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undiagnosed ADHD/ADHD


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Any adult women out there thinking they've got ADHD/ADD? What do you experience?

When im not weighed down by depression and anxiety my brain feels like its on GO always, it flicks from one thought to the next in as little as 2 seconds, when Im trying to focus on work my brain will get side-tracked and focus on any other topic every 10 seconds. I always phase out of a conversation or meeting, I cant sit still, I am always picking at my skin or playing with my hair or clothes or something, my legs are always moving. Ive trained myself to be able to remain seated but Im always always fidgeting. I struggle a lot in a social setting too, now the anxiety takes over and im just too anxious to even bother, but before I was so anxious I wouldnt know when it was my turn to talk or not so Id just start talking, I couldnt follow convos, id interrupt. 

When I was a kid I really struggled at school, I couldnt understand maths at all and while I know I'm not dumb now, my maths skills are probably still at primary/elementary level because numbers make my brain go all over the place and I could never understand how to manipulate them. In highschool I was just so sick of not knowing why I couldnt understand the work and why everyone else could that I just gave up. I was disruptive in class, I was loud, I didnt do my home work. I didnt care. Now I feel like theres so many gaps in my education, I feel like im missing so much.

I was able to go to uni and get my masters degree because Im so interested in the topic but man I struggled, I failed a lot, I didnt know why. I know Im ADD/ADHD I just have to get a diagnosis now but its so difficult. Im always scared to bring it up with my doctor for fear of not being believed and being medically gaslight. Ive been depressed and anxious for a LONG time and inattention and disruptive focus and not able to finish work goes hand-in-hand with depression. Ive been gaslight so much by doctors that I just stick with what they know now and leave my questions and other thoughts for myself to just "handle" but im so tired, Im so tired. I want to get my PhD more than anything but I still haven't applied yet because, I don't know why tbh but every time I sit down to work on my application my brain freezes and Im paralysed so I give up and watch TV.

Ive only come to this ADD realisation in the last year but it makes so much sense, I just dont have any courage when it comes to speaking up for myself with doctors. Right now my brain feels like a mess and I just... Im so tired.

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I've always had it.  If you see me anywhere there's almost no chance I'm paying attention and almost no chance I'm actively involved with what's going on with the group.  I'm almost always bored with what's going on and always want to be somewhere else doing something else even if what's going on was originally my choice.

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

I've always had it.  If you see me anywhere there's almost no chance I'm paying attention and almost no chance I'm actively involved with what's going on with the group.  I'm almost always bored with what's going on and always want to be somewhere else doing something else even if what's going on was originally my choice.

yes me too. On top of everything it just makes life harder. But there are some funny sides to it. The other day I was moisturizing after my shower which I also do. I had forgotten I hadnt done my legs yet before getting dressed, I realized when my pants had globes of moisturizer on them lol  

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