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Best chance went bye-bye


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It's been a long time since I posted here. Probably because I think I was in sort of a relationship with someone from Europe. We'd talk almost every day but just this past weekend she broke up with me via text. Couldn't even face me with a phone call. Ever since then I've been feeling both sad and pissed off. To the degree that . ........... Because if I can't have one nobody can. I also want to see how much damage it takes for my car to **** me in a crash. The only reason I don't do it is because if I fail I don't have a car and I need one for 80% of what I do at my job. I feel so hopeless because it feels like this was the best chance I had and I just completely blew it. I feel like there will never be a chance like this again. Who the hell wants to date someone who's almost 40 and still working at a grocery store?

 

Another thing that I forgot to mention is that I'm now having nightmares where I'm in a nursing home or on my deathbed and nobody is around me. No friends, no family, nobody. Like I never existed in the first place.

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I am so very, very sorry you are suffering.  I wish I knew what to say to be helpful. 

Breakups can be so heartbreaking. Heartbreaking beyond the power of words to convey. 

I hope you will not do anything rash.  Those kinds of things don't really help and in my experience, make things so much worse. 

I have been alone for as long as I can remember and often have dreams like the one you mentioned. 

My apologies for not knowing what to say to help.  Sometimes you want to help someone but you just don't know how.  So sorry.   

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Yeah that doesn't help at all. I still want to go out in a literal blaze of glory, by crashing my car in a way that's guaranteed to **** me. It's the only way to make sure the pain stops. If I can't make this work what chance do I have with anybody? I feel completely alone. I think I'm destined to finish out my life abandoned by everyone. Just like my nightmares, I'm gonna be alone and forgotten on my deathbed. Better to make that sooner than later just to spare myself the pain.

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1 hour ago, Thanos said:

Yeah that doesn't help at all. I still want to go out in a literal blaze of glory, by crashing my car in a way that's guaranteed to **** me. It's the only way to make sure the pain stops. If I can't make this work what chance do I have with anybody? I feel completely alone. I think I'm destined to finish out my life abandoned by everyone. Just like my nightmares, I'm gonna be alone and forgotten on my deathbed. Better to make that sooner than later just to spare myself the pain.

Please call 211 or whatever the suicide hotline is in your area. It is not a realistic, healthy frame of mind to be in you want to **** yourself over a relationship breaking up. That's depression trying to **** you. Please get help right away without any further delay before it gets worse and you act out. Please.

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3 hours ago, DeadStarsStillBurn said:

Please call 211 or whatever the suicide hotline is in your area. It is not a realistic, healthy frame of mind to be in you want to **** yourself over a relationship breaking up. That's depression trying to **** you. Please get help right away without any further delay before it gets worse and you act out. Please.

I've done that before and all they do is stick you in psychiatric hold for a week. It never helps. Out of sight out of mind.

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Thanos,

Epicetus has good advice.

My advice is to find a new girl asap just put yourself out there. Some women are jerks because lets face it, a 40 year old women working at a grocery store could easily get a guy.

Women are cruel and selective, you just have to accept it but the challenge is you feel like you need that comfort and love as a base to improve yourself and grow but women don't care. They want a 100% self made man all ready no strings attached and they will weigh you, judge you, look at you like a gift horse, maybe friendzone you for a while to try to see if they can do any better.

I understand the cruelty in the world.

I left my girlfriend because she did not give me the emotional support I needed. I felt like I cut a huge lifeline and took a huge risk but I know that I deserve better and I would rather try and fail than not try at all.

In a way I have learned to accept that women are cruel, even embrace the pain. I get mad and I lift weights, its tough love like an alcoholic father who beats his kid to toughen them up. Its a sad dysfunctional way to live but when you live on edge of death and misery you have to find any hope you can.

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On 9/22/2021 at 1:26 AM, Evergreenforst4 said:

Thanos,

Epicetus has good advice.

My advice is to find a new girl asap just put yourself out there. Some women are jerks because lets face it, a 40 year old women working at a grocery store could easily get a guy.

Women are cruel and selective, you just have to accept it but the challenge is you feel like you need that comfort and love as a base to improve yourself and grow but women don't care. They want a 100% self made man all ready no strings attached and they will weigh you, judge you, look at you like a gift horse, maybe friendzone you for a while to try to see if they can do any better.

I understand the cruelty in the world.

I left my girlfriend because she did not give me the emotional support I needed. I felt like I cut a huge lifeline and took a huge risk but I know that I deserve better and I would rather try and fail than not try at all.

In a way I have learned to accept that women are cruel, even embrace the pain. I get mad and I lift weights, its tough love like an alcoholic father who beats his kid to toughen them up. Its a sad dysfunctional way to live but when you live on edge of death and misery you have to find any hope you can.

You make it sound so easy, like riding a bike. I have been putting myself out there. I've been on Tinder, on Plenty of Fish, tried the various events around town but like you said they don't care. Or worse yet they act like I don't exist. I'm getting very anxious that I won't have that family life that the rest of my family enjoys. It just makes me want to end things faster because I know it takes A LOT for me to find anybody. This last girl was the first one in almost half a decade. I'm not sure I can find anyone else, much less someone ASAP.

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Trying to find any way to meet people in this post-pandemic world and I got nothing. I suck at the online dating thing and there's nobody doing the volunteer or social shit I try to do in order to meet people. I'm real close to just giving up and ending it all because the pain is too much to bear. What else can I do!?

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