no point on existing the end of my life was when I was born, I am just doomed to feel like this, there is no cure or way to temporarily elevate myself of this deadly parasite that is my mind and myself.

I hate the way everyone acts nowadays they are all so cringe especially the “goth” and “e boy/girl” style, it’s a disgrace and I despise It, its such a normie mainstream thing anyone who follows trends such as rap, Minecraft, designer brands etc everything mainstream. I hate you so much you normie piece of garbage oh yeah and by the way all the low tier dead “musicians” you listen to are amateurs they are only famous because they are DEAD.

The universe just wants me lonely, because I am the main protagonist of my life, but I doubt it I am probably just a bystander to be deadly honest, anyways why even continue breathing what’s the point the point is there isn’t one its all a joke god just hates me.

I just really don’t fit in here I don’t know where I truly belong but its not here on earth, I have never felt the famous feeling of belonging no matter how hard I try or where I go I just don’t belong anywhere, there is nothing here for me anyways the only thing that awaits me here is torment.

I just feel so alone because I am, even on the internet people still pick on me and annoy me why can’t people just leave me alone to rot by myself, why does everyone need to give me their opinion I really don’t care if you disagree with me, you are wrong anyways.

I just hate how everyone makes me feel I feel so horrible everyday and there is no where to get away from it, all the forums are filled with fakes and the outside world is filled with couples, cute women happy people I hate it so much I really do.

I hate seeing people doing better than me or people who are happy and that is EVERYONE, its torture going online or walking outside its pure evil doing this to me, I wish I wasn’t as hate filled as I am I hate being bitter deep down I am very kind I love everything especially frogs, old people and ice cream I am very nice and kind I am just confused.

But none of that matters when I was born, I was doomed to be lonely this is my life there is no changing it, its just all over and it can NEVER be ok.

Idk man, it sounds like life and people are just treating you the way you treat them. Seems fitting. Everyone here is also being nice and accommodating and you respond the opposite way.

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