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Barely post here anymore....no one cares


Maxx55

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hello. 

i barely post here anymore because i feel like no one cares. i had an employee review today at work and well it didn't surprise me in the least........i explained my feelings and thoughts and how i felt i was in a catch-22. i want to get promoted to a manger position but since i have been doing interviews outside of the company, their response is "well, why should we promote you when you are looking elsewere?" well today i fired back and said that isn't the question you should be asking. i said "why haven't you take the time promote me? the company's lack of gratitude for all of the hard word, dedication, and leadership I have given over the last 14 years hasn't paid off for me. others have benefited from my expertise and reaped the benefits, but not me....and you have the nerve to ask why I am looking outside of the company." it may cost me my job....but at this rate i really don't care....i'd rather go drive a semi-truck across the country at this point......only time i find peace is when I am alone.....i guess that makes me a weirdo.....fine....whatever...don't care what other people think.

 

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If I had a company you are the type of manager I would want.  There's a real strong leader in you.  This is a world where everyone is afraid to stand up for themselves and be themselves.  The ones that had the nerve to stand up to me and defend themselves are the ones I want.  That's my opinion.

Edited by sober4life
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Sorry if you feel that no one cares. People here do care about each other and respond as much as they are able. Some days are more difficult than others for all of us and we may not have the energy to respond to everything. 

Keep posting, I'm sure that you will get a response here, just let it all out. It's what this place is here for 👌

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Hi Maxx,

Sorry, but those of us here might have our own issues going on of course.

Your last thoughts sounded familiar to me.  "only time i find peace is when I am alone.....i guess that makes me a weirdo"

No.  Especially around here...

What do you do, with other people, that is positive and fun? (I know, asking what someone does for "fun" on a depression website is a dead-end...)

I hate people.  Well, not 'people', just the bad toxic people who take no responsibility for themselves and will put all their time, energy and effort into making me to their job for them. You know, those that deserve to be hated...  (slight warning there, I might be jaded a small bit)

But, I try to realize that I am generalizing "some people" into "all people".  There are good people out there.  I need to remember the positive interactions I have with such people.  Also, I need to seek out more positive interactions with positive people.  Get out of my bubble.  Not get stuck where I get stuck.  My perception just needs some adjustment.

So, can you think of positive interactions with people?  Can you invest some time and energy into expanding that?  If you did, would you be able to find some peace co-existing with other people? 

When our mental health is "bad", we tend to generalize.  All people are bad.  Everything is horrible.  And we forget that it is not 100% that way.  Finding even 1% and working that can help our perspective and mental health.

Just a thought.

And, the paradox...if you don't care about what other people think, should you be looking to management? (I assume you would be managing other people.)  And the double paradox, it hurts to care.  Caring for others exposes us to be hurt by others.  Some of us 'care too much'.  That can add to our business strengths.  But we need boundaries there also so that we do not eat all the pain from other people.  I have "too much empathy", which helps me be successful, but makes me much more stressed than co-workers etc....  'Overdeveloped sense of responsibility' works the same way.  It took my mind quite a while to figure out it was fighting itself and this paradox.  I do not have answers yet. But I try to torture myself less in these situations.  (and failing of course, so don't listen to a thing I say...)

m

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thank you for your responses...... I don't know what it is.......burn out??? 

 

I take responsibility for everything thrown at me.

  • Caring for my mother, yep no problem.
  • Acting as the family spokesperson and working with the hospital while my mother is dying in their ICU due to a massive stroke - sure thing, I was the proverbial Vulcan...all logic, no emotion. Turned into a sobbing mess in my vehicle though. 
  • Divorce...yep..all my problem....no happy wife, no happy life,
  • You want x, y, & z done at work? No problem I gave you W, X, Y, & Z there boss.
  • While everyone in college was out partying it up and having a real good time, I was at home studying.
  • While everyone was at home studying, I was at work supporting myself.
  • While the males in my college classes were dating the females, I was home alone. No females wanted to date me.
  • While other guys in my dorm where engaging in romantic activities and you could hear them with their female companions in the throws of passions, I was on my computer quietly playing a video game and trying not to cry, pretending that it doesn't hurt to be alone. 
  • I am that guy who is in the "friends zone".....you know the one who you like to be around, hang out with, but won't date?? I am in many "friends zone".
  • A female friend who is drunk and throwing up....I'd be the guy holding her hair so it doesn't get vomit all over it.
  • You harassing my female friends.....I'm the one who steps in and stops it....I am the shy, "great guy".....

I was asked. "what do you want in life?" I'd like to have a house...3-4 bedrooms, 2-4 bath, split entry, 3 car garage. Things that were considered "standard" where I live. Instead I rent an apartment. I'd like to have a dog and cat to keep me company. I'd also like to have a better job where I feel like I am respected instead of peed on all of the time. 

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On 10/27/2021 at 3:26 AM, Maxx55 said:

hello. 

i barely post here anymore because i feel like no one cares. i had an employee review today at work and well it didn't surprise me in the least........i explained my feelings and thoughts and how i felt i was in a catch-22. i want to get promoted to a manger position but since i have been doing interviews outside of the company, their response is "well, why should we promote you when you are looking elsewere?" well today i fired back and said that isn't the question you should be asking. i said "why haven't you take the time promote me? the company's lack of gratitude for all of the hard word, dedication, and leadership I have given over the last 14 years hasn't paid off for me. others have benefited from my expertise and reaped the benefits, but not me....and you have the nerve to ask why I am looking outside of the company." it may cost me my job....but at this rate i really don't care....i'd rather go drive a semi-truck across the country at this point......only time i find peace is when I am alone.....i guess that makes me a weirdo.....fine....whatever...don't care what other people think.

 

Thanks for sharing.  I hope they see the value in promoting you, Maxx55.

You certainly are not a weirdo.  I consider myself a loner because I do a lot things alone.  I enjoy and prefer solitude and I'm no weirdo.

Wishing you get what you deserve.

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1 hour ago, Maxx55 said:

thank you for your responses...... I don't know what it is.......burn out??? 

 

I take responsibility for everything thrown at me.

  • Caring for my mother, yep no problem.
  • Acting as the family spokesperson and working with the hospital while my mother is dying in their ICU due to a massive stroke - sure thing, I was the proverbial Vulcan...all logic, no emotion. Turned into a sobbing mess in my vehicle though. 
  • Divorce...yep..all my problem....no happy wife, no happy life,
  • You want x, y, & z done at work? No problem I gave you W, X, Y, & Z there boss.
  • While everyone in college was out partying it up and having a real good time, I was at home studying.
  • While everyone was at home studying, I was at work supporting myself.
  • While the males in my college classes were dating the females, I was home alone. No females wanted to date me.
  • While other guys in my dorm where engaging in romantic activities and you could hear them with their female companions in the throws of passions, I was on my computer quietly playing a video game and trying not to cry, pretending that it doesn't hurt to be alone. 
  • I am that guy who is in the "friends zone".....you know the one who you like to be around, hang out with, but won't date?? I am in many "friends zone".
  • A female friend who is drunk and throwing up....I'd be the guy holding her hair so it doesn't get vomit all over it.
  • You harassing my female friends.....I'm the one who steps in and stops it....I am the shy, "great guy".....

I was asked. "what do you want in life?" I'd like to have a house...3-4 bedrooms, 2-4 bath, split entry, 3 car garage. Things that were considered "standard" where I live. Instead I rent an apartment. I'd like to have a dog and cat to keep me company. I'd also like to have a better job where I feel like I am respected instead of peed on all of the time. 

I think you are a wonderful person and should be appreciated.  I do believe you will eventually reap what you have sowed, so don't ever give up on achieving your dreams.

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Hi Maxx,

Yup, that is a lot going on. 

One thing about 'overdeveloped sense of responsability', entitled folks will recognize that an exploit it to their advantage. 

It is hard for me to maintain who I am and not let other people change that.  Actively defending against being the doormat, but still doing what I need/want/should do.  I will not claim that I balance that well all the time.

Burn out is a possibility.  And burn out and depression have some things in common; hard to tell the differences sometimes.  But a parent's health failing is just a sad thing regardless of anything else going on.

The past is in the past.  Learn from it, and move on wiser for it.  If we stop to wallow, we will never move forward.  Wise man once said 'we learn more from failures.  I learned a lot in my youth that enabled me to be successful later in life'.  And yes, I think we do learn more 'failing'.  And, that removes the negative connotations from "fail".  So, try and fail a lot.  It's not bad.  Survive.  Learn.  Try again.  (but yes, some of us have a hard time always trying.  But can anyone really succeed all the time? I don't think so.  That sounds more exhausting anyway) 

Relationships are tricky.  I was friend zoned a lot (way back in the day) and I eventually I was confident enough to meet and take the chance right away for date.  If no, that's fine.  Still a chance to be friends. But if friends does not work out, I already had good friends etc.  If date happens, then figure out if you can become friends while continuing.  Maybe that does not make sense or won't work nowadays.  So, don't listen to me.

It sounds like you have some goal.  That is good.  I still don't know what I "want from life".  (world peace, people to have more critical thinking skills, the immediate disappearance of all "social media"...not really things I can do)  I can set goals, but they are either too big (above) or 'too small' and when I achieve, time to set the next thing to chase?  That just does not seem right.  Or, 'it's just an endless chase' of the next thing.

How strong of a self identity do you think you have?  If challenged by a good friend on something in you identity, would you immediately change? Never change?

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9 hours ago, mmoose said:

Hi Maxx,

Yup, that is a lot going on. 

One thing about 'overdeveloped sense of responsability', entitled folks will recognize that an exploit it to their advantage. 

It is hard for me to maintain who I am and not let other people change that.  Actively defending against being the doormat, but still doing what I need/want/should do.  I will not claim that I balance that well all the time.

Burn out is a possibility.  And burn out and depression have some things in common; hard to tell the differences sometimes.  But a parent's health failing is just a sad thing regardless of anything else going on.

The past is in the past.  Learn from it, and move on wiser for it.  If we stop to wallow, we will never move forward.  Wise man once said 'we learn more from failures.  I learned a lot in my youth that enabled me to be successful later in life'.  And yes, I think we do learn more 'failing'.  And, that removes the negative connotations from "fail".  So, try and fail a lot.  It's not bad.  Survive.  Learn.  Try again.  (but yes, some of us have a hard time always trying.  But can anyone really succeed all the time? I don't think so.  That sounds more exhausting anyway) 

Relationships are tricky.  I was friend zoned a lot (way back in the day) and I eventually I was confident enough to meet and take the chance right away for date.  If no, that's fine.  Still a chance to be friends. But if friends does not work out, I already had good friends etc.  If date happens, then figure out if you can become friends while continuing.  Maybe that does not make sense or won't work nowadays.  So, don't listen to me.

It sounds like you have some goal.  That is good.  I still don't know what I "want from life".  (world peace, people to have more critical thinking skills, the immediate disappearance of all "social media"...not really things I can do)  I can set goals, but they are either too big (above) or 'too small' and when I achieve, time to set the next thing to chase?  That just does not seem right.  Or, 'it's just an endless chase' of the next thing.

How strong of a self identity do you think you have?  If challenged by a good friend on something in you identity, would you immediately change? Never change?

Words of encouragement and inspiration:  We all can gain insight from your message. 

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Hi Maxx,

When your manager asks you why you are looking for jobs elsewhere you can reply you are looking for better compensation and would like to stay with that company if possible but you need better compensation for cost of living for the work you put in.

Also as someone else said many people here have their own inner demons to contend with and everyday is a struggle for them. When you are a mercurial person life can be challenging so most people take it on their stride.

I have dated a lot and I actually have a really great girlfriend now but even I got friendzoned. Generally, if I meet someone on a dating site who wants to friendzone me I just don't contact them. My standards for friends are exceedingly high to begin with, higher than their standards and I don't trust people who make friends on dating sites to be faithful. If they reject you consider it a gift, you will find someone more worthy and deserving.

I recommend working out, lifting weights for muscle development and dating coach. Generally, I have lost with women mostly on personality rather than looks. Don't text them too much it usually screws everything up, if they don't text you back then just find someone who will or be patient. A lot of women like quiet guys.

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 11/3/2021 at 11:21 AM, mmoose said:

Trapped in a hell of our own making.  Isn't that the paradox?   I have been thinking of paradoxes these last couple years.  And while I enjoy a good paradox, I am getting tired of them when they apply to me....

That makes two of us, my friend. I feel like I'm in a badly-scripted version of The Truman Show. Phillip K. D!ck would love to have my experiences to write about for a story.

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