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Health problem + fear


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I know many of us have had health anxiety but I don't know how to cope with it unless I do all the tests. In the past I was a true hypochondriac but wether because of depression taking over or my depersonalization getting worse that symptom was pretty much gone.

However, for a few years I've had GERD. In my case it is the so called "silent reflux" without the heartburn. For the last 2 - 3 years the acid has been even destroying my teeth. Last year I had 3 months long gastric/abdominal pain and after the 9th ER visit they did a scope. Only gastritis they said was relevant but did not tell me that I have, as they put, "mild chronic reflux esophagitis". I found that out 3 weeks ago. The anti acid meds never helped me or i didn't take them long enough but if I knew I have an injury to my oesophagus from acid I'd be more alert and careful.

Anyway, 2-3 months ago my family says they think I lost a bit of weight. Since being overweight that's a good thing but I didn't notice it. I gained weight rapidly 3-4 years ago due to a med Im still on.

3 months ago I started feeling sore throat and acid was burning my mouth. This acid in the mouth is worst at night as it wakes me often and I need to clean my mouth. Now I am on strongest anti acid med 2x daily.

But what got my new family doctor and my ENT concerned is weight loss and bleeding when I clear my throat. I lost about 15 kilos but IDK for sure when I started losing weight. I did eat vety little over the last few months, sometimes once in 3 days because of no appetite but I never ate much. I also started a new medication over a month ago for hypothyroid and one website says that med can cause weight loss at the start upto 15% of your body weight but I doubt they are the reason.

My ENT did a throat scope, twice, but he saw no problems. He sent me for barium swallow, it showed nothing. (But barium swallow can't show esophagitus or berrets)

The bottom like is, due to chronic acid reflux, rapid weight loss, throat pain and tightness, tightness in the chest sometimes and finding out I have reflux esophagitis made me believe I have esophageal cancer. (Or another cancer around there). The stress over the last 3 weeks has been tremendous and if you add the other distress about my current brother's situation, I feel the only way out is the worst. Sometimes I calm down and try to think rationally saying to myself that the "S" is never an option but the fear is alive.

An endoscopy would take that problem under control but they don't do that here now especially because I had 1 last year, had barium swallow, blood work is normal and the waiting time is long. "The only small chance is getting it through ER again if I could convince them but I gotta go there many times and it's hard due to mental stuff". There is no private clinics here and I don't have the $ to go to USA or another province to do it. (They do endoscopy easily at the ER when it's too late usually)

But my point is fear that I might have cancer. The fear has almost turned into a belief. The 2 doctors I mentioned didn't reassure me, in fact they said the esophageatis can cause cancer. I am avoiding reading online about it because it will make me worse but even though I need to lose lot's of weight, seeing myself losing it rapidly scares me. I tried to eat more the last 2 weeks but didn't change anything much.

Sorry about the rant but I had to get it off my chest and while I understand that the symptoms don't equal disease it is still ******* me. I know from experience that the fear of something has always caused me more harm than the thing I feared but what can I do.

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