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Rant all over the place


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Jumbling through a couple different topics here:

I've been feeling like there's something missing in my relationship the past year or two. Been with my husband for 10 years. I haven't been able to put a finger on it.

I have trouble discussing my feelings. I tend to allow myself to brush off my emotional needs if it seems like an inconvenience. If my husband looks busy/stressed, i don't want to interrupt him. Usually it's his de-stressing time and i don't want to take that away from him. I think, it's ok bc i can and should be able to handle myself. So i kept to myself and just tried to appreciate the time do spend with him. 

I've been doing a lot of changing lately though. I've been learning how to have self worth. I feel like standing up for myself now when i wouldn't have before. Not letting other people's opinions detract me from my truth. This comes with a couple items of baggage:

 

  • I'm literally in the baby phase of learning to start and commit to these changes. Learning and applying can be so exhausting and frustrating at times.
  • People are not used to seeing me express my feelings. I usually just shoved all the negative feelings down. But they're seeing a different side of me now, one that they are not familiar with. It's extremely uncomfortable.
  • How do i keep the lessons learned from my down times without getting sucked back into them?

 

I'm juggling these things. Today, i found myself struggling with motivation. I was slowly doing some chores/tasks that needed to be done today. I found my mind wandering into i don't even remember where, but it triggered my self loathing thoughts. Over the years, i've just done my best to ignore them when they pop up. I tell myself, hey it's ok just think about something else. I try not to let these pop-up thoughts derail my day. I guess my husband could tell something was wrong. I honestly thought i was doing a good job of ignoring that part of myself, but it was surfacing.

He asked me if everything was ok, and i said yea just feeling weird. Usually that's gist of all i relay. But he kept giving me opportunities to share and I just didn't know how. Finally I started talking and i could feel myself wanting to stop, but i couldn't. then, it became a dialogue. he asked me questions, challenged some negative thoughts i was having. He shared specifics on how he handles the tougher emotions. It was a good conversation, but i felt annoyed during it.

I felt like he was trying to fix things or fix me. He's seeing my changes as positive and just wants to support me. But some of the things he was telling me was stuff that I figured out in therapy. It was slightly irritating that i had to say "i know" so many times. Then i think, well how could he know what I know if i don't tell him anything.

I have mixed emotions about what happened. I'm glad i was able to talk to him. I'm glad he gently encouraged me to talk. I'm glad i got to see more of his deeper. These things make me feel like that's what could be missing in our relationship. But, with my growing self worth, i'm not handling other people offering me words of wisdom very well. I feel pitied and often times it's information/advice i'm already aware of. it makes me feel like they're trying to show/teach me things bc they think i don't know any better. i self teach my self care along with working in therapy. I don't feel like i have to share things i learn about in therapy and practice on my own. But now i'm wondering if i need to start sharing those in order for people to stop telling me what they think i should do.

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Hi bellerose,

I am happy to hear you are making positive changes. I think you could just explain to him that you just need to feel heard and supported but not necessarily in need of any advice.

I would try to end these conversations on a positive note if possible then it would be a more welcome thing and reinforce him being open to you expressing feelings.

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