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lost another job

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Resigned from a job that was high stress and under a terrible boss that would gaslight me. At 41, I thought I finally found a good job, and could mask my depression. For the most part, I did great!  I worked hard for 2 1/2 years until I couldn't take anymore. I walked out!!!! Ultimately was forced to resign that evening, or I'd probably be fired in the morning. I have so much regret, and I live in a small town that doesn't offer the same type of job anywhere. To make it worse, I've been in an abusive relationship for 4+ years, ....and often wonder if that caused me to act so impulsively. I feel trapped!!!!! Now I have to stay with this person so my finances don't go out the window. I was so close to finally walking away from him. But now, I question everything. I don't have a lot of skills, so finding another job will be difficult enough. I blame myself. I often think, if I just had enough self-esteem, I'd still have a job, and I would be away from this abusive man. I can't get out of bed, eat, sleep, function. I'm now smoking 2 packs a day, and I used to be an avid cross-fitter before I met him. I've lost everything. 

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I am so very, very sorry that you are suffering!   It is heartbreaking. 

Sometimes it seems like any door one goes through is a bad one and there is no where to turn.  Although I am not in your shoes, I have been in similar situations to the one's you describe and it was just absolutely awful. 

I think you are doing the best you can given the situations you are in.  People who have not been in such situations have no understanding of the distress and grief they cause.  I hope you find these Forums helpful to you in some way.  They have helped me a lot in my struggles.  Wish I knew what to say to ease you pain and suffering!

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I have noticed that relationships affect job performance the biggest one is romantic relationships.

If I was you I would have stayed until you got fired because I think then they have to give you unemployment? I don't know but if you had unemployment that could buy you time to get out of the relationship and get back on your feet. You could also try meeting someone who has more resources but is not abusive.

That is a difficult situation to be in.

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