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im so sick of having these panick attacks, opportunities that i missed because im shy... i basically wasted my high school life, everyday is the same. im so jealous when i see people in my age having fun..going into parties, hanging out with their friends...i wish that's my life...im scared of the future,im scared of growing up... im not smart and i dont have any talents either.. i dont know what im gonna be.. the one who works as a waitress till im old or the one that kills herself at a young age.... i honestly dont know why im here, like whats my purpose..whats the point of doing any of this?... its almost 6 years now and my mental state is just getting worse and worse, i feel bad for my friends.. they dont deserve me... i dont deserve to be happy.....maybe i wont get better because i self sabotage a lot....i hate everything about me omg..i cant even cry right now because my tears wont come out anymore idk why... all i do now is stare the ceiling for hours..... im soooo sick of living like this

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