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It never really gets better


Sheen

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I suffer with the same stupid bs day after day. I’m not welcome in my own home. Or anywhere for that matter. Im lost and have no connection to anyone. My depression and suicidal thoughts have alienated me from my family. I am as helpless as a child. But I am left on my own, by careless apathetic people. 
 

what I have learned from life is that, nothing good ever comes from anything. It never gets better. Nothing I do will ever be enough. I’ll always be wrong. I’ll always be wrong. That’s just what I was born to be, a defected, malnourished pos. Nothing good I do, no good intentions ever get seen. I’m genuine and want people to know that I have good intentions. But I’m  Always made to be the bad guy. People assign me heinous punishments for things I didn’t even do. People profile me because of my disability. They call me ‘full of shit.’  People even treat me like I don’t exist. 
 

Peiple who call themselves ‘good people’ have literally left me in the street. I’m in a deep hole. Does anyone really actually care? I’m teetering over the edge. I’m asking myself if life is really worth it.  I’m starting to think I should’ve killed my self a long time ago. I reach out, but again no one seems to truly care. 
 

if here someone could help me. If not then honestly…. I’m sorry to say but I will have lost all hope for myself and humanity. 
 

I send a text saying to my brother or sister, friend, etc, that I am needing to talk and that I’m feeling suicidal and all I see is 

read at 7:58 pm. Current time: 9:00 The next day. 
 

im strongly considering milking myself. I have a couple of ideas on exactly how and when I would be doing this and it’s honestly beginning to look like a very real outcome. I guess I was created by the universe, by mistake. 

Edited by Sheen
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Welcome aboard to our forum friendSHIP.

We do know how awful depression can be.

I truly believe we are never helpless confronting Old Man Depression.

Please make yourself at home here and check out other posts.

It can be very cathartic to post your concerns.

We will try our best to help.

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Gah. That's a lot of suckiness for anyone to deal with. For better or worse, many of us have (and continue to) feel very much the same as you do. I'm in a lull of sorts right now; I've gone from depression to anhedonia--I no longer care about what happens to me.

Anyway...glad you are here with us in this big lifeboat of a forum. Please keep posting, OK?

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Hi Sheen,

I think one thing that might help you is to know is you are a human and the people who talk to are human. We are the same type human, with a brain a heart soul and feelings.

I saw this quote from a video game that humans are fragile machines.

I have my own humaness and brokeness. I am an introvert so sometimes I need to spend time alone to recharge so I don't check the messages. Maybe someone has really good advice for you but they are shy so it takes a while. Maybe you think someone has rejected you when in truth they just had their own inner demons to contend with.

When we hate ourselves we distort our world to fit the narrative but I do believe people want to help you.

 

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Hi, this is a great place to vent and be among people who can relate and understand what you are going through. No judgment either. I find myself asking the same question over and over these days…why do I bother??  The bad seems to outweigh the good and anytime I even make the slightest bit of progress, someome or something is there to destroy it. It never fails.

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Sounds beyond awful. I don't know any quick fixes that would help uplift your mood and I can mostly just tell you what has helped me to go through life so far. Biologically I think we need some physical movement and exercise, so I myself do either gym or jogging almost every day which really have great long-term effects. Not overnight, but what happens say in couple weeks or months.

Then I've found I really enjoy going to sleep at 12 AM and waking up at 7-8 which gives me nice boost to do things during the day. But the hardest part I find of depression, or any mental illness, is finding people to have real human connection with. Any team-oriented activity helps at least me, moreover if you can in a way lose yourself in it. Eating lots of vitamins like veggies also keep my brains more alert.

But all in all, I wish I could help you more. I myself get stuck in my routines and then wake up realizing not everything is how I wanted it to be. 

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