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At a loss of what to do for family members


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I don't know what to do with the family.  We are a very dysfunctional family.  I've dealt with depression my whole life and finally with therapy & medication I am finally in a good place. Unfortunately, the family may is not. 

My niece moved out of town & my brother is taking it hard, He feels that she has deserted him. He has been treated in the past for panic attacks.  He hates being alone but he pushed her away with his need to control her.  She is 50 & also has depression.  And at times acts like a teenager.  My brother tried to tell me not to have anything to do with her.  I got a long text message from him.  I stood up to him by text & let him have it. (Yea for me!) I had additional text from him but have not responded & doubt that I will. I hear from her when her father sends her texts & I hear the same story from both of them.

My nephew's wife was diagnosed with ovarian cancer & will start chemo. My nephew hates his job & tries to find any excuse to lay out. 

My other brother has buried 2 wives & married the 3rd in October. I rarely see or talk to him. He is a functioning drunk.

I can't find a job because of my age & physical health & lack of customer service experience. So I'm trying to keep everything turned on.

My youngest daughter is still with this loser that talked her into moving in with his mom.  (another dysfunctional group) And she has been treated in childhood for anxiety.

Tonight my oldest daughter & husband knock on the door.  She is  crying & he's telling me that she doesn't want to go home but wanted to come to my house. They were bowling for date night.  He says she hasn't been home after work for the past 2 weeks. They started marriage counseling last week. She doesn't like this therapist they see & will see again tomorrow.  She wouldn't stay at my house. I took her to her friends apartment close by.  she wouldn't tell me anything about what's' going on.  She did pinky promise that she would call the mental health center I go to tomorrow.  

This time of year is  difficult enough for me.  This is when the arguing got worse when I was growing up. So I have no good memories from this period of time & alot of the garbage finds its way to the front of my brain. It is getting hard for me to deal with so much drama. I don't mean with overly dramatic family but just the darn day to day crap of having to deal with others' problem. 

There are no answers for what is happening. I can't stop any of it. If I had a magic wand, I still couldn't do anything about the problems of this family.  There is a family history of mental health problems.

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Hello -- I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.  The family situation is quite challenging.  HOWEVER, like the order the flight attendants give you on a plane, you need to take care of YOURSELF FIRST, so that you're able to assist someone else.

I would suggest that you look into getting SSDI.  Your health is bad, so you would qualify.  Apply for it.  The government ALWAYS turns down the first application.  It happened to me.  I thought I would have nothing to contribute to my parents' household--I would hate living off them.  After all, they are retired and on a fixed income.  

HOWEVER, don't let that first refusal get you down.  There must be list of rejected applications available -- just "out there," because a lawyer from a firm in Chicago (I don't live in Illiinois!) called and offered to assist.  The deal was that he would take his fee off the top of the RETROGRADE benefits and take that as payment in full.  It happened! I get a monthly deposit of SSDI benefits in my checking account.  

This is just a suggestion.  But taking practical steps to help yourself will surely diminish your feelings of helplessness.

Thinking of you --

WOTL (womanofthelight)

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Hi nojoy,

It is so good to hear you have improved your mental health.

I am kind of concerned about how your brother is attached to your niece and trying to be controlling, tells you to stay away from her and freaks out and sends a long text message and gets mad when she leaves.

That is potential predator behavior like he could be grooming her it is not normal for an uncle to be that attached to a niece. It is definitely a yellow or orange area, since she left that is probably for the best.

Other than that womanofthelight is 100% correct. Take care of yourself. America for all its problems is a good country, there are a lot of help for people they have to take the steps. Rather than burden yourself with peoples problems direct them to sources of help and share what personally helped you if they are willing to listen.

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